No doubt I'll get repremanded for this but .... what the heck here goes. Lol

[dpcaretaker]

MAN RULES

AT LAST A BLOKE HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN

WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE

NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!

STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!

OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!

JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.

IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..

PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.

1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH...

PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE ITS TRUE!

[Hidden]

I left a post which did not 'take' so I will try again.

I enjoyed reading this dpc, because it truly shows that men are so limited and sometimes we forget to keep it simple.

[Hidden]

Reprimanded surely not for service to humanity

[Lynne1955]

I love it, and so does my husband.

Lynne xx

[Hidden]

Enjoyable when life is not taken so seriously that we are able to laugh at ourselves.

[libbygood]

Not true - not a bit of it. Read the 'girls' one, now that is true.

Lib x

[elian]

Pah ! Excuses, excuses ............ but funny too !!

[sillywitch]

i,m sure my hubby wrote this! if he didn't it was someone who knows him it was on facebook the other day & thanks for putting it here it's a great one

[Hidden]

NURSE ! NURSE ! He's out of bed again and he's using the computer.

You must be mad dpc, or has she gone on a single handed round the world trip and forgotten the laptop.

Finally, if you think I'm reading this out to Ann you should take more water with it.

Chris

[libby7827 in reply to Hidden]

I love all these comments, but yours in particular!

[Hidden]

The sad thing is EVERY WORD IS TRUE,,,,women really have no idea about men at all,,,,not a clue..When you sign up to a commitment,,,there little brains fly staight out the window,,,,,nest building starts and it never stops....They just go berserk,,,,for the rest of there lives..... well said that brave man..

[Hidden]

Men are from MARS...women, well we're from somewhere that sports and men don't exist - unless we want something of course!

Lol

[Hidden]

If only we could remember them all, life would be so easy. We only laugh because they are so true. Now what do you think, does my bum look big in this?

[bewildered]

The fun is in the truth

[Hidden]

I recall a friend saying to me on one occasion, " make up your mind, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy ".

There again he was also known to say, rather bitterly, " I could tell by her look of irritation that I was enjoying myself ".

Chris

[libby7827]

Even though I'm a woman, I have to admit these are all true (well, apart from the shoes one, I've never had a thing about shoes). Brilliant.

[KingoftheCocktails]

Perhaps a lady would like to post Lady Rules..Some ladies did not like me putting lady jokes on here.and they were deleted.I did not mind as I have plenty more material.Feel sad for those that can't enjoy a little bit of humour to brighten up their lives..

[Hidden]

A very good friend was complaining to me that her husband doesn't listen to her when she is explaining something. He just accused her of nagging and switched off. I told her not to explain but to give him instructions instead. She said she couldn't do that! Then she tried it and he not only understood but obeyed! My friend was amazed.

Bev x

[Hidden]

This is completely true, thank you for pointing out that men like things explained in a straightforward simple matter as anything else confuses them. I think every woman has known this for a very long time. But we would be lost without them (I don'[t think).

[cuddles64]

Well I have to say that I do gripe about blokes leaving up the seat as they use them to sit on when doing the other business so why have them up? They don't carry machine guns between their legs, they have hand held pistols!!! Lmao So if they prefer to have the toilet seat up, and still manage to miss the big old whole, they must obviously find the ceiling more interesting than what they are holding!! Then they wonder why us woman say we have a head ache!!! lmfao