I need help with my brother

[Lilypup1992]

Hi. I need some help with supporting my brother. He is 31 years old and is on the higher end of the autism spectrum. He’s incredibly intelligent but suffers socially. Up until 12 months ago he was holding a job down as admin support at a large accountancy firm and then he just shut down and has been in a deep depression ever since. He hasn’t showered in months, has left the house maybe a total of 5 times in the past 12 months and spents 98% of his time in his room. When he does come out he walks around the house like the grim reaper in his hooded dressing gown. The atmosphere is horrible and feels like you’re constantly walking on egg shells. My own mental health is suffering from being around it. I tried confronting him today about it. I wanted to suggest for a month him doing 1 task a day to try and take the pressure off and start building him back up. I got the sentence of “I love you, but it’s been a year”. At which point he stormed out of the room. I’ve hit a dead end and so has the rest of my family and we don’t know what to do.

[LazyXrayEyes2255]

Get him favourite book or teddy or jigsaw or crossword. Something he will enjoy, toy train set. Build him up again. Only a thought

Clothes, nice hat or funny jumper?

[QuietButBold]

As your brother is usually at the lower support needs area of the Autistic spectrum; is there any other Autistic contact with whom he might be encouraged to re-connect? An Autistic person would "get it" and potentially be able to have a direct but palatable dialogue - or maybe they might connect better by just being sat, in solidarity, doing some pastime of common interest.

If you cannot think of anyone suitable / accessible - what about checking with your local mental health Recovery College? In England, some of them run online courses which appeal to Neurodivergent people. I was thinking that some like-minded self-help encouragement might be appropriate. That way, your Brother would potentially encounter (in a moderated / facilitated environment) people who, by lived experience, know what he is battling and may be on different stages of their recovery path from burnout - all accessed from the familiarity of his own bedroom if he has internet connection available.

[Lizzo30]

I can totally understand your situation my autistic daughter spent most of last summer stuck in her small flat she is always looking back and regretting things which I think is an autistic trait but I don't know how common it is

Your brother no doubt is going over what happened at his work and probably feeling depressed for not being like everyone else - I don't want to be morbid but it is the more intelligent young people with autism that commit suicide not the young people who are in a world of their own - my daughter begged to see a psychiatrist for help with her anxiety and depression who prescribed citalopram which sent her manic she stopped that and was prescribed Amisulpride which caused insomnia and then mania and ended up on a section I now want her to start a Commnunity Interest Company social space for young people with Autism bc where I live there is nothing like that hopefully with a charity shop and or a cafe to support it

Back to you and your brother again I can totally understand yet I don't know what the solution is - getting him to talk about how he is feeling would surely help he must be trying to process everything and struggling with that

You must also look after yourself and allow yourself to switch off from the stress of it bc it is stressful and frustrating wanting to help but unable to

[Bee-bop]

Hi Lilypup1992,

What are your brother's interests, hobbies-what did he like to do before this? He is probably feeling like he has no options at present.

Did he ever discuss what happened and if it was to do with work ?

My daughter is easily distressed by the state of the world and can become very low when she accidentally gets notified on YouTube. There are a lot of things online that are very disturbing for her so, I will suggest doing something else or we talk about it and I look at alternative information such as local wildlife thriving or we get one of our guinea-pigs out to hold. Does he like animals? Is it something he would appreciate? Sometimes when my daughter is low and non verbal I will just sit near her and put on a YouTube video of guinea-pigs or dogs. Sometimes I get it wrong but, mostly it means she's connecting a little.

An person with autism usually has a special interest or two. If you know your brother's, it could be your way to connect with him again.

I also tell my daughter how she is feeling is temporary and that things have been ok in the past when she's felt this bad and that things can change. Does your brother usually feel bad if he has a meltdown? Does he not want to upset people? I know it may feel contrary to how he appears to be behaving but sometimes my daughter gets overwhelmed thinking that her being upset will make me upset and then things escalate!