Infertility: I hope it is ok to post... - Action on Postpar...

Action on Postpartum Psychosis
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I hope it is ok to post here. I know there are other forums for these specific issues but I feel like my mental health and past pp is a barrier to being understood elsewhere.

To recap on where I was up to when I last posted:

I had my son in December 2010 and got pp shortly after. I spent about 4 months in mbu. I swore I wouldn't put myself through that again, but came to change my mind. In 2015 I suffered two ectopic pregnancies. Then I stopped posting here for a bit because...

Things got more complicated. I had an incredibly rare form of cancer related to the second ectopic pregnancy. After emergency surgery for internal bleeding I was transported by ambulance to a specialist unit in London. I responded very well to treatment and got the all clear by Christmas. Because the cancer was pregnancy related we couldn't risk trying again for quite a while. But the specialist okayed it eventually.

We've been trying now for 9 months now with no success. Part of me thinks I must be mad to risk it after everything, and a fair few people have said that outright to me. But the urge to have another child is so strong. I'm surrounded by friends and church family having babies (3 this week alone!) and it's so bloody hard.

3 Replies

Hi Infertility

I got PP about 10 days after I had my son, although I did have early warning signs when he was 3 days old. It took me 8 years to get pregnant with my son. We had to do invtro fertilization. It took several injections, a ton af traveling (we live 2 hours from the clinic), and a lot of money but he was worth every last bit of it. I dare to say, even my psychotic episode. If someone asked me if I would do it again I would say yes without hesitation. I love my boy more than anything is this world. As for more children, it will be another long haul for us. We will have to go through all of medical stuff again and I will have to be shot up with a bunch more hormones. My husband has been very against having more children which breaks my heart. I do understand his reasoning though. For him seeing me in such a psychotic state scared the crap out of him. I am bipolar and this was not my first episode. I had another one 3 years ago following a surgery. In my heart I know I could go through PP again for another baby. However, what we went through as a family may not be worth the risk of getting it again. I also never want my son to see mommy during my mania. I don't want to expose him to the horrible things that mommy says and does when she is manic. Now I have a higher risk of relapse without a pregnancy because of the bipolar but I don't think I will put my self in that situation on purpose. For now, we will not be having more children. Our little man is our whole world. He was a miracle baby cooked up in a petri dish. I am also surrounded by new babies. In fact, there have been 2 friends that had a baby and both of my sisters. If it is meant to be for you and your family it will happen. I pray that you do not have this horrible disease again. Just know that whatever you and your family decide you will get through it because you are a strong woman. Hell, you recovered from PP and kicked cancers ass! Best of luck to you and your family. I truly believe everything that is meant to be will be.


I can't relate fully with your story but I understand the struggle of infertility. We tried for over 2 years to fall pregnant before getting referred for fertility help, after about 18 months we fall pregnant but unfortunately I suffered Pp after the birth of my son. I know it's very hard to see other people having babies and not being able to. Did you have any support from perinatal?

The problem with your 2nd child is that your not allowed fertility help, you can pay privately for IVF but it's very expensive and treatment is very invasive.

Sorry, just realised I never replied.

We're still trying, but I'm feeling better about the prospect of it not happening lately. I wouldn't do IVF anyway, but I would like to know if it's possible naturally. We said we'd give it a year then go to GP to see if we can get any answers.

I have a nagging feeling I'm only fertile on the right. Both ectopics were on the right and I remember the scan notes from my son said there was a something or other cyst on the right ovary (meaning that's where the egg originated). And of course now I have no plumbing that side. I don't know. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

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