Grandma with uncomfortable baggage

Help! Every time I watch my grandkids, flashbacks attack. Now youngest girl due with baby. AWFUL thoughts come up. Is not being able to describe these things a sign that it's unlikely I will do them? My visions are always graphic and bloody, I can say that. What can I do to stop this psychological torture? Can this be normal for grandmas who had PPP?

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  • Hi there LOT1993.

    I suffered PPP following two children and once after a miscarriage.

    My daughter-in-law is now pregnant and I am having a lot of flashbacks and nightmares as to what has happened to me. I believe it is quite normal to still suffer many years afterwards with flashbacks. I too had 3 traumatic experiences and will probably suffer when I see children for the rest of my life. I am sorry to hear that you are suffering so much. Rest assured, things will get better for you. I pray every day about my situation and this helps me. I also go to the local church where my children were baptized.

  • Yes I just noticed your reach out for support just now, too. It is, well, a little 'nice' that we are both in almost the same spot!! Life phase, not physically. I am in America.

  • Hi Lot1993

    Welcome to the forum, it's great that you have found us. I'm sorry you are suffering in this way with what sound like intrusive thoughts (horrible thoughts that you can't control) about your grand kids. That sounds so frightening.

    It's really good that someone with some similar thoughts and experience has replied also.

    First of all from everything I have read, and heard of, so many people experience intrusive thoughts, and it's not your fault. I imagine it must feel so scary, and you must feel so awful.

    I don't know if you are getting any professional support or spoken to anyone about what you're experiencing, for example your GP or mental health professional? It sounds like you may really benefit from seeing someone, and getting some kind of assessment, and then some help. For example, I don't know if you have ever had counselling or therapy?

    I also thought you may find it helpful to look on the Mind website, and search 'intrusive thoughts'. There are a lot of information and articles on there, which you may find helpful to read: mind.org.uk/information-sup...

    I hope that you may find it helpful to read others experience and know that you're not the only one that has experienced horrible thoughts, I hope it doesn't scare you to read about other experience though, or make you self-diagnose! Its so important that you get proper individual help, information and diagnosis.

    I also thought you may find it helpful to watch this video on You Tube about intrusive thoughts too:

    I hope all these links are helpful. Do write on here for any support, you are not alone here. We are such a supportive forum.

    Take care X

  • Hello Lot1993,

    I am so sorry that you suffer this emotional pain. I am pleased you have expressed your thoughts, so that you do not feel on your own. Welcome to this forum!

    I have had PPP in 2010 and still struggle with agora and social phobia. This was diagnosed by my GP. I am especially affected, because of my menstrual cycle. I do mind race a lot when poorly. My thoughts are like a roller coaster and can be intrusive.

    I do agree with Ellie, - seeking help from professionals has helped. I have improved my condition and confront challenges. I have had to understand my triggers. I do not know exactly why my thoughts are sometimes like a whirlpool. In addition throughout the years I have been referred to support groups and one to one therapies (Mind & NHS). At this moment I am waiting for some response from the partnership in order to get my yoga prescribed.

    Even though I find it difficult to be with a group of people, I am learning to gain more confidence by confronting my fears...and my thoughts are channeled into happy thoughts, especially when I paint, meditate, practice yoga, go for long walks or communicate with somebody I am close to.

    Wishing you well.

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