This forum is the only way things and talk to people that understand, you have all been there, I’m having terrible trouble get out of bed in the mornings I’m am just so tired if it wasn’t for my wife Debbie encouraging me I don’t know what I would do. Had any of the others find this struggle to get out of bed on here, I fear that I have a bit of depression at this moment I’m used to being out all morning with Deb doing something or the other, I have been out for a little walk with Deb to get a newspaper everyday this week a round trip of 20 minutes and I’m able to use the stairs in the house without any problem, Deb phoned BHF last week about me going out the said not if it’s really cold I am wrapping up really warm hat and gloves ect, I just feel a complete different person now I know time will heal and it’s only 3 weeks
Thank you for your support
Best regards
Pat
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O I wished you would believe how well you are doing because you are
I am not sure if you ever thought about the recovery after the op and got it in mind that you would be back to normal in a few weeks because you are looking at 3 months at least
You possibly may have some depression this can happen your body has been through a life saving operation and it affects us physically as well as mentally and your mind needs time to come to terms with everything and for now we have to try and accept that we need time but look how far you've come all ready !
If you do feel you could be getting depressed talking to your Doctor is what you need to do as you can get support with that to if needed
Your wife sounds lovely and you are so lucky she is there to help you just like you would help her if ever she needed you
Now trust us when we say things will come back to normal but you cannot rush the healing process but you will get there honestly
Keep telling yourself how you are now is not forever but just while you are getting better
A day at a time and with each day you will start to see little improvements x
Hi, I've been struggling too since my HA a couple of weeks ago. I've found reading through some of the threads on here and the comments I received when I posted the other day a massive help. I have "dark" moments when the fear, confusion, anger and shock kick in but I now understand that this is quite normal. I try not to dwell on it too much although it can be quite difficult.I too am used to being active what with swimming, walks and the allotment but hopefully these are things to look forward to as I move through rehab and get to understand more about what happened and what I should or shouldn't be doing going forward.
Hi, it is hard to get your head around what has happened, it’s like our lives have been put on hold. And I like you feel so different In ourselves
I wish you the the very best of luck in your journey to full fitness and in no time at all we will both be in that swimming pool and having the crack with our friends in the shower
Oh Pat! It will get better my love, I promise. Be kind to yourself, it's only been three weeks! Also, if you WANT to stay in bed for a bit and rest then you can. You don't have to get up as soon as you wake up and return to the super active person you were before the op straight away. You should be taking it easy. You will get back to were you were before the op and more.
I agree with getting out of the house for little walks, that's really good to do, and like the nurse said, make sure you wrap up warm. Your walks will slowly get longer. Soon you'll be up to a 30min round trip! I think at three weeks I wasn't walk that much longer than you are now.
Also, if you want to do something a little bit active but not mad, do your physio exercise you were given with a little bit of music.
It's so so so so normal to feel very blue after this surgery, people I have spoken to on here were the same and I know that I really suffered after my surgery with my head space. It got better after about 6 weeks but I ended up going to see a therapist at about 5-6 months post op so that I could process everything with someone. It's a huge amount to take in and everybody will cope with it differently.
Keep posting on here and we will keep chivving you along.
Thank you my dear for you kind comments and support, I’m not very good at this being I’ll lark
Kind regards
Pat
Dear you,
Oh those early days of recovery and what a total nightmare they are in all sorts of ways.
But your body is telling you to rest and you have to listen to it even if { like me } you don't want to listen to anyone or anything else.
Pointless telling you its a time thing, you have already guessed that, all the "don't run before you can walk" speeches will have completely no effect on you.
And why is this?
its your mind getting you ready for the next stage,
what will I be able to do? what will I want to do? when and how will I do it? any of these head questions seem familiar ?
The journey is all a process and a hard one at that, but you already know this, for you are well on that journey, you just keep forgetting how far in such a short time you have come { as we all do }
I found that writing down how I felt really helped when looking back and having discussions with both family and medical staff.
It also reminded me to be able to tell you that you will be ok, you will get though this and you will be able to help { if you want to } others as they start their journey.
Take care , you have been in my thoughts since your first post.
Thank you very much for your advice, every bit true of course, I have done a little more this week than I did last. Your perfectly right it’s a journey
Thank you so much when others reply that they understand how me and others feel it really is uplifting
Oh Pat, I really feel for you. It is so hard when the rug gets pulled out from under your feet like this.
Not much to add to what others have said - but an upvote for journaling too, writing it all down does sort of draw it out of your brain like a poision and mean you can shut the pages on the troubles.
Also, do try and record the small successes, even if they feel laughable compared to pre-illness.
And finally, I do think a grattiude journal helps too. Just a couple of things each day that you're thankful for - even seeing some blue sky, something good on the tv, or a kind word from a friend.
It's so easy to get bogged down and it does take a bit of effort to rise up, but you can do it. All good wishes to you and your wonderful wife.
