Today exactly one year ago I was sectioned in the psychiatry hospital, leaving a 6 weeks old baby at home with my husband. We went through hell, me suffering the illness and my husband seeing me suffer and wondering if he would ever recover his wife. It hit me in the full corona lockdown, so my parents were not able to travel from abroad to visit me and they also suffered a lot. After 6 weeks in the psychiatry hospital and a couple of changes in my treatment, I was stable (not dangerous to myself or anybody) so they released me with medication (Olanzapine). Coming back home was also a struggle, I felt like I was not myself and I was completely lost. Also, the bond with my baby was not really there and I felt like a robot, doing what I had to do but without really feeling it. I was tappering down Olanzapine for the next 6 months as I was feeling better over the time. Then after quiting Olanzapine, a strange mixture of depression/anxiety hit me. I went through it without medication as I didnt really want to start another drug and I was feeling down for around 2/3 months. After that, I am not sure why or how, but my mood started to lift and I was able to go back to normal life. I started working part time, I started to feel very close to my baby and I started to feel the joy of having him in my life, I started to laugh and my sense of humor was back. Today after one exact year, I can say that I feel myself again. I am sometimes scared that something like this will ever happen again, so we have decided not to try for another baby which makes me sad, but we think its the best decision for us. I am still struggling to find my way in life and many days feel a bit grey, but I am extremely thankful that I have recovered and I am back home, having a normal life with my family. And I am also thankful with all of you, who read my posts and gave me hope when I was not feeling good. Therefore I wanted to share my story with you and wanted to give you hope that we can go back to have a normal life after such a debilitating disease. I send you all a big hug and lots of strength!
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mfc83
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Well done ❤️ Thanks for sharing your story. From a fellow PpP survivor i understand what a feat it is to come out the other end and feel well again. It’s such a dreadful illness and thank God recoverable. I can’t imagine going through it in Covid times, it sounds like you’ve done really well and that your received good care. I’m so happy you feel yourself again and you feel you having bonded with your little one, so precious. Lots of love and strength going forward. To all us that have been through the mill! We are amazing hope you might make it to a meet up sometime. APP also have a book club you might like to join. All the best x
Thank you so much for writing to share your story a year on. It is wonderful to read how far you've come in such a short space of time; you should be very proud of yourself. I had PP in 2016, and a lot of what you've described very much resonates with my own experience of recovery.
It’s great to hear how your bond developed with your wonderful baby, and how you feel the joy of having him in your life. For me that moment took until my son was around 8 months, when I looked in his eyes one day and had an overwhelming sense of how beautiful he was and thought - I'm your Mummy, how lucky am I! My depressive fog was lifting and that moment felt amazing. It’s only when you look back, you realise how very far you've come I found. Having your sense of humour return and laughing is wonderful, I’m sure you’re having lots of fun with your son. One year is a wonderful age when their personalities really start to shine. I remember my own smiles returning and realising I was singing to myself one day, and thought, wow, that’s what it feels like as I hadn't done it in so long - quite unlike my usual sing song personality. My poor husband rolls his eyes at my constant singing... something that my son has inherited from me!
As Twobabies has said in her reply, it would be great for you join the APP network if you've not already. You can find out more on the website here: app-network.org/join/
There are cafe meet up groups in some areas of the UK (some still virtual because of covid), but if you live close to one you would be more than welcome to come along if you've not already. I’ve loved meeting other Mums over the past four years, it really helped my recovery too.
Thank you for sharing to help give those who are still struggling hope, I remember how much people's kind words meant to me when I was poorly. Thank you, its very kind of you to take the time to share.
All the very best to you and your family. Have a lovely weekend.
So happy that you are feeling much better after, as you say, going through hell. I hope it hasn’t been too stressful to recall.
I’m sorry to hear you are still struggling to find your way at times but you really have done so much in a year, fighting your way through PP and returning to work. Time now for you to be gentle and kind to yourself .... wrap yourself in the comfort blanket of home and be very proud.
I also hope you now have support from a community team if needed. Take care .. we are always here to lean on. Sending you a hug too 💜
Thank you for your lovely post. It’s very powerful for people to read stories of recovery from PP. I’m so pleased to hear you’ve made such great progress after such a hellish time for you and your family.
I’ve experienced PP twice now. Most recently 7 years ago. It’s really natural to feel scared about this happening again. PP is so traumatic! I felt fear for a long time. And sometimes I still do. Certain things can still be a struggle for me. Like my sons’ birthdays. Sometimes they trigger the horrible feelings I experienced during my episode and the bad memories. But that happens less and less now. As Rachel_at_PP mentioned perhaps you might like to join one of the coffee groups if you think it might help to share your experiences as you continue your journey after PP. And feel free to keep posting on here if you find that helpful. There’s always someone here to listen.
Wishing continued success in the future to you and your family.
It is exactly one year since i was sectioned in a monther and baby unit!! It never pass one day that I don't remember about those days!! But we are strong and went through it!! Me and my hubby are debating too about another little one in the future but we are too scared... ❤️
Hi Chemi27, on having future children just wondering if you’ve read the planning pregnancy guide on the APP website? You can have a read here: app-network.org/wp-content/....
Also I wondered if you have considered accessing pre conception advice from a Specialist Perinatal Mental Health team? I was referred by my GP for a consultation and I found it super helpful.
