The bad is that after the meeting on sunday the managers said they had reached the same conclusion as us and that she probably wouldn't 'rally'. They agreed she should be allowed to stay in bed most of the time and certainly not dragged out half dead and taken to meals. They put her to bed on sunday afternoon and she has been there ever since.
The doctor came on Tuesday and said its still possible she might rally after a time on bed rest but he thought, as we did, that she is failing. He said it could be weeks or months. He said physios for her broken hip not relevant and as long as she is up in a chair a (to avoid pressure sores and fluid build up) for a couple of hours a day then she should be allowed to stay in bed. Thank goodness for that! He filled out a form for us with questions such as - should she be ressuciated if necessary - we said no to all of them. We said we just want her to be allowed to die in dignity and peace. And thats whats happening. The home is actually a very good one. But they did say that their training is to try to do something which we appreciated. They said that the wishes of the family and the advice of the doctor will be followed. All the staff say they really like my mum and they are certainly going the extra mile to look after her. They are trying to get her to eat normal food which she isn't really but they are giving her hot chocolate (which she loves) with build up drinks in and making sure she is drinking enough. They can't do a drip as they are not allowed to in a care home. She is taking the chocolate and plenty of drinks so she seems ok for the moment. They check on her very regularly and are very patient and kind to her.
The family are all taking time to sit with her mornings, afternoons and evenings. We are all anxious to spend as much time with her as possible while we still have her. We don't think it will be long. She hasn't spoken for about a week but she is still opening her eyes from time to time and we get the odd smile. At least she knows we are there (sometimes). We talk to her about the old days but get little response.
It really helped me getting all this down. Its great to know that my friends care and know what we are going through. Its really sad that many of you have been through it and I really understand now what its like.
I am a lot calmer now after my hysteria on Sunday - thank goodness. I never cry, or very rarely. Thank you all again.
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34 Replies
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((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
I am glad for your sake, as well as for your mum's, that this has been resolved. Thank God for common sense. xxx
• in reply to
Yep thank God..loveeeeeely hugs. Thanks.
bev x
Hi Bev
I am so glad that you got your way with the home after the docs intervention and whilst I can understand that they have rules to follow you would think that they'd have been a bit more flexible but, as you say it's basically a good home and now you've got that sorted out you must be feeling more at ease although still anxious about losing your Mum of course.
It sounds good that she's at least taking fluids without a drip as I'm sure she probably wouldn't want one anyway. Sounds as though she's fighting as hard as she can to the very last.
Is she on morphine for her hip cos that would account for the drifting and silence?
I hope that whatever follows you will know that you've fought her corner to ensure that he's comfy to the very end if it comes to that.
My heart goes out to you in your situation and you are doing brilliantly well - honestly!
Please keep us all posted and in the meantime you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
(((Virtual hugs)))
Lorraine
xxx
• in reply to
Care homes not allowed to do medical procedures like a drip because they haven't got medical training. It would be breaking the law....yet more hugs...thank you.
Bev x
Ooooh lovely. Hugs feel good! Thank you. I feel much better now we are all singing from the same songsheet...though I can't guarantee that I won't succomb to hysteria again. Hopefully not.
Bev x
Aw thank you Lorraine. The doctor didn't prescribe morphine. He seemed happy that she stay on paraceutomal. Should we ask for that do you think. She was very sleepy and weak before she broke her hip and barely spoke anyway. She is just a bit frailer now. Because she is so frail and weak maybe they are afraid that a strong drug like morphine would finish her off. We, and the staff, don't think she is in pain. Her hip was fixed at the hospital and it has largely healed. Do you think we should ask the doctor about morphine?
Bev x
• in reply to
Not if you are sure that she's not in pain - you are right, it would surely finish her off and the side effects of it aren't pleasant. (Crawling under the skin that makes you itch like hell etc. - horrible).
Pleased to hear that they are listening to you now and that things are going reasonably well.
