This friend I have (a very new friend) watched me have a asthma attack not a big one, not a problem because I take my inhaler everywhere, then she asked me what it’s like to have a asthma attack, I explained in a basic way because I was kind of embarrassed, but then she said something like, that sounds fine, just like after I run I get out of breath (I have seen her run she’s not asthmatic) I just looked at her stunned, she has no idea what having a attack feels like, I just changed the subject, but I wanted to know, what would you say to her? Reply with what you would say.
(Also thanks to the nice and helpful comments on my lasted post)
How about 'Well the difference is Asthma can kill'.
Sorry to sound so blunt but I find one of the biggest problems is that friends & some family have absolutely no idea of what you are going through..the reason being they can't see it...like a broken arm or leg! They do not realise how debilitating this disease is and I do find I too run out of patience !
Your new friend might not be the friend you need .
if you find it difficult to describe your asthma to your friend, you could share this with them and then answer any questions they have. This is a nice tool as it also advises people how they can help someone having an asthma attack.
Or you could find a YouTube video of someone explaining what an asthma attack is and what to do to help.
Over the years I've come across very kind and empathic people but sometimes someone needs to be told the difficulties of having asthma as they just don't understand the challenges. A simple description, it's like breathing through a straw and maybe worse than that if I do running or other exercise. To me an asthma attack feels like having a plastic bag over my head and all I have is a tiny hole to breath through. Dramatic I know, but it's helped some family members understand my distress during an attack.
Unfortunately a lot of people in the UK don't really understand asthma. Including some healthcare professionals! Apparently 1 in 6 people (general public) don't know it can kill you. I have to admit that when I was a child with mild asthma I didn't know much about it myself, including that you could end up in hospital etc. It was a very steep learning curve when it came back worse as an adult.
I find it feels like being squeezed tight like a snake round my chest, or like someone has put a corset on me and won't stop tightening it, or putting their hands on my lower ribs and just pushing harder and harder without stopping. I have to focus everything on breathing.
A friend said it feels like she's being forced to wear jackets that are a few sizes too small and someone keeps forcing her into another smaller one. Or I've heard it feels like being wrapped tightly in clingfilm you can't remove.
I agree with Poobah about showing a video. This one is about how to use your inhaler correctly, but it has a bit of a twist at the end to show what can happen without proper treatment. youtu.be/Ame_dNNm-XI
I'm sure there are others - this one on how to manage an asthma attack from ALUK might be useful, so she can see what it is and what can happen: asthmaandlung.org.uk/condit...
To reply to your question as to what would I say to her - ' it's like drowning, suffocating, being strangled - you can't get enough air into your lungs so it leaves you gasping for that air. Like holding your breath for too long, but you can't breathe out enough to then get another gulp. Without air in my lungs I would simply die . As would you.'
That's the dramatic version. Or you could just say 'Try holding your breath until you burst, see if you could function. '
I would not fall out with your new friend , at least she is trying to understand and you cannot blame people for something they have not encountered before, so educate, but kindly. Good luck on track. 🤞
Be chilled with your friend. I was a walk leader with my local mountaineering club before asthma hit. I led the big hills, I did the tough stuff before asthma.
I am still welcome with them all, I lead the low level easy walks, for the injured and done in.
The other members do not want to be told my asthma is nasty, it is not their issue.
This friend did ask though! And I would say it's different for a friend Vs other people you're leading in a club. It's a different relationship. And while I appreciate that a mountaineering club isn't something I have done myself, I'd want other members to at least understand what asthma is and how to help someone having an attack (you or others).
I feel like the problem here was that her friend asked and then didn't understand/was dismissive when I_love_dogs tried to explain what asthma feels like. I wouldn't dismiss her as a friend, but I would want her to understand that it isn't fine and what having asthma means, especially as she asked.
I'd tell her that everyone gets out of breath after running but asthma is different. Asthma is a serious medical condition where your airways start to close up and you can die in a very short space of time. I would then go on to explain a bit of my asthma plan to her starting with how I track my peak flow reading daily and this measures my lung capacity and gives me an idea how my asthma is. I would point out that if it goes below a certain level I know I nerf to start using my ventolin and get myself to a hospital. I would also explain exactly what happens when I have an asthma attack and how I have to increase my ventolin and how I know when I need to go to hospital. I would also then tell her how people whose asthma isn't under control and people who think they don't have asthma anymore are the ones who are most likely to die from an asthma attack. I'd then give her a story of someone you know of who had an asthma attack and died. For example, my story is my mum's friend who didn't think he had asthma anymore, went camping with another friend without having an inhaler with him, had an asthma attack and died as they couldn't get an ambulance to him in time - in the days before mobile phones. I am a little bit gobsmacked by your friend's attitude to this but it sounds as though she needs educating about it. She probably doesn't know many asthmatics that well and clearly she doesn't work in a medical or health care role!