Amazing. Glad you’ve managed to get an appointment. I found it super helpful to have a space to ask all my questions and explore options. Really hope you have a similarly positive experience, whatever your decision in the end. Sending my best wishes x
Many congratulations on the anniversary! Your story sounds so much like mine, I'm 2 years into my recovery and like you, my bond with my boy started later. Now I adore special times with him and I'm planning changes to my life to bring more joy.All the best I your continuing journey xx
Such a positive story. I had pp in 2016 and I remember how much this group helped me when I was able to find it. You have done so well. I also struggle on the odd day mainly when I am tired or stressed so I try to avoid as much drama and stress as possible. We also decided not to try for another baby and it is sad but out son has lots of friends and I feel he doesn't miss out. Take care and massive hugs x
Hi lovely, Your story sounds similar to me with my first baby in 2016 I had postpartum psychosis.
I was in a MBU for 6 weeks and 10 days baby had to go home with my husband because I got moved to an adult ward for stronger treatment.
In 2018 we decided to have a second baby however I asked a consultant for advice and the support I got with my second was also amazing. I was very lucky I didn’t get psychosis again even though it was a 50/50 chance I could of.
I took Olanzapine a month before my due date and only 3 weeks PP because it was sedating me too much
Any questions please reply as it’s amazing we managed to have a sibling for B ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing your story. So kind of you to want to bring hope to others that full recovery is possible, big thanks for that.
I can relate very much to the feeling of just going through the motions in my interactions with my baby, even though my mood was stable at the time and I was not depressed anymore. It took me time when I was recovering from pp 3 years ago to build that bond with my daughter, but it is more precious for me because of that, I believe.
You are so incredible by having gone through pp during the upheaval of last year, the additional impossed isolation must have been so tough during such a critical recovery time. You are incredibly strong.
Take good care, be gentle to yourself in anniversary dates as that time of the year is always a bit tender for me. Good luck in your journey, I am so pleased writing here has helped you in some way.
Thanks for posting such an encouraging message giving hope to so many.
I can’t begin to imagine the added stress of Covid and lockdown during an episode of PP.
So blessed to hear that your mood has lifted and I fully understand the joy of beginning to bond with baby. So glad you have recovered and are home and feeling back to normal.
Thank you for your courage in sharing the reality of the dark times you have been through, and the sometimes painful journey to recovery. Your words of hope, and the words of many others who have replied to this thread, will mean so much to others in our community who are reading at a stage of PP or depression/anxiety when they wonder if they will ever get through.
I'm so grateful for everyone's stories of restored lives, finding a bond with your baby and wanting to help others. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories with others.
Congratulations! You have done so well! This is a joy to read.
We too have decided not to try for another baby, although this is not what either of us had imagined, I’m just to scared to go through it all again if there is a chance that psychosis and all that followed after that (depression/ anxiety/ insomnia) might occur again. I totally understand your pain with this decision though. It breaks my heart a little bit every time I think of it...
But thank you for sharing your hugely positive story and WELL DONE YOU. You are an inspiration to us all!
Just wondering how you are and hope the shared experiences here were reassuring. It’s very good that you have been able to return to work part-time, so I hope you feel proud that you are back home after fighting to be well.
I think I find strength in music when the day seems grey, especially “I’m going all the way” by Sounds of Blackness which I originally heard in a shoe shop and it struck a chord with me ... “Whatever it takes to make it I’m going all the way ... I may be down sometimes but I won’t be down always .........”
Also, Elton John’s video in Cannes on YouTube “I’m still standing” is a celebration that, thankfully, we are still standing Be kind to yourself and take care. Sending a hug ..... PP mums are amazing 💜
Thanks to all of you for your fantastic support messages. It is reassuring to see that I am not alone in my experience and its great to read that all of you have also managed to get out of this horrible disease. Some of you suggest that I join the APP meet ups, but unfortunately I do not live in the UK 😔. I live in Germany and here we have a network for women that suffered any time of mental illness after birth, but not specifically for PP. Its really great what APP is doing, helping so many women. I wish every country had something like this! Many hugs to you all and thanks again for your amazing support!
I hope you are continuing to recover and find your place again. As you are in Germany I wonder if you have heard of Postpartum Support International at postpartum.net/?
On the list of International countries, Germany is listed. There is a link specifically to Postpartum Psychosis where you will find the names of co-ordinators who offer support which might be local to you, although you mention a network for women available to you.
We are all here in the UK for you too if you encounter ups and downs or just want to chat. Take care .... be kind to yourself.
ich lebe schon seit langer Zeit in England, habe hier weiter studiert und jahrelang unterrichtet (Fremdsprachen und Paedagogik) Mein Sohn ist jetzt 10 Jahre alt, fast 11. Wie die Zeit vergeht!
... and now in English again! I struggled in a mixed gender Psychiatric hospital in 2010 when I became so poorly after I gave birth to my son. Unfortunately I was misdiagnosed and experienced unreasonable treatment. Like you I spent a substantiated time at the hospital. APP was only founded in 2010/11
I am so pleased that we have APP as they helped me tremendously during my recovery 5 years later. At the time I did not know that I was struggling with Bipolar symptoms. Mums on this forum are absolutely fabulous and deep down I have that alliance and sense of belonging. I am so glad that I found women who can share compassion. I do not feel lonely anymore!
In addition I learnt a lot about mother and baby units as I was able to participate in a family stakeholder group who contributed to the interior design of a new built MBU in Exeter.
If you ever want to chat privately I am happy to respond in German.
Thinking of you and hope you are safe given the awful weather conditions in Germany of late.
I hope you are continuing to feel well, slowly picking up the pieces after such a traumatic experience. We are always here anytime you would like to chat ... take care and stay safe. PP mums are amazing 💜
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hope you might make it to a meet up sometime. APP also have a book club you might like to join. All the best x
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