Getting the weight off my chest...

[Tillymint1971]

Yes, I was rather pleased with that one (post title). This post is about the cathartic effect of writing things down. Over the last 12 weeks, I have slowly pieced together an account of what has happened to me to share. Writing has been therapeutic for me and maybe it can help someone else. I plan to go back to work in 5 weeks and although I will be working from home, I know I will be asked about what happened, and rather than repeat myself...

The article is on Medium. I've had a great response in just a few days, from friends and colleagues who have thanked me for sharing. I'm posting here so that if anyone wants to know what a quadruple heart bypass looks like or is interested in some of the issues I raise regarding symptoms of a heart attack in women, necessity of doctor-patient relationships and recovering from a bypass during a global pandemic, you can take a look.

medium.com/@danielewiseman/...

[Handel]

That's brilliant!

Love the post title too!!! xxxx

[Billyjean123]

Thanks Tillymint. Hopefully this will help to spread the word about how womens cardiac symptoms can present so differently. Certainly the throat symptoms resonate very strongly for me. I really don’t think even the paramedics recognise these. I feel that I continually need to explain to Drs that my angina is shown through throat discomfort. I have also had ENT and a gastroscopy to outrule anything else. Despite a bypass and stents unfortunately I have still got them due to microvascular angina which is frustrating. I also suffer with intercostal muscle pain due to the LIMA bypass. I feel that the important thing to remember though is that we are here and enjoying our lives and lovely children. Life means something different now. Take care and best wishes. 😊

[Tillymint1971 in reply to Billyjean123]

Hi Billyjean123 - I’m speaking to BHF on Monday hoping to maybe share my story. They read the article and like it. I did just want to make people aware about how confusing the symptoms are especially the neck and throat. It’s reassuring for me to know others had/have similar symptoms although they are still obviously a problem for you. I also have pain on my left chest from harvest of internal mammary artery. I hope you get the support you need from doctors at this difficult time, and enjoy your time with your family.

[valeriep]

A great read! I love the way you've seen that self-isolation has, in a strange way, become a blessing in your current situation. An uplifting article, which I'm sure will be encouraging to others facing heart surgery. With your positive attitude, I'm sure you'll be fully recovered very soon, but take the lessons learned about your lifestyle with you! With all good wishes for your future good health.

[Tillymint1971 in reply to valeriep]

Thanks valeriep. Yes, I am trying to rethink my lifestyle - from 100mph to 10mph has been quite good for me in some ways - but it’s as I go back to work how not to fall into bad habits.

[valeriep in reply to Tillymint1971]

Let's just say, I saw something of myself in your description of your lifestyle! I think you're absolutely right to plan now how you're going to structure your life in future. I'm a natural night owl myself and often have to hit the ground running after travelling for work, but we can't keep depriving ourselves of sleep without facing the consequences. I refuse to take on ridiculously taxing itineraries nowadays (which I stupidly would have thought were some kind of 'badge of honour' in the past), citing my heart health, and I haven't lost work over it. At home, I find going to bed and watching old quiz shows on obscure freeview channels often does the trick in boring me to sleep, even if I think I'm not tired!

[Tillymint1971 in reply to valeriep]

Hi Valerie. It does sound like we have very similar lifestyles and are wired the same way. I am a real night owl and always felt that I did my best work late at night. Most of my customers/stakeholders are in the US so after making tea for the family I would exchange emails with them as they came into work and by late evening be totally in the zone. I've always said this was just how I was built, so the behavioural change will be hard, but if I need to exercise , I probably need to get up and do so before work and try to work a more normal day. It's reassuring to hear that you have managed to avoid stupid itineraries at work. My main customer are very flexible and big on work/life balance. I just like to deliver. I don't think I even know what normal is. I might do a survey, how do other people spend their evenings? As for getting to sleep, still finding that hard now. And even if I don't use a screen for an hour before bed, my mind still thinks I'm good to go, so used to have Bourbon and then lie in bed I trying to focus on my happy place (Crete) and playing calm music. Same now but at 11pm and without the Bourbon. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't.

