Do you ever feel that you have had enough and that you would like to give up, go to sleep and .................?
As some of you know, I have still to be diagnosed (when I have managed to stay off antibiotics long enough).
Just at the moment I am feeling down, really down. I am having a struggle to breathe and I am feeling very sorry for myself. I know that I have a lot to be thankful for especially after reading what some of you lovely people cope with. How on earth do you manage to be so 'upbeat'? If you can bottle it then let me know and I'll buy it from you.
So many people are worse off than I am and I feel I am an absolute whinge when I feel sorry for myself.
Peter, my husband and true love, is in bed (hopefully sleeping). He is off tomorrow on his way to Jersey for a little over a week and I will miss him. I'm hoping that tomorrow I am looking healthy so that he goes - if I don't look too good he will stay here and I will feel guilty.
I really have no right to feel sorry for myself. My good friend, Beryl, had an operation yesterday in Oxford (miles away from Mullion) for cancer. It is so unfair because she has always been a healthy eater, she exercises, walks, copes with her four grandchildren (all boys aged between eighteen months and eight years old) and has never smoked. Why on earth should she have cancer. A friend, Chris, has cancer of the pancreas - not expected to live long - he is a lovely person. Life is so unfair.
It's past midnight now and I have had a couple of drinks (I promise that I'm not drunk) - guaranteed to depress anyone!!!
Let me know how you all manage to be so positive.
Lots of love and hugs
Annec
xxxxx
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Pepsicoley
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You have every right to have a whinge because unless you hit a low, you cannot appreciate the highs
Little secret - the ones who are the bubbliest often hide the hardest stories We keep positive by having a support network and people to tell us it's all right
(((hugs))) in the meantime x
Oh, Annec, ((((((hugs)))))) we all have down days. And that's what;s so brilliant about this cosy wee site. We are allowed to have those down days, because when we are down, others on here can help to lift our spirits - btw, what was the tipple tonight - on anti-bs and very jealous - horrid chest infection!
Cancer took my lovely hubby. It strikes out, without fear or favour, and robs us of the ones we care about. But that's life. Getting through it, though, is hard. We all have our own journeys with that one, but having this crowd as cyber friends, must be seen as a boon.
How do I stay positive? Simple. Negativity breeds negativity. It's all a matter of mind-set. I prefer being positive. Okay, some day's I have to work like fury to keep upbeat. But I sleep well that night. But on the days when I am worn down with the coughing and breathlessness, I'll count my blessings on everything that's mattered to me and made me who I am ..... and my daughter and my wee dog mean the world to me, so I pick myself up, thankful for all I have, and paint a smile on my face.
We all have off days, but it horrid when you have a run on them. Take care Tomorrow is another day
Sandra x x x
• in reply to
So well written and so true, Sndra. The best advice for pepsi. Love annieseed xx
I'm usually positive - when I was told I had cancer it didn't make me feel sorry for myself - I looked upon it as just another illness. When my son told me he had cancer I really wanted to hit someone or something.
Compared to this COPD, cancer was easy peasy!!!! An operation, a month in hospital, and it was gone.
If this site did not exist then I don't know what I would do.
Peter (my husband) is sooooooooo good to me and sometimes I am absolutely horrible to him. (I find that having a whisky makes me truthful.)
I really want to heal the world (now that definitely is the whisky!!!!!).
Perhaps I should go to bed - it seems like a good idea.
Hi Annec, there are a lot of us here suffering the same copd related depression and anxiety and can empathise with how you're feeling. For you to be able to share it is pretty brave in my book, even spurred on by the whisky! Sometimes it's good to get it out and you may be feeling brighter today. I hope so. All the best, Libby. PS this forum's logo should be "We understand", because we do!
Sarurday was world whisky day so you can have as many as you like. I am sure your hubby knows you don't mean to be horrid. Have a good sleep tommorrow will be better we are all here to support you. xx
The world can wait - get your head down - paint that smile on in the morning, you will find it is infectious and we're here to sort you out in the morning
I had a look on Google and it looks like you live in Norfolk. I love Norfolk - I'm one of those people who visited Norfolk to sail on your beautiful rivers. I had some wonderful holidays in Norfolk (usually in May). Unfortunately, I'm not able now to jump on and off boats. I have, in the past, landed in the water (and have been told off by my true love!!!!!). Such happy days.
Thank you for your message. I am feeling better now and am going to go to bed (I hope I dream about my holidays in Norfolk).
I've decided that I'm a miserable cow who has a lot to be thankful for. What would I do without all these kind people.
Always remember that no matter how bad things may be, there is always someone much worse off than you...
