Hi,
I am a brittle asthmatic and having this means I am poorly a lot and life is really up and down. It’s difficult for my family especially my husband and he hasn’t recently told me that he is fed up of me being ill and it taking over our lives and he doesn’t want to hear about it anymore.
He is a great husband I think he has just had enough which I totally understand.
Any ideas of what may help ? Thanks
It’s very hard in family but I remind mine that I hate being like it, I tend not tell people when I struggle cos I don’t want to feel a nuisance. Have tried counselling it could help talking to a third party
I’m so sorry. I know I worry about the effect on my family, You mustn’t feel guilty though, it’s a very unproductive emotion. I hope your husband was just having a bad day, as not wanting to hear about it anymore in such an absolute way is going to make you feel quite isolated, and it’s not very supportive if you feel silenced in that way. It’s good therefore that the forum exists so you can feel amongst people who understand. Shellc’s suggestion that you talk to a third party is good, a counsellor is good because you can talk about guilt and asthma issues with family as well.
A big hug, we’re here for you. Xxx
Thank you so much for your reply Autumhedgerow, I really appreciate it. I think as it’s to be expected he was having a bad day and he does get really frustrated for me and about my illness, he is normally great just sometimes things get a bit too much don’t they !
Forums like this make so much difference thank you for the support x
Ask your go to refer you for counselling. Or , if you’re able to work, some employers can do it. You can’t help being ill. I’ve got stage 4 asthma. I know how hard it is when you’re ill. Perhaps talking about it might help.
Hi there
I’m sorry that you are feeling so poorly. I have eosinophilic asthma and was always really poorly on permanent steroids and a load of drugs. I have a fab consultant who put me forward for mepolizumab injections and after two years I got them. I’ve been on them since November and I can’t tell tell you what a difference they have made to my life I feel so good. I was much the same as you with my husband and family and totally get how you feel. I agree that counseling may be an option but just To say that there are other options out there which may sort out your asthma and give you a better quality of life. Hope you feel better very soon x
It is hard for you and your husband. You could maybe choose a day when you both have time to ask him if you can sit down together to talk about how you can better manage your health. Remember that for both of you it is about creating space to be heard, and acknowledged. It is no one's fault that you have brittle asthma but it is important for you to get the support you need and for your husband not to feel overwhelmed. This may mean getting additional help where you can. Think about what you need most. Are you looking for practical help from him or emotional support of both? List what is most important to you. Stick with two or three of the most important. He might do the same - depends if he is the sort of man who is fine about talking in this way.
It is important that you needs are met but it can be from other sources. When I have been severely ill I have found the best support is writing my feelings and frustrations down, finding encouraging words to remind myself of all that is good. Alternatively a self help group where others know how you feel and understand.
Try to find things to do that are supportive of your husband and acknowledge the things he does that you love about him. Remember it can be helpful to give clear requests rather than moan. So simply asking "Can I have a hug?" will often result in a positive action rather than just saying "I feel so horrible and weepy an life is hard" especially if it is at the end of a hard day at work for him!
Remember too if you start feeling really down and depressed you can call helplines like the Samaritans, or speak to your GP about it. Sometimes there are local support groups for people struggling.
Most of us have days when we have just had enough whether the person who is ill or the supportive partner and family. You could also speak to someone on the Asthma Helpline to talk to them about how you can manage day to day. Good luck and hope that you find your way through this stressful patch.
Strongmouse thank you so much for taking the time to respond I really appreciate it. I have taken your advice onboard and we have discussed some of what you suggested and it has helped. We have looked at support for him and discussed what would be helpful for me.
Asthma uk is always an amazing source of support.
Thank you so much again x
It’s a difficult one to balance as I think sometimes, as with any illness/health condition, people don’t truly appreciate what it’s like unless they experience it themselves.
Repeated attacks can take a toll on you mentally, I’m finding the same at the moment too. I would suggest what the others have said, see if your GP can refer you for some counselling and maybe sit down with your husband and try to talk things through and maybe you can both come up with a list of things you can do that won’t leave you drained or at risk of an attack when you’re going through a bad patch.
You’ve always got us on here too to talk to. Xxx
Rd23 thank you it certainly does take its toll. I really appreciate everyone taking the time to reply it’s really helped x
Zstar, darling, in all honesty, try and get your lovely husband to get it in his head that you're not ill because of your own free will. Not being able to breathe is tough enough on its own, he can't be "fed up" with a condition you didn't choose to have. Having said all that, I would also like to point out the stress his attitude is putting on you is almost certainly affecting your asthma negatively as well. Hope he understands. Cheers.
-D
I so agree with that!
Newbie who needs advice!
Not sure who to believe at this point.
Anybody who don’t usually wheeze ?
