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What is wrong with me? Losing the will to live!

1991leedsunited profile image
12 Replies

Hi guys,

Writing this as I’m having a really tough time of it lately and am getting to the end of my tether.

I’ve had asthma all my life, and as a child and in my teens it was severe. My childhood was basically spent in and out of hospital.

I’m now 28 and for the past 15 years have had what I’d say is controlled asthma. I knew I had it but daily preventer (2x symbicort morning and night) and bricanyl couple of times a week kept it in check. I know it’s bad and I wish I could stop but I’ve smoked now for 9 years and it hasn’t triggered my asthma (I went through a tough few years early 20’s, picked up the habit and went off the rails a little). Also smoke cannabis and this has helped with anxiety all my life. Again judge all you want but I’m just being honest and painting the full picture.

In January I had my asthma checkup and was swapped from symbicort to fostair and told if it doesn’t work as well to come back. So I went back to GP end of Feb and was moved onto Relvar and swapped from Bricanyl to ventolin/salamol.

Start of April my asthma’s got really bad and has been completely uncontrolled since. Due to COVID fears I spent 4 days in bed on nebs when I probably should have gone to a&e. Don’t even know if I actually had COVID as my temp did touch 38 at times.

I’ve tried a new fostair 400 inhaler which helps to an extent but makes me so jittery. And it’s aerosol. I’m still taking blue inhaler several times a day. Back on the powdered Bricanyl now which I think has helped but I still don’t feel 100%. Back to how I felt before April. I’m beginning to forget what normal feels like! 5 day course of pred didn’t make much difference either.

If I could describe what I feel like it’s as if my lungs have shrunk and they’re at 70% instead of 100%. Like there’s a constant low level chest tightness. keep thinking back to when I was on symbicort and how issue free I was. My life’s completely changed and I just can’t do anything without experiencing tightness. Works been affected and it’s really starting to have a knock on effect. Smoking seems to trigger things now as well when before it never has which doesn’t help either.

Now the spanner - My peak flow has been steady at 500 for the last 5 weeks (didn’t have one before then unfortunately) and some days when my chest feels tight I’ll still manage to blow 500. Is 500 even good?!

One of the GP’s thinks its anxiety and have been on citalpram for 2 months also which doesn’t do much to be honest. Granted it has been a very stressful period but can anxiety really do this? Why would my inhaler give me some sort of relief if it was? Would going back onto Symbicort help? My Gp doesn’t seem to think so.

Sorry for the essay guys but I needed to get it out! And breathe 😂

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1991leedsunited
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12 Replies
twinkly29 profile image
twinkly29

Hi,

Sorry you've been struggling. It's quite possible that you did have covid although no-one can say for sure and even an antibody test might not be reliable as negative for antibodies doesn't mean you didn't have it.

Regarding peak flow, it's very personal. Although one can find their expected level (relative to age and height) online, it may be that your normal/best don't correlate with that. It's difficult as you didn't know it before, but this post explains it all really well:

healthunlocked.com/asthmauk...

Why did they change you from Symbicort? I'm on that and Bricanyl and find the dry powder inhalers better for me but of course but the symbicort wasn't working any more and other stuff isn't available in that format it's a bit tricky.

madonbrew profile image
madonbrew

Hi, sorry you are struggling so much. Like twinkly29 .I was wondering why they changed you from symbicort if you were doing ok with it. May well be asking if they can put you back on it or at least ask what was their reason for changing it & just explain how how it used to b fine but now all these things aren’t. And also like you said, generally an inhaler wouldn’t improve anxiety. I’d see if you can have a proper chat with a gp....maybe a different one and see what their opinion is. Different doctors work quite differently sometimes.

Take care!

Dx

Hello. That sounds tough and like it is affecting your ability to do normal day to day things. A couple of things came to mind for me. As echoed in other replies I was wondering why your GP changed your inhalers in the first place and also why they won’t return you to previous meds if you were stable on those?