Would a community matron or nurse be able to arrange a drip, if one was needed? I understand the point about the care home staff not being able to attend to it though, if they are not trained then they cannot touch.
So glad you are getting what you want for your mum Bev, sounds so much like the situation I had with my mum at the end and I can't fault her care at that time. One thing my mum did enjoy in those last days was a fruit ice lolly (even though it was winter)! The matron of the home suggested it and she loved it, just a small one that I held for her. She's a lucky lady to have all her family with her and no doubt you are lucky to have her for a mum. All the best to you. Libby
She loves ice cream, chocolate and ribena carton drinks. She is getting plenty of those! Might try her with the lolly as well. Thanks Libby.
Berv xx
Will try again,keep getting the 404,when submitting GRR!!
Anyway so pleased things are working out for you all.Your Mum is so lucky to have you all.
Do look after yourself too,as you will need your strength in the coming weeks.Thinking of you,if you ever need to vent again,we are here for you xx
Big hugs Wendells xxxx
• in reply to
MORE HUGS yeah............Ta
Bev x
Love to you hypercat - glad things are more settled - those odd smiles will stay with you forever - drink them in as I did with my dad - and don't worry when you cry because your memories will eventually overcome you tears, I think those smiles are your mum saying she knows you are fighting her corner here are some more (((((((((((((huggs))))))))) xxXxx
I am so pleased that there has been a resolution to this. It seems such a terrible time and knowing your mum is comfortable and you having the comfort of that knowledge will hopefully ease your minds. Take care of each other.
So very pleased that things have been sorted and also that you are able as a family that you can spend time with your Mum.
One of the things we started with my mum was we bought some lovely hand/body cream and when we were sat with her we massaged her hands this gave her the comfort of touch and also stopped that horrible dryness skin gets when inside so much, one of my sisters was brave enough to also massage her feet, it is just an idea but my Mum loved it and although her speech had also gone her smile was worth it.
I will continue thinking of you and sending good vibes
Thanks Janet thats a good idea. I did think of it and I might try it. But shes not someone who enjoys being touched a lot - shes always been that way. But no harm done if she doesn't like it I can always stop.
Bless you Bev, it's so lovely that you're all there for your Mum, she must feel really comforted to have loved ones around her and somewhere in there she'll be at peace knowing what a wonderful family she's created. Take care. More hugs. P
I am relieved to know that your mum is more comfortable and receiving the proper care - appreciate these precious moments because you will treasure them later on. All the best Annie80x
Thank you Richard. Appreciated. I am not much for prayer myself but you have given me an idea. One of my cousins is a born again christian and when a family member is ill they get their church to pray. Gonna have a word with them.
Thinking of you and your mum Bev. I would have commented sooner but was ill on Sunday and have been away in Somerset with Pete since. It must be good to know that your mum is being allowed her dignity and not being messed about too much, bless her. You take care too. Lots of love. xxxxxx
Aw thank you everyone. Your kindness and good wishes mean more than you will ever know. It warms my heart when I am feeling desolate and alone.
Sorry you have been ill sassy but I hope you enjoyed your holiday anyway.
Hi again Bev, so glad you got everything sorted and your wishes and those of your mum's are being adhered to. I feel she hasn't got long either...but with her loving family around her she can go with grace when the time comes and know in her heart that everyone loves her so much. You all keep your chins up and remember she is very tired and outworn this life....it is a sad time to face...but face it we must. You and your family (and the staff in the home by the sound of it) are doing all you can to help her through this time in her life. There is no-one more precious than a mum..and never will be. Please keep us all posted Bev, and I am so glad everyone on here has been able to help...Love to mum and all of you xxxxxx
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Thank you all so much for your messages of support. I am overwhelmed by it.
My Dad is really bad at the moment he is breathing so hard even at rest ,and coughing so much .He has been on antibiotics and steroids
Thank you all for good advice
Thank you all so much