We can feel sorry for ourselves, but that isn't doing any good as feeling miserable is a downwards spiral that takes some stopping. I go into Google and look for silly things, like TV bloopers - some good ones on Countdown, with funny letters coming out. Or, I'll have a read on here and see if I can't answer a question or two. I listen to the radio a lot, and delight in hearing a song I've not heard for ages Maybe I'll look at sorting out some obscure tracks for my radio show, I may even do something silly like the washing up.
Thank you for your post. It's Sunday now and I'm on the 'up'.
I do agree with you that having the miseries is not a good thing - I'm not miserable very often, just now and again.
I was feeling really down because I was thinking of my friend in hospital in Oxford and my friend who has not long to live. I was also thinking of my son who has not long finished his chemotherapy and is waiting now to have a scan to see if the cancer has gone so that he can have his bowel repaired.
It's my opinion that you are going tooooooo far suggesting washing up - lol.
Reading all of the messages on this blog have made me cry and made me smile too. It's a bit like 'virtual' healing.
Hi Annec - as the others have said, we all have down days, days when we think that things get just too hard (read, breathing) which leads to a feeling of surrender BUT our down days don't last and there are times when it is a joy to be alive. Its really up to us to try and make all our days Good Days. And Yes as Gordon wrote there are always people worse off than us. Chin up and stay well. Martin
Thank you for writing. My 'long face' of yesterday is a lot shorter today - I'm feeling more positive.
Thinking of my friends who are ill and being short of breath were what made me have the miseries.
I actually laughed this morning. I found one of my cats, Sparky, eating my rhubarb yoghurt which I was going to have with my breakfast. I sometimes wonder if she realises that she is a cat.
Today is the 19th May 2013,the only 19th May 2013 in your life.How you spend it is up to you.You can either be sad and miserable and loose this day, or try to make the most of it, YOUR CHOICE.
Annie, you are allowed to feel sorry for yourself! It is perfectly natural. About 12 years ago I fell down the stairs and broke my back in 3 places (it's all mended now) and was in a horrid metal brace for 3 months. Oh boy, did I feel sorry for myself! But a friend said EVERYONE is allowed once in a while and saying 'there are others a lot worse off' doesn't help at all. If you break a nail you feel sorry, if you drop a favourite cup, or have a bad cold, or lots of things, yep, it's OK to feel sorry for yourself for a while. When I had my break I said the usual "Oh, I am so lucky, I could have been paralysed or dead" which was true, but just for a while I allowed myself to feel sorry for ME. We got silly and said tried to break it down - worse for people with a terminal disease, worse for those with sick kids, we got to the nth degree and the name Stephen Hawking came up. Wow, what could be worse than that? I had recently left a 16 yr relationship with a mentally cruel man and some with decided "bob? - He's worse" and we all had a good laugh. So, yep, feel sorry for yourself, then pick yourself up, take a deep breath (if you can !!) and go on with life.
Good Luck! I am off to Devon today, first to see my daughter, then to the Manor Hotel for some R & R with friends. Lots of laughter, no whisky, but plenty of G & T and wine! Hopefully - if they do some easy walks on Dartmoor, I'll have a go.
You are so right! My Mum had a stroke, and when others told her she could have been worse, she replied "it's not a competition". Yes, she, like all of us, had a right to feel sorry for herself now and again. And then its another day, the sun is shining - Spring has sprung etc.... Hope today is better for you Annec.
You have had some really awful things in your life. I'm pleased that you came through all the pain and fear of your accident. You must be a really strong-minded person - you must have been strong to leave a cruel relationship.
I hope that your day in Devon with your daughter and friends was wonderful.
Love and hugs
Annec
xxxxx
A good cry whilst on our own can do a power of good and help brush away those dark clouds we all have from time to time. Forget the housework just decide to take care of yourself and have a day doing things you know will make you feel better. Thinking of you Joyce
Bad days come and go, and some times it does feel like more bad then good, but then as you say your read other peoples stories and life isn't so bad. At least you are in Cornwall not exiled to Devon like me.
Don't get me wrong, I like Devon and all it has to offer, but Cornwall was home and lots of friends and familiar places, it's only when you move you realise just what you had.
The one thing a really miss is sitting on the cliff top on a stormy day, just amazing to watch,
Ah well it makes visits down there more enjoyable, and it's worth the drive just for the real Cornish Pasties
I can only echo everyone else. We all have lows and they are to be expected, but a positive outlook becomes a sort of habit and soon takes over, I find.
Having just had a week from hell, partly as I have been ill, but mostly because of tensions created by my sister, I have felt a little low myself. But, I have worked events through and realised that she is someone who is mean of spirit. I am luckier than her, because I am not like that.
