becoming a bit scared of dying
im 52 had heart attack at 39and another at 42 then had icd fitted at 51
hate going to bed scared of not waking up , when i do wake normally 4;30 i get up incase its my last day
hate these thoughts , not going mad just struggling an need to talk to someone !
Hello 
You were young when you had your first heart attack and sorry you went on to have another now you have an icd fitted
I was 57 when I had my first heart attack I know older than you but then I had another just 4 months later and another 5 weeks later followed my a triple Bypass
No matter what age you are for some this can really affect us psychologically and we do get these thoughts and fears I know I do and most days to
Some find it more easier than others to have that positive attitude which I wished I had and not for the lack of trying as this is not the perfect way to live
I wonder what you have tried so far ?
Have you spoken to your Doctor asked or are on any medications to help they do not have to be forever just to help you while you need it
Have you had any Counselling your Doctor could refer you
I wonder if you still have a Rehab Nurse that you are in contact with that you can share how this is affecting you
Friends and family to talk to ?
We tend to only be able to see all the negatives and yet there are posts on here people in their 80's that started with heart conditions young and they are still here living and enjoying life these posts can show us our thoughts are not reality even though they seem it to us
Maybe going on Youtube and trying out some anxiety meditation , relaxation , I take an app to bed with me that seems to work send me to sleep even when I have gone to bed super anxious
This will take time but when those negative thoughts come in try and swap them for a positive one instead
You can come and talk with us anytime you need to and in a small way I think it helps the majority do understand and realizing you are not alone x
thank you so very much even this will help i know just need someone who knows an understands thank you
Hello
It does help to talk with people that understand and you can come and talk with us any time you feel you need to x
We all feel frightened when we discover our body is letting us down. Things can be done to help you though. Check your diet is healthy, and exercise regularly. If you take care of yourself, it is possible to be healthier than you were before.I posted recently about James Lovelock, who had a heart attack in his 50s, and has just died aged 103.
Modern medical care can do so much these days; we are all rooting for you.
👍 thank you very much
Hi Chippy12345,
It's such an exhausting way to live isn't it? Unfortunately those of us with mental health issues can sometimes become fixated on the worse, and it can be so difficult to get out of that thought process once it settles in.
I know I (34 years old) recently had a scare... when I went to hospital the ANP told me they would treat me for angina... not great, but I decided not to be concerned as it could be managed. Unfortunately, it was so busy I didn't get put to a ward until after 1am, and it was 2am when a doctor came to see me to tell me the nurse was wrong, I was being treated for a heart attack and then left me to deal with that on my own... couldn't talk to anyone (2am and no phone signal) and I don't have a faith... it was incredibly lonely and frightening. As a result of this, these last few weeks have had me worried sick... worried I'd die in my sleep, or on my own... it's almost as bad as the heart issues themselves!! When I gey flare ups it just starts all over again.
When it does happen, it's difficult to get out of it... BeKind has some very good advice in her reply... it's definitely worth reaching out to your support network, or starting to build one up. I find breathing exercises help bring me back to the moment, and that can sometimes be enough to interrupt the thought and bring rational me back to the surface... maybe this is something you'd find worth trying? If it's interrupting your life, please reach out to your GP, as there is support available.
thank you so much for your advise i will try harder an will try the breathing
Yes its very difficult. I planned my funeral last year but got through .i am lucky asi have wife and son supporting me i am also a roman Catholic and pray every night it helps me we all feel bad with are problems but try almlng for atarget .
I had my first heart attack at 39 and had a young family. I am now 58 and had 7 heart attacks. It really is all about attitude to your situation. I took a s@#t happens attitude and went back to work on building sites 6 weeks later. Try to talk to someone. The staff on here are brilliant.
Give them a call. Join a local support group. Do not sit and wallow in your sadness. It is a sure way to stress yourself to ill health.
Try to set yourself goals to motive you to better health and a long life.
Best wishes.
Gazzer.
thank you very much Gazzer
Feel for you chippy12345 and I agree with the suggestions on here, that you really should try to get some counselling. Not sure where you live, but you can self-refer on the NHS in many areas of the UK, or if you can afford to pay for some private sessions, it could be money well spent. In the meantime, here's some food for thought - anyone of us could have something going on in our body that could result in us going to bed and not waking up in the morning. You, at least, have had your condition identified and have been fitted with an icd, which is some reassurance for you. It is sad that someone of your age is living with so much fear, find out what you can do to improve your health as much as you can and give yourself the best chance of survival and get on and enjoy every day as it comes. Do you enjoy walking? It has been my therapy for years and I truly hope that you find something that helps you. Worry doesn't! All the very best to you ❤
i love walking an exercise am very lucky to have found the love of my life who is a fitness freak lol she makes sure i take my pills an gives me a good diet just find it hard an dont want to worry her with my thoughtsthank you for taking time to reply
Really good that you have someone looking out for you - and a fitness freak to boot! Lucky you that you have your very own personal trainer! That said, I can understand you not wanting to worry her but it might be a weight off your mind to share those more extreme and debilitating thoughts. Keep putting one step in front of the other and keep walking forward! As Churchill said, 'When you're going through hell, keep walking' Best wishes ❤
😇
Hi chippy12345, I’m been having counselling now for about 8/10 weeks and this week I am scared to say it ( incase it changes again), I’m feeling a bit brighter. The counselling is helping, I’m paying for it as I couldn’t wait on the nhs I’ve had hardly any contact regarding counselling from them. Take that first step and look what help is there. Some do a free introductory session to see if your the right fit together. I’m most likely going on anxiety medication as well as they feel the anxiety might be aggravating my heart arrhythmia’s ( these are as a result of muscle damage after a heart attack but anxiety can make them play up). I’m waiting for the gp to receive a letter from the electrophysiologist. I’m disappointed about medication but I’ve decided life is too short to waste my time getting the awful anxiety feeling so will try it.
