I couldn't believe my ears yesterday when my very good friend declared crossly that the person parking in the disabled space nearby was, in her opinion, 'not disabled'!
How could she tell? We were not close enough to get sight of a blue badge if there was one and how could she know that this complete stranger did not have a hidden disability?
I was surprised at her judgemental comment as both she and I have lung and other issues that aren't quite enough to qualify for a blue badge. Mindful of this, she always parks as close as possible to the venue because walking can take us so long and leave us out of breath. Often, she drops me off and goes off to park the car as she knows my walking's not great.
Neither of us look 'disabled'! We don't wear a uniform. We don't wear a badge.
Perhaps the person who parked in the disabled bay is similarly afflicted and has just tipped the scales to qualify for the coveted blue badge.
I was mad with my friend, but it wasn't the right time to get into an argument about it.
I get really tired of hearing such comments from people who ought to know better.
Not all disabilities are visible!
Sorry, had to get that off my chest! I will pick my moment and remind her.
Meanwhile, I've wished her a Happy Christmas and left it at that.
xx Moy
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MoyB
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It can take us by surprise when our friends/family make judgemental comments like that. It’s not what we expect is it? I think you were right not to say anything and l would maybe leave things and hope it never happens again. If it does then pull her up on it. You’re a kind and caring person so I’m sure you won’t be falling out with your friend.
I do hope the person who parked in the disabled bay did have a blue badge. They don’t always.
Sometimes people use the bays who don't have a badge, and that can be annoying. However, to make such a snap judgement about a complete stranger (which they were) isn't always fair, and my friend, of all people, is someone I would have expected to be more tolerant and not to speak in such a vitriolic way. Now, I'm wondering what's going on for her that may be making her feel angry. Perhaps she's not feeling as well as she'd like to be.
You're right, Carol. It's not worth falling out over, but I'll get my point across sometime.
you should try again for a Blue Badge. Your walking difficulties are enough to qualify you for one. The problem is that the jobs worths who hand them out do a tick box exercise and do not understand those with breathing problems. Get in touch with your GP practice and get a letter of support.
I had a blue badge for three years but I didn't apply for renewal as I was so very much better. I'm generally not too bad as long as I'm on the flat and not trying to talk at the same time! My husband was annoying me a bit by parking in a disabled bay when we had no need and could have left it for someone who needed the wider access for a wheelchair. They are not always closer to an entrance - just a bit bigger!
Anyway, when I started falling over backwards, I decided to reapply - and before I had got as far as doing the photo, the falls stopped! I've now not had any vertigo since December 2019 and no spontaneous falls since March 2023.
Since starting on Azithromycin and also having an ablation for PAF, I've been so much better that I really don't think I would qualify for a badge at the moment and don't want all the hassle. My husband disagrees with me!
However, I'm in line for a large operation sometime soon, so may apply again. It would be useful to have one as sometimes people park right behind us and then I can't get my scooter back in the car without Reg having to pull out of the space.
Sometimes, I think I've just got so used to my slow walking pace that I don't feel 'disabled' any more. My friend struggles a lot more than I do, but I can't drive now, so that's why she often drops me off and goes to find the space.
You've made me think about reapplying again, though. Perhaps I will! I'll let you know if I get it!
The fact that you use a scooter means that you need a Blue Badge. The ups and downs of your health are something that we with resp conditions all go through but it doesn't mean that you.turn in your badge because you are going through a well phase. You overthink evetything to do with using the Badge. Please try again and make life easier for you and your husband.
Hi Moy. I totally understand what you mean. I have a disabled parking permit issued by the Japanese government. One cannot get it unless certified by a doctor who has to fill out paperwork. I only use it when I don't feel well or the hospital parking is so full I can't get any other space. The looks I have received for parking there could melt flesh off my face. But that's human nature for you. xx 🙁
I have managed to get through to one friend that there is no such thing as 'looking disabled' as many people are disabled by invisible conditions. She is now more careful about what she says - although I can't guarantee I've changed her thinking!
I was just so shocked by my other friend's reaction and the more I think about it, the more I'm considering that I need to be a better 'listening friend' as she does seem as though there's an angry person trying to get out at the moment. I'm sure we all get times like that when we are frustrated or upset about something.
However, I will always remind people (when appropriate) that not all disabled people use wheelchairs!
I continue to use my RADAR key for the toilets in our local shopping centre as, with a long walk to the others, I'm always afraid of gravity taking over before I get there! Lol! But when it came to the Blue Badge renewal, I felt very strongly that others needed it more than I did (at the time). After reading Swizzy's comments, I'm now reconsidering my position but, if I get one, I will only use it, like you, when there's no equivalent alternative.