There's a clear link between depression and heart disease (atherosclerosis). It's not just that heart disease can make people depressed, it's easy to understand how that could be true, but it runs much deeper. The evidence suggests that depression can actually cause or at least worsen people's heart disease. In other words the relationship between heart disease and depression is so intense that causality runs both ways.
That's why it's so important for you to find a way out of these feelings.
The good news is that you've got a couple of powerful allies in your corner.
First is the progress that you're already making. You're still in the very early convalescence stage, and your recovery to date is excellent. You're doing everything you need to do, like daily walks and breathing exercises, these aren't easy challenges and I strongly suspect that most people don't do nearly as well as you're doing.
Second is that you've got the full and active support of your wife. That makes you a very lucky man indeed. Recovery from open heart surgery is never easy, but to face that challenge alone is especially tough. You've got the best ally anyone could ask for, and that's a massive reason to be grateful and thankful.
In the 1600's a remarkable book was written. The Anatomy Of Melancholy by Robert Burton, was a forensic analysis of depression...back in an era when such things simply weren't done. He finished his book with a short sentence that encapsulates his best advice, "Be not solitary, be not idle". My wife, who is a counsellor, says that in the intervening four centuries no one has written a better remedy for depression! Seek out the company of other people, and keep yourself busy. It sounds like, with the support of your wife and your daily walks, you're following that advice to the letter. I'm sure you'll soon begin to reap the benefit!
Hi Pat, it sounds as if you are doing so well! After my OHS, I couldn't get my head around how exhausted I would feel after seemingly doing nothing. Once I'd had my shower in the morning I needed to rest a bit. Pottering about on my return home (I was so glad to be home after a long hospital stay) wiped me out. Emotionally I felt a wreck and would become tearful for no apparent reason. What helped, was me taking any pressure off myself. I took each day as it came, had no expectations other than doing my daily walk. Understanding that each day is different and however I felt that day was fine. I used to feel I was going 2 steps forward and 1 step back. I'd have a down day and feel I was making no progress but accepting it was ok to have a rough day after what I'd been through, helped. I used to draw a sad face in my diary on a bad day and it was encouraging to note that the number of sad faces did reduce. Progress! For me, the most important thing was to be kind to myself!!! So be kind to yourself, don't put any pressure on yourself, and accept that how you feel on a particular day is ok, and that the next day may be completely different. Wishing all the best for a steady recovery 🤗
Hello Pat first of all well done on the op! You did it! The waking up on a morning seeing your lovely wife, the walking, the new routine which will continue to change until full recovery - you’re doing it so Pat give yourself the biggest Pat on the back! You’ve come through so much already. What I’ve noticed and appreciated since my HA 6 weeks ago is that over time our bodies will repair and heal if we do as we are told but mentally - well how powerful is the mind and that to me has been a lot harder to fix! Sometimes I think we need to talk to our mind and tell those little pesky thoughts to just go away and let’s focus on the good although I appreciate that’s so difficult when the chips are really down but take the advice from the others as you’ve had some great feedback and take it from me that each day (although it feels slow at the time) you will gradually improve. Be kind to yourself, share your thoughts with your wife as you’re in this together and talk to the medics if you feel you need further support but hey if you want a lie in, you’re allowed - it is cold, it’s winter and we are allowed to hibernate a bit more until it warms up…..but just make sure you don’t lie in all day as you need to get the circulation going and the exercises done - it’s a rollercoaster but you’ll get through this. Sending you big positive hugs! ❤️🧚🏼♀️
Pat, there is some great advice and support here. I'm 12 weeks from op and and have conveniently forgotten where you are now. I struggled with going from 'fit to frail' in a few unconscious hours. Will I ever be able to do what I could? Everyone tells you to take baby steps and you know it makes sense, but is so frustrating.
My turning point was at about six weeks when I started to realise that things were getting easier at more the speed I expected.
At 12 weeks I'm walking about an hour a day and to all intents back where I think I was pre-op. It's probably not quite true but it makes me feel OK.
I completely understand and I’m in a similar position, it’s especially hard to get out of bed when I’ve nothing to get up for and it’s cold. However I’m now trying to make sure I have something to do daily. Today I’m booked to meet a friend and the coffee shop around the corner at 11am for coffee. So I have to get up😃 also consider contacting steps to well-being I’ve just had my first chat and they are going to put me on a 12wk session for people with long term fatigue 😃
It’s still early days !!! My son had heart surgery in December 2021 . A new valve . He’s back to normal now , more than normal ! But it took a long time !
My brother in law had a bypass in august and thought he was going to be out and about in no time . He struggled with how tired he was . It’s a big operation you had and you’re doing fantastic. Please give yourself a big pat in the back for being a trooper but .., don’t punish yourself for feeling what is natural tired and overwhelmed! Day by day you will get there slowly….. well done you !
Things get better, mate. Look forward to it. I think it was Churchill who said, "When you've going through hell, keep going." Brighter days are just around the corner.
First of all it IS only 3 weeks. I was very emotional for at least the first 6 weeks and felt very up and down . That was during the warm long days of summer so to your current 'depressed' feelings we have to add in that we have had three very miserable dark wet weeks of weather and national bad news. I have posted this poem by Thomas Hood written over 200 years ago as it is so relevant
November
by
Thomas Hood
No sun — no moon!