Have you an asthma nurse at your GP as I find that my asthma nurse is somewhat better for advice and understanding what is going on rather than any of the GPS I have seen at my surgery. If so it might be worth speaking with them for a review and a sort out. I have had issues with being on steroids, coming off them and they feel like they have had little impact however the asthma nurse was much better able to identify that the drop in increased steroids was too rapid.

I hope that you are also being monitored on commencing the citalopram as again your dosage may need reviewing or you may benefit from switching to different meds. GPS can vary with how closely they monitor the commencement of these meds. I was Wondering as well if you have been offered any talking therapy for management as well - this is not everyone’s thing I appreciate this may be the case.

It may be worth keeping a log of what is happening physically so that when you next consult with your GP you have a really clear chronology of what is happening and when. It might also help to identify any triggers or patterns in it as well.

I hope you get some resolution soon and that things improve for you. Have you mentioned the episode on the news and the high temp to the GP so that they can factor in the possibility of you being post COVID?

peege profile image
peege

Hi, just to commiserate, it sounds dreadful. There is a quit site here where you'd find support to at least help with the tobacco addiction.

At a guess I'd say your previous good health has been overcome by not just the smoking but changes as we age re asthma. In a way you have a chance to make changes to your life while you're young. Imagine 10, 20, 30 40 years in the future. I think usually these changes happen later in life, for instance I was in my 50's when the downturn my asthma control happened - resulting in years of I'll health, lung damage and bronchiectasis on top of the asthma.

Could you ring the help line fof advice? You do need some support with changes - not to mention proper care from medics. Do take care of your precious self

ChrissieMons profile image
ChrissieMons

I wonder if you need to take control of your life yourself in some way. You’re taking stuff to make you feel happier, but none of it is really working. Have you thought about a talking therapy of some kind? I have no idea what might help, but perhaps if you were proactive you might feel more positive and a bit better. Of course you need to be on the right preventers as well. You might need to discuss it with your GP or asthma nurse first. Good luck!

Lysistrata profile image
LysistrataAdministratorCommunity Ambassador

Hi, this does sound tricky! As others have said I would keep asking about the Symbicort - unfortunately the decision about inhalers is sometimes cost-related, but you need the inhaler that actually works for you!

Have you seen the same GP every time? They don't seem massively helpful on the asthma side tbh. You may well have anxiety, but that doesn't mean you don't also have asthma problems and need to adjust treatment there, and it would definitely help if you can try to get a treatment combination that works. Could you try another GP in the practice (not the ones you've tried already)?

I was unsure if you were started on the citalopram for actual anxiety or because of the symptoms you describe, which may be related to asthma? I'm no medical expert and think these meds definitely have their place, but it seems a bit odd to me to start a med designed for anxiety/depression without really looking into whether that's the actual main problem instead of whether it could be the asthma.

Not judging and am sure you know/have heard it but the smoking probably isn't helping - worth asking for help with quitting, if you're ready for that? I feel like smoking anything might not be helping lungs at the moment.

Re the peak flow, I won't cover that again as Twinkly29 has pointed to Emma's excellent post -but it definitely is personal and has all sorts of factors.

Hope this helps - I'm just thinking out loud! The AUK nurses might be able to help too.

EmmaF91 profile image
EmmaF91Community Ambassador

Hi

I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling so much atm.

It sounds like it may be worth asking to return to symbicort and if they say no ask their reasoning. Also jitters and shakes are common side effects from Fostair. Sometimes it calms sometimes it doesn’t, but if you’ve found you get on better with powdered inhalers you can ask for DPI versions as well.

Equally as you’re saying you didn’t seek help when you got bad in April, did you get a course of prednisolone to help calm things (after the 5 day course which sometimes isn’t enough!), and did you inform your GP at the time (if even afterwards) that you used home nebs (there’s a reason they don’t like asthmatics having nebs at home unless it’s guided by a spec hosp 😅).

