One year after PP - A positive message - Action on Postpar...

Action on Postpartum Psychosis

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One year after PP - A positive message

mfc83 profile image
mfc83

Dear all,

Today exactly one year ago I was sectioned in the psychiatry hospital, leaving a 6 weeks old baby at home with my husband. We went through hell, me suffering the illness and my husband seeing me suffer and wondering if he would ever recover his wife. It hit me in the full corona lockdown, so my parents were not able to travel from abroad to visit me and they also suffered a lot. After 6 weeks in the psychiatry hospital and a couple of changes in my treatment, I was stable (not dangerous to myself or anybody) so they released me with medication (Olanzapine). Coming back home was also a struggle, I felt like I was not myself and I was completely lost. Also, the bond with my baby was not really there and I felt like a robot, doing what I had to do but without really feeling it. I was tappering down Olanzapine for the next 6 months as I was feeling better over the time. Then after quiting Olanzapine, a strange mixture of depression/anxiety hit me. I went through it without medication as I didnt really want to start another drug and I was feeling down for around 2/3 months. After that, I am not sure why or how, but my mood started to lift and I was able to go back to normal life. I started working part time, I started to feel very close to my baby and I started to feel the joy of having him in my life, I started to laugh and my sense of humor was back. Today after one exact year, I can say that I feel myself again. I am sometimes scared that something like this will ever happen again, so we have decided not to try for another baby which makes me sad, but we think its the best decision for us. I am still struggling to find my way in life and many days feel a bit grey, but I am extremely thankful that I have recovered and I am back home, having a normal life with my family. And I am also thankful with all of you, who read my posts and gave me hope when I was not feeling good. Therefore I wanted to share my story with you and wanted to give you hope that we can go back to have a normal life after such a debilitating disease. I send you all a big hug and lots of strength!

15 Replies
Twobabies profile image
TwobabiesVolunteer

Well done ❤️ Thanks for sharing your story. From a fellow PpP survivor i understand what a feat it is to come out the other end and feel well again. It’s such a dreadful illness and thank God recoverable. I can’t imagine going through it in Covid times, it sounds like you’ve done really well and that your received good care. I’m so happy you feel yourself again and you feel you having bonded with your little one, so precious. Lots of love and strength going forward. To all us that have been through the mill! We are amazing:) hope you might make it to a meet up sometime. APP also have a book club you might like to join. All the best x

Rachel_at_APP profile image
Rachel_at_APPAdministrator

Dear mfc83,

Thank you so much for writing to share your story a year on. It is wonderful to read how far you've come in such a short space of time; you should be very proud of yourself. I had PP in 2016, and a lot of what you've described very much resonates with my own experience of recovery.

It’s great to hear how your bond developed with your wonderful baby, and how you feel the joy of having him in your life. For me that moment took until my son was around 8 months, when I looked in his eyes one day and had an overwhelming sense of how beautiful he was and thought - I'm your Mummy, how lucky am I! My depressive fog was lifting and that moment felt amazing. It’s only when you look back, you realise how very far you've come I found. Having your sense of humour return and laughing is wonderful, I’m sure you’re having lots of fun with your son. One year is a wonderful age when their personalities really start to shine. I remember my own smiles returning and realising I was singing to myself one day, and thought, wow, that’s what it feels like as I hadn't done it in so long - quite unlike my usual sing song personality. My poor husband rolls his eyes at my constant singing... something that my son has inherited from me!

As Twobabies has said in her reply, it would be great for you join the APP network if you've not already. You can find out more on the website here: app-network.org/join/

There are cafe meet up groups in some areas of the UK (some still virtual because of covid), but if you live close to one you would be more than welcome to come along if you've not already. I’ve loved meeting other Mums over the past four years, it really helped my recovery too.

Thank you for sharing to help give those who are still struggling hope, I remember how much people's kind words meant to me when I was poorly. Thank you, its very kind of you to take the time to share.

All the very best to you and your family. Have a lovely weekend.

Rachel x

Lilybeth profile image
LilybethVolunteer

Hello mfc83

So happy that you are feeling much better after, as you say, going through hell. I hope it hasn’t been too stressful to recall.

I’m sorry to hear you are still struggling to find your way at times but you really have done so much in a year, fighting your way through PP and returning to work. Time now for you to be gentle and kind to yourself .... wrap yourself in the comfort blanket of home and be very proud.

I also hope you now have support from a community team if needed. Take care .. we are always here to lean on. Sending you a hug too 💜

Lilly53 profile image
Lilly53Volunteer

Hi mfc83.

Thank you for your lovely post. It’s very powerful for people to read stories of recovery from PP. I’m so pleased to hear you’ve made such great progress after such a hellish time for you and your family.

