PTSD: I have just had the strangest... - Action on Postpar...

Action on Postpartum Psychosis
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I have just had the strangest experience in bed. I was thinking about my mother and all she has put me through and I had the thought that she is the Anti-Christ. NO SERIOUSLY. I only get ill at certain times of the year like Anniversaries and Christmas and Religious times of the year. I recall when I was a child I once said to her " I don't want to die mother, and she said we all have to die one day" When the voice was in my head after my daughter was born my mother was stood at the side of me all the time. She knew all along about what my brothers and cousin were doing to me. She said to me here if you think life is not worth living here take these giving me her heart tablets. She wanted rid of me. She has done her best to get me in and out of hospital to discredit my name ever since. I recall a few years ago I was listening to the radio in bed and a mans voice said it was Armageddon I was sectioned yet again and told everybody that for all they knew God could be a woman. I said to my mother before I was sectioned, what would you say if you thought God was a woman and she said I would never believe again. When I was in bed earlier and I was thinking about her I was so hot and running a temperature, but now I am down stairs on my own I am cold. |I have just heard a bird tweeting outside. I kept on asking the staff in hospital at different times if they believe in God and most of them said no. Whilst I was in hospital the strangest things were happening, like they were secluding me from other patients and trying to get me into seclusion and threatening to inject me if I did not take my medication. At one point I was that scared that I rang the Police and said I feared for my safety at the hospital. They grabbed me again and put me into seclusion, threatening me again with the injection. I was terrified all the time I was there. I took some tablets off them and they made me feel so strange, I had a bad reaction to them. After I acme out of seclusion I rang my husband and told him of the strange experience I had had. I was lying there and it felt as though I was literally dying. I had the feeling that all my muscles were wasting away and literally melting into the padded mattress and that I was going into a sleep that I would never wake up from. The same thing happened with the second lot of tablets. I am terrified to be on my own now

3 Replies

Hi Poulson

I hope you’ve been feeling ok today. You’ve been through so much and I guess every time you have to talk about your experiences it brings it all back and your brain tries to find meaning and process it all again. Night time is always the worst for this kind of processing I find.

I’m glad you’ll be seeing your CPN on Friday.

Take care.

Jenny x

Ohold on to life darling. My daughter took her own life and its so awful. Your poor mum loves you even when you don't feel like she did. She's just a woman crying like you xxxx

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