Think of the things that make you great and how important you are to those who love you.
Lynne xx
Hi Annec there is one of life's little gifts in what Lynne says, it's your ever loving hubby.
I have a loving caring partner too - isn't that magic knowing we are in their heart, keeping them in ours. I'm quite happy to be a sentimental fool if that is what I am but it lets me appreciate just how lucky we are to have found so many friends on this site.
We meet here and share our ups and downs Joys and fears. Right now we are all feeling for you our friend Annec.
You'll feel better soon I hope and be lifting our spirits.
you have the answer yourself.Your husband,you keep going for him as he keeps going for you,look on the positive jim
I agree with people who said it's ok to feel sorry for ourselves sometimes, I also think it's natural to feel like that when we are suffering. We don't always have to act or feel jolly or force ourselves into positive thinking.
I also don't feel comforted during my occasional self pity by thinking about how others have it even worse. That sort of makes me even sadder and in any case it is completely irrelevant.
I haven't got COPD, but I have had hormonal problems that made me ill for ages before they got sorted and I think that any long term illness is really, really tough. It is fine to admit that and have self pity.
In addition to all that, you say you haven't been diagnosed. In my experience an accurate diagnosis can help. I hope they can tell you soon.
Once you have felt sorry for yourself for a while, maybe these pent up feelings will gradually subside and the cheerful thoughts of more positive things in your life will come back and your mood will lift. Better weather is hopefully on its way and then there are other nice things you will be able to focus on again soon.
Million hugs
koala x
i feel for you, know exactly how you are feeling. Please don't despair. You are not alone in how you feel, and do not feel guilty.Yes there are lots worse off than what we are, and people suffering so badly, and we think of them and wish them well, but our feelings for ourselves are real too, and we have a right to feel down and sorry for ourselves . Stay as positive as you can, and think of all the lovely friendly people on here , they have certainly helped me. I dont post very often, but my thoughts are always there. All the best.
I hear what you are saying and sympathise. One of the hardest things in your situation is that you have not yet had a diagnosis. I struggled for years before I finally got a diagnosis (about 1 1/2 years ago). Without the diagnosis I felt a fraud, really unwell but if so ill why could they not tell me what was wrong! Other people questioned the validity of my health. Was even told by 1 person if doctors couldn't find out what was wrong with me than was obviously "all in my head"!!
Am aware that getting the diagnosis has made a huge difference to how I feel about myself and how others treat me. I accept help more easily, have equipment to make my life easier and just generally feel better about my situation. Even though a diagnosis of COPD is serious I have coped with that, far better than knowing I was really ill but not knowing why!!
Is also interesting that I have had far fewer chest infections since diagnosis - yes due to better meds but also I think due to my improved mental health (with better anti-depressants!). I also don't try to push myself too hard as much as before.
Hang in there - things can and do get better.
Alcohol can bring on the doom and gloom when things are already not right. Alcohol can exaggerate our mood in that when already depressed, it can emphasize that but when feeling ok or happy it can often increase the feeling of ok to happy and happier.
Its difficult to witness another person/s going through a serious illness like cancer, which can sometimes be terminal and other times not. The good news is they are still with us, the bad news is they are having to go through it at all. I think it helps to send positive thoughts in their direction for a full recovery.
I am wondering if you may need to have a chat with your doctor about how you are feeling at this time, perhaps ask for a referral for some counselling, its not good having to wait so long for a diagnosis and that in itself can be very worrying.
The other thing that has crossed my mind is alcohol and anti biotics. Alcohol in some cases can affect the effectiveness of antibiotics. Check out this page:
I hope today you are feeling a looking better after a good nights sleep and your husband is able to go to Jersey, my thoughts go to your friends for their healing and I hope you will be feeling better real soon too.
I winge too, I feel sorry for myself sometimes too, and then I read what other poor soles go through and I too feel ashamed and know I am lucky. I have a loving husband and that has got to be the best thing ever. You have a drink Annec if it makes you feel better, I have one or two or three at 5pm - 6pm every evening before our evening meal and it's the best hour of the day and gives me an appetite, and I'm taking ABs at the moment and ADs! I asked my GP if I could still have a drink when she prescribed ADs, and she said - "yes, why not"
Hope you are feeling happier this moning, the sun is shining here.