BeKind has some good advice.
thank you for your response an i hope you get to a happy place soon aswell life is very short an im only just learning thatthank you
Dear chippy 12345. You are going through all the natural feelings we all get. I have to admit I will not have the answer's as iam still trying to fix my little gremlin in my head. Any way being on this forum has helped alot and to hear other people stories can put your feelings into perspective. But I will just share a story. I assume an icd is to jump start the heart? Any way i work with a young lad who is thirty. About 5 years ago he collapsed and was helicoptered away from our factory. We thought he was gone. Any way they basically found that for some reason his heart just stops. So they fitted him with this jump start box I presume an icd. They have not really found why it stops. But this device has saved him a couple of times. But he carries on with his life. I call him my heart budy and we sometimes try to put our issue into perspective. But he says that he thinks about it daily. But he can drive again goes to concerts. Plays darts. Possibly does more than I do. But I suppose he has just got to carry on like we all must. I feel scared with my issue of a congenital heart problem but today I get a letter from my specialist she don't want to see me for another 6 months. So I will take that as a postive. Also I have to take the positive after talking to my cardiac nurse that with my tablets iam on I am in a better place than I was in February. Of course this will never go away. But I have to except this is the new way of living. I will still take on any therapy that will help calm my mind. But one thing I have learnt these people can give you tools but you have to use them. Being a bit lazy i have found there is no magic switch. That little old gremlin in the head has to be taken for walk and tired out. God bless you and take care. Your partner sounds an angel.
thank you very much for replying it is hard an seems to play on my mind more than i want
i will stay strong an keep going
i have 2 lovely grandchildren now 2 sons an a angel for my partner
even this chatting helps me put things straight in my mind
thank you to everyone who has responded
there are some lovely people out there
all the best to you all an wish you all the very best
thank you
Your welcome. I have to agree it is not easy. But what can you do.? I have been naughty and read up about my issue on Dr Google. And as iam an engineer I wish I go go to my garage a fix myself. But I don't think I have the tools. I have looked. Any way you can do basic stuff. Just on my walk around field and run one length of football pitch. Might do two. But as my issue has caused cyanosis. Which has explained why I could not do cross country running or 1500 meters that will do. Gives me an excuse not to do the painting and decorating. Any way it is not easy. But I work with people who have had heart failure and by pass surgery. And they are possibly fitter than me. But I have to watch the leg pulling. You take care.
So sorry to hear your thoughts. You need to speak to your doctor about this. You need to stop thinking what happened yesterday and start to think what can I do today, tomorrow etc. Make plans join a club walking cycling something that keeps your mind off the negative and think positive. But get professional help. Good luck today is another day ☺️👍
thank you for responding im getting my head round it slowly an i will come good i knowi lead such an active life before an trained every day an i miss it so much
ill just have to take it down a notch or 2
very kind people on here
thank you everyone
Hi. You have been through so much and it’s no surprise that you are traumatised. Ptsd is common amongst people who have suffered from cardiac events. The BHF has a section about in on their website. This forum is here for you whenever you need to talk or need reassurance. One of the things which has helped me most is knowing that I’m not alone. I am lucky to have a brilliant family but it’s not the same as talking to people who are living with the same conditions and experiences. I’m sure you will find lots of support from the people on this site too. X
Hi. So sorry to hear how you’re feeling. I had icd fitted a few months ago and struggled with fears and anxiety. Still anxious at times now but it’s good to know you’re not alone. Reading the things on the forum helps because even though family and friends are wonderful sometimes you need to speak to people in the same situations and the comments on hear seem so kind and positive. Hope you’re doing ok. 👍
not doing bad still a bit paranoid to be honest but trying to brush it offafter all it is what it is an nothing i can do about it now best just trying to live my life
do find that I'm upsetting an worrying loved ones around me when i get bad
that's why i came on here to talk
hope you get your head round what's going on with you
kindest regards Dave
Hi. Thanks for replying to my posts. Yes I have struggled with the shock of it all and I agree about coming on here to talk to people in similar situations. Think it helps because we feel bad worrying our families. I googled like mad at first (big mistake). And I’m really aware of my heart 😕. People say that it does get easier and you learn to adapt to living slightly differently. Hope you’re ok and shout out whenever you feel the need. 👍
Atrail fibrillation getting worse
Angina progressively getting worse 
Should we be warned if they see we getting worse 
