Has anyone else lost their child beca... - Action on Postpar...

Action on Postpartum Psychosis

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Has anyone else lost their child because of their postpartum psychosis?

Ellaroo93
Ellaroo93

Has anyone else lost their child because of their postpartum psychosis? If so did you get them back or are you trying to get them back? I'm in this situation where socal services have taken my son and he has now gone to his grandparents for the forcible future, I would very much like to get him back.

20 Replies

Sorry to hear about your situation I really am but I just wanted to say it could be worse - bc at least your son is with family?

I doubt your son will be taken away from you permanently bc they know that the best place for your son is with you his Mum

My son has been taken from me under a guardianship order for the next 18 years of his life there is no guarantee i will get him back. He is with his fathers parents who are very difficult people they live in Essex and I live in Hertfordshire, they won't even consider upping contact after 11/2 year of being away from my son. Wish it was more simple...

Ellie_at_APP
Ellie_at_APPAdministrator

Hi Ellaroo93

My name is Ellie. I had pp after the birth of my son in 2011.

I’m so sorry to hear of your situation and that your son is with his grandparents. It must be so very painful not to have him with you. Do you get to see him at all? How are you doing with your recovery, do you have any support from a mental health team?

I have heard of a couple of stories of women who are in a similar situation. I think they had a slow process of increasing contact with their child , working up to having them overnight etc, and with a mental health team advocating for them that they were well and safe to have custody again. Perhaps someone may share on here their experience.

Do take care, I’m glad you’ve found us and reached out

Ellie x

Hey Ellie thank you for your kind words, I get to see him via zoom atm, I usually see him once every 3 weeks. He's with his fathers grandparents they live in Essex which is far from me as I'm in Hertfordshire their quiet difficult people and won't consider giving me more contact. I have a mental health team, but I hardly see them dont really feel that supported by them at least the medication is working 👌

hgallo
hgalloVolunteer in reply to Ellaroo93

Hi Ellaroo93, it sounds like a really difficult situation. I had pp in 2016 after the birth of my twin girls. I was fortunate that they stayed with me while I was ill in the MBU.

As Ellie mentioned you might benefit from having someone advocate for you. It might be worth getting in contact with your local Citizens Advice Bureau or even a family lawyer. Do you have a social worker who is in contact with you? Maybe they could speak to the family about how you're feeling.

It's good to hear your meds are working. I can't offer personal experience, but as a mum I can appreciate how painful this must be for you, and wish you the best in resolving things x

Ellie_at_APP
Ellie_at_APPAdministrator in reply to Ellaroo93

Hi Ellaroo93,

I'm so sorry to hear of your situation, and that your son is with his father's grandparents, who live far from you. That sounds so very difficult, and your contact sounds limited. It's really good though that you do have contact, and it sounds like the way forward is to try and build on that somehow.

It's really good to hear though that you feel your medication is working, that's an amazing achievement, to find some mental health stability despite what you've been through, and the lack of contact with your son. I'm sorry you don't have much contact with your mental health team though, I hope you're coping ok without that support and you have other support around you.

I don't know what processes you have been through before in terms of family court and to gain more access etc? I know it can be a really difficult, drawn out process that takes a long time, and if you have a solicitor to represent you then I know it can be really expensive. From what I hear people generally need to start with mediation, and see if you can come to a better agreement through that, rather than going straight to court.

Do you still have contact with social services? Have they given any indication that you may be able to have more access in the future, or what needs to happen for you to have more access?

There is a charity that supports mother's that are apart from their children, or have limited contact. I wonder if they have information for you that might help? matchmothers.org/

And Citizens Advice is always a good place to start too for general advice.

Thinking of you, I hope some of the links I've given might be helpful.

Ellie

Lilybeth
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Ellaroo93

Welcome to the forum where you will find lots of support. I’m very sorry to hear that you are separated from your son at the moment. It must be heartbreaking for you as I’ve since read that you see him only once every three weeks.

I had PP many years ago. I’m sorry that you don’t feel supported by your mental health team. Do you think your GP might be able to help? I suppose it’s difficult at the moment with restrictions to travel and have physical contact. PP is such a difficult experience and in my case was the family secret.

Is there anyone who could speak on your behalf to your husband or his grandparents? Recovering from PP is very stressful in itself and being restricted from seeing your son is not helping. I’m glad the medication is working for you and hopefully you will find community support.

We are all here to lean on .... be kind to yourself.

