Hello dear everyone! Time runs fast, my first child is already 1,7 , i’m finally off all meds and i’m starting to dream about my second pregnancy.
The problem is that i don’t know what’s the best strategy - shall i give birth in the same hospital where i already know every staff member and i already know all their weak and strong sides or shall i better change location so that the memories don’t influence the induce of another psychosis after labour?
i live 5 minutes drive from the biggest and the best maternity centre in my city and it’s the same hospital where i gave birth and the same place where my PPP started.
I visit this hospital pretty often as it’s the biggest health centre in my neighbourhood, so i already was triggered by memories numerous times and every visit is very emotional, and controversial. I wouldn’t say it’s only bad emotions - for example, today i was visiting for a PCR and i met many doctors who were in my pregnancy team and we were all happy to see each other , and i met a doctor pediatric who helped my poor husband with a new born while i was hospitalised with PPP, and today we were all hugging each other and i was showing the pictures of my 1,7 daughter now, when all bad is behind, and it made me feel happy and sad at the same time.
Sometimes i feel like i want to outlive my unhappy first labour PPP experience with another labour, to vanish bad memories, but i know it’s just wishful thinking that i will not have PPP twice.
I think i will always have strong emotions about this hospital, firstly because i will never forget how happy i was to meet my child, and secondly because the onset of my PPP was manic and euphoric, so i have this tendency of having strong feelings about everything which my PPP was comprised of, it’s all still very vivid, very big and alluring in a weird way.
There is nothing like “perinatal mental health team” or “mother and baby unit” in my country, there’s not even a psychiatrist in any maternity centre as psychiatrists work only in psychiatric hospitals, so no matter where i choose to give birth, my mental health will he monitored by my doctors from psychiatric hospital, so this facility is not the deal breaker.
my mental health team don’t advise anything in particular - since there’s no institutional facility for them to work as a team with my OB/GYN , there’s is no guideline or sufficient case base on PPP, they just promise to be by my side if i’m poorly again.
such branch of medicine as perinatal psychiatry or type of service as perinatal psychiatric midwife is non-existant in my country yet, so it’s mainly trial and error with me and i often feel like a man on the moon with my after PPP journey.
If any of you can relate, what would you do?
and maybe there’s some advice you were given during preconception counselling , what they suggest to do for families after first PPP?
thank you all in advance