Please help

[Ashley031]

I've been suffering with postpartum psychosis. It's very scary and I cry all the time. I was having trouble sleeping but I am able to get to sleep because of medication I am on. During the day I'm at my worst. I don't know what to do

[Jenny_at_APP Partner]

Hello Ashley031,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm glad you've found the forum, we all have experience of postpartum psychosis and know how scary it is.

I had PP in 2012 after the birth of my first child. It was a frightening time, I'd never heard of PP and had no idea what was happening to me.

I see from your reply in another thread that your son is 18 months old. Do you have support around you? It's good you're able to sleep but it must be very hard struggling in the day with an 18 month old.

You're most definitely not alone. Keep talking to us, I'm sure you'll find lots of support and advice here.

Very best wishes, J x

[Hidden]

Hi I wanted to reply to let you know you are not on your own and everyone on this forum is here to help. I have been suffering for nearly 8 months and I too have days were I feel lost and anxious which in turn makes me tearful and confused. While going through this I have my partner to ground me and reassure me that better days are ahead. I have had an awful few days but today I woke up and felt differently. I find sleeping helpful and try to make sure I get early nights and try and relax when I can using meditation CDs. I'm also due to start CBT to help dismiss my horrible thoughts and fears. I was on a mother and baby unit for months but was discharged a month or so ago. I'm also on medication but sometimes medication alone is not enough. Can I ask where you live? Some boroughs have support groups you can access but others are quite poor. Easier said than done but do try and get some rest and know that it does pass. We are all here for you. Message me privately if you feel it will help X much love X

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Hidden]

Hello Ashley031

Welcome to the forum and thank you for your post. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with recovery from this traumatic illness. Perhaps you need a review with your GP although there are ups and downs to go through on the way to recovery.

I wonder if the APP Insider Guides might be helpful for you to read. The first is "Recovery after Postpartum Psychosis" and there is also one for partners, the link being app-network.org/what-is-pp/...

I had PP twice, many years ago and it is a frightening experience but only temporary, although it doesn't feel like it for you at the moment. Do you have a Health Visitor to talk to? It's very hard to cope with routine when you have an illness but eventually you will fully recover. I think a trip to your GP might be an idea to let him / her know how difficult some days are for you.

We are all here to help. Take good care of yourself.

[Ashley031 in reply to Hidden]

I live in Rhode Island. Today was a bad day for me. I had to leave work early. All I did was cry. I am seeing therapy but I need a pyschologist. Some days are worse then others

[Ashley031 in reply to Hidden]

Sometimes I feel like giving up.

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Ashley031]

Hello Ashley

I'm sorry you're feeling so distressed. I don't think there is the same support in the US for mental illness as here in the UK, which is a shame.

It's very difficult to cope with work when you're not well. Do you have any support at home or is there someone you can call to be with you? Some days are worse than others but you will feel better in time. Recovery is different for everyone but the more support you have the more you will feel able to cope. What sort of therapy are you having at the moment? Are you on a waiting list to see a Psychologist?

After my second PP I had depression which floored me for quite a while. Have you been to see your doctor about how low you feel? Perhaps he / she can prescribe a short course of medication to see if it helps you.

Please don't despair, we understand how you feel and are all here to help if we can. Keep in touch ........

[Ashley031 in reply to Lilybeth]

Hello lilybeth. I do have a lot of support through family and friends. I'm on two different kinds of medication for depression and anxiety but it's not helping the horrible thoughts I get. I see my therapist once a week and I usually do good after I see her. I'm just scared of getting to the point where I might need to go to a hospital. I just want all of is to go away. I'm hurting bad.

[LaBelle17 in reply to Ashley031]

We have all felt like that. But you dont. It does get better. Its tough and scary and you doubt yourself, but it gets better. Talk to people, be honest, i used to write a lot to get it out of my head. Be outside, walk, run, anything you want to distract yourself. you are ill, dont feel bad about that, you deserve care xx

[Ashley031 in reply to LaBelle17]

Did u have bad thought?

[LaBelle17 in reply to Ashley031]

It was 10 yrs ago for me, it all seems a blur now. My son was totally unaffected by my illness when he was a baby. I had some weird thoughts and was quite paranoid. It was not me, its an illness as real as any physical problem.

How are you doing?

[Ashley031 in reply to LaBelle17]

My thoughts are awful. It's like voices but I pray to God to help me. It makes me sick

[LaBelle17 in reply to Ashley031]

Do speak to your Dr. Keep strong and believe you'll get through it.

[Ashley031 in reply to LaBelle17]

My mind just keeps racing. It doesn't stop. I'm so lost.

