Metered.

Yet another smart arse

Came to live with me today

It's going to sit and tell me

How much I'll have to pay

For gas and electricity

To keep me warm and safe

And add to all the other smarties

That I have around the place

I hope it's not like my smart phone

That nags me all the time

Or that smart BT TV

That thinks it isn't mine

It has a little backlit screen

That I can watch all day

And see the money totting up

That I'm going to have to pay

I never use to worry much

But now I'm sure I will

So I think I'll ask my doctor

For an antidepressing pill.

[sassy59]

Your new gadget will soon settle in and make itself at home Don. Start saving now. Xxxx😘❤️😘

[Hidden in reply to sassy59]

I asked the installer if it would measure the amount of electricity it would use itself and of course it will, so I'll be asking for a refund of that amount because I didn't want it. He muttered something under his breath which I didn't quite catch. 😘x

[peege in reply to Hidden]

Mine''s unplugged in the kitchen cupboard. I didn't want mine either so checked with the kind man if it was alright to stash it away.

[Whitechinchilla]

Aaaaw bless.

Put it somewhere where you can’t see it Don😂😂🙂🙂xx

[Hidden in reply to Whitechinchilla]

I can't do that! I need to see what it's up to. It could be running off with my pension. 😯

[Whitechinchilla in reply to Hidden]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Hacienda]

Had this Smart arse in my Last House, hated it with vengeance, Made me Worry when those Numbers went up every dam second. Thank Goodness we have a Council Bungalow. Don't need one, Don't ever want one. We are Smart enough The two of Us. Ha Ha. Hide it Don. XXXX

[Whitechinchilla in reply to Hacienda]

Of course you are😘😘

[majji]

These things also open one up to further hacking so I understand as in if you have these fancy fridges etc that order food for you when you run out and that Ring tv door bell tis all AI - so Big Brother is watching you Cap'n and if you change your supplier the Smart Arse may not work for you - I understand you are quite at liberty to refuse its installation if you so wish - Let us hope that D. Trump or his mini-me double in this country don't descend upon you

[Hidden in reply to majji]

Oh dear Margaret. I'm such a simple chap, wide open to exploitation from many angles. 🤔xx

[majji in reply to Hidden]

Lotsalols Cap'n - Now would they be acute or obtuse angles, or possibly right angles or full angles or even reflex angles - now all we have to discover is which angles you should be approached from . . . . ?

[Izb1]

Lol Don, I refused to have one, cant stand them and you cant use them if you change supplier so whats the point. The only thing they do is save the company from sending out meter readers, so they save money x

[Hidden in reply to Izb1]

I realise that. When my contract expired the best offer was dependant on having meters which had a get out clause but I didn't see the point. I've always read my own meters and worked out the cost which involved crawling under the stairs and taking photos of the readings. If I don't like them I'll have them taken out.

[majji in reply to Izb1]

However they don't appear to save the meter readers job Izb1 - poor chaps . . .

[Izb1 in reply to majji]

Yes I know majji and I have read about a few of these dodgy meters that send the wrong readings and people have had a devil of a job getting their bills right x

[majji in reply to Izb1]

Izb1 - we can only lay this at the door of The Inexorable March Of Progress (no I had no idea either however it is apparently a Prog Rock Song - whatever that is) - who knew? Anyway may I offer my sympathies to all who may have to deal with one, either now or in the future . . . That is about the meters not the Prog Rock . . . .

[Jaybird19]

Thank you Don Love that but be warned it could get worse.

For those who have these things do they work as intended

Mine sulks and has only told me what it feels like. Installed aug went on strike after 2 weeks .It gave me electricity only then gave up completely. Told it was a software problem and would take 3 months

So i waited 3 months and then complained. It had told me just about electricity readings, now just tells me how much gas i use but ignores the electricity!

Have complained 3 times in all . Gave me £20 credit but next time i phoned i was transferred me to smart meter department and was told me to wait .

Still waiting after 45 mins , and they had gone home

Havent complained about that yet.

All in all have answered their routine mail , have written and phoned

Maybe I will really have to try to put into into rhyme

For all those who have these meters does the main incoming meter read out?

My gas meter was blank ----- but still got a bill.

[Hidden in reply to Jaybird19]

I haven't had a chance to examine the things yet or read the manual. But if it just reads the amounts used accurately I'll continue to work out the cost myself as I've always done..

