Most of you won’t know but I am currently going through a divorce with an abusive partner. It has taken 18 years for me to get to this stage. We have two teenage children. I have chronic asthma and mild bronchiectasis. Although my partner has agreed to give me most of his share of our previous property to enable me to buy a house for the children (and I am in the process of doing so), my solicitor feels there is still a chance the court will take this away and I will then have to sell this new house and buy a flat (having our pets put down). Apparently the fact he has been abusive is not taken into account only financial matters. This is incredibly unfair but the solicitor insists this is just the way it is. I currently only work part time as my health has been a bit of a mess. How can I get evidence of this if I am only deemed as mild bronchiectasis despite the fact that until six months ago my infections were every six weeks? I know, personally, that I would not be able to manage working full time. I am exhausted already doing part time plus two hours a day exercise, physiotherapy and lung clearance as well as looking after the children. I don’t know if my GP will support this view and am frightened to ask in case they say no. What can I do please I really need all the help I can get with the court stuff (I don’t get to attend it is only completed on financial papers etc submitted). I’m terrified we will lose our new home again and I am at a loss to the justice system that lets people have to continue abuse even after they leave a marriage. I have sought advice from WomensAid etc but they just say to leave everything. That doesn’t feel fair. Why should the children and I be homeless when he’s not and we have done nothing wrong. I need to prove my case but don’t know how.
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LizzieWizz
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Concerning your health, that has to come from your doctor, copies of scans tests, diagnosis documents. There is no other way around getting proof for this. I don't see how this will air in your divorce settlement which is entirely different from getting compensation for abuse. You probably need a different lawyer also reports to the police, and you pressing charges against your husband.
I would think Womens Aid would be concerned about you pressing charges for abuse when negotiating a divorce settlement They would be concerned for your wellbeing and wellfare
In divorce you are entitled to half of your husbands net worth, so its not just down to what your husband say's he will give you.
Thank you Bkin. The health comes in as it affects income. My income is significantly different to my husbands but my solicitor says the fact I am working part time for health reasons is irrelevant - even though it’s financial and the firms give a specific area for this. Thank you for the link - I wasn’t aware of this side. Women’s Aid simply wanted me out for safety - and that’s fine but doesn’t help me going forward in terms of providing a home. I am unable to claim for damages as I didn’t call the police at the time. So even though i have photographic evidence, voice recordings admitting what he has done, a diary, and at least one child who is prepared to say it, my solicitor says this is not enough as I haven’t called the police within six months of an event. Therefore my medical report needs to be right to help in terms of my claim as it’s currently all I have to help me. I also won’t be able to do it if they say I have to work full time to provide so it will be game over. I am trying not to see the worst but I am barely hanging on in here.
Hi Lizziewizz I’m so sorry to hear about your situation . I have to say well done in moving away from abuseve husband, Youv really been very brave . Woman’s Aid always seem to tell you to leave everything and put you in a small flat for as long as it would take to get a council house , although I don’t know about bought houses. I know first hand what it’s like to walk away and leave everything it’s not fare , I was put into a hotel that wasn’t a hotel really as it was. Filled with all homeless people and I have to say I was afraid with 2 small children . It was a small room with a bed and a cot very small bathroom and not even a window . It seemed worse than a prison. No one to help with food or clothes or even to wash the stuff I had . This was many years ago and Iv spoke to different young girls escaping violence and their story is the same as mine. Left with nothing and one of those girls went back to her husband due to not being able to cope in what they call a hotel and yes they still use the same hotel. What I wanted to really say was that the police were a great help I got my house back and he wasn’t ally even in my street.
The Sargent told me to go to a criminal lawyer as I had recordings of him abusing me so bad I ended up in hospital and also because I had pictures of my injuries , I was entitled to criminal injuries, he said i must find a lawyer who deals with this . So it took me a year to get over the physical injuries although I still need an operation on my arm and the mental abuse I hope and pray it stops eventually.
My heart really goes out to you and I do agree that you should try and find a forum that can advise you on the divorce. Also a new lawyer might be a good idea. .
You and your children will be in my prayers God Bless ❤️♥️♥️🌹🌹🌹🙏🏼🙏🏼
Thank you ShazRab. I may need to think about this. I have photos and voice recordings but have been told they were not sufficient as not taken by the police. Maybe I need to investigate a criminal lawyer. Thank you and wish you a happy future. X
Your solicitor really does sound useless. You may not be able to claim damages against your husband, but you may be able to get some compensation through the Criminal injuries Compensation Scheme from the Criminal Injuries Compensation Authority:
"According to the Criminal Injury Compensation Scheme of 2012, a survivor of domestic abuse may make their claim for domestic abuse compensation against the Criminal Injury Compensation Authority (CICA). This is a common route to take for those with abusers who have not been convicted or cases without concrete evidence."
"Claiming domestic abuse compensation with the criminal injury compensation authority has a few requirements that must be met for your case to be considered – you generally have to file the claim less than two years after the incident or incidents, or less than two years after it has been reported in the case of ongoing abuse. This rule can be broken, however, if you were unable to report it or make a claim due to fear for your safety or the safety of your loved ones, or if you were incapable of reporting it for mental health reasons, as is sometimes the case with manipulative and traumatic domestic abuse."
