What happens if you have a place in a mother and baby unit but refuse to take the baby?

I'm meant to be going tomorrow morning, and myself and my partner feel strongly about the baby staying with him, I don't mind where I go, I will go wherever voluntarily, just I want to leave her with her dad. Part of my symptoms have been terrified of leaving her with anyone else except her dad, they want me to go for an assessment and I don't see the need to take her for that when she won't be with me anyway as they've said she'll be looked after by the nursery for the early weeks with little interaction from me. Can they force her to go too?

6 Replies

  • Hello raspberries, I don't have any experience of MBU's but there will be other mums here who can help.

    I know you and your partner feel strongly about the baby staying at home but I think the idea of you and your baby being together is a good one. It will give you a break away from the routine at home so that you can concentrate on building your confidence, slowly but surely, caring for your newborn. The idea of your baby being looked after in the nursery for the early weeks will give you time to recover. I imagine there will be other new mums with whom you will be able to share experiences too.

    Take care,

  • Hello. Sorry to hear you're unwell. I stayed for a month in an MBU in Dec 2009.

    I understand your reticence to have baby with you but it really is the best place for them. It aims tour recovery and enables you to bond which can be an issue in a mental illness post childbirth.

    If it were me I'd want to take baby but I'm sure you can ask for more information on new why it's beneficial for hot mum and baby to be kept together.

    Good luck,

  • Hi raspberries

    I can completely relate to wanting to keep your baby with your partner as he is the person you trust. I had the same feelings. It was the unknown of going to a place I knew nothing about. Who was I going to trust when I got there?

    The nurses at the MBU were very good though and it was a very safe place. I then realised after a couple of days that I could trust them.

    You need to have your baby with you in the MBU. I know your baby will be in the nursery, as my baby was for a few weeks, but you will still be able to see your baby each day. This will also help with your recovery and enable you to bond with your baby.

    They want the best for you.

    Please keep asking questions. We are here to support you.

    Emma x

  • Hi Raspberries,

    I hope you're now settling in to the Mother & Baby Unit - I realise it might be a while before your read this but I echo what the others have said. I really understand the fear & not trusting strangers to look after your baby but I'm sure you'll find the nurses are very experienced, caring & only want the best for you, your baby & husband. There are lots of women here who can tell you that the care they had in the unit was excellent & the professional help they received caring for their babies was wonderful. I think even if it's very frightening being there at first, you'll soon settle in & feel safe & well cared for.

    We're thinking of you & we're here for you if you need us.

  • Thank you for your replies, I've not gone to the mother and baby unit as the consultant nurse agreed it would not be beneficial as it's nearly 2 hours journey to get there and we have 2 older children aged 3 and 19 months, who wouldn't be able to visit often due to fuel costs. I have an assessment at hospital tomorrow with 2 psychiatrists, to see the next best course to take, hospitalization locally has been mentioned, and it doesn't frighten me, I just want to get better for all 3 of my children.

  • Hello raspberries

    I hope your assessment goes well tomorrow. It will be good for you to plan your ongoing care with the Psychiatrists. Is your partner going with you? Before your meeting you could write down all the things you would like to ask them? I remember such meetings when I was 23 and my mind would go blank so I couldn't remember what to ask!

    Try not to worry .... they only want to help so that in time you will be well.

    Take good care.

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