If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not torturing themselves?
If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
If you get cheated by the better business bureau, who do you complain to?
If you're in hell, and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
If you lived in Siberia and you wronged the Russians government, where would they send you?
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the side of the tube?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?
If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?
If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?