Spouse/partner of heart bypass advice

[Arthur2015]

Hi

My husband (53) is having his triple heart bypass on Friday. Obviously we are anxious, but does anyone have any advice from a spouse/partner perspective for the first few days after the op - what to expect etc?

[CBH192]

I would expect his emotions to be very up & down, tearful, anxious, frustrated etc. I actually had surgery myself last yr, so not a partner perspective but the emotional and mental side of what you’ve been through is a big shock. Wishing him all the best and a speedy recovery 😘

[Finmum]

thinking of you all, as you know my husbands was cancelled at the last minute last week so no advice from me. Look at the post I wrote though as there was some great advice there. Take care and let us know how he gets on. I will be needing your advice soon, hoping he will be having his surgery in December x

[Hidden]

Hello

After he has had the op he will be in Intensive Care and when you visit him he will have tubes here and there bleeping machines , don't let this shock you they are just there giving him pain meds and keeping an eye on everything and within 3 days he should be back on the ward

He will be very well looked after and as said his emotions could be all over the place just go with it as it settles down given time

Make sure you look after you and try not to worry this is an operation they do all the time and is very successful , he obviously needs it and will be worth it

Let us know how he gets on and how you are doing to x

[Carlg]

Advice from my partner.

During the operation, he benefited from not being in the hospital and having someone there with him. He went round to the in laws and they occupied his time rather than him just waiting.

Then make sure you chase for updates.

Be prepared to see your partner not looking their best. Depending on when you see them they might have breathing tubes etc. This will look more worrying than it is. Remember these are all there to support recovery. They will be very groggy when they come around. The first couple of days they will sleep a lot. And also may not remember much. So be prepared to have the same conversations a couple of times. Or for them to fall asleep half way through a conversation. Again this is normal.

After a bypass, the nurse will try to get them up and moving a bit. And will give them breathing exercises. Just make sure you know what these are and then remind them to do them.

Finally take time for you. Don't feel like you need to be there all day everyday. They will tire easily and need plenty of rest. You will also be going through it mentally and emotionally so you still making time for your hobbies etc will give you time.

[Arthur2015]

thanks all. It was how he will look when I first visit that scares me a little. We live in Cornwall so we are travelling to London today and having to stay there for 2 weeks. He is being admitted tomorrow for the op on Friday. Luckily my mum is coming with us to be there with me too. I will let you know how we get on x

[Hidden]

My advice is that you are one of the most important persons in the recovery of your loved one and even at times if it seems to be opposite, they will with time come to understand just how important you are.

If you can, listen to most of what is being said as the patient { loved one } tends to not take all the information in with help and tips in how to ease their recovery.

Be aware of { maybe } a change in personality and try your best to ride their roller coaster of emotions .

It will be just as hard for you as them and there will be times where you feel that you have been left behind as they are embraced into the frantic care of the NHS.

You are not alone, you are so needed and valued, unfortunately there will be days that you feel completely opposite that.

Take care and please if we can help in anyway then just ask.

[Auntyp62]

I would like to add to the tubes etc, because I had been told about them I was not shocked but what did shock me was my husbands colour after the op as he was yellow. When finally it was explained it was the anaesthetic I was ok. He was a good colour next day.

[Chappychap]

The real work will start when your husband comes home.

He will be given a series of breathing/coughing exercises to be done several times a day and he'll be advised to take a daily walk that gets progressively longer. Both of these are uncomfortable, verging on painful, but they're essential for a full lung recovery. Your support, cajoling, and encouragement will be invaluable!

It's important to understand that the patient's lungs collapse during open heart surgery, and stay collapsed for the duration off the operation. Reflating all the tiny pockets of micro collapse takes weeks or months, but this is largely how your husband will judge his recovery is progressing. That's why these exercises are critical.

The other key step towards recovery is a Cardio Rehab course, where your husband will receive the information to change his lifestyle and to fully understand the role of his medication. Again, your encouragement and even active participation would be invaluable.

Good luck!

[devonian186]

I had my quadruple by pass at Derriford so surprised you are going up to London. I have copied what I have written to other people here, so please excuse if the tenses/sex are inappropriate. I think that the period when your husband comes home needs to be planned for in advance as in the hospital you are in expert care and there is little you can do to affect the process. However getting home is often a shock so copied below are suggestions;

"Heart surgery of this type is now seen as 'routine' in as much it is carried out many thousands of times with excellent results. It is nowhere near as scary as it sounds. Your husband will be in good care in hospital and I think your time would be best spent in preparing for his stay (suitable clothes, snacks, entertainment) but more especially his return home. Typically, he will be in hospital for 4 days AFTER his surgery and likely to move ward 2 or 3 times as his dependency and risks reduce.

At 54 his recovery should be quicker than mine at 70 but nevertheless, whilst routine, it is still a big operation. He will feel tired, emotional and his routine will need to change with someone preparing his meals, being present with him when he goes for a walk and generally providing support, practical and emotional. I used paracetamol for the first 4 weeks as there will be some pain around the chest area so have these handy. Do be prepared for bursts of tears and anger. That is the operation and the new realties talking and should pass as the pain eases.

