A Little Confused

[IanAG]

Hi everyone,

I’m feeling just a little confused tinged with a feeling of resignation.

I had a double bypass ten years ago, aged 51. Afterwards, I felt like a new man. I kept up my exercise regime and my weight low, took all of my meds and everything was going well for a number of years.

Then, three years ago, I developed ME/CFS. I lost the ability to exercise due to exhaustion and became housebound. I felt trapped, and became so depressed I attempted suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning (I live with a serious mental illness too!). This has probably damaged my heart but none of the medics seem interested in doing any tests to find out.

Anyway, I’ve been having quite bad pain in my chest and down my left hand side on a regular basis. I phoned 999 a few times and was taken into A&E. They did ECG and troponin tests, told me I wasn’t having a heart attack, and was discharged back home. After this had happened a few times, they referred me to a chest pain clinic. The cardiologist there told me that she didn’t think it was cardiac pain, but even if it was they wouldn’t be doing any more tests. I went to see my cardiologist and he gave me the same feedback.

So, I’ve resigned myself to the fact that there’s nothing more that can be done for me and I’m basically dying. It feels so weird to be living yet waiting for a heart event that will finish me off, but I’ve kind of got used to it. I’ve written an advanced care plan with my wife’s help and got all my affairs in order, and I’ve made my peace with God and people.

But I’m just at a loss as to what I’m supposed to do now, what help I can get. I’m feeling increasingly nauseous and fatigued, but these are symptoms of ME too. I’m feeling more breathless as well.

My mental illness doesn’t help, it makes it difficult for me to trust my instincts as to the best course of action. And my wife is suffering too....she told me yesterday that she goes to bed every night worrying if I’m going to be alive in the morning.

So I’m at a loss what to do. No point calling 999 just to have another doctor tell me I’m not having a heart attack. In any case, with all this COVID around I’m avoiding hospital like the plague. And I’ve decided I would like to die at home rather than in hospital anyway.

Is there anything I should do, or do I just rest and let nature take its course?

Sorry I’ve rambled on a bit!

[QuadroVEINia]

Hello Ian.

There is quite a lot to unpack in your post. I would encourage you reach out and speak with a qualified professional who is better able to advise. There are many 24/7 support lines you can access to speak with someone, there is one provided by ‘mind’ charity which might help, this is the link: mind.org.uk/information-sup...

Wish you well.

[Janma123]

Hello Ian, what medication are you taking for your heart?My husband was prescribed omeprazole to protect his stomach and metformin for his diabetes following a heart attack. 10 years later he was diagnosed as having vitamin b12 deficiency which can cause ME type symptoms. There is lots of useful information on b12 deficiency on the Pernicious Anemia forum and also on the NHS information pages.