Can't do it anymore.

[hope132]

Watched my dad almost die today.long story very late at night I have been here many times already it is messing up my head so bad,feel like I am looking in mirror with Dad,took 3 puffs inhaler yesterday anxiety fear can't do it anymore can't handle it,I know I'm not my dad but it's to the point were if I keep seeing it I will break down.i am trying hard but watching this is more then o can handle.read good stuff about people who have taken care of themselves and have barely declined for 18 years other day,how if u take care of yourself lungs Decine normally after year or so off smoking but when I see my dad it is really starting to freak me out.feel like if this keeps up I will go mad.not trying to be selfish just can't take any more

[Bingo88]

Sorry to hear things are so hard for you at present. Its the worst thing in the world watching someone you love suffering. And you feel helpless because you can t do anything to help. I was with my Dear old Nan for 6 days solid before she passed away. I was only 18. But did it through my love for her. I know how hard it is. Please be strong. You feel you can t cope. But we do somehow. You will come through this. Hope you have other family, hopefully for support and share the heartache. Please keep in touch. BRIAN

[Damon1864 Volunteer]

So sorry to hear you Are feeling that way, it must be awful. But please try to be positive it does help, we are always here for you if you need to talk, you have a good day and take care of yourself and your Dad. 😊 Bernadette xx

[Caspiana]

Hello hope132 .

I've read your posts for a while and know how worried you are about your condition. And now your dad. I'm sorry to read your dad is now coming to the end of his time here. I've been through similar with my dad as he passed after having renal failure for a year and dialysis stopped working. I have always been fearful (like you) that I too will suffer from it so I do understand.

What I want to say now may seem rather harsh. But here's the thing. Right now keep it all about your dad. Talk to him about the good times, growing up , funny episodes in his life and yours that you remember. if there are things you'd like to tell him that you haven't managed to in the past, now is the time. Even if he doesn't seem to be aware, the last sense that leaves us is our hearing. He will hear you. Hold his hand, sing to him. Do whatever gives him comfort. Tell him it's okay to relax and let go. Tell him you are all well and will be okay. Let him know he is free to start his next journey wherever that may lead him. This is his last curtain call, give him the best send off you can possibly give him. As much as possible save your tears, there is plenty of time for those after. Make it all about him now, and your mum. You must put your fear about yourself to one side for this moment. You can come back to that later.

I am thinking of you and sending you a bit of strength for the days ahead. Hospice should be keeping him as comfortable as possible. *HUG*

With love,

Cas xx 🌹

[Yatzy in reply to Caspiana]

Such helpful advice, Cas 💕 Give this way a go, hope, it will help your Dad a lot, and yourself in the memories you’re left with.. love and a hug to you both ❤️🤗 xx

[Caspiana in reply to Yatzy]

Hello Irene. Hoping you are well. xx 😊

[Yatzy in reply to Caspiana]

Maybe you mean me, Cas? I’m Penny 🌸

I’m just recovering from my second cataract operation of three days ago. All done now, I’m very pleased to say. Colours and clarity are just coming up to perfection, though still restricted by rules such as no bending, no lifting, no gardening, no dust, etc etc. It will soon pass, and nothing compared to your restrictions just now, I’m sure. The steroid eye drops, needed for three weeks, are just beginning to spoil my sleep though....always my bugbear!

Hoping you’re recovering well and beginning to feel the benefits from your much more adventurous operation. Thinking of you, Cas 🌹

Penny xx

[Caspiana in reply to Yatzy]

I'm so sorry Penny. I have what they call Prograf brain at the moment. Very foggy. 😒 I am so glad your surgery was a success. Just take it easy. I am doing well 😄 just readjusting to life slowly. xx ❤

[Bingo88 in reply to Caspiana]

Your are AMAZING Caspiana. With your advice. Brought tears to my eyes thinking of my Mom and Dads ending. You should be a Counsellor. You said things i never thought of but so important. Such a Thoughtful Lady

[Caspiana in reply to Bingo88]

Thanks Bingo88 . Nothing amazing to be honest. I've just been through this a couple of times. xx 🌼

[Rebecca6 in reply to Caspiana]

I agree totally with Bingo. You both have a way of phrasing just what I am thinking (just not as clearly-ie the thinking is not as clear!)

[garshe in reply to Caspiana]

You are such a lovely and beautiful lady Cas. Such wise Words. Hopefully Hope will read your post and be there for her Dad during his final days. I wish you a long and healthy future. Sheila x

[Caspiana in reply to garshe]

🍀🌷🌻🌿🌸😌

[Bella395]

I haven’t read your posts hope132 so don’t know your history. It’s impossible to be positive when you are in a situation like this but you can do a lot for dad just by being alongside him on his journey. From what you say it seems that you need more support from the health services, particularly if your dad is moving towards the end of life. Please ask to see the district nurse and palliative care team urgently.

[sassy59]

I totally agree with Caspiana so do try and keep everything about your dad now. He needs you to be there for him so please do that. Also you’re not your dad and can do so much better health wise.

Thinking of you. Xxxx

[K-Kilcoyne]

Caspiana is right, try to be with him, remember the good times, the fun times, talk talk talk, in the end these are the memories you will want to have when the inevitable happens.

It's hard, so hard but for your own sanity please please try.

We are with you in spirit and will be thinking of you and your father.

[MacColl]

I've always felt lucky that I got the chance to sit and talk to my dad, and tell him all the things he'd meant to me and how very much I loved him.

They were a precious few hours where I was able to put more into words than I'd thought possible.

For nine weeks that summer he slowly got worse from the stroke(s) he'd had, and in the last 11 days, we knew we'd lose him.

Just knowing that he knew how very much he was loved and appreciated for his selfless and unconditional love was a comfort.

I probably need him now more than I ever have, even though he wouldn't be able to fix it himself this time, but I still have the warmth of his love for me.

Times like this are hard, but we can do it because we love them so much.

Be strong XX

[Response]

I am so sorry to hear you are in such pain and anxiety . I know what it's like with my mum; up, then down, up, down, dread, up, down .... It's physiological (stress hormones flooding us) and emotional, traumatic even. I don't know what help I can give but I am thinking of you. As nothing bad lasts forever, I tell myself that in future when looking back, all of us in this position will be able to look back and know we did the most we could for our loved one, which will be a comfort. Then we can focus on ourselves for a bit.

I find that nature helps, surrounded by trees (even if it's just for a minute when I can get outside) to remember there is a world out there. Hope that helps.