You can get more (free) information and advice here:
Djs6 - this is amazing thank you - I will definitely on at this. X
I had the same problem in the early 1990s. I went to a bronch specialist for a report about my condition and the prognosis. I had to pay for this but it was worth every penny. His report began ‘ I will attempt to confine myself to the details and prognosis of this lady’s condition rather than the morality of having to write it for this purpose’. Needless to say, my husband’s side caved in before it was read out in court. My husband was a coercive controller, something that was not recognised then but is a criminal offence now. Unfortunately divorce solicitors are still not interested in abuse in financial settlements but the abuse is a criminal offence. The police would be obliged to act in this respect and a conviction can make a major difference to the financial settlement. I think that you may need a different solicitor.
Thank you LittlePom - how did you find the specialist for the report please? I will look at that. I have looked at changing solicitor but have been told it would be approx £2,500 for another solicitor to “catch up” which I just don’t have. Thank you for your help - it was your previous advice about a year ago that has got me this far and out - so much appreciated. x
You look online for a bronch specialist in your area. The solicitor should write and ask the correct question. This is specifically if you can be expected to work full time given the nature of your condition and also the debilitating effects which make working difficult and the progressive nature which means that the length of your working life is very uncertain.My solicitor first wrote to my own consultant and asked could a person with bronch work? This was the wrong question and the blanket answer was yes. I went to a different consultant who looked at all of my records and was shocked that my husband’s solicitors were trying to say that I could work. He also contacted my own consultant who was so angry that he had been misled by the question that he offered to attend court free for me.
Remember that if your husband has caused you to have to pay for this the costs can be claimed against him in court. I won all of my costs from my husband.
It does seem to me that your solicitor is costing you money and has no knowledge or interest in the particular situation that you find yourself in regarding ongoing financial need. I do feel for you.
Your solicitor may be giving you a worst case scenario. In regard to your health I would definitely talk to your GP. They will have copies of physiotherapy reports, specialist letters etc. You can ask for these. If your GP is online you should be able to do this online. Given the fact that your health as improved slightly since moving away from your husband. ( You are getting less infections) you could make a case that the abuse was detrimental to you health. Also your anxiety should be documented. Personally I would speak to your GP that you fear that your worries will soon take a toll on your conditions. Divorce is one huge stress inrelation to mental health and your GP should be sympathetic. Also have you completed a benefit check in relation to what you can claim in regard to child tax credits etc. Also make sure you are being taxed at the correct level.
Thank you BadBessie. I will look at this. I have looked at benefits but they can only begin once we have a new home - we are currently sofa surfing with relatives so can’t claim anything at the moment (which is really odd as it’s when you would need it). Thank you though. I will check my online GP documents and keep fingers crossed that might help.
Im not an expert but that dosent sound right about benifits. Have you asked cab its worth double checking. You still have to pay rent ect even if your sofa surfing
When I ended up in a Women's Aid Refuge, one of the useful things they did was recommend a really good solicitor who looked after me very well through the whole process. My husband made many mistakes in his defence through his manipulative behaviour which she was able to use to my advantage. At one point, she had to tell his solicitor to control his client better. Most solicitors do a first free appointment.
My youngest daughter was in this position 7 years ago. She has two little girls then aged 3 and 4. Women's Aid and the police were a great help.Her lawyer and Barrister were both women and were fully on her case. She rented at first and recieved housing benefits etc. The police escorted her back into the family house to retrieve what she needed. He still lives there,getting away from this toxic physcopath was much more important than anything else! The court is pressing him to sell at the moment, we will see! Seven years on she has a new partner,he is a solicitor who is using his knowledge of domestic abuse and coercive control (gleaned from my daughters experience) to help other people. Her girls are thriving and she and her partner are buying a house together and are incredibly happy. Good luck! The main thing is to remove yourself from danger!x
Its not easy but you need to ask your dr. your dr can provide the facts. Its not about taking sides its about what your medical records prove. Good luck.
Change your solicitor as soon as you can, he/she is I feel, giving you bad advise. The stress will effect your health long term. I would find it highly unlikely that the court would take away your new house.
As others have said get all your medical stuff together so you have a record to give to people.
Having gone through three divorces I know the stress it puts you under, unfortunately it’s one of those times you have to be almost detached and just present evidence
I presume you are in the UK, if so you can ring BLF on 03000 030 555 during office hours. They have a benefits advisor who can talk you through any benefits you may be entitled to. Good luck.
I feel for u.its so hard going thro divorce.i found court very gd and in my favour.get yr house,settle yr family.thats the most important thing.and,look after you - dont overdo things,your physical + emotional well being r so important.personally, id write a letter outlining your health probs, difficulties working etc to give to yr solicitor.I wish u All the very best xxxxx
I can't really add to the excellent advice you have already been given but have you look into a solicitor who will do pro bono work? Your solicitor sounds very unsupportive. Is your GP supportive? Ask to be referred to a bronchiectasis specialist if you think it will help. Do you have a respiratory specialist at the moment? How were you diagnosed with bronchiectsasis?I wouldn't trust CAB now they are funded in large part by the DWP. Contact BLF helpline they have a benefits advisor or Fightback founded by Michelle Cardno they have a free helpline which will reopen January 4th 2021 (0161) 6727444
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