new baby…

[ParisPierre]

Hello everyone it’s been a while since I wrote on here… we found out we are expecting another baby. I told my self I was done after my last daughter because I didn’t want to go through PPP again. That’s how traumatizing it was for me.. I even thought about abortion which is some I would NEVER consider but I decided to go through with the pregnancy but it’s been really hard for me… still trying to get over the trauma after I had my daughter a year ago… my psychiatrist told me I have ptsd and depression which came from me trying to process everything… I have a good support system but everyone around me even my family reminds me of the events I was experiencing and I sometimes shut down around everyone….. I know I’m kinda talking all over the place but idk where to start. I still have no emotions sometimes and struggle with anger…….I’m nervous about bringing a new baby around because I don’t want to have those same thoughts come back…lately I’ve been having a few suicidal thoughts…….I’m just frustrated with myself and ready to get back to me…I hate that I get angry so easily now…. I hate that everything I do reminds me of my ppp…:

[Butterfly93]

Hi ParisPierre, I am so sorry to hear you are feeling like this . Congratulations on your new addition , I know it’s unexpected but the best thing to do now is to speak to your psychiatrist to create a Care plan for you and your family in order to prevent PP from re-occurring again . I myself had PP almost 8 years ago and went on to have a 2 nd pregnancy 2 years ago without developing PP again. With the right support and medication hopefully things can look positive for you

Kind regards

[Zebunisa_at_APP Moderator]

Hi ParisPierre ,

Congratulations on the new baby news! I can imagine it must be overwhelming but exciting at the same time.

Thank you for being so open and honest and sharing your experience on this platform. I’m sorry you had to go through PP your first time and now are feeling ptsd symptoms amongst other symptoms. It must not be nice at all. I would recommend for you to speak to your GP and raise your concerns. Be open and honest with them about you and your situation and they should get you linked with your perinatal mental health team for your area and/or a professional who will help you with a care plan and try to ensure everything goes smoothly this time round.

I hope you get the support you need, please do speak up and be as open and honest as you were here on this platform.

And ..Remember be kind to yourself ❤️

[Emilyr123]

Hi ParisPierre,

I didn't want to read and run as I really empathise with your situation. First, congratulations on your baby news, I can just imagine how you're feeling, a lot of emotions!

I had late onset PP and a month after I'd been discharged from my second stay in psychiatric hospital I discovered I was pregnant with my second child. It's awful to say but being honest, I was devastated. I felt a lot of the things that you're describing and I just didn't feel in any fit state to be pregnant again and have another baby. But it's great that pregnancy is so long really, it gives you so much time to focus on you and really see to your needs. You mentioned your psychiatrist, I had pregnancy appropriate therapy (CBT, anxiety management, grounding techniques) and would really recommend working through what you feel comfortable with to aid you through pregnancy and getting ready for your baby. It can feel overwhelming but perhaps start with what feels most pressing?

All the best, take care, here if you need a chat x

[The_Wes_Anderson_Fan Volunteer]

Hello Paris Pierre

Congratulations on expecting another baby. I agree that it must be tough when you are still recovering from your PP.

I know that one of our APP members completely snapped out of her depression when her second baby arrived. It was the making of her and she was much better. You never know.

If you have a supportive family, can they look after your baby so that you can do some exercise to combat your feelings of anger. Or look after the baby so you can do a leisure activity which distracts you from your bad memories?

Please can I ask if you are only having suicidal thoughts but that you are not planning on harming yourself? If the latter is ever the case, please go to a&e urgently.

I found it difficult to express myself and communicate after PP, but I did get back to myself eventually.

Lots of Love

[ParisPierre in reply to The_Wes_Anderson_Fan]

thank so much! Yes I have a supportive family. I also found it hard to express myself as well. I get frustrated very easily and it scares me to the point where I just shut down……I also get nervous to be alone…..:I was never like this and it makes me nervous….but I’m still fighting…..thank all of you guys for being so kind….

[The_Wes_Anderson_Fan Volunteer in reply to ParisPierre]

Please let your family know that you don't like being alone so that they can support you.

Maybe you could do an activity with a friend to distract you.

For me, I think not being able to express myself was partly my brain healing.

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hi ParisPierre

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I can imagine the mixed emotions you must be feeling with it all, and it must be so difficult if everything reminds you of the PP you’re still processing and recovering from. I do hope you have found some comfort in the replies above.

It’s great you have good family support and I hope you’re able to be open with them about how you’re feeling and can lean on them – I know it must be so hard but you’re not alone. Have you got support in place from your psychiatrist through the pregnancy? I don’t know what antenatal care is like in the US but hope there is support in place and you feel you can reach out for help if you need to.

I wanted to share our planning pregnancy guide in case there is information in there that is helpful (though there will be some information and resources that are only relevant to the UK)- app-network.org/what-is-pp/... I hope there are helpful resources you can access via Postpartum Support International as well.

Do look after yourself, we’re all here to listen.

Best wishes,

Jenny x

[Bumblebeeee]

just remember that if you do get I’ll again it’s only temporary. And you get to enjoy your lovely baby forever. I got I’ll after my last 2. 2nd time wasn’t as bad because of all the help put in place and going into an mbu. It may not even happen so try not to worry about it. But if it does you will be prepared this time. And it’s only temporary! Keep reminding yourself of that x

[resilient_mama1982 Volunteer]

I think it's perfectly normal to feel conflicting emotions when finding out your expecting after living through PPP only a year ago. I hope you are able to reach out and get support from your mental health perinatal team. You are one step ahead in this pregnancy as you know what to look out for. Having intrusive suicidal thoughts is so frightening. I have had both PPP back in 2016 and those suicidal thoughts while going through the depression that followed after having PPP. Your so right it is so frightening. However please hold onto the fact that in time life will be much better. You can do hard things and reaching out here shows your a fighter. Your little babies need their mummy but more importantly you need support so keep reaching out here. and please connect in with your mental health team and ask for help as often as you need to get through this pregnancy. You can do this I know your afraid right now but life will one day be better. Take great care of yourself 💓

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hello ParisPierre,

I was wondering how you’ve been since you last posted, I do hope you’re doing ok?

Look after yourself and know we’re here to listen any time if it helps to write here.

Best wishes,

Jenny x