Scared after losing my Mum...

[Cashy85]

Hi everyone, I signed up today for advice, any help would be greatly appreciated.

I lost my mum on Tuesday just gone after she suffered a cardiac arrest 9 days before.

She had no history of heart disease but did suffer from high blood pressure, she wasn't active as she was classified disabled with severe arthritis in her knees, she also smoked.

My younger sister also suffers from high blood pressure.

My biological Dad also has high blood pressure and Type 2 Diabetes.

I am 34, quite active, eat well, have a physical job, I don't drink often but I do smoke. This I am giving up as soon as I can, at the moment I just can't as the stress of losing my Mum is too much and the thought of stopping is too much at this time.

I am scared that this is going to happen to me or my sister, my sister regularly has her blood pressure checked, she was actually recording her blood pressure at home with a monitor from the Dr the week before Mum passed away.

I want to get checked, but I'm scared about what they'll say, I had never thought about myself being at risk until this happened.

I'm scared and stressed and not sure what to do now

[Lezzers]

There will be people here who will be able to advise you far better than I can, I just want to say how sorry I am to hear bout your mum & totally under your fears for yourself & your sister. Big hugs for you both xx

[MichaelJH Heart Star]

Hello and welcome to the forum! Sorry to her about the loss of your mum. She cannot have been that old (in her fifties at a guess).

Have they established the cause of the cardiac arrest? Although many follow a heart attack (blocked cardiac artery) a good proportion are electrical.

The first step is to have your blood pressure checked as unregulated BP increases the risk of heart attack, stroke and kidney issues. At the same time you need to get your cholesterol levels checked. As your father has Type II diabetes an HbA1c (measures average blood glucose) would be sensible.

The next thing as soon as you feel able us to tackle the smoking. It raises the pulse and BP, narrows the arteries and may raise cholesterol. Your GP may be able to refer you for smoking cessation support/groups depending on what is available locally.

I hope this is of some help. The good thing is you are young enough to change and really reap the benefits. Any questions just ask.

[Cashy85 in reply to MichaelJH]

Thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it. I will be making an appointment to see my Dr as soon as I can. My mum was 67, she had a heart attack that resulted in cardiac arrest, she was taken straight to hospital and had 3 stents put in due a blockage caused by narrowing of the arteries. Unfortunately, the cardiac arrest occurred outside hospital and she was deprived of oxygen to the brain for too long and we had to make the decision to turn her life support off.

I will make a note of the tests to ask for and try to discuss my worries with the Dr.

Thank you again.

[Love100cats in reply to Cashy85]

I feel so sad for you. I lost my mum 2 years ago with heart failure. It's a family thing as I lost my older brother a year before to heart failure. Now I have it too but I'm determined not to be another victim if I can help it. I'm doing all I can to look after my heart. At least I feel my mum didn't die in vain as she was very stubborn about medication. I do exactly as I'm told. I'm not feeling great but I'm not getting worse in fact I feel I'm getting stronger. It might be a long haul to health but it's always worth it. So have a good talk to yourself and tell yourself that you can buck the trend. You will get plenty of help on this website.

[Cashy85 in reply to Love100cats]

Thank you for a reply and I'm sorry you've had such a hard time too. You sound like you're doing all you can and that's the biggest step forward isn't it, I wish you all the best xxx

[Healthyheart1 in reply to Cashy85]

Best wishes to you and your family. This forum is very supportive. Sorry to hear about the death of your mum. As said earlier, your journey starts here.💐

[Hidden in reply to Cashy85]

Actually the more modern approach to non smoking assistance is through the local pharmacist where all of the assistance treatments are supplied free of charge and where it is the pharmacist themselves that interviews you and keeps in contact with you to monitor your progress. In this way, you will always have someone to call upon (within working hours) to help and support you, if they are not too busy in their day to day work - however their assistance is supported through financial re numeration and will have responsibilities to do just that. Please refer to my post in reply to: -

"Feeling low"

from Craftyhare 3 days ago - yesterday where I replied to Craftyhare who is in a similarar situation. xx

Of course it is still the Doctor who will be able to give you all the medical tests to access your future risks of developing heart problems which I would suggest you do undertake if not just for peace of mind.

[HHH2017]

Im so sorry for your loss. Its very early days so don’t be too hard on yourself, losing a parent is very difficult and you have the complication of worrying about hereditary factors. My dad died 7 years ago and my brother in law 3 years ago. Genetic testing has followed which has been stressful at times but we have found the professionals involved to be excellent, knowledgeable and very understanding. I would suggest seeing your GP as soon as you feel you can face it and get some tests done. Many many conditions can be well controlled on medication these days. Good luck x

[chrisbattle]

Hi cashy

Very sorry to hear about your mum. It must be a very difficult time for you.

