Courtesy and kindness

[LaceyLady]

The Art of Empathy

I believe Empathy is an emotion that is natural to some, instinctive. Maybe you can learn it but it’s knowing what it should be to learn it.To be able to put yourself into another’s shoes, body and mind, to feel their emotions and what they create in them.  Yes you can sympathise, but sympathy is not as intense as Empathising.Empathy to me is trying to assist someone even though they are not assisting themselves. They may not be at the stage that they can assist their own healing, not abandoning them when they need support, but assisting them to give them strength to help themselves.  Yes, you have to have the strength of mind and soul and Empathy for each and everyone to step forward for a long term walk.Remember -

There for the Grace of God                          

Go Thee

@Angela Rawlins

[Hidden]

Hello

I was reading something and I will be discreet but I think you will know without me saying but the comments I read were disgusting and I was so upset by them it made me question what I was even doing on here

Maybe I should have commented but I think what I am talking about ( again you will know ) already had been given enough attention that it did not deserve

I love your post it is so true and in a perfect world it would be lovely if everyone would think this way and open up their minds but as we know they don't

But I try and think they are the one's suffering as something must be dreadfully wrong with them or their life because Empathy costs nothing and one of the nice things left in this world you can offer others and make a difference if you do

I hope you have a lovely day x

[LaceyLady in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your reply. Yes I know who you’re thinking of. I could have said a lot more, but there’s no point with those people , you did them a kindness by your reply, sadly I’ve met people like him before, sad people because they end up alone and miserable 🤷🏼‍♀️I am a ‘reader’ and the health problems all have associated emotional behaviours that may cause the issues. Sadly some are blind to why they’re in the situation they’re in 🤷🏼‍♀️

What they say says more about them and peopl will avoid them 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Hidden in reply to LaceyLady]

I agree x

[LaceyLady in reply to Hidden]

Please don’t let the likes of them make you leave, there are a lot more that are nice and helpful 💗🙏🏼

[Hidden in reply to LaceyLady]

I know I just found it so upsetting and I would not be around a group of people like that in real life and just thought why am I on something where this is happening I was really feeling for you x

[LaceyLady in reply to Hidden]

These types are cowards , they open mouth without engaging a brain. They say whatever they like because they are supposedly invisible, I can’t imagine them talking in such a way in person.

[Anon2023 in reply to LaceyLady]

hi. I’ve always steered clear of social media until I joined this forum as I didn’t want to be exposed to the type of comments that you recently experienced. I’ve found a lot of very empathetic people on this forum but there is a slight minority who seem to get a kick out of being unkind or contentious. I dread the day that I encounter them and I will most likely not return. This should be a safe space where we can talk about our health issues without being set upon by those who are unwilling to demonstrate empathy and courtesy, even if they don’t agree with our views.

[Hidden in reply to Anon2023]

Hello

I have just read your reply and want to reassure you this does not happen often and I hope you never do encounter anything like it but " if " and it is an " if " you do please do not ever leave the Community especially if it helps you to be a member instead message someone you can talk to on here and I hope you would include me in someone you could message along with others and we would support you and reassure you instead of you ever leaving as we would miss you x

[Anon2023 in reply to Hidden]

hi. Thanks. That’s really kind of you . People like you are what make this forum so brilliant.

Its such a shame that there’s a minority who don’t care or appreciate how damaging words can be. I read your reply to another post where you stood up to someone who was being deliberately antagonistic. Good on you, I really hope that they got the message. X

[Hidden in reply to Anon2023]

Hello

Thank you and you stay with us don't go anywhere

Did they get the message ?

I doubt it as I got a message instead but never mind

There are so many nice members stick with them x

[Heather1957 in reply to Anon2023]

Sadly this is the effects of the World of social media.

It's easy to be a key board warrior hiding behing a computer or smartphone.

There are many kind, supportive and welcoming people on here I just wish there was a way of just reading their posts.