[Jaybird19 in reply to Hidden]

Of course you can . but i want to see if it is costs more to leave heating on 24 hrs rather than 15 hrs a day. I know it is not more with radiators but my heating is hot air. In open plan house it is ideal , it is instant but has no reservoir of heat like radiators so wanted to check it out for week or two rather than whole year. Trying to just check gas at present.

[skischool]

I refused the new smart meter knowing it would make me sad

Indicating that my wastlefull use of energy really is quite bad

I fritter away the kilowatts and therms regardless of the cost

There is nothing worse than waking up surrounded by jack frost

Scruff's is happy to loll on radiators that are quite warm to the touch

Because she doesn't have to pay the bills which would be far too much.

[RoadRunner44 in reply to skischool]

So good Skischool.

[Hidden in reply to skischool]

I see it as an exciting new experience into the world of data handling. Something to embrace and enjoy, like you brilliant poem. 😃

[skischool in reply to Hidden]

Has it started talking to Alexa yet Master Po?

[majji in reply to skischool]

Nice one SirSki - your dietary refinements have sharpened your brain somewhat x

[skischool in reply to majji]

The power of chicken soup your majjistie,and of course the inspiration from a Master rhymer. xx

[majji in reply to skischool]

Would that be Baxter's or Heinz or possibly M&S Oh Mighty SirSki?

[skischool in reply to majji]

No it is something called Meritene my dear,full of nutrients and mixable with water,an inspiration from macmillans no less as a product easily swallowed and when i am feeling adventurous i mix in a Heinz cup a soup as well.

[majji in reply to skischool]

Ah so it is the real McCoy, proper food supplements - excellent news SirSki

[RoadRunner44]

I don't know how you do it Don. You write what we feel each time, Regards, chrys

[HungryHufflepuff]

I don’t like these things that listen. The only things I’ve got that listen are my phone or iPad when I accidentally activate the listeny thing. My brother has smart appliances throughout the house and is convinced the washing machine talks to the freezer.

[Hidden in reply to HungryHufflepuff]

Well they all have an off switch on then. Wait until your chocolate bar tells you how far you have to run if you eat it!

[HungryHufflepuff in reply to Hidden]

The only thing I want to hear my chocolate saying is Eat Me! 🍫

[Hidden in reply to HungryHufflepuff]

Oh I’m sure it will........followed by “now run fat bum”.😂

[HungryHufflepuff in reply to Hidden]

My chocolate would never be that rude 😯

[HungryHufflepuff in reply to Hidden]

Don either you are a genius or news just takes a whole lot longer to reach here, because I just heard on the news about (what I assume is) a proposal to put warnings on wrappers saying you'd have to run for 20 minutes to burn off the calories from this chocolate bar. 😱

[Hidden in reply to HungryHufflepuff]

Both. 😎😂

[HungryHufflepuff in reply to Hidden]

🤣

[majji in reply to HungryHufflepuff]

No HH the washing machine talks to the FBI usually

[HungryHufflepuff in reply to majji]

It does? 🤔 I must listen more closely in the future.

[majji in reply to HungryHufflepuff]

I would record its conversations - might be able to use it against D.Trump!

[SquirrelsHolt]

Well a very good afternoon to you Mr.D and I've got to burst the bubble here and say that my Utilita Smart thingy has always behaved itself.(tempting fate really aren't I). I'm not too bothered to go through all of its features but I do like the fact it's indoors,in my kitchen and I can top up using their app. Some people perhaps would prefer to read their own meters but mine used to be outside and almost at ground level so quite difficult to get to when my old knees were playing up!

Hopefully you'll get used to it or get so fed up and ask to change back! (Not even sure if you can change back?). Enjoyed your rhyme Mr.D anyway.💞

[Hidden in reply to SquirrelsHolt]

Good afternoon, SH. Well I'm hoping mine will do the same and that I will continue to pay a monthly amount by DD as in the past. I really do not need a blow by blow account.

[Inamoment]

Have you noticed the adverts have stopped claiming they will save you money which they won't. I only switch on electrical things when i need them so i don't see how i can save power to any extent.

I don't know how often they report back but the idea is to better regulate the power networks

[watergazer]

Have often wondered how they help us control our bills- if it's cold the heating needs to be on. We changed provider so now our smart meter is only there to read the meters to save going outside x

[Hidden in reply to watergazer]

That's all I want, saves me crawling under the stairs. I asked them to move it were it was easier to see and they said it would cost me a fortune.