If you did catch a virus (COVID or another) and that’s what triggered the issue you may be in a post viral state (which can take a while to get over). And if you have no pre-symbicort PF then the 500 may not actually be your best, which may explain why you’re still feeling like you’re struggling (some blokes around our age can get 800 on their PF so 500 would be 60%... as you don’t know for certain 500 is your best it’s hard to say if it’s a good number for you or not... tho it may be worth finding your predicted... but my best is 143% my predicted so...)

Anxiety can have an effect but here is a post of mine that helps to differentiate asthma from anxiety which may help you work out what you think is going on ( healthunlocked.com/asthmauk... ). However typically anxiety isn’t relieved by asthma medications so... 😅

I know you know that smoking (of both kinds) won’t help your asthma control long term, so it may be worth trying to stop if you can or trying alternatives (patches etc) to give your lungs a break but I’ll leave it there. You’re my age so I’m going to assume you know the long term side effects of both 😅

I’d also suggest you give the AUK helpline nurses a call. They are great and can be reached on 0300 2225800 M-F 9-5. Alternatively their WhatsApp service is 07378 606728.

Hope this helps and you feel better soon

Jock-salmon profile image
Jock-salmon

Hi.

It sounds like a number of things together have a huge effect on you, physically, socially and mentally.

I had asthma as a child and it recurred 3 years ago after a severe virus and pneumonia. I am 60 years old.

I am a mental health nurse. I have observed a lot of people using cannabis over long periods of time experience insomnia, social withdrawal, low mood/motivation, anxiety, paranoia, depression and even psychosis.

These effects can persist for many months after stopping, depending on frequency / amount / type of cannabis smoked.

Personally, I had a period of habitual use in my teens and stopped when about 24. I was not aware at the time how it had been affecting me until many months after I stopped. From experience, both personal and professional, stopping can be difficult, with relapses, but if a person is certain they usually manage.

Having said that, I know people who smoke occassionally and have done so all their adult lives, with little or no ill-effect. I even know some people who are certain small amounts of cannabis help them control their asthma. Whether this is as a result of reducing anxiety, I do not know.

I know many people who started using cannabis to help them with anxiety. I have met many patients for whom this approach was not successful. However, I do not know how many people were not admitted to an acute mental health ward who have employed this approach successfully.

The social isolation as a result of Covid, in itself, has had a very negative impact on mental health. Being isolated for long periods is generally not good for us as we are basically social animals who crave the company of others.

There are many resources on-line to help with this and also for more advice / support with issues relating to cannabis use and how it can affect us. I have used these professionally and supported friends and family to use them, Google is a good starting point.

Carus profile image
Carus

Hi, I got asthma later in my life (40) but had smoked on and off (mostly on) since 17 when I went through a rough patch. If you're considering quitting here's a coupe of things that might help.

Even though I knew I had to quit for my health , knowing something and actually feeling the knowledge is different. One day I looked at the cigarette and asked myself whether I loved it more than myself. That was a good start to 'feeling' the reason the quit.

A couple of tricks I used when I really quit for good were to:

1. take a really deep breath like I was smoking. A couple of those breaths and I felt like I could keep going with out a cigarette.

2. tell myself I could have one tomorrow. Since tomorrow never comes (it's always today) it was a good mind game.

3. Find ways to keep my hands and mind occupied whenI was having a "I'll just have one" moment.

And I told myself I could start smoking again in 20 years if I still wanted. It's been years since I've had another and I don't think I'll ever go back.

Good luck and I hope you can quit!

PabloSmith profile image
PabloSmith

Hi mate,

I have long term anxiety since a bad asthma attack and it sucks ass. I get the same symptoms as you and when I take a hit on my ventolin it eases. I’ve come to the realisation I’m using my spray when I don’t need to, the majority of the time it’s muscle tension in my chest making it feel like my asthma is on the rise. Basically I Use spray-forget about the tension-feeling goes., sound familiar? The better long term but more difficult way to deal with this is when the feelings start try to acknowledge them without worrying and just experience it, if you can do this it will probably ease with 10 mins without meds. Sounds like utter crap but it’s true. I realised it was anxiety because I could run 5k on the treadmill whilst thinking I was dying 2 mins earlier lol. I won’t be doing that if I’m having a genuine attack 💀.

