Not to sure

[MrsGeee]

Some times I'll say out loud to my husband ( I can't breath or my heart rate is 120, I feel shortness of breath. Then there is silence, he says nothing. Am I over reacting wanting him to say something back. Or is his silence normal ?

[soulsaver]

Is MoTD or 6 Nations on TV?

[Hidden]

I'd ask him. He probably just doesn't know what to say, or maybe he's a bit worried himself. Often it's panic which makes us think we can't breathe, so you could ask him to talk to you, to distract and reassure you. I always think to myself "if I'm talking, I can breathe". That might sound silly, but if I'm getting anxious it helps. Another thing I do is use my peak flow meter, which will often show I'm breathing better than I thought!

[andyrrc]

I think there are two sides to this question and I am on both sides of the equation as my wife suffers with other problems which are just as serious but not pulmonary related.

From the side of the sufferer you need emotional support and acknowledgment so even the slightest comment shows that your better half understands and this gives you a little emotional boost.

From the other side sometimes it is difficult to find words to express your feelings (especially as a man), but you need to say something no matter what it is just to show you care.

[MrsGeee in reply to andyrrc]

Thank you

[Hidden]

Hi MrsGeee

Like a bear in his cavern? That was in « Men are from Mars Women are from

Venus » years ago..made me laugh..

I mean is he a talkative sort?

How often do you say it?

He could be feeling helpless or he could have enough..I don’t know we go through all sorts of emotions..Did you ever go to the doctor’s or the hospital together? Does he know what you have and what to expect?

Living with someone sick even if you love them can be a bit of difficult, let’s be honest.

When I was caring for Dad sometimes he was crying wolf as I used to tell him.. He wanted me to call the doctor for a his dry mouth for example, I could see the doctor was getting fed up..so I said Dad if I keep on calling, the day it is really serious he won’t take it seriously..

So I would try the other reaction, not to talk about it anymore and see if he asks how are you feeling today??

Sending you love in your time of pain 💕

Fran

[Ergendl]

When I am so breathless I can't talk, my husband asks me lots of questions I can only answer with sign language. Thankfully when I'm like that at church now other people realise and give me the space to get my breathing back to normal before they expect me to speak.

[janice01]

Mines the same, think he doesn't know what to say but then very self centred and used to my breathing probs it's a bit of both...

He left me in casualty resuss 2 years ago coz he had to be at the airport flight for his golf holiday...

Neb wasn't working and needed more help...

Say no more...

[Caspiana in reply to janice01]

I wanted to say something Janice but that word is not allowed. 😡

[janice01 in reply to Caspiana]

Thanks for your understanding Caspiana! 😉

[kimmy22 in reply to janice01]

Mines the same. He just looks at me and says nothing. Many times I too hv been left in a and e or just as been admitted cos he has to go offshore. I understand if course - but then again I know he’s really worried when he cancels his flight and won’t go away. He isn’t good in hospitals tho - he can’t stand how long things take and gets really frustrated which just increases my anxiety and makes my breathing worse ! Husbands ! We know they do care really !

[Hidden in reply to janice01]

Wow...don't know what else to say😡

[Caspiana]

Hello MrsGeee .

But this is a tricky one. I try and take into account that my family has a lot to contend with because of the condition I am in. And so (very badly and unadvisably) I tend not to make many comments as to how I am feeling. If I am having trouble breathing, my feet go up and my oxygen goes on. They see it and ask me if I am okay. Which I sometimes think is a ridiculous question, because obviously, I'm not. I think they don't know what else to say or how to make me feel better. It doesn't mean they don't care, it's just they know we must wait out the bad times. Though there are many times I wish they were more hands on and practical.

I'm sorry my comments are not very helpful.

Sending best wishes.

Cas xx 🙋🐕

[janice01 in reply to Caspiana]

You'every understanding Caspiana....

I'm afraid l resent the stress making my breathing worse in a crisis...!

However this winter he has been much better, think daughter had a firm word as to how to behave with her Mother!

Been nice to feel l actually matter.... he's not good with hospitals and doesn't understand illness as he is always so well himself!

Oh how the other half live...😉

[greatauntali]

His silence is normal in my experience. I used to mention when my oxygen levels were really low but that was more for my benefit than his because there was nothing he could do about it. Nowadays he knows when I am really short of breath because I cannot speak at all and when I am coughing, it is pretty obvious that I am in distress.

Admittedly, sometimes it would be nice to have some kind of acknowledgement that they had actually heard what you said though but that applies to more than comments about health.

[UHelga]

That’s a tough one but I now know not to expect an immediate response. My husband usually shows me that he cares (and worries) through his actions. The bit I find more difficult is when my kids ask me if I’m ok. It’s always a juggle between being honest and admitting it’s not a good day and kind of brushing over it by being positive for their sake. This is still fairly new territory for me... does it get any easier?

[janice01 in reply to UHelga]

I tell my kids when they ask if ok - 'l will be in a minute (soon, next week)....

It acknowledges their noticing and concern whilst reassuring them too....

I tell the grandchildren, when l can speak, 'lm coughing for England!'

I do feel it's important to reassure but also to acknowledge their concern....

I'm always thankful for their love and care....

[UHelga in reply to janice01]

Oh I like that, that’s such a positive way to respond, thanks janice01!

[MrsGeee]

Thank you for your comments. They are helpful and appreciated .Since my last flare up in December ,I've been short of breath just walking from one room to another and I think I just panic at times.I see my doctor March 9, I'll find out then what my oxygen doing.

[janice01 in reply to MrsGeee]

I'm usually in that difficulty myself, it takes time for the lungs to heal and get back to whatever your usual is...

Sometimes it takes weeks but l notice the longer you can go without an infection/flare up, the quicker the lungs recover, so don't despair, you'll get there...

[Hidden]

He is upset. Don't no wot to say. A husband will do anything for his wife but this is out of his control my husband worried about me sooo much I gave him ibs and sometimes I can't say how I feel as I no he worries and feels angry. He asks how am I, I always say ok, but deep down he knows I'm not.

[kimmy22 in reply to Hidden]

I think you’ve hit the nail in the head - “it’s out of his control” !

A lot of partners, mine included, hears a problem and immediately needs it solved - and of course if it was that easy to fix us they would have done it long ago. X

[judydorney]

Snap!!! I say the very same words in my head, because I'm sure he thinks I'm probably making up the feelings and enjoy panic attacks that come with the loss of breath and feel the end is nigh. When I ask "don't care"? he says" there's nothing I can do."" An arm around my shoulders might help, but I think I'll be a long time waiting.

If you come up with an answer do let me know. Meanwhile you'll know you're not alone. Keep hoping. Regards Jude

[janice01 in reply to judydorney]

Yes, a kind gesture is so valued but often not available!

We understand one aother....