[Beta70 in reply to Anon2023]

This is a safe and helpful space and will always be if people just learn to ignore the immature attention seekers who are looking for arguments and to wind people up. Never reward negative behaviour and if you believe comments are inappropriate or offensive just press report and let the admin do their job.

[LaceyLady in reply to Beta70]

pity there’s isn’t a blocking feature so you can block those unpleasant people.

[GrannyE in reply to Hidden]

There are some who are born with a form of autism where they are lacking in empathy and they have to be taught. They are unable to instinctively read other people’s emotions and can react immediately to things without realising the consequence and have to be taught to hold back And not lash out. This is particularly hard when they are under stress because their brains are wired slightly differently. This does not mean they are bad people and if they are surrounded by kindness and understanding and patience they can learn to moderate their behaviour and to interpret what people actually mean - particularly when they are young. Also the correct diet and supplements can help.

[LaceyLady in reply to GrannyE]

my younger brother had autism and spent 40+ years in mental institutions being diagnosed with schizophrenia. Died through negligence by hospital on 14/7 /22

Waiting for an inquest.

Peter never learned empathy as such but bless him, have a homeless man some money.

[MaggieSylvie in reply to LaceyLady]

I believe they often take things literally, as do some others. I met a man at a bar locally a few months ago and I told him I didn't drink alcohol because of the drugs I was on, whereupon he started to tell me I should "ditch them", that they are harmful ( we all know that drugs often hold some toxins). It was a while before I realised that he and I were not discussing the same "drugs". On hindsight, I believe he was talking about hard drugs. When we write, it is even easier to be misinterpreted.

[Handel in reply to LaceyLady]

So sad and sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself and thankyou for such a lovely original message. Jan xxxxx

[Hidden in reply to GrannyE]

Hello

I know more about Autism than you will ever know and quite true with some Autistic people but not all

Just like so called normal people some can have empathy some don't

Hope you are keeping well x

[GrannyE in reply to Hidden]

not brilliant thank you but could be a lot worse.

My poor husband not only is recovering from a hip op but is stage 5 CKF which is a real ongoing life affecting problem.

Of course not all autistic people. I have a wonderful grandson on the autistic spectrum.

[Hidden in reply to GrannyE]

Hello

I am sorry to hear that about your Husband it must be very difficult for you both dealing with this

Take things a day at a time and enjoy the good days x

[GrannyE in reply to Hidden]

v difficult to get to grips with and all the long term implications but as you say Carpe Diem.

[Hidden in reply to GrannyE]

x

[Moon_maiden]

Lovely post, I wish the medical profession provided this and believed peoples symptoms.

I can empathise but there is a limit to how much I can give. Although this also falls into the category of no support from the medical profession.

I hope your post is contemplated by all who see it

[LaceyLady in reply to Moon_maiden]

We should only give when we’re fit enough to do so as we need to consider ourselves first. Sympathy and empathy can be given without expense to ourselves. 💗

[Moon_maiden]

I understand what you’re saying. Unfortunately for me they didn’t even try initially, and then it took me paying out for private to prove the physical and still doing so.

Generally I’ve not seen the help others need or needed for long term conditions.

it’s an emotive subject 😂

how are you keeping?

[LaceyLady in reply to Moon_maiden]

sadly women are thought to be making a fuss about nothing when not making g excuses for ‘it’s your age’. The tide is turning albeit slowly. They’re beginning to realise women have different constitutions🙄

[Moon_maiden in reply to LaceyLady]

😆 I’m not sure that’s what my GP would call it.

I’m not sure I let go as much as I should, one day soon that should change.

[Etblue]

definitely, the world would be a much better place if there was more empathy hence kindness and gentleness. An old saying from the 1st nation Americans: don't judge another until you've walked 1 mile in his/her mocassins. Regards and I hope your day goes well.