Don’t rule out anxiety it’s a devious bugger, good luck 👍

hilary39 profile image
hilary39

Hey there, I empathize! My asthma is uncontrolled right now and I am soooo miserable and really struggling.

My asthma worsened significantly when I turned 29. I wonder if there is something about that age that triggers changes in the lungs.

I agree with other commenters who are wondering whether you can get put back on symbicort since it sounds like that was working for you. Also I agree it would be ideal to quit smoking if you can. Even if you feel like it doesn't trigger your asthma, it weakens your lungs and if you have asthma you need the strongest lungs you can have!

Do you have allergies? Has anything changed in your home or work environment?

Mijmijkey74 profile image
Mijmijkey74 in reply tohilary39

Yes your post is now old, but I agree about that age thing. I was 29 pregnant and gave birthday just a few days after turning 30, day after I got out of hospital I had a my first big asthma attack. I'd always had extremely severe allergies to sprays/pollens/moulds/animals and always got really horrendous extremely painful and draining chest infections but no diagnosis of asthma despite me regularly in childhood/young adulthood feeling as if I was being smothered and regularly felt unable to get enough air into my lungs am I chest particularly in childhood was extremely weezy but no diagnosis of asthma for many Doctor or GP. Only those few days after the birth of my child came the diagnosis of mild asthma and inhalers were provided. Though I really didn't suffer or struggle with my diagnosed asthma much at all after the asthma attack after the birth of my child and lived abroad without inhalers without any problems. It was my return to the UK to live again 3 years later that saw my asthma and health in general spiral again and saw me under asthma care somewhat with asthma nurse at gp surgery until 2017 feel really ill and had a critical massive asthma attack in jan 2018 that left me flghting for my life in a induced coma not expected to survive. I'm to stubborn to die 😂 and yep as you have guessed I did survive, I'm not a ghost writer. 👻 😂

That coma left me with severe asthma which they deemed brittle and a few years later after loads of respiratory tests and chest x-rays, bloodtests and different inhaler trails I was told Eosinophilic asthmatic and injections started in 2022 I think of fasenra. During that time since being woken out of my coma abruptly I have been told I most probably had asthma as a child, had always had it and lt was a puzzle as to why it wasn't picked up on due to the severity of the unhospitalised chest infections I had and how so frequently poorly at home off school I was. My mother would take me to the doctors for the banana/raspberry flavoured antibiotic cough medicine but neither parent took me to hospital when I was so visibly poorly in bed in so much pain breathing and truly in need of urgent respiratory hospital medical treatment. They simply refused to believe I was so desperately poorly feeling inside myself as if I were golng to die. It was that antibiotic cough medicine and as I grew older buttercup cough syrup and no vists to the doctor/gp surgery anymore. I was left in bed with a feeling of scolding and being a liar about being ill at all. The hospital was less than 15 minutes drive from our house. The doctors/gp surgery was further away. Anyway I was told that because so many asthma/severe chest infection flare ups had not been properly treated with hospital respiratory care that my lungs were very damaged and carrying/birthing my child obviously put additional stress on my lungs. The countries abroad I had been living in didn't have what sets me off here and the much warmer weather was beneficial respiratory wise for my body and kept those horrendous chest infections from becoming serious requiring hospital treatment. Moving back to the UK set it all off again and I unfortunately couldn't leave the UK. The UK kills my health in every single way possible negatively and I'm stuck here now. Thankfully these fasenra injections now keep those horrendous asthma/chest infection flare ups at bay keeping me as an adult out of hospital as frequently as I was in it from 2018 -21/22? I am certain if I stopped the injections that my health again would rapidly plummet.

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