Conferences / business meetings awkwardness

[Khan_Kohng]

Hello all I need some help. The nature of my job means I have to do a lot of meetings, conferences and business gatherings. Sometimes in other countries. I am participating in one right now and I just straight up feel like an alien in human skin, just masquerading. There never seems to be a comfortable sitting space or group I belong to in which to talk. Context seems to be missing, I react to jokes incorrectly or slowly and the whole thing has drained my social battery to extinction. I don't HAVE to be at these things but how will I have a career if I didn't? I'm sure you get what I mean, so I need some advice how do you learn to get along at these things. I'll be honest I just want to feel normal. So yeah advice please.

[Seanty]

I have/had the same issue. I have had a successful career, but I moved away from jobs involving doing a lot of these things to one more to do with being a subject matter expert. We can't all be good at everything. I don't try too hard to be normal. I'm an engineer, we get to be geeky

[Khan_Kohng in reply to Seanty]

I am feeling like I'm at a crossroads where I may be able to take this option however it needs a major commitment on my part and frankly I'm scared but I have witnessed it working for others.Thank you for your advice

[Tronsformer]

I know EXACTLY what you’re going through. Throughout my career this continues to be challenge.

A few tips & coping strategies that might help.

Keep busy, if something needs doing get on it, it kills time and keeps you distracted. If you’re required to speak or ‘sell’ at these events, think about initiating first contact and take it from there. It allows you to control the chat thus helping keep things more relaxed.

Take mini breaks if possible. Just to get out of the area. Conferences are noisy and this is what aids to the fatigue of these type of events subconsciously.

When you go on these plan or anticipate it will take you a few days or more to recover and normalise. Your mind is in overdrive and will take time to reset.

In time, try and recoginise the core fear/insecurity, and then come to understand that why are we are like this is we heavily second guess and pre/empt everything. So if you see things get weird or spiral try and talk yourself down.

Carry a bottle, coffee mug etc, all these act as barriers and offer a sense of protection wierdly.

Smartly mask and crack jokes about awkward events can be and how crowded places are anxiety inducing, you’d be surprised how many people feel the same. But we just seem to take it to heart more than others I’ve found.

Overall conferences etc are likely to be a chore for everyone there, they are garbage but in some industires a necessity.

And just know that the event will end and you have that to look forward to. So envisaging what you will do afterwards could be a reward mechanism for you.

[Khan_Kohng in reply to Tronsformer]

Thank you very much I think these are excellent pieces to add to my arsenal I really appreciate the considered advice. Thank you greatly.

[Cat33]

Hello Khan I don't have autism but my son does and I have seen the struggles he has had and it's broken my heart at times

All I can say is just be yourself it's other people who have a problem not you

I know how hard it is for you and I'm not belittling that at all but if you were blind - in a wheelchair - or whatever then those people would treat you with kindness and it should be the same with autism

Do you tell people you are autistic ? My son doesn't and he has been treated so cruelly because he is misunderstood

I wish you all the very very best but just be the lovely you and get on with your career if that's what you want to do

It's 2023 and you shouldn't ever be made to feel like an alien

Take care

[Khan_Kohng in reply to Cat33]

I desperately avoid disclosing it though I can see the advantages of doing so. Unfortunately despite saying so my manager still doesn't really understand what that means as far as my experience but you did remind me that there may be an action surrounding this I can initiate with him. Thank you very much for being understanding and I wish you and your son the best.

[Cat33]

Hello Khan It makes me so sad that you won't tell people but I totally understand

Do you have an HR department and someone you can talk to there ? Your manager needs educating

Thank you my son is 40 now and has been through so much all due to people's ignorance

Autism should be talked about a lot more and more kindness and understanding should be given

I can't tell you how much I wish you all the very best as it really brought a tear to my eye reading your post

Take care