so fed up.

[betsyanne]

i cant take anymore of being told what to do by my partner * his mum about me smoking i ave cut down to a few a day & it not good enought they had me in tears & i cant take anymore of this i knw i need to stop & i am trying so hard.

[Hidden]

It is hard for people who care for you and are just as scared. Try one these and ask them to work with you

Smoking NHS Giving Up Smoking - givingupsmoking.co.uk QUIT quit.org.uk Action on Smoking and Health (ASH) - newash.org.uk

[betsyanne in reply to Hidden]

thankyou so much. x

[stan5]

chin up- they are only nagging you because they love you- no other reason

just keep trying to stop and set yourself targets-outside pressure sometimes

works against you- so do try to understand that you must stop smoking-

I stopped when the doctor diagnosed me with COPD and said if I did not

stop I would not be here in 6 months that was August 2010- I stopped.

[elian]

Oh how I feel for you betsyanne - I'm in exactly the same position. I sometimes think the more our loved ones 'nag' us, the more determined we become to remain smokers.

Everyone tells us that the day will come when we WILL just stop. I'm 6 cigarettes a day away from that day at the moment, but hope this number will decrease to 0 sooner rather than later.

Send me a message if you have another bad day, we can cheer each other up

[Hidden]

hun, I know its hard to stop smoking - there is no denying that, but it is just as hard for them everytime you light up.

they love you and don't want to lose you.

Everyone is different and it is easy for me to tell you to stop but that would make me a hypocrite, i tired so many times ( even prior to diagnosis). over a couple of years but went back to the fags, this time i am determined i wont.

i found i needed help and rang the quitline - best thing i ever did because the guy supported me and didn't judge me.

good luck.

[Hidden]

so fed up i understand exactly how you feel. Im so nagged at by friends and family that I have become very stressed about still smoking. I am asking my friends and family to try supporting me instead of nagging, or even worse, saying its my fault I have COPD because I smoke! That might be the case buts its very cruel and doesnt help at all does it? It just makes me feel bad, instead of making me feel strong enough to give up. That might make your family think about what they are saying. Good luck. thinking of you. x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes but how realistically can anyone MAKE you feel strong?

I think it's safe to say you are the only person that can do that, and offering support is a totally different thing.

Let me ask, do you complain to them about how poorly you feel?

If the answer is yet, then it's hard for them to keep on showing you sympathy when the very thing causing your poorliness and illness, the smoking, is continued, due to that bit of the whole story, they obviously feel that it is hard to take you seriously, and that they are in fact wasting their time, but I don't think anything merits being angry at them.

Thy may not have the skills with which to know how to deal with you and they may not know that they need to be careful about how they say to you that they want you or would like it if you could stop smoking, but as you are the one who is the problem, because you are the one that is ill, I feel that it is your duty to wok on educating them about how to approach you.

But to simply say they are MAKING me worse is to me a classic case of someone holding their own responsibility for themselves, to someone else.

They are not responsible or you, you are.

As long as you do not see that, I reckon you will not stop smoking, and find ways to avoid it by blaming someone else.

You re the one who smokes.

If you cause no problems for them, like smoking around them, and do not complain about the effects of it, then if you refuse to stop, to rally stop, then okay, they need not say anything to you, but as long as you are depending on them, then I think you have to realise what the consequences are of your own behaviour.

You say the above things as though you are angry at them but in truth, as a smoker in denial you are angry with yourself.

I say this, but even though recently I met someone who smoked a lot, I found it difficult to mess with her addiction.

In fact I felt he was glad when I went home so she could have her coffee in bed with cigarettes. Smoke all around the house., etc.

I hope you do not feel you need to respond like Dracula does when exposed to garlic when reading my words, as they are the result of my opinion and I do not know you but I do know the general lines relevant to what foes on between smokers and non-smokers and speak from experience as a former huge addict.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

TJonh I have asked you before not to comment on anything i put on this site. I have asked you nicely. I have now contacted the website and asked them to contact you officially to tell you this.