EmiMum
EmiMumVolunteer

Hi Ellaroo93,

I am sorry to read this. It all sounds very difficult for you at the moment. I am sorry I can't give any further practical that hasn't already been mentioned by Ellie or Hgallo. If you have a social worker assigned to you, they are perhaps the best first port of call. The charity mind also has a legal help line that may be helpful:

mind.org.uk/information-sup...

Take good care of yourself, stressful difficult situations like this do affect our mental health, treat yourself with kindness. Sending you a virtual hug

Get support ASAP to help you deal with this situation, as mentioned an advocate via mind or ask mental health team where to find one. Someone who is on your side. Slowly ask for increments, I think once a week zoom at least. As you child grows they will begin asking and wanting you too more vocally, they want and need you as much as you do, so do not lose faith you have a long life with your child ahead of you don't worry. For now focus on keeping very well and getting support, to slowly increase contact. This is what contact centres are for also.

AlexandraJay
AlexandraJayVolunteer

Hi Ellaroo93,

I'm so so sorry this has happened to you. Have you spoken to Citizens Advice. I'm sure they may be able to help?

I feel for you, you must be feeling terrible. I remember social services getting involved when I had PP with my daughter and my husband directed them to the MABU nurses so they could explain the situation for us. It's still on record but no further action was taken.

Also unrelated to that, I was brought up by my grandparents as my mum had bad depression and went down a bad path where my dad and grandma won custody when I was 4. It was tough but me and my mum have a great relationship now.

Hope that helps in some way.

Really feel for you ❤️

Sending love xxx

Lilybeth
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Ellaroo93

Thinking of you and hope from the links here you have been able to find more support. Your GP does have a duty of care towards you so please reach out and ask for the help you need from your care team. Take care.

Thank you i am trying every ones advice but no luck so far.

Lilybeth
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Ellaroo93

Thank you so much for taking time to reply. I’m sorry you haven’t found the support you need yet.

I think Citizens Advice was mentioned earlier? Some years ago, unrelated to PP, I sought their help and was able to have free advice from a Solicitor there. It is difficult at the moment without appointments being available but it might be possible to receive help over the phone or virtually, the link being citizensadvice.org.uk/.

Take care ... I hope you have friends or family to support you. We are always here to listen if it helps.

I have tried the citizens advice they told me theres nothing much they can advise on. I do have a free legal aid but they have only given me two things I can do I just think there must be something more I could be doing or a different way someone can look at my case I feel I was judged harshly and not much was done to keep me and my son together. I did go into a mother and baby unit for a while but after that it was like I was being judged rather than supported.

Lilybeth
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Ellaroo93

Good to hear from you. I’m sorry to hear you haven’t found much support and felt as though you were judged after being in the mother and baby unit. Unfortunately, in spite of all the efforts made, there is still a stigma around mental health I think.

I have been trying to think of ways to help as it must be very distressing for you. I went onto the Netmums website and found a link to a charity called Family Lives (previously known as Parentline) set up to support families through all kinds of challenging issues. They have a helpline and according to Netmums, lots of useful information and resources on their website at familylives.org.uk.

There is a confidential helpline 0808 800 2222 operating from Monday - Friday 1.30 - 9.00 pm and weekends 10.00 am - 3.00 pm.

Email askus@familylives.org.uk. There is also an online forum.

I hope this link might be helpful. Also your GP should be looking after your welfare so please reach out for support, if only over the phone at the moment. Thinking of you .... take care.

Jenny_at_APP
Jenny_at_APPAdministrator

HiEllaroo93

I’m so very sorry to read about your situation.

I’m sorry you’ve not been having any luck with the resources shared so far. I just wanted to share a couple of other links that might be helpful in terms of legal advice...

childrenslegalcentre.com/ge... - Coram Children’s Legal Centre’s Child Law Advice Service provides free legal advice and information on child and family issues.

weareadvocate.org.uk/ - a charity that finds free legal advice from volunteer barristers.

I really hope you can find some support to increase your access to your son, I can’t imagine how hard it must be.

Best wishes

Jenny

Thank you i have a look in to that

Hi, I did temporarily lose custody of my child and I did get custody back a year later. It took so long because a divorce was involved and my ex husband was really fighting me on it. What was most important in the case is that I was actively involved in my treatment and recovery. You can apply for custody in the courts. Document everything to show your willingness to engage with your child and be a part of their life.

Thanks for your reply. Did you have legal aid or some kind of legal help ? X

Lilybeth
LilybethVolunteer

Hello Ellaroo93

I hope you have managed to find support for yourself and feel more hopeful. Thinking of you ... take care.

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