I don't know what my real voice is.

[Mikey2829]

Hi,

I'm a 26 year old guy. I have mild asthma. I take a blue inhaler before exercise and a preventative inhaler daily. I do get wheezy and short of breath occasionally when resting, but nothing too serious. I have a problem though where my voice is always changing in pitch, strength and even accent. It's down to stress and social anxiety , but I'm wondering if there could be a physical cause as well? I read that steroid inhalers can damage vocal cords.

My voice always changes. It depends on who I speak to, or if I'm nervous. If I'm speaking to a family member or close friend, it's usually fairly deep and consistent. Sometimes it does change with family though. But with any other interaction, with a stranger, or in the office, it changes. It changes in pitch, tone and even accent it seems. A colleague once remarked that my voice changes. It's so frustrating and I don't know what to do about it. I've always been quiet and introverted, and have never really been a fan of talking a lot. I didn't speak until I was 3 or 4. Sometimes it feels physically demanding when speaking, even just for a short while. I live on my own, and with all the Corona, I have gone maybe a few days at a time without talking to anyone. I wonder if lack of use of the voice could be a factor?

This is really getting me down and affecting my confidence. I'm too afraid to speak in groups or meetings at work because it feels like I have to really force it for anything to come out. I'm afraid it would go high, which it has before. I think people are aware that my voice changes, and that makes me afraid to speak. It's embarassing. I've read advice on how to project your voice from the diaphraghm, opening mouth more rounded etc, but it just feels so forced. It's exasperating how something as simple as speaking is such an ordeal for me.

There are times where I have been more relaxed and have spoken more naturally and consistently, on the phone to a customer agent, or in a shop. But sometimes in a shop, my voice is so tense and croaky, and the words hardly come out. Even if my voice is consistent, it feels like I have different consistent voices, in terms of tone and accent. I was born in the north to a northern family,but grew up down south, so I've always had a neutral nothing accent. It also gets to me that I don't identify with a place and have a proper English accent.

My voice is also deeper and more consistent when I'm drunk or tipsy, lower inhibitions, so I'm thinking it must be the stress and anxiety. But I also do have mild asthma and I'm thinking it could be a physical issue. It always is such a strain if I have to project my voice or speak to someone who is a bit further away. My diet isn't great, maybe it could be down to that.

This has only been an issue the last year or so. I always used to think my voice sounded too high when it reality it isn't really. I think worrying about that has made me alter it. I can also do impressions and other accents for a laugh, and I speak a few other European languages. I wonder if this could also be a factor as to not knowing what my real voice is.

I'm just so exasperated, I don't know what to do. I will try the doctor, maybe I need something for stress. I hate speaking in groups of more than three people. I can't even speak to someone in the office because I'm so self-conscious of other people hearing me. It's not really people that make me anxious, but more just the anxiety about my voice.

Any advice would be really appreciated thanks, sorry it was a long post!

[Meliko]

Hi Mikey,

It sounds like there are quite a lot of different things going on. Why don't you ask your GP for a referral to a Speech and Language Therapist, specifically a Voice Specialist? They'll be able to talk to you about breathing techniques, relaxing your throat, possible effects of steroids/alcohol/stress on the voice, ways to deal with that, and if necessary refer you on for further investigation.

[AirIsUnderrated]

Hi Mikey!

I’m no expert but I did study linguistics and I used to sing. Empaths will instinctively copy the person they are talking to. So, if your companion has a deep voice, your voice could deepen to match, or you might take on their accent, or match their volume level. I do it myself, and I used to worry that people might think I was mocking them when I had no intention of that at all.

But do you know what? People don’t. If they notice anything at all, it is only that you have “no accent” because to everybody, their own accent is “no accent” and anyone different is the one with the accent. So don’t worry about that! The people you speak with probably feel more comfortable with you than you realise.

The inhalers can absolutely change the voice. I was a singer until lockdown closed down my choir and I got the virus that has triggered my asthma. After starting the inhalers, particularly the steroid ones, I have lost whole ranges of my singing voice and my speaking voice sounds quite different to me. That is logical as it acts on all mucous membranes that it touches, and the vocal chords are on the way to the lungs.

I have no solution to that. I’m more concerned about breathing comfortably than singing at the moment, but I will get back to my vocal exercises properly soon. If it never comes back then I will have lost a massive part of my life, but breathing is a lot more important.

Does any of that help you at all?

[Troilus]

Hi Mikey. I think the first thing is try not to worry about it too much. When you get anxious, your throat can tighten and this can affect your voice.

I had a similar kind of thing, in that I was a blusher. I used to worry, that because I blushed, people would think I was lying. Then I would get anxious and would start thinking I hope I don’t blush, and the more I willed myself not to blush, the more it happened!

Maybe a similar thing is happening to you? You start a conversation, start worrying your voice might change and the anxiety makes it happen?

I think the thing here is, we are far more conscious of these things than others are. Most people couldn’t care less if your voice is higher or lower or changes pitch. I once mentioned to a colleague that I was a blusher and I hated it. She said she’d never noticed, which surprised me, because it happened in every staff meeting.

Another thing that comes to mind, is that you say you sometimes wheeze and occasionally get breathless at rest. It could be that it is your asthma that is causing the changes, variable airflow when you speak, or having to use more effort, forcing your voice out, if you like.

It might be an idea to book a review with your asthma nurse and mention your wheeze.

Final point. Neutral accent. I’d love one! I’ll swap if you like!

[Hidden]

Hi Mikey,

Stressful situations can make many of us have a voice change, it would physiologically make sense I guess.

I know I have to drink lots of water before a presentation because my voice will alter so much.

I also have a distinctive voice, it’s been commented on, so so many times in my life, it’s something I am aware of and something I still at times get self conscious of it because it’s difference is freely commented on by others! Some like it, others don’t.

Over the years my Asthma has gotten worse, and now despite precautions I have a typical Asthma rasp.

You are correct taking steroid inhalers longterm can affect the vocal chords.

I guess what I am trying to say is, our voices do change due to how we are feeling, illnesses that affect our vocal chords, yep alcohol and for me the weather, so many outside influences.

Feeling nervous, happy, upset, playful, all these things create change to how we project ourselves and use our vocal chords.

We also all speak but we such differences, some more distinct than others. I have learnt over many decades, to now accept my voice. Try to disregard negative comments from others Mikey, they serve you no good. Be comfortable with the voice you have and you will find your true voice.

Good luck mate.

[Mikey2829]

Thanks for your help guys! Much appreciated!