Hey

[Staceypx]

So they had to take my daughter put of my room the other night as I was going mad and then went mad that they took her out they injected me and the rest is a blur and I went really tierd. They put me on olanzapine but I felt really sick on it so they're trying me on trifluoperazine I just really wanted to ask if anybody else has been on trifluoperazine? Thinking of you all and massive hugs in my absence x

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Staceypx,

Sorry to hear that you've had a bad night, I know when I was in MBU there were times when I couldn't be near my baby and also was upset at not being with him too. It's an awful feeling I know, but it will pass and you will start to feel better soon.

I'm afraid I don't have experience of Trifluoperazine. I took Olanzapine, which worked for me although was hard going at times with side effects.

I hope you've been able to rest and have had a better day today. Take care, xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Hannah_at_APP]

Hello Staceypx

Sorry I replied on the other thread and didn't realise you had a tough night recently. I was in general psychiatric care and so my first son was not with me in his very early days. After a few months I was sent to another mental health unit where my son was allowed. I can clearly remember asking the nurse not to disturb me during the night for feeds!! That sounds awful now but I couldn't help it at the time.

I didn't take the medication you mention, although my PP episodes were a long time ago and probably medications have been updated. I think once the right balance of medication is found for you, hopefully you will begin to feel a bit better.

Sending a Big hug back to you ..... thank you so much for taking the time to let us know how you've been. We are all thinking of you.

As always, take good care of yourself.

[MrsJelly]

Hi Stacey

Sorry to hear you've had such a rough night. I have memories of a few of those myself. It can be scary and very frustrating when you feel you're not in control of your own life but please stay strong. Things are going to get much better for you. It's all only temporary.

When I was admitted to MBU almost 20 years ago it was pretty much standard practice there to put all the babies in a locked (yes, locked) nursery overnight for the first few days or weeks while staff worked on finding the right medication.

Once they were satisfied the meds were working and recovery was well underway, baby's cots were moved into their mothers rooms permanently until it was time to be discharged.

In my own case this stage lasted for several weeks as they changed me over from one combination of drugs to another. I imagine that nowadays there are newer drugs available and that this process would happen much more swiftly.

I was encouraged, under supervision at first, to spend as much time as possible caring for my baby during the day but at the time it seemed awful to me to be seperated from my baby overnight. I felt paranoid and persecuted by the whole thing and angry and helpless all at the same time.

On the plus side, however, with the benefit of hindsight, trusting someone else take responsibility for night feeds and settling baby back off to sleep in the early hours of the morning was really beneficial! I was getting a decent night's rest so I felt fresher and better able to cope the next day. I actually wanted to feed, bathe and change my little girl instead of being too exhausted or distracted to even think about it.

By the time I was discharged from hospital my baby was sleeping through the night. That was great for me and my husband as he could get a proper night's sleep too meaning he was able to get up fresh for work the next morning and still have energy to help me out with baby when he came home in the evenings. Bless him, he was a hero too.

The staff who came onto the ward to cover the nursery at night were all really lovely mature ladies with tonnes of experience and several children of their own and had this great knack of settling a crying infant within minutes. A gift, it seemed to me, an inexperienced, anxious new mother. I feel indebted to them still.

Sorry if I've rambled on but I really want to try to help you to feel better. Please try not to worry too much about the day to day frustrations. In a few weeks you'll be back in the driving seat again and have your precious little one back in your permanent care.

Love to you both.

J Xxx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Staceypx

Just wondering how your week has been?

Thinking of you and sending a big hug ...... xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Staceypx

I hope the change in medication has made a difference and you have had a better week.

Thinking of you ..... take good care of yourself.

[Staceypx]

I'm feeling really suicidal I can't evan talk right now I dont know how to

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Staceypx

So sorry ... we've had problems with updating on the forum and I've only just seen your post. I hope you have been ok today ......

Please keep in touch if it will help to talk here.

