Do you... I was going to write' indulge' yourself...but that's not quite what I mean...or maybe it is.
When I was first diagnosed three years ago as having COPD and then last year listening as the consultant said it was stage four...knowing that no matter how much I ranted and railed and said Why me and It isn't fair...because I did you know...I was feckin furious knowing it wasn't going to go away...even more furious when then diagnosed as having iffy hips and knees through osteoporosis...I made a decision not to wait until next week or next month...
If there are bunches of gorgeous flowers on sale just inside the supermarket door... I buy some...there would have been a time when I'd have thought them a waste of money...now I need the pleasure they bring...
When I see a ready- made trifle with 'real fruit pieces' and think it'd be nice for pudding...then I put it in the trolley.
Himself would love his own camera and I keep urging him to buy one...whyever not...he'll have huge fun taking endless photos of the dogs and the donkeys...
Now I refuse point blank to feel in the least bit guilty about spending the entire afternoon out in the sunshine...not doing much...watching the Blue-tits flying back and forth to their nest or counting how many aeroplanes I see...way up in the sky ...day dreaming about the people on board, where they're going and where have they come from...
Reading endlessly...one book after another...tales of American cops fighting for justice or wallowing in the stories of Lawrence Durrell...totally absorbed in Justine or Mountolive...the heat from the markets and the cool rooms where they smoked bubble pipes in the heat of the day...where the words flow one into the other...to have you dreaming of souks and minarets' and the elusive child.
Why wait for small pleasures when the next chest infection could see me in a hospital bed wired to beeping machines...it'd be too late then to think of a jug of flowers on the table or the music I've never listened to or the books I always meant to read...
Buying six matching plates in Heaton's...the pretty ones adorned with scarlet poppies...we needed them anyway...our old Victorian plates are much cracked...
Travelling is no longer an option...making new friends is limited now to those I meet via social networking...few people understand my need to stop talking to gain some breath or that I have to be in bed by nine...and I snap if anyone says they knew a person just like me who hung by their heels from the curtain rail and was running a marathon the following week...
So I buy new books for my Kindle and wool for crocheting another blanket...a bunch of brightly coloured flowers to go in a jug on the table...
Sometimes I have a quiet weep for what might have been...not so often now. Now I try to accept the ways things are...and indulge myself every so often with a pudding I haven't had to make or flowers I couldn't have grown...or a set of pretty plates with bright scarlet poppies...
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40 Replies
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brilliant - spot on, I'll have some of that xxxxxxxxxx
Ooh dear thought you were talking about me. Books for my Kindle. Delivery drivers who just open the door and leave my parcels in the porch. No flowers but colourful clothes. Love bright colours says the girl who only ever wore black and white. I don't have copd but my pulmonary fibrosis took a downward turn in Nov and not there are seats every 3m in my house. You take care and enjoy the life you have it is not a rehearsal x
With you all the way - today I treated myself to a new scarf and some flowers to make up for being stuck indoors for nearly a month. You are much more severely affected than I am so you should have as many treats as you can.
Vashti ,You know something lass You are an inspiration to us all,Thank you.xxxxx
Hi vashti lovely post as usual. I am no way criticising you but I am curious as to why you didn't know something was wrong earlier? I know many don't get diagnosed until stage 3 or 4 and I am curious as to why. Did you go the the doctors and get dismissed eg? What made you go in the end? Or did it happen very quickly? Don't answer if you don't want to love. x
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I've had asthma since I was little...but Mother said not...lol...then I suddenly collapsed one day and was taken to hospital...that'd be three years, almost four years ago...the Doctor I saw...a lovely gentle Indian girl...said she thought it more than a simple asthma attack...the rest is history as they say
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So you just thought it was asthma vashti? Omg it must have been a hell of a shock for you when you found out what it was. Congrats on keeping your sense of humour. Your spirit is very strong.
I have had a great day - took the dog out and got chatting to loads of people then went to pub to watch my team (Man U) thrash Man City. Love it x
That made me cry
Thank you for sharing that x
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Please don't be sad Mandy...it is just the way it is xxx
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It bitter sweet thats all...i love the way you write you have such a natural talent and that really got me x x x x
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You're not alone Mandy. I've shed a tear or two as well while reading this.
Thats just why I bought 6 French blue plates in Heitons about a year ago, and they are still giving me pleasure. My latest 'indulgence' bought on Good Friday, was some oilcloth for my kitchen table, with a map of the world on it. So now the marmalade sits in the middle of Siberia and my blue strawberry mug ( from Heitons of course) sits somewhere between Japan and China, as my eye wanders round eastern Europe then northwards to Scandinavia.
Good for you,enjoy everyday the best way you can, I love flowers I never get tired of looking at them, if I say I MUST do so and so,my hubby says we don't HAVE to do anything anymore,so just relax take one day at a time. just do whatever gives you pleasure and makes you smile.
Oh Vashti , I am glad you treat yourself, you keep on being good to you and filling your life with the things you love, wish I could give you a real hug! huff xxx
hi vashti, in a similar position, with a similar out look,, [but cant put words together as good as you ] welle go on enjoying what we do, and what we see, for a long time yet,,
You have such talent Vashti, I love reading your posts. Please keep them coming.
