Recovering from PPS without the use of live long medication

[Freedom200]

I had my first postpartum psychosis with my first born son. It the scariest time in my whole entire existence. I dealt with paranoia, insomnia and so much anxiety of being a first-time mother. I felt so overwhelmed that I could not even breathe. When I saw my husband I could not really recognize him emotionally. When I saw him I almost felt like a false version of my husband. Like an imposter that looked like my husband. He was also stressed with having a newborn child. I saw a lot of anger and frustration that I had never really seen before have our son. I started going inward thinking that I was in a false reality and this was not really my life. I could not trust anyone that was close to me. I had to just protect my baby. I thought I had to do everything in my power to protect him from my husband from my mom from sister the paranoia set strong. I was hospitalized for about 10 days unable to visit with my son. Once I actually had a few night's rest my mind became more clear. Held on to the hope of Jesus Christ. I am here standing three years later still trying to process what exactly happened to me in those first few weeks of my sons life. But this experience has made me stronger. I cling on to the verse 2 Corinthians 12:9 ““My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. I don't have to have all the answers. All I needed during that time was Christ was with me through it all. He got me through the worst time of my life. I felt so much shame guilt and isolation because of my mental state. All i could do was pray to feel the love of my heanthly Father in the mist of of my pain. After I got check out of the hospital I spoke with many counselors but the only Counselor that could truly help me was Jesus. He completely Set Me FREE. He has continued to set me free from all of the shame, Anger, Frustration and lies that the enemy has placed over my life. He calls victorious instead of a Victim of the mental illness. I know he will do the same for you. It takes time to get to this point. I refuse to take any medication after leaving that hospital I did not want to be on medication for the rest of my life. I have seen my mother so reliant on medication that it destroys her health even more so. I ran to Jesus for my healing to be completely restored. I still may have fears and worries that come up but I know that as soon as I speak the name of Jesus and the fear has to bow down at his feet. I am more than a conqueror.I am the bride of Christ. I have been created to do great things in this life of mine. No mental illness episode will ever hold me back from speaking the truth that you can be also be healed solely by the power of Jesus Christ.

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hello Freedom200

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story. PP is such a scary, traumatic illness, I’m sorry you went through it but am glad you’re doing well 3 years on.

I’m glad your faith has helped you so much in your recovery, and that you’re able to manage your ongoing health and wellbeing.

Antipsychotic medication is usually needed with PP, to treat that initial acute psychosis and get those extreme symptoms under control - I know people obviously have different views and experiences of medication longer term. Personally I responded well to medication and remained on it until it was felt to be a safe time to reduce off. Others will need medication longer term, everyone is different.

I too feel stronger for my experience of PP (I had PP after the birth of my first child in 2012). It took a long time to process everything that happened - those feelings of guilt, shame and anger are very normal and we have to work through these feelings in our own way to make some sense of it all (or make peace with the fact that we’ll never make sense of it all!) I’m glad your faith has helped you to remain strong and get you through those difficult times.

Take care and thank you again for sharing your experience.

Best wishes

Jenny x

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Freedom200

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your experience. PP is certainly a game changer and totally out of the blue for many of us here. I too suffered shame and guilt for many years until I had the good fortune to find APP. It is very hard to come to terms with what we have been through and from your post I can see that the memories are still vivid three years later. As you are now in recovery, there are PP Insider Guides at app-network.org/what-is-pp/... which might be helpful to read, although based on services in the UK.

I think you have done very well to lean on your faith and be without medication since you were discharged. I had PP twice many years ago and although I do have a faith, I could not have managed without medication to keep me stable after my psychotic episodes and depression. Thankfully I fully recovered and have memories of very happy years since.

If you are able to share your story in the US I'm sure you will raise awareness of such an awful illness and give hope to those who are suffering. Postpartum Support International at postpartum.net do have local groups in the US which you might also like to contact.

Welcome to this unique band of very brave mothers of courage ..... take good care of yourself

[Pikorua Volunteer]

Hello Freedom,

welcome to the forum. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

I was also extremely poorly in 2010 and sectioned. After weeks of suffering I finally was diagnosed with PPP and administered appropriate medication. Throughout the stay in hospital it was an ongoing trial and error, because of mis-diagnosis and ill-treatment.

My health improved gradually once I was back home and with my partner and my baby! It took one year to wean off medication. I honestly can say that I would not have survived this traumatising illness without anti-psychotics and other traditional drugs. I was injected, because I refused to take anything.

Nowadays I am trying to follow my toolkit of identifying triggers and implementing coping strategies. Sometimes it is rather difficult to be only therapeutic and using natural remedies with a chronical illness.

I do wish you luck and health and happiness. We all have to make our choices and evaluate what is best, but sometimes loved ones and professionals have to help as it was in my case. My gratitude to those who helped me with my recovery is priceless!

Take care

x