I wonder if your friend feels anger towards people having the blue badge because she needs one herself, I am sure she doesn't realise how her comments have come across. Maybe in a quieter time she may be open to listen to how her criticism sounds but to be fair there are alot of people using these badges that shouldn't have them that promotes this type of thinking x
Dear Moy, you really are a caring person. Non disabled people can get hold of badges, and it is galling for we marginal people who don't quite qualify. On the whole I think there are more people who should have one and don't than cheats who use one they are not entitled to. I think you are wise not to take it up with your friend at the moment. xx
Moy, trouble over blue badges is nothing new. A few years ago I parked in the dissabled bay at Morrisons. a neighbour had complained I was not dissabled and to prove it there was no badge in the car window.
I was asked to move out of the bay, and I asked why, I was entitled - They said "no proof please leave the bay".
There was no badge that was true, because I had forgot to take it out of the pull up which I did and said to Morrisons employee "what now" - He quietly said "take more care next time" - Well I did.
Not as bad these days but there was a lot of jealosy over parking, people got annoyed when it seemed Blue Badge holders got the best spots which was untrue, in reality the difference was our Blue Badge bays where wider.
Blood boiling moment and I can fully understand your feelings, it's a fine judgement and no one knows what others are coping with. I do no look disabled either but have a blue badge and good days, bad days.I can hop out of the car quick enough going in but a wobbly mess coming out after a short shop.I am sure you will let your friend know in a subtle way. 😆❤️
I just wish people wouldn't be so judgemental. I know that there are people using badges when they shouldn't be, but to give someone the evil eye when you don't know their circumstances isn't right, is it?
In one of my earlier replies I mentioned that I'm now wondering if something else is making my friend anxious/angry/upset and perhaps it just spilled out at that moment.
I will make my point another time when we're out, if it happens again, but, meanwhile, I'll try and find out if something else is upsetting her.
Hi MoyB - I've an idea; when you have a moment, ask your friend if she can tell when looking at another's cup of tea whether it's got sugar in it. Then apply the logic! 😜
My son has a hidden disability; it is a life threatening condition. Outwardly he looks like a fit strong man but even though he's entitled to a blue badge, we decided against it as I drive him everywhere and it just didn't seem right.
You are right Moy, so many people are judgemental.
I have had a blue badge for decades with having RA and Sciatic nerve mobility problems. I need the space to be able to get out of the car safely. Its a problem these days to find any empty disabled parking space and I dont go out very often. Lets face it the people who really need disabled spaces are those who need space and help to exit their car, like those using wheelchairs. I find myself saying the same as your friend but then maybe I am envious of the fact they can then get about so easily. I can’t use walking aids because of my hands and arms so no doubt people have thought similar things about me in the past.
Hi, I fully understand your reaction. Neither of us is disabled, thankfully, and I nearly always stay clear of spaces for the disabled. There are times when I do use tham, yesterday being an example. I had dropped my wife off outside the physio`s and wanted to call at the bakers to get some bread. No more than 3 or 4 minutes. The car park outside the physio`s was as usual full, except fot about 10 empty spaces for the disabled. I parked the car, went across road to the shop and returned to find there were still 9 empty spaces. Have a good day, Chris.
You weren't stopping anyone else from parking that time. I'm not saying I would be happy to find you parking there without a badge if it was the only space.My husband gets annoyed about the high number of disabled spaces at our Asda as he thinks they cannot possibly be filled. I remind him how glad I was to get a space when I needed my blue badge and that car parks fill up at different times of the day. There are always plenty of other spaces so I'm not really sure what his beef is!
Very upsetting when people make those sort of judgements. I am, thankfully, a blue badge holder and I'm sure people sometimes wonder if I am disabled. I think we are generally pretty good at minimising the appearance of our disabilities because we try not put ourselves in the position where we are collapsing and gasping for breath in public. I don't go anywhere that isn't easily accessible these days and the badge makes getting out possible for me.
By the way, when I called my council about getting a blue badge the girl I spoke to said that I should tell them what is was like for me on my worst day. So anyone who hasn't done that might think about applying again. I am surprised at your friend though, given that you and she both have breathing problems. xx
Hello MoyB, I think on occassions the disability and blue badge regulations are confusing to none disabled. Heres another one that causes frustration I do not drive but I have a blue badge as well as being registered as disabled with the local council, I use other peoples car as a passenger but my grandaughter often gets shouted at because she is young. Blue badges can be issued for disabled children . It causes so much dispute for just a parking concession to be nearer a place or wider parking space . Many places do not allow free parking with it like in the past. I am a wheelchair user due to my lungs & arthritis but I do not always use the wheelchair. I always remember the look on the cemetary mans face when we parked in the disabled space and displayed my disc. He did come over and check. 🙂
Your friend could have felt out of sorts, not quite right, she has driven you to where you want to go, then gone off and parked, driving and parking can be very stressful. I think a little compassion would be a good thing x
I have a blue badge, which I occasionally use, as I don't go out that much. The thing I find quite funny is how people can jump to conclusions, without knowing the facts. I don't drive, but use my blue badge in my husband's car. As my husband is 10 years older than me, much to my husband's horror, people assume it is his badge and look at me, as though I'm the healthy one -anything but - you can't judge people on appearances!
