Being admitted to an MBU

[Teal1324]

So I posted a few days ago about my mood. The team has decided it would be best to be admitted to an Mbu although it is still my choice. They want to change my medication and fear that it could make my mood even worse to start with and don’t feel they can adequately support me with this in the community. I have six children, 12 week old twins. I do feel an Mbu would be best so I can be a better mother/wife and generally get back to being myself. However I’m so scared about leaving my other children and how we will all cope with this. I know in the long run it will be completely worth it but it’s such a scary prospect. Can I have some positive stories please?

[Maria_at_APP Moderator]

Hi Teal1324,

Glad to hear again from you. I think it is a very good sign that your team has suggested an Mbu for you at the moment. They are quite different to any other psychiatric wards, it can feel a bit like a home away from home. Of course the prospect can be scary specially as you have 4 other children to also take into consideration.

The mbu I went to with my daughter when she was weeks old catered quite well for visitors with communal areas and quieter rooms where you could share moments together. My daughter was my first child, so I did not have the experience of having other children at home, but some mums staying in the same unit were on their second baby and distance allowing their toddlers would come and visit and enjoy time with mum and their sibling(s).

It is not an easy decision and ultimately the choice is of course yours, but bear in mind your team knows your circumstances and would not be suggesting an Mbu if the pros would not be more than the cons.

Take really good care, let us know how you are getting on, recovery can be a bit up and down so do take it very slowly, day by day, you are already on the road, brave mum

[Rachel_at_APP Partner APP]

Hello Teal1324,

I really hope you’re ok. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been struggling recently but it sounds like you’ve got some good people around you who are hoping to help.

I had PP back in 2016, I was admitted to an MBU and I can totally relate to feelings of worry and feeling scared about going. I thought I could just go to my mums and rest - but I was very wrong. I did need professional help in the right place

The MBU in my experience, like EmiMum has described, was quite like a home from home. They really really took care of me and supported me to take care of my baby. When I was admitted myself, there was a mum there also with twins. The staff were so supportive of her - and treasured those two little poppets. In my experience the MBU was a place of kindness and helped me find my way to getting better. It was hard. In terms of not wanting to go at first. But it was the right thing in the long run.

Of course, for you having older children too to consider is really really hard I imagine. Do you have family and friends who you trust and can call on to support you? Your family, I hope, will want to support you in getting better. So try not to worry about needing to be apart for a short while. I hope they can phone you / visit maybe depending on where you are.

Sometimes, we have to do something for ourselves first - before we can be what we want to be for our children. Maybe the MBU is your space - to get the right help - as you say thinking about the longer term and the bigger picture.

Take great care of yourself. We’re here if you need anything or have any questions you’d like to ask.

Sending my very best wishes, Rachel x

[Zebunisa_at_APP Moderator]

Hi Teal1324 ,

Thank you for the update. I’m glad you are getting help/support from the crisis team. It sounds like they are aware you need help and that the preferred help would be an MBU.

I have to admit I was very hesitant being admitted to an MBU but they are absolutely fantastic and really do help you. I have to say also we are so lucky to have them available for us..If it is being offered do take the offer and give it a go. It’s a fantastic resource.

I know you will be hesitant to leave your other kids but just remind yourself it is short term and remind yourself to keep strong. They will offcourse be able to visit & you would make a plan/ care plan with the MBU to get you back to home/routine as soon as possible.

I would say be kind to yourself & take all the help and support you are offered.

Take care and look after yourself 💕

[Teal1324]

thank you all so much for your replies. Obviously I slept awfully last night which has just set the day up for failure. My main issue is I have completely lost the bond with my babies. I feel like someone has just handed me their babies- every time they cry or want or need anything I just get flooded with this feeling of not wanting to deal with them and hand them back, which I obviously have no one to hand them back to! My husband has been fantastic, doing all of the night feeding etc however I can only stretch him so far. One of my main fears is going to an MBU and having to deal with the babies on my own, which is the main trigger for me wanting to end things- and it’s an immediate trigger too, so it’s not as if I can deal with them for a bit until it gets too much. And with a change of meds it’s only going to get worse. I really want to have that feeling back for my babies, it’s awful I look at them and feel absolutely nothing and I hate it. It’s just all so overwhelming and I want to curl into a ball and stop it all. The team are coming every day until I’m in the MBU as they’re concerned, which is so helpful for me as I can offload to someone and hopefully feel less overwhelmed, which will make it easier to take it day by day. But sometimes I feel as if there’s nothing wrong and this is all so overdramatic and I want everyone to go away and leave me alone. I’m just struggling so much mentally trying to process everything. Apologies for the long reply, it’s been a tough morning already.

[Zebunisa_at_APP Moderator in reply to Teal1324]

Hi Teal1324 ,

Bless you, you sound like you need a well deserved break.

Sometimes the unknown is scary, I know I was scared and reluctant to go to an MBU as it was unfamiliar but once I got there I knew it was the right place for me. Like I said, give it a go, take the offer of the MBU. If you go and don’t like it discuss that with the team looking after you. They are there to help you get through this.

Just to reassure you the MBU help more than you think, they’re great. Once I was admitted I think for the first two weeks they looked after my baby the whole day in the communal area and I just got a full few days of rest. I was offcourse able to see baby anytime I wanted. It was so helpful.

I’ll share a video of the mother and baby unit I was at in a separate post, it may reassure you. These mother and baby units are not scary they are a great place for us mums and should be offered to all mums not just a few.