All of the above Pepsicoley. It may be easier for me to be upbeat as I am bringing up my beloved granddaughter who is now 8. I have to keep things as even and happy as possible but I do have very dark times especially at 4:00 in the morning when tiredness pkays a part. I too think it would give me something more to aim at if i had a proper diagnosis not the "it's serious but we don't what it is" I was given. What we do know is if people put n a smile and keep doing it, the mood does lift. I wish you good luck and good breathing. Give yourself a pat on the back for having happier moments and don't beat yourself up when you feel down. We all cope with so much more than our symptoms. Have a better day and let us know how your day has gone. Alison
You are entitled to have an off day or two Annec and you are not a whinger. I do hope you are feeling more upbeat today and that your hubby Peter (what a good name!) gets off alright and enjoys Jersey. Thinking of you and wishing you well. Take heart from all the good people on here and you will get through. xxxxxxxx
hi i know how you feel.god it dose get you down sometimes dont it.i wake up most mornings thinking shall i get up or stay in bed?.suppose we have to be strong and get up if we can..and keep push push pushing...thank goodness for this site...
I have read all the other comments from the nice people on here and they all make sense. You are obviously the object of much affection. So I thought, what can I do for dear old Pepsicoley that is different?. I considered a good slappin' but you seemed a bit down for that. So, my solution is to send you two bottles of Bobby's patent happy juice. It works wonders. You have never seen Bobby down have you?
Seriously though Annec, I'm always here for you. Anything I can do to help just let me know.
Annec, as everyone else have said we all have our moments, just remind yourself when your feeling down that this too will pass. Be extra kind to yourself today. Big hugs to you. xxx
This is to everyone who has sent me all the thoughtful messages on this blog.
I can't find the words I need to thank everyone for being so kind - but I do thank you for making me smile. (I still have to watch Gordon's video post.)
Peter went off at lunch time in the car to drive to Jersey (well, with the help of a ferryboat tomorrow!). He'll be back on 29 May which seems quite a while.
I have had a day off - I haven't done anything other than watch Mama Mia on the television. I love that film.
Three of my friends, Annie, Laraine and Jo, have arranged to come round here on Bank Holiday Monday - they are going to bring Kentucky Fried Chicken. They cannot believe that I have never had KFC, but it's true - I have never tasted KFC and I'm really looking forward to it.
I am going to have some supper later and go to bed early.
Again, thank you all for being kind.
Love and hugs
Annec
xxxxx
Lovely to hear you are looking forward to coming events and you are feeling a little better.Hope it continues but dont hesitate in letting everyone know if it doesnt. Reading everyones messages feels like being wrapped in a snuggly warm blanket. Sleep well Annec xxx Joyce.
What wonderful posts have been written to you,that is realy grand.I can't add to them!!
Have a lovely time, with your friends,enjoy life!
Love Wendells xx
What wonderful posts have been written to you,that is realy grand.I can't add to them!!
Have a lovely time, with your friends,enjoy life!
Love Wendells xx
What wonderful posts have been written to you,that is realy grand.I can't add to them!!
Have a lovely time, with your friends,enjoy life!
Love Wendells xx
What wonderful posts have been written to you,that is realy grand.I can't add to them!!
Have a lovely time, with your friends,enjoy life!
Love Wendells xx
What wonderful posts have been written to you,that is realy grand.I can't add to them!!
Have a lovely time, with your friends,enjoy life!
Love Wendells xx
What wonderful posts have been written to you,that is realy grand.I can't add to them!!
Have a lovely time, with your friends,enjoy life!
Love Wendells xx
What wonderful posts have been written to you,that is realy grand.I can't add to them!!
Have a lovely time, with your friends,enjoy life!
Love Wendells xx
What wonderful posts have been written to you,that is realy grand.I can't add to them!!
Have a lovely time, with your friends,enjoy life!
Love Wendells xx
What wonderful posts have been written to you,that is realy grand.I can't add to them!!
Have a lovely time, with your friends,enjoy life!
Love Wendells xx
What wonderful posts have been written to you,that is realy grand.I can't add to them!!
Have a lovely time, with your friends,enjoy life!
Love Wendells xx
What wonderful posts have been written to you,that is realy grand.I can't add to them!!
Have a lovely time, with your friends,enjoy life!
Love Wendells xx
What wonderful posts have been written to you,that is realy grand.I can't add to them!!
Have a lovely time, with your friends,enjoy life!
Love Wendells xx
What wonderful posts have been written to you,that is realy grand.I can't add to them!!
we all feel pissed off at times.i am at the end stage,and ud#nder the hospice nurse{lovely person}.i will not let my illness get the better of me.must go on for my lovely wife and grandchildren.i have got asbestosis,and was told 12 years ago i had 12 months left.so never give in,just acceppt you can not do what you used to,slow down and try to keep positive best wishes terrzy
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