[Hidden]

Hello,

Even though I quit smoking in one go, scared as I was as my breathing had stopped about 15 times during sleep, whereupon I kept waking up out of it, with a huge gormless-like grin on my face, which really freaked me out, as I was exhausted and really wanted to sleep, but my coughing had been so deep (many years but now extremely so = I thought I'd cough up organs and I don't mean piano typed ones).

I carried on smoking, smoking would be the last thing I did before sleep and the first thing whilst getting up, or if it wasn't the first thing, I'd be working towards it through everything I did like shower, getting dressed, all in anticipation of that first coffee with smokes, yes, plural, smokes, my head much like a zombie with just one thing in mind. I wouldn't eat all day, would eat probably one large meal a day in the evening, after 6, and during the day smoke and drink endless cappuccinos. After quitting drink just 1 coffee, somehow don't enjoy it as much as I did.

I knew I had to get to the doctor but as 8 in the morning-time arrived, I could have slept, only thing wasI knew I could not, as something was really wrong, so, whacked as I was, I trudged along to the doctor, whereupon I was told: I think you probably have COPD.

I had no idea what it was.

I stopped smoking right then, I felt so bad and had realised, darn, if I want to live, I have to stop.

It seemed like a mountain I'd have to climb and I was afraid I would not manage but I'd become so afraid of dying I knew I had to, before this I'd never ever even attempted to stop, I was 49 and had been smoking for about 40 years, even when I had colds I'd carry on an hate it h ow I couldn't enjoy the taste of tobacco, but I'd still smoke even though I couldn't taste a thing.

Since I quit I never get colds, I feel because the body doesn't need to get rid of all the junk in the bronchial tubes , etc, so then no colds. And I also probably built in something into my mind then, that I must not get colds and so I don't.

However, for years people would say, wow, you REALLY smoke a lot, and as they'd say it, it would prompt me to roll another one simply because I am stubborn and cannot take anyone telling me what to do, or maybe don't like criticism.

Therefore, one element of the whole thing I picked up on was how what a person needs when having a problem with smoking, is not being told what to do but being told how much someone cares about you and how they'd love it if you could help yourself sometime by stopping as it would make you so happy for them.

And this is not something anyone can tell a person everyday but instead it is better to say it on occasion and diplomatically, calmly with love too, not with a naggig tone or attitude.

This notwithstanding; it is hard for others to take the contamination you produce by smoking around them.

I met a nice person recently, but she smoked like a train and there I was, silly me, thinking I could deal with it, but she smoked indoors, and in the car, and in bed, and she stank of it and so did the bed, she was totally unaware of that, and her daughter's friends would ask her knowing she would say yes: Excuse me, is it okay to smoke indoors?

Then said children (14 and various ones on different days seem to know the polite routine of asking first (= probably at home no way were they allowed to do this) with cigarette already between fingers and lighter in the other hand, upon hearing the response she knew she'd get, immediately lighting up.

When I got back home from my visit of a few days to this lady, my lungs had started crackling like a roasting chicken in the oven, or frying onions, and I had started producing the type of gunk that had cleared up completely 6 years ago with a couple of months of no more smoking.

Therefore, again, I could not be with this person even if I wanted to.

And I must be sensible, because even going in her house will make me unwell, as the lungs are still sensitive to all of that.

Actually, when clothing smells of smoke and also other objects do too, they are dangerous, especially to children with still-developing lungs and can also trigger asthma attacks in anyone with asthma, so that means it is not just the raw smoke itself that is bad.

A baby held against an adult's arm that stinks of tobacco may damage the baby's lungs or otherwise/and even help it to start suffering from asthma or be prone to developing COPD later on in life.

Though it may be hard to quit, I feel if a person does keep on smoking when ill with COPD then they ought not complain about how poorly they are.

That's my opinion.

If not wanting others to complain about them smoking, then they ought not complain about the effects of smoking, or it means you as the smoker are being unfair on those that actually do care about you and who do not smoke themselves.