I’ve had a blue badge for years & couldn’t do without it. I’d never go anywhere! Although I look well, I’ve never been challenged or had any nasty looks (not that I’ve seen, anyway). Parking is very difficult & expensive where I live. I try to leave disabled bays for much more disabled people, but we often park on double yellow lines, which is allowed provided you’re not causing an obstruction or too near a junction.
I’ve had a blue badge for years having severe spinal and joint problems, when I was younger and I could drive, the amount of abuse I got the moment I pulled into the disabled bay was disturbing, usually by older people at the time, until they seen me put my badge in the window and struggle to get out of the car.
People are judgemental, sad but true but I do think you definitely should reapply for a badge Moy, it does sound like you may need one. I use an electric wheelchair , so when we have to park in the bay’s further away, then it’s ok, but when I used my walker I knew I couldn’t do it.
I agree with you. If anyone sees me walking they think I’m ok but I’ve had seven spinal fractures. I can’t walk very far and I can’t carry anything heavy. That’s besides lung troubles I’ve got. I have more or less had it said to me though. The thing is disabilities are not always visible so people should wind their necks in and treat everybody with respect.
But Moy you should be able to get a blue badge. If you’ve got a job to walk from your car you are entitled. I know how difficult the forms are. I got age concern to help me. You should never say I can do this or that. Just tell them the facts of what you can’t do. Xxx
You are a good friend and very astute to choose the right time to mention about this matter to her. Best wishes Moy for a Happy Christmas and a happy, healthier New Year. Diane 🎄🥳
Yes you can’t always tell what a persons disability may be - sometimes people are downright rude and park in the disabled spots or parent and child spots when they shouldn’t. We’ve seen a few park up in the child spots and they haven’t got one with them and we’re looking for a space as we’ve got a grandchild with us and could do with the extra room to get him/ her out of the car.
Dear Moy, Yes! It’s one of those frustrating topics!!! Things are not always what they appear to be. I cannot drive, disabled due to mobility problems in one leg plus severe breathing problems. Whoever is my driver has always been able bodied.
I have used everything from 2 sticks to a wheeled, seated walker, to a wheelchair, depending on how good or bad things have been.
If using sticks or walker, we have often parked in a disabled space and then I have gone ahead (as I’m much slower!) either alone or perhaps with another companion, while the driver has got things organised, eg. put the disabled parking permit on display and got shopping bags out the boot if we’ve been doing shopping.
Or on an outing, I’ll need a bag with medications, water bottle, food for my special food requirements, and the subject that few like to discuss, I also need to take a bag with spare Tena pants, wipes, disposable gloves and nappy bags. It feels like you’re taking a baby or toddler out! The way your bladder and pelvic floor are affected when you have to breathe harder at times, means you either lose control of your bladder or your breathing control, and I know which one I prefer!!!
I could rant on about the difficulties in accessing disabled toilets, or often ANY suitable toilet when you have disabilities, and I strongly object to the many non disabled folk who use disabled toilets when they need more than a pee, because they’re embarrassed to use the ordinary Gents or Ladies loos! You can usually tell because they won’t look at you and scuttle off as fast as they can. Genuine folk will normally smile or say something like “All yours now.” as they come out, and often apologise for taking so long. Bless.
The person your friend saw could even have had a leaking colostomy bag and needed to get to a toilet in a hurry. Who knows!
So, my point is, the person you see coming out the car, may NOT be disabled, but their passenger IS. Person could have dropped off the Blue Badge holder earlier for any number of reasons, eg. hairdresser, and gone back to collect him or her. It’s nice to have a wee bit of independence when disabilities limit you 🤗
Maybe your friend was feeling upset about other things that day, and that tipped her viewpoint. We can all misread situations. I’m sure we’ve seen the photo test, showing an elderly lady lying on the pavement, with 3 or 4 young males bending over and reaching down. How many people think they have just assaulted her, just because they’re young, male and how they’re dressed? The next photo shows them helping her to get up and picking up her spilled shopping. Not everything is what it seems.
Leave off mentioning this hot topic for a while, as I think it would only cause an argument that neither of you would ever have wanted. Better to let it pass than upset you any more.
On that note, I will wish you and yours and everyone on the group around the world, all good wishes for the spirit of Christmas, and hope that 2025 will be kind to you all. 😇🙏🏻🕊️🌍🌎🌏🎄👼🏼🧑🏻🎄🎅🏼❤️
I always had a sticker on my car ...not all disabilities are visual! Mind now with my oxygen rucksack no one gives me a second glance getting out the car or checks if I have a disabled badge ...even though the distance I can walk remains roughly the same.
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