[Hidden]

Dear LaceyLady

Very true words to your post and the fact that you have to write them tells me that you { like me } have come across many that don’t walk this path.

You have to be strong in this life and strength is something that illness can either tear apart or make grow stronger, in the cases of being torn away then all forms of emotions that aren’t necessarily your own come to the surface and dominate your thinking and communication.

Things are said that are destructive to both themselves or anyone showing positive energy to them, so as much as I agree with your post you still have to read the situation before offering advice, something that I have fallen foul of on here a few times.

I agree that some women are treated differently in all forms of ways in this life, you know that I think that is wrong, but there are many of the same women would openly attack me for saying so.

One day I held open a door for a women who came out with a torrent of abuse for me doing so and as for the woman who I offered my seat on the bus to, well you would have thought that I personally had turned the woman's movement back to its founding.

Take care and be aware that kindness can actually cost you.

[LaceyLady in reply to Hidden]

yes kindness can backfire but should you change who you are? I can’t, just not in my nature. Offering any advice is a mine field.

Very sad your courtesy was rebuffed but don’t stop being the person you are, just find an appropriate response.

[Hearthrob]

empathy etc is a trait most people have; however this is not the place to lecture others.

[LaceyLady in reply to Hearthrob]

it wasn’t intended as a lecture actually. But I had experienced rude and insensitive messages on another post. It’s amazing the differences that the context is taken.

[Heather1957 in reply to Hearthrob]

I actually will disagree with this, empathy cannot be taught and some people don't have natural empathy. I think there are some very kind people on here who have tried to justify why some people fail to show empathy, as I said I think they are being kind.

[LaceyLady in reply to Heather1957]

No I don’t believe you can learn it, was just a phrase. You either have it or not in your character.

[Heather1957 in reply to LaceyLady]

Absolutely.

I love watching Dr Phil (US talk programme) and he has often talked about empathy and the behaviour of people who don't have it.

[Milkfairy Heart Star in reply to LaceyLady]

Babies have to learn empathy, they have to develop the skill as they grow.

My reference my daughter a Psychology and Language Science Graduate and MSc in Speech Pathology.

Empathy is a skill that healthcare professionals can also develop further overtime as they mature in their practice.

Sometimes it comes through a lived experience of their profession such as a midwife having their own babies, known as the 4th stage of labour.

ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articl...

[Heather1957 in reply to Milkfairy]

Not everyone can develop empathy.

[Milkfairy Heart Star in reply to Heather1957]

Nobody is born with empathy.

My daughter works with children and adults with autism.

Empathy is a skill that can be nurtured and taught.

I'll go with the healthcare professionals view.

[Heather1957 in reply to Milkfairy]

So will I (are you suggesting otherwise) not everyone can be taught or develop empathy.

Not sure why there is a dispute but hey ho we'll agree to disagree.

[LaceyLady in reply to Milkfairy]

I don’t agree, I feel that some are as I’ve witnessed small children showing such.

[Milkfairy Heart Star in reply to LaceyLady]

Babies are not born with empathy.

A baby has no concept of self it starts developing from about 6 months and matures at about 18 months old. It develops like language skills.

[LaceyLady in reply to Milkfairy]

I was meaning a small child not babies. There are those who have the attribute and those who don’t. There are those who maybe have not had the chance to develop it and find they are put in position to realise they have the ability to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, to imagine and feel what it could be like to walk in their shoes. Some just don’t, not in their nature.

[Hearthrob in reply to Heather1957]

source?

[Heather1957 in reply to Hearthrob]

Dr Phil - you can find him on YouTube. He has been making programmes for 18 series so forgive me for not hunting through them to find the references he makes to empathy but as a psychologist it is something he talks a lot about.

[Hearthrob in reply to Heather1957]

I see youtube? Forgive me if Im not impressed, any others?

[Milkfairy Heart Star]

Do you mean courtesy?

[LaceyLady in reply to Milkfairy]

👍🏻