U are so talented putting pen to paper, or finger to keyboard. I had a lump in my throat reading this as I can relate to so much in it, it was as if I was reading something I had written about myself ( or very similar , but not half as good as ur version ) bloomin brilliant writing and a pleasure however true to read.
Thank you Vashti for that...I think because I have had a few "near misses" I appreciate the small things so much more and don't feel guilty if I just sit and enjoy. Just finding good books or some bright wool gives me such a lift. And as for my I pad...my window on the world. Thank you again and enjoy your day. Breathe well.
You 'hit the nail on the head' as always Vashti - why wait for tomorrow when you
can have it today. Of course we all get a niggle of guilt, or at least I do, but that's o.k.
Oh Vashti i could have written that post, well i could if i had your way with words, the anger, but most of all the flowers, i love them. Not so sure about the books though! Xx
My sentiments exactly. Life is like a sewer....you can only get out of it, what you put into it......and also, how much easier is it going to be for those we leave behind " Well at least he lived life to the full until his last few hours.
You brighten the dullest day Vashti, even when your stories are a little poignant. I wish I lived nearer to ROI ferry port, I'd be over to have a natter in a flash. Keep 'em coming.
XX
Anyone who has you for a friend is a lucky person.
Once again, Thank you for sharing emotions of anger, fear and sadness that are so hard for me to verbalize. Diagnosed about 4 yrs ago but didn't sink in until my heart became a problem too and its still unreal even when I'm gasping for breath.
You covered those areas beautifully and with such honesty.
So grateful for this site and all those caring folks that post their battles and their victories and encouragement!!!
Great way to be vashti and why not? You make the most of every single day with flowers, trifle, cake, sunshine the works and enjoy it all. I do my crying in the shower and nobody knows except now I have just gone and told you lot!
That's ok though as I am among friends. Take care all xxxxx
Hi Vashti again, I have read and reread this post and commented before, but can you not persuade your husband to buy himself or is that Himself...a camera...it would give both you and him pleasure , especially as Summer is coming.
I think you have spoken there about a large majority of us.
My GP tells me "You just have to live with it!" My nice consultant said "I am sorry I do not have a magic pill for you", Mr Grumpy consultant that has mellowed Said "I can only help things that are working and try to balance those that are not?"
I have days I dread (shopping days) as I feel so wiped out at the end but I do get out which helps my mind. The times my wife asks me to do something that I am really not in a place to do. But find an excuse or attempt so she does not know how bad a day I am having, as I know she is worried about me
I too allow myself luxuries I might have denied years ago. Because Im old 81, and time is getting short. My weaknesses are new plants for the garden, from our local plant stall just a ten minute walk aways. Of course, then I have to plant them but so love adding to the general sweet disorder that is my garden.
collecting pieces of old or antique china is another pleasure. Nice face creams and perfume, why not? lets all be kind to ourselves, we deserve it! Love Iris x
sorry I'm replying so late .Had the virus that's been making the rounds.
I really loved your post. It was great. You surely made me think. It reminded me of the poem , if I had my life to live over. I did a post today of it , to you. I think it kind of goes with your post. We all need to do the little things that give us joy more often. You enjoy yourself all you want. You deserve it.😊
I first read Justine after I read my wife's Eng Lit thesis, which was based on her. That led to the Alex. Quartet then the Avignon Quint, but interspersed with some Gerry Durrell animal hunting, when his big brother got too heavy. What I hadn't realised was that I'd always been in a hurry to finish the book I had, to get to another. Nowadays, as my easy travelling is over, I enjoy having the time to settle in at home and re- read a lot of the previous ones again. And savour them. Job lots of 60+ books on eBay for ten quid, delivered to my door, keep feeding the appetite. Even if half get reboxed immediately and passed to the Charity shops in town, I'm still ahead.
The regrets I had about not being so mobile anymore have all but disappeared. I have been to most countries in the world on business, and didn't really look around, but enjoy reading about them now. I remember the people I had to deal with, but not many temples or grand buildings, and that's OK. Today, I compensate. Can't walk from check-in to boarding, so I take the free wheel chair. Everyone likes a $20 tip, and I beat all the queues and speed through security. The chair pusher even finds my bags on the carousel on the other side. First Class service for 20 x 2 = $40!
Went for the ECHO yesterday, as the first of many checks to see if I qualify for the LVR coils. I was finished by 1.45pm, so had the rest of the day to drive all around the Isle of Wight to see how Spring is holding up. Official result : Much improved (over February, that is) I love it when it's still daylight in the early evening!
You are so right Vashti. I believe in one day at a time like you. I never know what kind of day I will have. The diabetes has some horrible side effects. One of them is Gastropariesis which makes me sick as a parrot sometimes.
I love my kindle too. Biographies are best in my opinion. I have read three books on Princess Diana, now I am reading Prince Charles, Victim or villiain. by Penny Junor. A while back I read a biography of the Queen Mother and another book of her letters.
The Royal Family are like another species with all their rituals. Apparently Princess Diana had to call Charles Sir until they got married. Mustn't speak to the Queen, unless she speaks to you first and all the family have to curtsey to her.
I am not surprised Prince William tries so hard to protect Kate and the children from the stuffy courtiers at the Palace.
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