Returning to work

[Tamaa]

Hello 👋 Background: infertility due to low ovarian reserve and male factor. We tried for 4 years to have our beautiful baby boy. Due to health and financial constraints, it is unlikely we would we able to have another child though we would absolutely love to.

I am currently on maternity leave that will end when baby turns 6 months. I could take it up to a year but since it is an unpaid mat leave, we decided on 6 months.

Financial instability is the main reason for my early return.

I am having a very hard time dealing with the decision of returning to work. I am feeling extremely guilty for having to leave our baby in the nursery. My mom guilt is literally eating me.

Is there anyone who has experienced similar? Any ideas on how I could overcome it or get help?

Thank you.

[Tigr]

I found it difficult too. Could you use your accrued holiday to go part time for a bit?

[Tamaa in reply to Tigr]

Yes I have asked my coordinator and I am expecting information from them in the coming week. I hope that's an option

[monkee641]

Hi Tamaa, I’m currently going through this too. We had IVF ICSI in 2022 and last year had our beautiful baby girl. I was going to return to work when she was coming up to 8 mths but couldn’t bear it. I couldn’t put it off any longer tho, and I’m returning next month. She’ll be 11 mths then. It’s been really hard financially, but we made it work as we didn’t want such a young baby to go to nursery. Personal choice. It’s so hard tho, as they are our much longed for precious baby’s, and they’ve consumed so much of our time for so long (wouldn’t have it any other way of course). So to leave them, just feels so so wrong and leaves you with the worst feeling doesn’t it. It doesn’t feel right that someone else will be consoling our child when they cry, feeding them, seeing them hitting milestones…

Our little lady is going to a childminder, which for us is much better as there are far less children and means more time spent with her (she’ll be the youngest baby with her care worker). Of course, my mind has been thinking about the moment she’ll have to go there on and off for the past few months and there have been many many tears 🥹🥹. But what has given me comfort is that work have agreed to let me have Mondays off and WFH on Fridays. Additionally we visited the childminders yesterday and they surprised us by asking us if we wanted to leave our little one there for a few hours. I had a mini meltdown, but half an hour later, I was looking at a picture the childminders had sent showing how happy our little lady was. They sent a few pics over the 3 hours she was there. And honestly it really really helped. Hopefully, your nursery will be able to do something similar.

Please just know that you’re not alone, and we’re all feeling the exact same way as you. It’s probably one of the most difficult things we’ll have to face, but it’s so important for them to socialise and development (and for us to work!). We will get through it 💪🏻 x x

[Tamaa in reply to monkee641]

Thank you so much for the detailed response and sharing your experience. My thoughts exactly -these precious children took so long to be in our lives and giving them in another's care just seems unfair. Sighs.. We did visit the nursery we intend to put our baby in, it's within my work premises so that is a huge positive for me.

And yes, they did mention an app where they ll upload baby's activities and sleep, feed etc.

Ahh... I wish it were easier.

[Eloquentia]

Hi! This is a really hard one. I am struggling with the idea of going back to work too and have a 8-month old. Like you, there are financial considerations stopping me from taking the maximum leave allowed. I met with my manager to discuss my options and I learned that I have a right to a staggered return to work, as well as to flexible working arrangements. I have opted to do a compressed 4-day working week so I can have the 5th one to spend with my baby. This makes me feel much better, somehow, the thought of spending 3 days a week with her. I hope this helps!

[Tamaa in reply to Eloquentia]

Hi. This sounds great! I am hoping for something similar, waiting for a response. Good luck 🤞

[Eloquentia in reply to Tamaa]

Thank you! Very best of luck to you too xx

[Honeynut37]

I think almost every momma feels this way. It feels so unfair. But .....it definitely does get easier, you'll settle into a routine together which feels comfortable. My lo is heading to primary school now in September 😱😱 but I do recall returning to work.

You are still recovering with all those tricky post partum hormones surging around you.

I found weaning from bf month before going back to work definitely helped me feel more normal and then after a month or so back at work I felt much more emotionally balanced and that I could cope with work.

[Tamaa in reply to Honeynut37]

You are so right. It's the hormones making our decisions harder.