Time is precious...

[Methusela]

My father has "end stage" Emphysema/COPD. He is 75, an ex-smoker who had a 60 a day habit, and worked in dusty, industrial environments all his working life. His initial diagnosis came around 18 months ago and in that time his health has deteriorated significantly and he has also suffered several minor strokes due to a lack of oxygen in his blood.

My father is on oxygen 18 hours per day, takes a whole cocktail of drugs and can only walk a few paces without being severely out of breath. He coughs constantly and every morning he gags and chokes with acid reflux (brought on by his lung disorder). He has lost 40% of his body weight and has no real appetite. The worst symptom however is that he has become thoroughly miserable and depressed. This is hardly surprising as it must be terrible for him to suffer in this way.

My father is resisting taking anti-depressants as he is on so many drugs already and the last time he tried the drugs made him feel even worse. It is so hard to see him suffer and to be so thoroughly depressed. I would welcome any guidance from others on a) how to alleviate any of the many symptoms that my Dad is suffering? b) persuasive arguments for the use of anti-depressants? c) how long my father may have to endure this tragic decline?

[Damon1864 Volunteer]

Hi, so sorry your father is suffering in this way, it really is a terrible disease. I don't think you can it a time limit on it,as everyone is different. All I can suggest is that you speak to his Doctor or Nurse, and give him as much love and support as you can. We are all here to help and support you any time you feel you need it. Please keep us informed of how your father is doing. Take care love Bernadette 😳 xx

[Methusela in reply to Damon1864]

Thank you for your swift reply and generous advice. The challenge that my father faces is that he has always been a hard working active man, who even in retirement (until fairly recently) was the handyman, fixer and problem solver. Regardless of his parlous state of health, his apparent lack of self worth and inability to contribute, whilst also having to rely on others to do everything for him is extremely hard for him to bear.

[mrsmummy]

You need to speak to his doctors. There are build up drinks to help with the weight loss and he should have medication to deal with the reflux as it will further damage his lungs. You could also raise the head of his bed by 6" to stop the reflux building overnight. Working on these may help with his depression. Walking those few steps may make him breathless but they are actually good for him. I certainly wouldn't try to push him to take something he does not want to take. Please be assured that 'end stage' is not an immediate death sentence. People can be in well managed 'end stage' for many years with a decent quality of life.

[Methusela in reply to mrsmummy]

Thank you for those useful suggestions. I will certainly check his sleeping position and reflux meds. The problem with taking even a few steps is that it sometimes takes my father a whole day to recover from any exertion. i wonder if he is past the stage of trying to stay active. (We are looking at a stair-lift as he often lacks the puff to come down stairs or fears he won't be able to get back to bed if he does.. Even if he has not walked at all, just moving his body about in the mobility scooter or car makes him feel extremely tired.

[mrsmummy in reply to Methusela]

A stair lift is a good idea. Giving up moving is not! It really is a case of use it or lose it and although he should not exhaust himself it is important that he keeps up some exercise unless there are medical reasons why he should not. A few steps each day to start with, trying to go a little further the following week can be the start. Ask about him seeing a pulmonary physiotherapist. They can come and assess him and give him some suitable exercises to try. He may not be able to do much but has to do something or each day he will lose a little more. There are some gentle exercises he can mainly do sitting down to get him started. Start small and do a little each day. Do them with him and give lots of encouragement.

youtube.com/watch?v=iP1q8EM...(Not working as expected?)

[SquirrelsHolt in reply to mrsmummy]

Mrs Mummy you are honestly like a Mummy w

I for one would have loved with your sensible approach to matters and words of genuine encouragement. I'm sure that Methusela and her lovely father will take on board all of your suggestions and hopefully ,gradually see a little improvement.

Items such as this,or ally show us members,if we have admin/volunteers/mods who are worth their weight in gold!

Thank you MrsMummy for always passing on advice.

[mrsmummy in reply to SquirrelsHolt]

You are making me blush!

Seriously though, that is why this forum exists, so that we can all help each other. I came here many years ago knowing nothing and was helped by others. I now try to help those newly diagnosed and I am sure they will in turn help those who come after them.

[hypercat54]

Do you know mrsmummy sometimes I even like you! xx

Arghhhhh - don't delete me as I mean it in a nice way....

[Ergendl]

This happened to my previous husband Bob who died in 2003 in his 70s of heart failure caused by severe COPD. I supported him as best I could, but in the end it was his decision to carry on smoking and I had to respect that and his other choices. Nagging did no good, so I just tried to give him as good a life as I could within our limited means and his limited health.

[Methusela in reply to Ergendl]

Thank you for sharing your experience. There are so many aspects to this horrible disorder and the decline I've witnessed in my father. I feel helpless and really want to DO something to help but it seems to be a case if watching and waiting for the inevitable.

[Ergendl in reply to Methusela]

Know that you're doing the best for him just by being there, taking time to listen to him and to hold his hand when things are not so good.