I have the kind of face which makes small children burst into tears...they rush to their mothers and tug her arm and hide themselves under her jumper...peeping out to see if the nasty lady has gone away yet...
There was a time when I felt quite offended actually...but now the schools have broken up for the summer holidays and small people are darting about all over the place...getting under your feet and swinging off the shopping trolley and being generally shouty and almost always obnoxious...
So I give them my special nasty lady smile and they vanish in a flash...round the corner of the aisle wailing for their Mammy...
There was a security guard in Tesco's today...the sort of bloke without a neck...you've seen them...all jangly keys and shirts stretched tightly over big tummies...he was loitering by the wines and spirits while two young oiks were picking up the bottles of horribly expensive whiskey...I was terribly tempted to smile at the little dears...it'd have frightened them much more than the hefty security bloke...
Then there are the true horrors...men in shorts.
Men in shorts wearing ordinary shoes and socks.
Very large men wearing brightly coloured shorts with sandals and white socks. They buy white wine in a box and have lengthy debates with the girl behind the cheese counter about the merits of black or green olives...they prod the pre-packed cheese with plump fingers and end up buying a nice piece of cheddar...
Exceedingly big men wearing brightly coloured shorts with a belt...the belt nestling uncomfortably somewhere around the groin...they buy expensive whiskey and talk loudly in strident Essex accents...
Large men in shorts and ordinary shoes and socks wearing a t-shirt of AC-DC who wink and leer when I push my trolley past them...their trolley is stuffed with six packs of cheap lager and special offer pizzas...
Very tall, very skinny men, who wear long baggy Khaki shorts right down to their knees...proper leather sandals, sans socks, but who haven't cut their toenails for a long, long time. And they always have hairy toes. Like Hobbit toes. They veer towards wearing t-shirts with a much faded Greenpeace logo on the front...their children are slightly grubby and haven't had their hair brushed for quite a while, but their accents would shatter glass...they have trolleys filled with economy bags of lentils and organic mushrooms...large bottles of rough cider and un-waxed lemons.
As for us...Himself had his grumpy face on, but then he was wearing a thick winter sweater...he does it on purpose once the sun comes out...I spent too much money on ice-cream and bought a new loo brush...
I dread little brat time/school holidays. One of my neighbours has assorted relatives and their spawn around, the minute the sun peeps through the clouds.
I don't mind when they play nicely, but it is the screaming toddlers I can't stand. Especially when they stand at our fence calling George. One of the women picked up a two year old and put her in our garden. I was indoors when the child wandered in. We had various dangerous things on my husband's desk. Suppose she had pulled George's tail or poked him? If he had snapped at her, what a fuss there would have been.
Regarding men in shorts, yes, there are some horrible sights. But I am happy to say my husband is one of the few men I know, who looks good in shorts, but he insists on wearing socks with his Slazenger sandals.
Know what you mean about the shouting ,screaming kids, wish they weren't allowed in supermarkets,it seems no one has any control over their offspring anymore.
I have done that and the mother of the child said " do you have a problem ". I replied yes but don't think you would understand it, then I walked away.
Brilliant vashti and so true I will never be able to go into Tesco's again without bursting out laughing x
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Just as well we live in different countries...we'd be buxxers if we went shopping together...lol
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buxxers? I would go food shopping with you anytime vashti, but never clothes shopping! I only go with fat friends so I don't get too envious at the choice my thinner friends have x
Oh so true and once again you bring the whole scene to life! Trouble is, it's not just Tesco, "people in shorts" seem to have taken over EVERYWHERE. It's almost like when we were at school - there was an actual date when we changed from winter uniform to summer uniform - and it seems to be the same for people in shorts. And don't even get me started on very big women in strappy tops....!!
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There were quite a few of those as well...big women. Holding up skimpy sun frocks from the Florence and Fred selection while I winced and shuddered...lol
Made me laugh, mind I am taking all the belts off my shorts now and have thrown away my AC/DC and Greenpeace T shirts. Keeping the sandals and socks though, my hairy toes are not a pretty sight
I am wearing shorts, white T and sandals as I write. No socks - call me Bohemian, but there you are. After PR, it's off with the T and on with the shirt for the drive home. It's just the way we roll on the IOW ! If you want to see some funny, gross get-ups, google Walmart Family. Incidentally, the grandparent of Boots. Nicely segued !
That's priceless Vashti, and so true! I too have a certain "stare" that seems to stop screaming kids in their tracks. My youngest Daughter calls it "The S*-****** stare (my surname) and said it terrified her when she was young. I cannot understand why or how these women today can just turn a deaf ear to these little harridans who think they have a right to screech at the tops of their voices for everything they want? I would have died of embarrassment if one of mine had carried on like that when they were young - but then, in those days we had an old-fashioned thing called discipline!
Love the description of the men in shorts - but there's a lot of woman as bad. The ones I like are those with great big rears and legs. They wear really tight shorts (probably because there's none made for their size) which ride up on their inner thighs, making it appear that the legs are asymmetrical -longer on the outer leg than the inner one? Usually accompanied by rolls of tummy exposed like a Michalin Man!
It's even worse in the U.S.A. There's a whole series of pic's on the internet showing the most horrific sights of people who were snapped while shopping in Walmart. Yuk!
They wear clothes that simply don't fit...then bend over and expose a grubby thong...and that's Tesco people, not the poor misguided souls from Walmart, they have to be seen to be believed...lol
Your post reminded me that my husband used to have a selection of Safari Suits....shorts and matching jacket...in the 70s. That was in Africa thank goodness not in Tesco. I think they were popular in India and Australia too....supposed to be worn with long socks. I wonder what happened to them
Hahaha! I love it! As a man, I would never show my legs in public. I value mu body too much!
Lusten, little children and msot often little girls always run to their mother and hide in their skirts ( or jeans) when they see people like me! Iy's only later on that they overcome that fear, then boy, they are so rude sometimes. U attract ... old ladies. They are the type that fancy me, they don't run anywhere because they are short of breath with emotion! Mic
Hahaha!😂 Hilarious! SO true and to think I had my first tesco home delivery today! Needs must...couldn't face another tin of tuna and I'm stranded in deepest darkest! it was so easy, I'll be doing it from now on lol!No more screaming kids and shoppers!!
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I will never be able to go into Tesco's again without bursting out laughing 
x
Need a kick start this morning. ;)
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