No morn — no noon —
No dawn — no dusk — no proper time of day.
No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,
No comfortable feel in any member —
No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,
No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds! —
November!
To that we can add that through the ages people invented all sorts of pagan festivals to get them through this time of the year. If Christmas didn't have a religious connotation someone would have had to invent it as "November" otherwise would continue through December and until the end of January when signs of spring start to appear. So being gloomy and depressed are par for the course at this time of the year, adding a major operation will only add to it.
Hopefully you can start planning for Christmas in some way and might find some amusement in throwing things at the TV when the same wearisome cringe inducing advert keeps getting repeated-my favourite one to hurl abuse at is John Lewis closely followed by Lidl.
Everything can be an effort at this time of year so do you have somewhere within a 10 minute walk you could do some Christmas shopping or go in for a coffee and a cake? Do you feel up to a trip to your local garden centre, assuming Debs drives? If so wear a coat to pad your chest area but such places are likely to be quite fun at this time of the year. I have always had several pairs of fleece lined trousers which are wonderful at this time of year to help keep you warm. "Clifford James" and 'Chums' regularly advertise them.
Your feelings of gloom will go away this time round but like everyone they will dip in and out as its the time of year. Merry John Lewis!
Thank you very much for your support it truly means a lot to me, it is only 3 weeks, in between the deep breathing and the walking around the house that there is someone having there operation today and I just hope that they join this forum and get all the support and love that I have got from it,
I think that all recent heart patients, especially at this time of year, are likely to share at least three over riding traits.
The first of which is loss of joie de vivre. The second is looking 'forward' the third is lack of resilience. Things can set us back easily whether its bad weather, the darkness or things around the house. In the last few days our kettle stopped working and has damaged a wall socket and our toilet has decided to start singing when flushed, could be air in the pipes. Pre operation I would have just got on with dealing with them but at present I have put them on a to do list. However other things on a to do list because I didn't think I could ever do them-cutting a very big clematis down to size and taking stuff down the dump- I managed to deal with several weeks ago.
So our optimism will return as will our ability to do things that currently seem impossible and hopefully the joie de vivre will return when we turn the corner to Spring
Hi it’s normal to feel depressed after such a massive surgery it affects you both physically and mentally. Try and concentrate on the positives you are going for a walk everyday, climbing stairs. Believe me you seem to be doing better than me at the moment and I’m a week ahead of you. I think BeKind has this covered so I won’t add anymore only take one day at a time, stay positive. Yes it’s a long road to recovery but things will improve gradually. Good luck take care.
Hi Pat oh I felt so sad reading your post. You’re doing what’s natural you’re overthinking and trying to preempt predict and worrying. Please accept its natural. A way I have with coping with anxiety is every time I have a negative thought I balance it out with a positive one. I know it’s hard but please focus on what is good, take each part of each day as it comes, you will feel better physically and mentally it’s the pressure we put on ourselves that holds us back. Regards your wife she does sound lovely just remind yourself you would do the same for her. My lovely lovely husband (we’ve been together for 40 years) was diagnosed with Dilated Cardiomyopathy a year ago it’s been a tough year, he’s so much better on medication and stronger and every day I’m grateful he got a diagnosis he’s on treatment and he’s here, I’m sure your wife feels the same. Find something that will occupy your mind a little every day and keep looking forward, love to you.
I do hope the New year brings you more positive times, thank you for your post, I’m always out doing one thing or another, I have been walking indoors it’s -3 in London no going out for me today
Pat, you are expecting an awful lot of yourself, I think it's a normal reaction to going through such major surgery.My surgery said to me, it's like having a 70 mph head on car crash. Your mind and body is in total shock .
Take it gently and if you don't feel like getting out of bed first thing, don't , and have some short naps if you feel like it ♥️
things will come rite in time mate. Try take it easy and just plod on and keep getting out for your walk to shops etc. you’ll be back to your old self before you know it. Nice and easy steady away.👍
I was exactly the same struggled to get up as wasn't really sleeping at night ,I started to just nap through the day so I was catching up on sleep ,also I didn't want to go out or see anyone because I was ashamed how I looked with weight loss but I think most of that was down to anxiety after the op ,I still get really cold along my back and hands and feet I have to say when youyour Up during day best thing is hot water bottle on your lap helps so much and also a hot water bottle in bed laid on your stomach will help you relax ,I take a nytol herbal simply sleep tablet few times a week which help relax and go back to sleep when I wake up but pls check with your gp or pharmacy first ,I'm 12 weeks today post quad and I still as I write this have cold left side chest and hands and feet must be the medication your get there pat all the best and everyone is here for you ,once you start to pop out your feel so much better I went to small restaurant after 6 weeks during day and done my confidence so much
Pat, after reading all these helpful and heartfelt replies, my reply is short and sweet! Have an extra hour in bed!!!!! Good luck for the future, you’re doing fine!!!! X
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