A BIG GOODBY TO 2012

We (me especially) have had what can be called a blo### terrible 2012. We have seen the hospital and emergency room more times than we care to mention. No help at all from the caring system that is supposed to look after you, spent a fortune in 'phone calls chasing things up, no help at all from the GP's, and a husband that treats me like his own personal slave. The one saving grace with this lovely community, I have vented my anger out about my husband on these blogs and it has definitely helped otherwise I would have walked out or killed him.

In September an angel called THE COMMUNITY MATRON came to see us, after I had been on the computer, found out about this service and asked the GP's why they did not tell us about her, and everything changed. We got everything we needed and it made our life so much easier.

All I need now is for my husband to stop thinking he is going to die every day of the damned week and get off his backside and do something, instead of sitting there wasting away and feeling sorry for himself. He has oxygen, nebulisers, antibiotics , wheelchair and everything else known to man. He has been told by the physio who comes to the house that he has to move about and exercise as he is making himself worse but all he says is 'I can't'. He is slowly killing me mentally and physically as he is absolutely nasty to me and it is fetch me this and fetch me that. The Matron told him this week that he needs to get his head round the fact that if I had a nervous breakdown or was taken ill what would happen to him, he would have to do something for himself. She has told me to get out of the house for a few hours a week and get my life back. I was ill yesterday felt absolutely awful so took myself off to bed as I honestly could not lift my arms I was aching so much, my husband said, 'what about me' so I said two very, very naughty words and used my fingers to show him as well and went to bed, I am okay today I must have got a bad chill.

Look out 2013, here I come, and if he doesn't like it then he can stick it.

I wish everyone on this forum and Very Merry Christmas and a very healthy and happy new year. Thank you all for your support and lovely messages, you have got me through a terrible time, a time I never thought I would get over. I am now stronger and will take everything in my stride and not get upset about it. My New Years resolution is put myself first as if I don't my husband will be the the who suffers as if I get ill or have a breakdown he will have to go into a care home as my sons have told me that they will not look after him.

Lots of love and best wishes to you all for the future I will speak to you all in the New Year.xxxxxxxxxxx

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Sweetthing - I am going to offer my sincerest wishes that 2013 will be far more peaceful for you. Cant say a lot to sort your husband out - that will be in the lap of the gods, whatever that means! Love Annie80 xx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Don't you worry annie80, the worm has turned, it's going to be my way or the highway. Merry Christmas.

[Puffthemagicdragon]

You should tell him, when he asked you to do something, that you will do it in your time and not his. Just my opinion of course. I feel like giving him a good verbal myself to be honest.

[Hidden in reply to Puffthemagicdragon]

I have just told annie80 that in 2013 it will be my way or the highway.

[Hidden]

And stick to what you say, sweetthing. Keep us informed!! Else we all will come knocking on your door to give you a hand. Love Annie80 xx

[Hidden]

My heart goes out to you sweetthing and its good to see you are going to start putting yourself first. I am just wondering if there is a carers club or something similar near you. take care.xxx

[Shirleyj]

Keep your chin up, and don't let that old ************ get you down, have a lovely Christmas if you can. Take care, Shirley x x x

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I have just been watching the ITV programme TEXT SANTA, and to be honest, I feel thoroughly ashamed of myself, these families are looking after their loved ones, some of them a heck of a lot worse than my husband is, without a care for themselves and here I am moaning and groaning about a grumpy old man. I have told him to watch it on catch-up tv to make him realise there are a lot of people worse off than he is but he won't, he says it depresses him.

Anyhow, have a lovely Christmas and best wishes to everyone.

[KingoftheCocktails]

Sweetthing.I was like what you say about your husband for 12 years.Then I asked myself ''Why am I being like this?''.Over a period of time my attitude to the love of my life changed.I am no longer on oxygen and I can get out and about with help.We are both Now very aware of EACH others situation and can talk and discuss things without anymore nastiness.I have the illness not my wife so why should I make her ill as well.Hopefully your husband will understand what he is doing to you and rectify himself. Iwill say a prayer for you in the hope that your life will become comfortable once more

Happy Christmas

Richard Cornish

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Good on you sweetthing. You have your life to live too and can't throw it away on someone who is so abusive and nasty with you. Stick to your guns....

Hope you have good christmas and new year anyway love.

Bev xx

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To Richard and Bev, Thank you both so much I cannot make you believe how good your comments and many, many others on this blog have made me feel.

The other day my sons came over and their dad got up and walked to meet them. Usually he is sat down on the sofa when they come and they only see him when his breathing is not too bad as he has not exerted himself, so they could never comprehend how bad he was and thought I was making things up. My husband always tells them I make things out to be worse than they are and that he pulls his weight, my daughters-in-law know better but I think my sons live in cloud cuckoo land.

Anyway, when my husband walked into the room they could not believe their eyes they said they never, for one minute, imagined he was as bad as he is and why was he telling them lies. He said he didn't want them to worry and he didn't use his oxygen when the grand kiddies were there as he didn't want them frightened or upset. So they asked him outright what he does during the day, he looked at me and I said, go on tell them, and he said nothing. Do you know what my sons said to him, I could not believe my ears, even my daughters-in-law shook their heads in disgust. They said, well if you are okay sat down, why don't you just sit down all day and do nothing and you could live for another 10/15 years, there is no point in you trying to walk about getting breathless and making yourself ill.

So I said, doesn't anyone give a damn about me, and they said, well you are fit and healthy no-one would think you were 70 years old, why don't you get a stairlift for him, I said what the hell is that going to do for me, he calls me for water, he calls me to get a magazine, he calls me to tell me the dog wants a wee, he has been told to exercise and he won't, he has been told his body is wasting away because he does nothing, he is not bothered, when his oxygen cylinder is empty, he has not a clue how to change it, I have to do it, I have shown him numerous times but he can't be bothered. So my son said I hadn't to get upset, what is the point of him getting out of breath and dying when he is okay sat down and can live longer. I told him I wasn't upset I was blo### livid and if I had a breakdown or was taken ill would they take him to live with them, no answer.

I was not speaking to them when they left I was so annoyed. My husband said, there you see, they agree with me, it is better for me not to get breathless, so I am back to square one.

Anyway, I am sticking to my guns, after the festivities are over I am going to live my life as I want to and if he doesn't like it he can lump it, if he was bedridden and needed hoists and other medical equipment because he could not do anything for himself I would be there, no questions asked doing what I could for him, but because he is able to walk and won't, able to wash up or feed our dog but won't, he could even make himself a sandwich, but won't he has turned himself into an invalid and taken me with him. We are going out boxing day to our sons and he told me we are only stopping two hours, so I asked him why, and he said because he wants to get home as he can't relax at someone elses house. I have told him we are going when I am ready and not before and there is nothing stopping him going home if he wants to, he is absolutely fine driving no sign whatsoever of COPD apart from seeing the oxygen tank in the car for when he gets out. He says that I know he can't go by himself, so told him he either waits until I am ready or goes on his own, he said you will have to come with me as you can't get home otherwise, I told him I would stay there the night, you should have seen his face.

Anyway, enough of my moaning, have a lovely Christmas and a great new year.

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