I’m sure that you are worried after what you and your family have gone through over the last few weeks, and it must be daunting going to see a doctor to check out that you’re OK. But, it is very unlikely that he will have bad news for you, and even if he does, at your age and the treatment options available, if there is bad news, it’s much better to get it early. If there is a problem that goes undetected, you may not be in a position to treat it properly in the future.

Try not to worry too much and get expert advice when you feel up to it.

Best wishes

[Handel]

Hi Cashy85. I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum. 67 is no age at all.

I lost my Mum when she was 60 in pretty much the exact same circumstances and although it was 31 years ago, it's still really hard as she's never been able to see how great her grandchildren turned out and she's missed her 4 great grandchildren growing.

I can only say that MichaelJH knows his stuff so get yourself checked out when you feel strong enough.

This forum is so good for all sorts of support. I've found if you just need to get something off your chest, there's always someone who's been there and can help.

All our best to you. Please let us all know how you're getting on xxxx

[Kasmi]

So very sorry for the loss of Mum, take things slowly, being anxious and distressed will raise your BP. temporary, light exercise to start with building up as you feel better, relax and easy breathing is helpful, good idea to have your own BP monitor, take it twice a day to start with. ❤️ Take care of yourself at hthis difficult time. Hugs x

[Chappychap]

I'm sorry for your loss.

Based on what you've said your biggest risk factor is smoking. Nothing else even comes close.

I hear what you say about the current stress in your life making it difficult to quit, but it's another excuse to postpone what you absolutely need to do.

We can always find reasons to put things off, if you don't quit now then when will you?

I quit smoking 20 years ago. Reading the Allen Carr book helped me, it may help you too,

securecomp.net/Allen%20Carr...

But I had a stressful job with lots of long haul flights and jet lag, so I allowed myself to use nicotine tablets as a crutch. I've recently found out that nicotine ( be it patches, vaping, lozenges, or gum) may not raise your cancer risk, but nicotine damages people with heart disease. So I've now quit nicotine lozenges too. If you decide to wean yourself off cigarettes with vaping or nicotine patches, then do it strictly as a short term measure.

I hope you can find a way to tap into your grief and use it to find the resolve and determination to quit smoking.

[Qualipop]

Your mother has just given you the very best gift of your life- a warning to get checked out and change your lifestyle for the better so that you won't suffer the same. Start with smoking. Not criticising as I too smoke and have had a heart attack. IT's hard. I stopped for 6 months then started again. Try vaping; not perfect but better than smoking. Then see your GP and tell him your family history so you can get tests done nd start working to reduce the risk factors, like diet and exercise and getting your cholesterol down. I am so sorry for your loss; my mum died the same way but I didn't listen and my GP never suggested anything. Time does heal but as soon as you feel able, talk to your doctor and start making those changes.

[Saggybagpuss]

Hello and welcome...firstly, I am so sorry for your loss..it's a difficult time for you right now and everything is magnified. I lost my Dad to cardiac arrest when he was 64, and at the time I smoked. Step one, see your doctor. They will be able to help you with all the anxiety you have regarding the loss of your Mum and your own health worries. Stopping smoking is the biggy in my opinion. I didn't stop after my Dad passed and I was a heavy smoker (at least 40 a day). I became unable to walk without pain in my legs and I had to have a double angioplasty. This made me stop!! I just gave up and found it easier than I feared.

Your doctor can help you with this, check you blood pressure and check everything else with a blood test. I have come a long way, I have angina, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, CKD and to top everything off, a AAA!! but, everything is stable at the moment and is controlled by drugs. These enable me to lead a pretty normal life, and I honestly believe, knowledge of what is wrong with you, however scary , is better than ignorance as most things can be fixed or at the very least, monitored. So, get the help you need and take control.

Sending best wishes at this very difficult time. xxx

[isobelhannah18]

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. The main thing you can do to honour her memory is to get yourself as fit and healthy as possible. There's never a good time to stop smoking and grieving is a long process so please don't wait and get help to stop now.

[Cashy85]

Thank you everyone, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to me.

I have made a Drs appointment and i am going to be completely open with my fears and what's going on in my life.

I want and need to give up smoking, I know full well it will kill me, I just took it for granted until now, so I am going to do my best and try to be strong, no matter how crappy everything else is right now.

Thank you xx

[jimmyq]

Firstly, stop smoking NOW! While you are doing that you may put on some weight, which is a good time to look at your diet and exercise. I would recommend a Whole Food Plant Based diet but if you don't fancy that there is lots of diet advice on the BHF website.

[Cashy85 in reply to jimmyq]

Thank you! I am really going to try and stop, I have an appointment at the Drs on Thursday to go through everything. I already follow a Paleo diet, I cook everything from scratch, I have an Auto Immune Disorder and I did a lot of research on this and have found this has helped alot so my main crutch is smoking. I will give up.