[LaBelle17 in reply to Ashley031]

Sounds typical PP to me. I agree with what others have said, try to sleep, try meditation, calming music, steady your breathing. Maybe check in with your dr. It will be ok.

[Ashley031 in reply to LaBelle17]

My doctor said I need to see a psychologist that knows what medicine I would need to be put on but it could takes months so he said if I get worse to call him and he would do what he can to help me

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Ashley031 and welcome to the forum,

I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time, I too struggled for a long time after I had pp back in 2009. But you can and will get better, we are all here to listen and share experiences with you.

The link to the APP Guides Lilybeth has posted will hopefully give you some pointers, and I too was wondering whether you have support at home? Perhaps a CPN or Health Visitor? Do you also have family or friends you can confide in?

I also found the days a struggle and tried to do one little thing to try and achieve something, even if it was the tiniest thing like making a cup of tea or having half an hour to watch something on TV to distract myself whilst my baby slept. I hope there is something that you can find to help you through.

Take care, and keep posting here if it is helpful to you, xx

[Jenskygazer Volunteer]

Hello Ashley

I really hope finding here helps, I know it has helped me. PPP really does leave so many fears and anxieties but it really does get better and you will get through it. You will be able to enjoy things again. I agree with Hannah that doing little things really helps. And doing something little for yourself. Just as Hannah says, making a cup of tea. I too find writing things down helps too, I really find it helps to get it out. And then having a different note book to write down the things that happen that help, I find this can help too. Give yourself time and know that, as LaBelle says, even though you doubt yourself along the way, you will get better. Take things step by step and please know you are not alone xx

[Ashley031 in reply to Jenskygazer]

It does help knowing I'm not alone. I thought I was the only one

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Ashley

I'm glad that you have support around you. I know how unsettling strange thoughts and hearing voices can be. Your doctor doesn't seem as if he knows how to treat PP. It doesn't seem right that you have to wait for a Psychologist appointment before you can have the right medication.

Try not to worry ...... I think your therapist will be monitoring how you are coping. I'm not sure about healthcare in the US. If the voices are too much for you, is it possible someone in your family could take you to hospital before you are overwhelmed.

Stay safe.

[Ashley031 in reply to Lilybeth]

Hi lilybeth, I did tell my therapist that if it got to much that I would go to a hospital. I just hope I don't get to that point.

[Ashley031]

I'm afraid people might think I'm crazy and a bad person or bad mother

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Ashley

I had similar thoughts when I had PP ...... especially that I was a bad mother. This thought dragged me down for a long time until I found the strength to fight it with medical help. I'm not sure if it might ease your mind to go to hospital as the doctors there might assess you and be able to give you the right medication.

You are definitely not a bad mother ..... this is your illness and you need a lot of professional support to control your thoughts. I'm not surprised you have been crying if these thoughts are in your head. I think if you don't want to go to hospital you should have your medications reviewed, although your GP said you will have to wait for your Psychologist appointment. Can your appointment be flagged up as urgent so that you can be seen as soon as possible by the Psychologist? Perhaps you can ask someone in your family to speak on your behalf as they can see first hand how much you are struggling to cope.

Stay safe and keep in touch.

[Ashley031 in reply to Lilybeth]

Hi lilybeth, I see my doctor I. 2 weeks for a follow up but he said if I'm feeling worse to call him right away and he would do anything he could to get me in to a psychologist. I was thinking of also calling my gyro to see if they had advice

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Ashley

I think 1.2 weeks to follow up is a while to wait as you are having unsettling thoughts. Perhaps you can call your doctor for advice as access to professional support is needed to help you? Sorry, I'm not sure what gyro is but if they can offer advice that might also be helpful.

Stay safe and take care.

[Ashley031 in reply to Lilybeth]

Today was bad again. I feel like I'm a lot worse. I need help.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Ashley

Sorry to hear you had a bad day. Did you manage to speak to your doctor for any help he said he will give you? I think he should refer you to the Psychologist as soon as possible so that you can be on the right medication.

I hope your family will be able to support you and perhaps get the help you need.

Stay safe and keep in touch.

[Ashley031 in reply to Lilybeth]

Hi lilybeth. I'm calling my doctor tomarrow to see if I can get in right away. My family are very good to me and they give me a lot of support. I just want to feel better

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Ashley

I hope you will be able to see your doctor to tell him how much you are struggling so that he can refer you for the medication and treatment you need. Perhaps someone in your family can go with you for support? You really will feel better when you have the right care in place.

I can't reply to your new post about thoughts until later but there are other mums here to help.

Stay safe and take care.