I’ve experienced PP twice now. Most recently 7 years ago. It’s really natural to feel scared about this happening again. PP is so traumatic! I felt fear for a long time. And sometimes I still do. Certain things can still be a struggle for me. Like my sons’ birthdays. Sometimes they trigger the horrible feelings I experienced during my episode and the bad memories. But that happens less and less now. As Rachel_at_PP mentioned perhaps you might like to join one of the coffee groups if you think it might help to share your experiences as you continue your journey after PP. And feel free to keep posting on here if you find that helpful. There’s always someone here to listen.

Wishing continued success in the future to you and your family.

It is exactly one year since i was sectioned in a monther and baby unit!! It never pass one day that I don't remember about those days!! But we are strong and went through it!! Me and my hubby are debating too about another little one in the future but we are too scared... ❤️

Rachel_at_APP profile image
Rachel_at_APPAdministrator in reply to Chemi27

Hi Chemi27, on having future children just wondering if you’ve read the planning pregnancy guide on the APP website? You can have a read here: app-network.org/wp-content/....

Also I wondered if you have considered accessing pre conception advice from a Specialist Perinatal Mental Health team? I was referred by my GP for a consultation and I found it super helpful.

Take care, Rachel x

Hi Rachel,I am aware of both of them. Indeed we will do the preconceive meeting as well... In a few months :-) hopefully it will take away my worries!!

Rachel_at_APP profile image
Rachel_at_APPAdministrator in reply to Chemi27

Amazing. Glad you’ve managed to get an appointment. I found it super helpful to have a space to ask all my questions and explore options. Really hope you have a similarly positive experience, whatever your decision in the end. Sending my best wishes x

Many congratulations on the anniversary! Your story sounds so much like mine, I'm 2 years into my recovery and like you, my bond with my boy started later. Now I adore special times with him and I'm planning changes to my life to bring more joy.All the best I your continuing journey xx

Such a positive story. I had pp in 2016 and I remember how much this group helped me when I was able to find it. You have done so well. I also struggle on the odd day mainly when I am tired or stressed so I try to avoid as much drama and stress as possible. We also decided not to try for another baby and it is sad but out son has lots of friends and I feel he doesn't miss out. Take care and massive hugs x

Hi lovely, Your story sounds similar to me with my first baby in 2016 I had postpartum psychosis.

I was in a MBU for 6 weeks and 10 days baby had to go home with my husband because I got moved to an adult ward for stronger treatment.

In 2018 we decided to have a second baby however I asked a consultant for advice and the support I got with my second was also amazing. I was very lucky I didn’t get psychosis again even though it was a 50/50 chance I could of.

I took Olanzapine a month before my due date and only 3 weeks PP because it was sedating me too much

Any questions please reply as it’s amazing we managed to have a sibling for B ❤️

EmiMum profile image
EmiMumVolunteer

Hi mfc83,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. So kind of you to want to bring hope to others that full recovery is possible, big thanks for that.

I can relate very much to the feeling of just going through the motions in my interactions with my baby, even though my mood was stable at the time and I was not depressed anymore. It took me time when I was recovering from pp 3 years ago to build that bond with my daughter, but it is more precious for me because of that, I believe.

You are so incredible by having gone through pp during the upheaval of last year, the additional impossed isolation must have been so tough during such a critical recovery time. You are incredibly strong.

Take good care, be gentle to yourself in anniversary dates as that time of the year is always a bit tender for me. Good luck in your journey, I am so pleased writing here has helped you in some way.

HelenMW profile image
HelenMWVolunteer

Hello mfc83

Thanks for posting such an encouraging message giving hope to so many.

I can’t begin to imagine the added stress of Covid and lockdown during an episode of PP.

So blessed to hear that your mood has lifted and I fully understand the joy of beginning to bond with baby. So glad you have recovered and are home and feeling back to normal.

Look after yourself and enjoy your family.

Helen x

Naomi_at_app profile image
Naomi_at_appAdministrator

Hi mfc83

Thank you for your courage in sharing the reality of the dark times you have been through, and the sometimes painful journey to recovery. Your words of hope, and the words of many others who have replied to this thread, will mean so much to others in our community who are reading at a stage of PP or depression/anxiety when they wonder if they will ever get through.

I'm so grateful for everyone's stories of restored lives, finding a bond with your baby and wanting to help others. Thank you everyone for sharing your stories with others.

Naomi x

Congratulations! You have done so well! This is a joy to read.

We too have decided not to try for another baby, although this is not what either of us had imagined, I’m just to scared to go through it all again if there is a chance that psychosis and all that followed after that (depression/ anxiety/ insomnia) might occur again. I totally understand your pain with this decision though. It breaks my heart a little bit every time I think of it...

But thank you for sharing your hugely positive story and WELL DONE YOU. You are an inspiration to us all!

Stay well xxx

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