I hope it is ok to post here. I know there are other forums for these specific issues but I feel like my mental health and past pp is a barrier to being understood elsewhere.
To recap on where I was up to when I last posted:
I had my son in December 2010 and got pp shortly after. I spent about 4 months in mbu. I swore I wouldn't put myself through that again, but came to change my mind. In 2015 I suffered two ectopic pregnancies. Then I stopped posting here for a bit because...
Things got more complicated. I had an incredibly rare form of cancer related to the second ectopic pregnancy. After emergency surgery for internal bleeding I was transported by ambulance to a specialist unit in London. I responded very well to treatment and got the all clear by Christmas. Because the cancer was pregnancy related we couldn't risk trying again for quite a while. But the specialist okayed it eventually.
We've been trying now for 9 months now with no success. Part of me thinks I must be mad to risk it after everything, and a fair few people have said that outright to me. But the urge to have another child is so strong. I'm surrounded by friends and church family having babies (3 this week alone!) and it's so bloody hard.