My advice, accept the support/ help you deserve it ❤️

[Twobabies Volunteer in reply to Teal1324]

hi Teal1324, really glad you have the opportunity to get to an MBU. Sorry to hear you had a bad night and start to day, it can feel so overwhelming deciding what’s best for ourselves and the whole family. As a rule I’d say what’s going to be best for you will be best for everyone especially in the longer term. Great your husband has been doing night feeds and totally get your concern that you mentioned about it all being on you if you go to MBU, but, it won’t be as the MBU is there with all the support and professionals to make sure you get the rest you need to recover. They have nursery nurses that will help look after your babies and support you to do whatever needs done and they will have mental health nurses to help support you , as well as other professionals that can offer therapy as well as meds and much needed restbite. I was very unwell when I went to the MBU (from a ward) but in a relatively short time came to really get much better in such a supportive environment. I didn’t like some things at first but then as I got a chance to rest and had some good chats with some of the nurses I felt in a safe place. Meals and everything like washing etc was taken care off for me so all I needed to do was rest and recover. I can understand the feeling you mentioned of loosing a bond with your babies, that is hard but totally understandable given how unwell you are feeling. As you get better and in time this will return I’m sure. I have fond memories of being on the MBU I guess as it was the place to got better in, it did take me a little bit of getting used to but they are set up to support you and your family so absolutely have your best interest at heart. Sending love and best wishes for whatever you decide. You will get through all this mighty mum of 6. Full recovery is absolutely achievable and you will be your awesome self Xxx

[Teal1324 in reply to Twobabies]

thought I’d update you all. Was admitted to the MBU on Wednesday. Took a while to settle in and get used to everything. I think today is the first day I’ve admitted to myself I need to be here and hopefully that will make it easier. Everyone is so lovely, it is definitely where I need to be and getting the help I need. Thank you all for your kind words

Xxxx

[Twobabies Volunteer in reply to Teal1324]

Thank you for your update. I’m so glad you are feeling the MBU is the supportive environment you need they are set up to give you the space to recover while taking care of you and your little ones. Rest up mumma this is your time to recuperate knowing your babies are doing great and everyone there to support. Big love ❤️ xxx

[Zebunisa_at_APP Moderator]

Here is the link of the MBU I was at, I hope it reassures you >>>

youtube.com/watch?v=-K3vt-a...(Not working as expected?)

I've added this image incase the video does not play you can type this into Youtube

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Teal1324

I'm so sorry you're struggling with your twins, it's so good that you've found us and reached out here for support and reassurance. I hope the replies have helped you.

It sounds like you have some good support around you, that's great to hear the perinatal team are supporting you, and are looking for a place at a mother and baby unit for you. It's totally understandable that you are nervous about going there, and leaving your other children.

I had postpartum psychosis in 2011 after the birth of my son, and went to a mother and baby unit as well.

I'm sorry you didn't sleep well last night, I know personally how overwhelming everything then feels, so it's not surprising that you are struggling with your babies. I remember so well that feeling of overwhelm with my son, and feeling so guilty and sad that that is how I felt, rather than just complete unconditional love for him. Please know this is such a natural feeling to have, and why the mother and baby unit will be such a good place for you. And that the feelings of love for your babies will come back.

My experience was that I didn't need to deal with my baby by myself in the unit, the staff were around all the time, and helped me while I was there. When I was feeling very overwhelmed and like I couldn't look after him, they would hold him for example, while I sat next to them. They also looked after him at night so I could get good, uninterrupted sleep. It really helped me with the bonding too, to have their support and reassurance.

I do hope you will get the place in the unit soon, take care

Ellie

[The_Wes_Anderson_Fan Volunteer]

Hello Teal1324

I am sure everything will be ok. You'd be surprised how resilient children can be.

The MBU was a really positive experience for me and I made a full recovery. It's sounds like you could do with a good rest and that is what you will get in the MBU, no housework etc. They will care for your twins while you rest and gets lots of sleep.

I don't know your circumstances in view of finances, family, friends. You don't say if you have a partner.

I didn't have much family support around, but you need to ask for support from any friends you can. The children could go to different friends to spread it out. I would help someone in your position. Most people are very kind when asked. Maybe ask your other children who they would feel comfortable going to, it is a huge compliment to the person they suggest.

Thinking of you.

[Naomi_at_app Volunteer]

Hi Teal1324

Just checking in today to see how you're doing? I'm glad to hear you're getting regular support from your team.

I just wanted to add to everyone's reassurance above that, if you feel able to go with your gut feeling that an MBU is the best place to recover, a real benefit can be the daily support with your bonding and regaining confidence as a mum.

I wasn't able to go to an MBU, but a number of years after PP I worked as a peer support worker at a new MBU. The support for mums from the nursery nurses was brilliant with practical things like nappies and feeding, gentle sessions like baby yoga and baby sensory. There was also time for mums to spend with perinatal psychologists to talk about bonding difficulties, and to include their partner in sessions if they wanted to.

We're all rooting for you and hope you feel able to get the best support for you, the twins and your whole family.

Warmly

Naomi

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Hello Teal,

deep down in my heart I know you will be just fine in a mother and baby unit.

I did not have that luck and I know of mums, who experienced a psychiatric hospital, who went through further additional trauma. Inappropriate and unreasonable treatment in my case.

I was so fortunate to see a newly built MBU in Exeter, where I contributed to improve interior/exterior design, because of my lived experiences. I even got to know members of staff starting at the place.

That is why I feel at ease knowing mums get the best treatment and being together with their babies. There are health professionals specifically focusing on mum's individual needs and educational staff will help and support for bonding processes and caring for your little one, when time out is needed.

Thinking of you x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Teal1324

So pleased you are now receiving the specialist care you need in the MBU. I hope you are settling in with your twins after a week and finding the support amazing. I’m sure you have photos of your other children with you and perhaps something to remind you of home. Take care and rest as much as you can ... we are thinking of you.