To be fair, I_love_dogs is 18 and at school and it seems her friend is probably a similar age. Definitely old enough to learn what asthma is and how serious it is, but she perhaps hasn't really encountered it before personally. Many older people don't appreciate what asthma is fully either. Including those who do work in healthcare roles, in my experience! But I agree that now is the time to learn.
Gosh yes that's really not an appropriate answer from her. If you wanted to bring it up again, I might say something like. I wanted to explain what an asthma attack is really like because it's a really serious health condition. People can die from asthma so I am always prepared and act fast if I feel wheezy. It is frightening when your airways start to close up and it can really affect my quality of life. Maybe tell her also what you'd need her to do if you had a serious asthma attack, as allies and friends can be so helpful when they understand what you're going through and can help keep you safe. Hope that helps.
For those like me who are ancient, we remember the toll our asthma took on our schooling long before rescue inhalers, action plans, and preventive medications. My greatest champions against ignorant teachers and students (other than my parents) were friends who had helplessly stood by during physical education classes (when ignorant coaches would force me to participate in fitness trials). When I would collapse on the track, unable to breathe (or speak), they would be the ones racing to the principal's office for help. They would sneak in and visit me in hospital, cheering me up when I was still in an oxygen tent, unable to talk.
Fifty years later I still remember watching all 5-feet 3-inches of one friend taking on the top coach (a big deal in Texas), and saying he didn't need to believe in asthma to realize that waiting another 15 minutes before getting me help would be too late and I'd be dead.
Sometimes the best thing you can say to someone as ignorant as your new acquaintance is, "I hope you never learn what it's like to try to breathe through wet cement while an elephant sits on your back!"
At least yr friend asked,so u have made a good start.im sure u will have another opportunity to say" i need to stop and use my inhaler,as im struggling to breathe".whn u feel able,id thank her for staying with you+ briefly tell her its awful whn it happens as airways close+ gets hard to breathe, even iif u look ok,yr not.but,yr inhaler helps.i think thats enough.x
I don't think anyone understands really unless they have a chest debilitating illness. Its always because of something we've done like smoke, overweight not fit don't exercise enough don't eat the right diet. Its always our fault even if none of above. You just say to this so called "friend" I can die from asthma many do each day. I want your life but unfortunately these are the cards I've been dealt. I take inhalers to keep my alive I can't exercise like you I would be really poorly and hospitalised. I love my life do what I can but have limitations or get rid of this friend she has no empathy. 💖
"But you catch your breath after you run. I'm like this all the time and can't catch my breath."
I have a number of medical conditions and hear the same thing from other people who suffer from each of those conditions: people who don't have that condition really don't know or understand what it's like. They aren't stupid; they're just clueless. (I've said stupid things to people too and try to learn from my ignorance.) Friends and family want to be sympathetic, but they have no clue. I try to cut them some slack and use it as a teachable moment - your new friend might come to understand your situation and turn out to be a very supportive friend. (I'm an optimist.)
it’s hard to explain these sensations to others. It’s hard to understand for them when they didn’t experience it so they try to match your explanation to something they know. The normal breathlessness from exercise that everyone has at a certain level of cardio and the asthma shortness of breath that we get from exercise are very different and I can easily tell them apart when experiencing them but wouldn’t know how to explain the difference to someone else!
I would start with the place she understands (her experience of running). Maybe say something like this:
"Yes, it is kind of like that, but when you are breathing hard and stop running your lungs calm down all on their own. Mine sometimes feel the same way even without running and they don't calm down on their own. I have to take medication to get them to calm down. Sometimes even that doesn't work and I have to go to the hospital."
People learn best when they make small steps away from what they are already familiar with.
It is good that your friend is trying to understand. You had an asthma attack took your medication and you were then okay. The difference is without your medication it would continue to be hard to breath and you could need more medication, or possibly a visit to hospital and in some cases it can be life threatening.
Unlike her your lungs don't work as well, especially the tubes into your lungs. During an attack they become narrow and can go into spasm. This causes less air to go into lungs and then less available oxygen, so breathing increases.
She will experience an increased breathing rate after running as the body needs more oxygen to make energy. The message to breathe faster comes from her blood telling her brain it needs more oxygen. When you have an asthma attack you are getting less oxygen because you are getting less air into your lungs. Like a balloon not properly blown up. When she has been running her lungs are like a fully blown balloon, but she is just doing it faster.
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