Feeling Understood

[Pistaccia]

Hello everyone, I just discovered this forum - I am from Austria and have never met or connected with anyone who had PPP. I had PPP in Autumn 2022, and a postpsychotic depression too and for very few months now, and with the help of my therapist and medication, I am now finally slowly feeling myself again. Reading through all your comments and how your are all supporting each other makes me really emotional. It feels so encouraging to read, that so many of us have been through SO much and are still here, still fighting and caring so well for our children. It is also soo impressive to see how many of you are still involved with the topic and supportive to others, eventhough the disease is decades ago... I wonder for how long the topic will follow me too and influence my life, like it does these days.

I wish I would have found the forum sooner - or met a group of mothers who understood what my family and I have been through.

Anyhow, I just wanted to say thank you! For sharing all your stories, concerns and experiences and for providing so much support. It really gives me the feeling of being less alone with this super-intense and traumatic experience.

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Hello Pistaccia,

thank you for sharing your story and so pleased you are recovering well.

I live in the UK, and have had PPP in 2010, but from mainland EU.

I have felt intense loneliness for many years until I found APP via an author, who wrote about her lived experiences. In 2016 I finally knew that I am not on my own and some wonderful ladies on this forum gave me immense hope including one to one support.

I did not sleep much for nearly 8 years and evolved into a night artist ... I learnt so much from these wonderful women on this site and am forever grateful.

If you'd like to connect with me, I can send you a message. I believe we have the same mother tongue.

Take good care of yourself, all in stepping stones and avoiding stressors is very helpful. So pleased you are having a good support network.

Sending you a virtual hug.

[Pistaccia in reply to Pikorua]

Hi Pikorua,Thank you for your kind message!

Wow, not sleeping properly for eight years!? How is that even possible? I am sleep deprived for 18 months now with a very active toddler and that is already way too long - can't imagine finding energy to turn that into something "productive" like art! Impressive.

I would love to know which author you came across writing about PP?

And of course,please send me a message. Would love to hear more about your experiences.

[Pikorua Volunteer in reply to Pistaccia]

Excellent, will write this week sometimes. Even teenagers still keep you very busy

[MotherOfBears in reply to Pistaccia]

I can’t think of all the other books that talk about PPP (there are a few), but Inferno by Catherine Cho is a great book. She had psychosis after the birth of her first son.

[HelenMW Volunteer]

Hello Pistaccia, it is so uplifting to read your post and the comfort you have found connecting with others who absolutely understand what you and your family have been through.

So good to hear that you have had good help and are beginning to feel better.

My episode was 35 years ago and there was nothing like this forum to share ideas, thoughts and experiences . It is a privilege to be able to connect in the way that we do.

Thank you for your post and every good wish for your continued good health. Helen x

[Pistaccia in reply to HelenMW]

Thank you Helen!

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Pistaccia

Welcome to this brilliant band of mothers! So happy you found the forum and feel encouraged on your journey of recovery. If you have read any of my ramblings here you will see that I had PP twice decades ago.

By the time I found the forum years later I had recovered but carried unfounded guilt and shame as there was such stigma way back when. By good fortune I came across a research article in the local press from APP. After making contact and meeting a wonderful team my diagnosis was confirmed and I was overwhelmed after so many years walking in the shadows.

From all the support I received on the forum I realised that when PP hit at 23 and 29 I had no choice and was not in control. Such a relief .... and all these years later I’m privileged to ‘talk’ here to mothers, their families and friends as mental health was not spoken about openly for fear I would be judged.

I wonder if you found APP and the forum via Postpartum Support International postpartum.net as they have a co-ordinator and support which might be local to you in Austria? We are always here for you too 😊

Thank you so much for writing. My rebuke to PP is “I’m still standing” by Elton John. We all went that extra mile for our children and are blessed to be among the kindness and caring of strangers here.

Keep shining 🌻

[Pistaccia in reply to Lilybeth]

Hi Lilybeth, wow, thank you for sharing. That sounds really scary, to cope with PP by yourself or at least without a diagnosis at the right time. Glad that you are still standing and found this group of women here.

I am just "lucky" I could spent my PP in a MBU here in Austria, but that was still almost more than I could take.

No, I did not find any co-ordinator of APP here in Austria but somwhow theough browsing through various sources online.

There is very limited information about the disease here in Austria, and no charity or support group for women with PP (making me consider to be the one to found it...)

Best wishes to you!

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Pistaccia]

Hi Pistaccia

Thank you for taking time out to reply. It was very scary not knowing what was happening to me although I must admit I was on another planet most of the time after being sectioned. PP is a very traumatic experience as you know.

MBUs are so important for mum and baby to be together but I understand that recovery is not easy even with specialist care. There were no MBUs for me to go to so I went to different mixed general psychiatric units, sadly without my first son fox six months, as there were no mum and baby facilities. Similarly with my second son six years later.

Do yo think you might visit the PSI site at postpartum.net to connect with a co-ordinator? On the page you can select ‘Get Help’ and then scroll down to “Connect with a PSI Co-ordinator’. Select ‘International’ and your home country, press ‘Search’. There you will find the name of the co-ordinator and phone number. It can be daunting speaking to someone for the first time, or you could send a message, but I’m sure you will be very welcome and perhaps find other mums for support in raising awareness of such a traumatic illness when you are stronger.

For now wrap yourself in the comfort blanket of home and take good care. So happy you found the forum and know you’re not alone. We are all here for each other. 🌻

[Survivedwithcolor]

Hello wonderful strong mother,

I’m in the USA and found this forum through PSI. My experience with PP began in 2002 and like you I hadn’t ever met or connected with another survivor until I found this forum, so this has been amazing for me too. In 21 years I had been completely alone with this. In 2002 there was no support or much information available, and because I lived in a small rural town, even my providers did not recognize my situation and I believe I was misdiagnosed. My symptoms did not match “the literature” and so they decided I had schizo-affective disorder and I was kept on antipsychotic drugs for 20 years. Here I am now on this forum seeing women go through exactly what I did. I am working on ways to become more active with this. I have read some of the available research on PP and I believe it is still seriously misunderstood in both the medical community as well as the public. Most people’s exposure to PP is only when women kill their children.

Anyway, welcome to you and I look forward to learning more about you and your experience. It’s incredible that women from all over the world are able to meet here and experience support for the very first time. 😊🙏🏻🕯️

[Pistaccia in reply to Survivedwithcolor]

Hi Survivedwithcolor,Thank you for sharing your incredible story. That must have been such a relief to finally learn the truth about your condition. I am so happy to hear, that you finally did after so many years!

Also, I wanted to point out that I believe talking about "surviving" as you do in the context of PP is really strong. I did not know that I felt like that, but reading it here, really resonates with me... because sometimes I am truely surprised I survived this.

Thank you!

[Pikorua Volunteer in reply to Pistaccia]

Yes, we are all survivors in this community and beautiful souls/amazing mums!!! Lived experiences of all women on this site made me feel stronger over the years and it is so moving when you actually meet the individuals for real, who have played such an important part in my journey of recovery. Happy day to you Pistaccia and everybody, who is reading xxx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hi Pistaccia

I hope you are feeling well and recovering at your own pace. Thinking of you ... take care 🌻

[MotherOfBears]

A warm welcome to you Pistaccia. I’m sorry you had to go through all that you did whilst feeling alone. And pleased that you are now feeling positive about your recovery. I have received incredible support from the members of this forum over that last year as I have struggled through my own recovery. I hope that you will come here as and when you need support, for example in processing what you have been through. Or just reading about others experiences.

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Sorry Pistaccia, I completely forgotten to private message. Life is busy, but will do it now. xxx