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Staceypx I'm so sorry. I didn't see your post it somehow didn't show up. I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. That's really awful. Are you able to tell anyone of the staff. Or even write it down to give to them? Do write here whenever you want to. I'm thinking of you. You will recover, you will get better, and you are in a safe place xx

[Staceypx]

He keeps telling me to set a fire in the unit and stay in the fire

[Staceypx]

The more I ignore him he shouts at me

[Lilybeth Volunteer in reply to Staceypx]

Hello Stacey, Have you told staff how you feel and the voice you are hearing? Stay safe ..... we are here for you.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

You are doing really well to ignore the voice. If you tell the staff they will completely understand and be able to help you. Hold on to the courage you have had so far.

Please stay safe and let us know how you are if you can.

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Staceypx

Im so sorry youre hearing this voice, it sounds really scary. The voice is the illness, it isn't you. Talk to the staff about what you're hearing and feeling. They can help you, and help you to be safe. Keep writing whenever you need to x

[Staceypx]

They don't want me to tell anyone or he'll hurt me.

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

You must tell someone Stacey, please. If you tell someone in the Unit they really can help you. Try to fight your fears, it's frightening for you so you must get help. Please keep talking to us x

[Spaghetti]

please do, Stacey.....x

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Staceypx the voice is your illness. It can't hurt you. Try not to listen to it. I agree you must talk to the staff about what you're hearing and feeling and they will help you. Keep writing here too. We are with you Xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

How have you been today? I hope you are ok.

We are all thinking of you ........

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

Thinking of you ..... hope you are ok.

Stay safe.

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Staceypx, I hope that you are feeling a little better? You are safe and the voices cannot hurt you. I hope you are managing to rest, take care, we are all thinking of you lots, xx

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

I'm thinking of you too Stacey, hoping you feel a bit safer. Write only when you want to, no pressure. X

[Staceypx]

Hi,

Sorry I haven't replied just primarily trying to get better. I seem to be ok but then drop. How long can you have ppp for? Or is this now the bipolar?Hallucinating like hell was talking to a girl for a few nights and now she's gone, I'm trying to find her. Some bizarre delusions and disturbing instructions. Had enough now. Love to you all, sorry if I don't post much xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hi Stacey

Good to hear from you .... don't worry about replying as long as you are getting better. Some days it can be one step forward and two back but you will come out of it with the care you are having in the MBU. I'm sorry to hear about your disturbing delusions and instructions. I can remember how scary they were for me so try to focus your thoughts on other things. I hope there's a nurse you can confide in.

It's not easy to see at the moment but you will fully recover in time.

Take very good care of yourself ...... stay safe.

[Hannah_at_APP Administrator]

Hi Stacey,

Please don't worry about replying, take all the time you need and allow the support of staff at the MBU to be your priority if you need it to be. Your continued recovery is theee most important thing and we all understand that.

I had several times in the MBU where I felt a million times better, daring to be "OK", but would then seem to be back at square 1, or at least not where I'd felt I was the day (or sometimes even hour) before. This was a very normal part of my recovery, as I was reassured at the time.

Take care and I hope that you are feeling better soon, we are all here for you, xx

[Ellie_at_APP Partner]

Hi Staceypx

Lovely to hear from you. You are totally right to focus on getting better, as others say only write when you want to.

Yes I found the psychosis was a bit up and down. I had good days, or parts of days, and then I wouldn't feel well again. I think the most important thing is to keep talking to the staff about how you're feeling and telling them your thoughts as they can help you deal with the thoughts, maybe adjust meds etc.

Take care xx

[Staceypx]

Yeah that's exactly what I feel like one day I'm ok the next day I'm not.

Lastnight I just heard "they're here", that was it, I went round the unit with plastic fork apparently lol' I laugh about it now so ludicrous!

Will do love to you all xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

You'll get there Stacey and when you look back there will be a few things to make you smile. It's great that you recognise they're not real as it shows you're getting better.

Have a good sleep ..... xx

[Lilybeth Volunteer]

Hello Stacey

I hope you have had a good week. No need to reply .... just letting you know we are all thinking of you.

Take good care xx