[valeriep in reply to Tillymint1971]

Your reply made me LOL! If you find out what 'normal' people do in the evenings, can you let me know please?! My career has always been in the entertainment business, so my work has come to an abrupt halt, and while I can keep myself occupied during the day, I do find myself wondering how on earth to spend my evenings. My average working day used to consist of going to a show in the evening, coming home and having a snack while checking emails and then getting stuck into replying to them or chatting to people in different time zones online. Even if I wasn't working, I'd be out at the cinema or the theatre - it's just what I do. Now (when I'm working), I try not to open the laptop when I get home unless I have to answer an absolutely essential email and go to bed after my snack. However, I will be honest with you: under normal circumstances, I don't usually go to bed until midnight-1am, unless I'm really tired; otherwise, I will be awake again by 5am. It's probably still not very healthy, but I figure I can't defeat my inner clock and as I'm self-employed, I don't usually need to get up till 8-9am, so I still get 7-8 hours sleep, and I think that's good enough. I didn't have surgery, just 3 stents, but I know from other people posting here, that it can really mess with your sleep patterns for sometime afterwards, so don't beat yourself up over that right now. Have you tried listening to Max Richter's 8-hour epic, Sleep? Radio 3 played it over one night at the start of lockdown and it gave me the best night's sleep I'd had in ages; even waking up a couple of times, I soon drifted off again. And stay off the Bourbon! I myself have become addicted to The Chase, which is daft, but healthier! Re travel - I've honestly found that if I tell people I need to factor in a bit of rest time, because I've had a heart problem, they are sympathetic and accommodating. And if they weren't - I wouldn't do it, because if I keel over, I'm sure they can easily find a replacement, but my family can't!

[Tillymint1971 in reply to valeriep]

Your hours are just like mine we’re and you justify it the same way I used to. I would finish work around 2pm and not get to sleep until nearly 3pm then be up at 8am or 9am so assume 6 hours sleep was OK and I couldn’t change my inner clock....then this happened and apparently sleep is part of the cause so I have to sort it out along with the need to be busy all the time. Your career means you do get back late so I guess it’s about managing what you do when you get home. I have ditched the Bourbon (in fact hardly drunk any alcohol since my op - too many drugs) And as regards the travel am fortunate because all face to face meetings are cancelled until the end of the year so Covid-19 is breaking me in gently and now I’ve published my article many of my stakeholders and colleagues will know I have had a big op and make sure I rest when I need to. Hey, have you been in any big shows? Or are you a critic? I’ve been watching stuff on You Tube with theatre companies singing from isolation, brilliant.

[valeriep in reply to Tillymint1971]

I think your article is a very eloquent way of explaining to clients why you have to factor in rest during business trips. I started my career working (not performing) in the music business, but as I've got older, I've also branched out into theatre (I need a comfortable seat these days!). I now work in music management and tour marketing (music and theatre), and for the last 12 years, as a publicist at the Edinburgh Fringe. About 10 years ago, I was a theatre critic for London Lite, which I absolutely loved, but I'd have to turn my reviews round overnight. The adrenalin rush of having to meet the 6am deadline would mean I usually wouldn't be able to sleep after filing my copy, but because it wasn't very well-paid, I'd often have to try to grab a couple of hours before getting up to do a day's sub-editing in an office or interviewing. When I think about it now, I shudder at that mix of intense pressure and lack of sleep - it was probably a good thing the paper collapsed before I did!

[Tillymint1971 in reply to valeriep]

Enjoyed Edinburgh Fringe last year. So sad it’s cancelled this year.

[valeriep in reply to Tillymint1971]

Yes, I'm gutted - not just because of the loss of income, but because it's great fun and Edinburgh is such a beautiful city. Again, I haven't been in London in August for 12 years, so I have no idea what I'll do with myself! But hopefully we'll both get up there again next year. Stay well.

[Kristin1812 Heart Star in reply to valeriep]

I reckon there’s a big market for an Insomniacs Channel.......as boring as Possible!

[valeriep in reply to Kristin1812]

Perhaps it could show footage of paint drying? 😂

[Tillymint1971]

Thanks HappyJo. It is about pacing myself, just unfortunate that’s something I haven’t been very good at so far in life!