What’s wrong with me

[DepressedMom2]

I’ll try to make this short. I’m a mom of 2. A 6 year old and a 1 year old. Over 2 years ago I got pregnant, so unexpected but I was happy. 10 wks I had a miscarriage, my daughter heard the dr said “your baby don’t have a heart beat it dead”. And I fell into this depression, apart from already struggling with anxiety and depression, I had this grudge against kids including my child. I got after her one day and she said “that’s why the baby died”. I felt horrible it was soon after my D&C. I got pregnant again which is now 1y/o. I struggled mentally my last pregnancy, I wanted to get fixed so I couldn’t have anymore because mentally I feel I couldn’t do it, i seemed help after my baby which was to late, I couldn’t finish because I moved away and my insurance got taken away so I can’t afford to see anyone. Since I lost my baby I have this grudge against my daughter. I’m so hard on her, I don’t like her loving on me. I love her so much but I can’t have any physically affection toward her and it hurts me, I feel like a horrible mom. I get uncomfortable and alittle angry when she wants to be all over it. I cry, I beat myself up over it, but I don’t know how to over come this.

[Shelleybean]

You’ve been through a lot and it sounds like this has understandably affected you emotionally. Talking to your GP would be useful as it may be that they can provide some support with ways to improve your mental health, ideally including some counselling to unpick the trauma of the past and improve your relationship with your daughter xx