Long ramble blame the hormones..
In Nov last year I had a servere asthma attack which led to a respiratory and cardiac arrest. Since then I have been confused and have mixed feelings and was wondering if this is normal..
I have no memory of the event and what I do remember amuses me... spilling water over my pizza in ITU and still eating it.. Asking where I am every five minutes...But everytime I hear an ambulance I feel sick.. Been in them since then.. When I was imprisoned last week ( hospital ) my sats were still down so I was moved to resus that I didnt take any notice of untill the man next door was put on mobile life support... When I think back, I was only in ITU four days then discharged straight home due to lack of beds I was in ITU sixty miles from my home town as it was the only bed... So I think to myself I cant of been that bad... I met with the paramedic ( he was lovely ) and he told me in his opinion I should of been in my grave at best brain damaged.. he was also amazed to know I was still pregnant I was 14 weeks gone when I had the arrest.. ( my little boy is now 3 weeks old )
But what bothers me is I cant seem to get over it ... I keep thinking to myself what if etc.. My two other children saw it all and they are so young I feel selfish for them having a wheeze bag of a mother ! I am terrified It will happen again and I wont survive the next one.. I also feel kinda deprived that I never saw a white light etc etc and cant remember being dead... Half hoping I will have flash backs of watching the medics work on me ( the paramedic I met was rather tasty tehe )
Rather Random Ramble over am I normal to keep going over it etc...