I was very restless when I got home and found it much easier to sleep in a separate bed to my wife as I kept different hours and wanted to get up in the night, be restless, turn on the radio etc. Have lots of books ready, (physically light ones and some lightweight in content ones) plus whatever entertainment he likes, tablet, kindle, radio, tv etc. He will likely doze a lot at first but must try to avoid doing too much especially in the first week or two as that will set him back.

Have lots of cushions around, easy access to a toilet and provide a choice of comfortable chairs, as what will be comfortable one day may not be so later. It can get boring, so frequent small snacks, drinks, chance to have a chat are in order as will be leaving him alone when he wants quiet.

The chest area might ache ( I took paracetamol for 4 weeks) and I found a padded gilet to be very useful (especially when in a car.) Short trips out when he can manage it to say the garden centre or somewhere different to the home will be welcomed after a time, which gives the chance for short walks and a coffee.

Follow any exercise routines but don't let him do too much otherwise he will pay for it the next day.

Keep a health diary as you will both be able to see the improvements he makes week on week if not day on day. He will be back before you know it so good luck to you both

[tonysmithpi]

In addition to his emotions being all over the place (its PTSD) you will need to be on hand when he comes out of hospital practically 24/7. Not that he needs that level of care at all, but it helps to know someone is there. Organising his medication in the early days is a pain and requires close monitoring. Changing his compression socks will require learning (if hes had arteries taken from his leg) and a bit of advice... Dont take any photographs until your happy hes looking better. We think that having had the op where better than we where, we are but just dont bloody look like it and it can be a shock when we see the guy thats just left hospital feeling better but looking like a character from Michael Jacksons 'Thriller'.!!

[Arthur2015]

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately due to initial heart issues he has had PTSD for 18 months so I think for him, this is actually super exciting and an end to the problem. He was so happy when they said he needed a bypass as it was an answer to the problem.

Thanks for the ideas for afterwards. All of your messages are so helpful. x

[Chickenlou]

Hi 😊

I’m the partner of a heart patient (my fiancé had a triple bypass in January 2020.)

I saw my fiancé when he was still intubated, he did have what seemed like a million tubes and wires attached (and was wrapped in weird silver bubble wrap - as he was initially having a few problems maintaining his body temperature) but he looked really well! He was a better colour then I’d seen him for months. I wasn’t particularly phased by the tubes etc, as have been in Intensive care myself. That said it was still a bit of a shock, so try to be prepared - I actually googled pics of what to expect.

Once they removed the breathing tube (I was asked to leave for this) he was initially very agitated and was trying to fight off the staff, he took a while to calm down.

The next morning i wasn’t sure what to expect...I walked into find him sitting in a chair eating toast and moaning that I was late! I was amazed that barely 15 hours ish after the operation he was sat in a chair. He took a few steps that same day with the nurses.

The part I found hardest was the mood swings. Some days he was just plain nasty (which i obviously understood was the meds and what he’d been through but was still hard as I was also tired and we were a long way from home so I was staying at accommodation connected to the hospital.)

He spent an extra night in Intensive Care due to a complication and then went to the ward. He came home on day 6 and it was a bit scary to suddenly be on my own with him, but we were fine.

Make sure you look after yourself, take some time for you and try to relax when you can. The amount of medications initially is a bit overwhelming, I made a chart so I could tick off what he’d taken and when they were due etc.

If you have any specific questions please ask (I am happy if you want to message me) sorry this is so long!

Good luck to you both x

[Arthur2015 in reply to Chickenlou]

Hi, can I ask about the moodswings. How long did this last? xx

[Finmum]

thinking of you both today! Let us know how it goes and remember everyone is hear for you to chat with xx

[Arthur2015 in reply to Finmum]

Thanks, any news your end? x

[Finmum in reply to Arthur2015]

we have another date for the 4th!

So glad you are both on the other side of the op! Let us know how he is getting on, we are wishing him all the best. Go and get a good nights sleep yourself too xx

[Arthur2015]

Thanks. The op went really well. He went to theatre at 7.30am and i got to him around 3.30pm. He was covered in tubes as expected but a good colour. He was opening his eyes and squeezing my hand to start with but when I left at 7.30pm he was talking a little more and worried about how I was getting home. Guess we are a step forward but still a long way to go. Thanks again for all of your wonderful comments x

[TheBoys in reply to Arthur2015]

bless the both of you. Take care and keep us updated. Paul xx

[Arthur2015 in reply to TheBoys]

will do. I just called the ICU and she said he has a little too much carbon dioxide in his blood (dont even know what that means) but they are monitoring him x

[Chickenlou]

Hi Arthur2015

Hope everything is still going well for your partner (and that you are doing ok too!) Fingers crossed they have sorted the carbon dioxide issue out x

[Arthur2015]

Thanks, all going really well. He was moved from intensive care to the high dependancy ward tonight which is reassuring. He is sleeping a lot but I am guessing that means he is healing too. Thanks for everyones support x

[Finmum in reply to Arthur2015]

that’s great to hear  Arthur2015 hoping he will now go from strength to strength!

Please keep us updated how he is getting on and if you would like to we could message privately as we will be on a similar journey xx

[Arthur2015]

Absolutely fine, message anytime! He was better again tonight and more tubes have dissapeared. He was also a bit cheeky so must be feeling better. Xx

[Finmum in reply to Arthur2015]

will do! Sounds very positive must be so good for you to see xx