Need some advice :(

[rach33]

My mum has ataxia, she has had it a good ten years now, she lives oh her own. She has started to get really worse, she makes excuses to not do things, she won't accept any help, she seems really low, just don't know what to do anymore :(((

[neta]

Be gentle with her. Remember, she didn't choose this! Take her to the dr and to the beauty parlor. If the family has money, get her an aide, ....anything to make her life better......... Good luck.

[rach33 in reply to neta]

Thanks neta x

[Zhez]

Hi Rach, if your mum isn't coping very well I can tell you the best thing I ever did, besides joining this site, was to contact Adult Social Services. They were extremely helpful and I now have a Personal Assistant funded through the local council. Your Mum's GP can arrange for visits from Occupational Therapists and Physiotherapists to see if she needs extra help with manual tasks. You can contact Adult SS on your mum's behalf.

At the moment your mum will be feeling really low and out of control of her life. You can support her by listening and encouraging her to talk about her fears for the future. Try to get her to join this site, the support here is amazing!!!

All the best xx

[rach33 in reply to Zhez]

So nice of you to reply, she won't go on amazing sites like this because she is scared of everyone being negative! I've tried telling her it's a positive step. I've arranged a occupational therapist to visit, but she cancelled it, she would rather struggle than use the services she can, but that puts a huge strain on me, as I feel I should be sorting her house etc.

She is at a really low point but she just won't talk about it :(( my antie has been diagnosed and although she isn't as bad, she is so much more positive x x x

I will just have to keep trying x

[wobblybee]

Hi rach!

You must get really frustrated, desperate to help. Could you introduce your Aunt

to this site? Once she's logged on a few times, she'll be able to see we're all

about positive thinking, and she might be able to encourage your Mum to join. xB

[rach33]

I'm sounding just as negative as her with my replies but she loves her sister, but they argue all the time I think it's just because they clash and have different opinions :/

Is there any service I could speak too without my mum knowing?

Ps. Love your user name x hee hee

[wobblybee in reply to rach33]

Ah, you're too kind rach. Most siblings argue, it's probably knowing each other too well and being close.

It's hard to know when to intervene, I'm having a similar situation with my uncle, although he doesn't

have ataxia. As Adult Social Services have been suggested, you might want to consider speaking to

someone there. You never know, they might be able to advise you about something really useful.

I don't think you're negative, just at a loss. xBeryl

[rach33 in reply to wobblybee]

Thankyou so much for replying, it's so nice to be able to talk about it with someone who has an idea x x

I've been to see her today and for the first time said honestly what I thought, that she needed help and as a family we love her and want what a best for her, she fell out with me and told me to shut up talking about it, she didn't want to talk about it, and she told me to get out the house!!! It's a shame there's no local support groups or there's no professional keeping an eye on her.

Keep at it eh x she is my mam after all x x

[february]

Yes, that's a tough one. You could seek power of attorney to make some decisions for her, seeing how she won't allow any help. I know this is a huge decision but if you had power of attorney, you'd be doing it to help her as you love her and want the best for her! I agree with Zhez, Adult Social Services, as maybe they'd have some realistic suggestions for you. Your mom sounds like she may be suffering from some depression. She also sounds as though she may be in denial over her health problems. My best to you...,;o)

[rach33 in reply to february]

Thanks for advice, your so kind

She does have depression, always has even when I was little and before she was diagnosed. She is definitely in denial and at times I don't blame her. But hey ho, if things get any worse I'm going to have to seek power of attorney x

Take care and thanks

[Zhez in reply to rach33]

Hi Rach, your mum sounds just like me before I went into a 'flare up' and needed carers 4 times daily to sort me out. I think it would be very difficult for you to get power of attorney as it seems your mum is capable of making her own decisions, allbeit, sadly to say, apparently poor ones. With me it was more the loss of control of my life that I found the hardest to cope with, your mum might be the same. Try suggesting to her that she could take control back by accessing these services and picking up coping strategies, hints and tips here which have been invaluable to me. That would put a more positive spin on it and actually it's true. By the way, my daughters have never given up on me either, bless you, she's got a 'good 'un' with you!! xx

[pete60]

Hi sorry to hear about your mum, i were like that for a long time lots of things that are easy to others i struggled with it's so frustrating so i just focused on things i could do,

sorry cant think of anything else to say, wish i could have helped more