My daughter is in a MBU at the minute... - Action on Postpar...
My daughter is in a MBU at the minute with post partum psychosis. Will she recover and be able to go back to work."
Hi Irvinm62
So sorry to hear your daughter is suffering from postpartum psychosis. Glad to hear she is receiving treatment in a MBU - our research shows that mums who are able to stay with their baby for treatment do tend to make a quicker reccovery and feel more confident in their bond with baby.
At the moment it may feel that she is so unwell you can't imagine her making a good recovery and being back to her old self. However many of us can testify that we did make it through the road to recovery - I'm sure other mums and dads will post and tell you how it was for them getting back into work.
Many of our mums say it took at least a year for them to feel anything like back to normal - how much maternity leave was your daughter planning on taking before she became ill? I know a few of our members felt they rushed back to work and found it could be quite hard going after such an acute illness. However many of our members did feel able to go back to work either full or part time once their baby was a bit older.
I hope you (and your daughter when she comes home) might find our Insider Guide to Recovery useful - it has lots of tips for the first year of recovery, including lots of further links for issues to consider when getting back in to work.
Here's the link:
app-network.org/wp-content/...
Please do ask any questions you need to here - and take good care of yourself during this difficult time
Naomi xx
Thank you so much for replying at the moment I feel I am living a nightmare she has been in hospital 4 weeks now and may be there for another 4. Each day seems to be different one day I think she is improving and the next she is not so good again. My daughter has planned to be on maternity leave until June 2014. It has come as such a shock to me as I never even knew such a condition existed. I just worry for her future. Marilyn x
Hello Irvinm62,
I am sorry you are watching your daughter enduring PP. It must be very distressing for family 'looking in' but at least she has a diagnosis and is in the best place for her care and your new grandchild. She is probably not aware of what's happening, In my case when I was hospitalised it was as if I was on another planet! I was not aware for instance that my mother visited me every night.
I had my first PP 'experience' well before MBU's. I was in a general psychiatric hospital for quite some time due to being very poorly. That said, when I did fully recover (as your daughter will eventually) I returned to work when my son was five years old, at first on a temporary basis. It probably took me twelve months after PP hit to fully recover and regain my confidence.
We have all had PP but each journey has been different. However, I am sure your daughter will be receiving the best care available in the MBU and there will be a plan in place. Rest assured that with professional care and family support your daughter will recover. In the meantime, make sure you look after yourself in the days ahead.
Thank you so much for replying. Why does this happen she had a great pregnancy apart from the normal sickness she looked after herself so well. The joy of our first granddaughter has been taken away seeing our daughter so ill. I just worry for her future she is a teacher and is in s stressful job hopefully this will not affect her future so unfair. Marilyn
Dear Marilyn,
I've never posted here before but I wanted to reply in case my experience gives you some reassurance and hope at what must be a terrible time.
I suffered from puerperal psychosis last summer, 3 weeks after the birth of my son (completely out of the blue like a lot of people, no history of mental health problems, great pregnancy, no traumatic birth...) I spent a month in a MBU.
I think I was very lucky in that I responded quite quickly to medication. I've had excellent support from family and friends and I didn't suffer from the subsequent depression that I understand is quite common. I think it is fair to say I have been a 'straight forward' case. I am in the process of coming off my medication now.
I had just over 10 months maternity leave (so about 8 months after coming out of the MBU) and have been back at work full time for nearly 6 months. I am very open about what happened and again have good support from my manager and those colleagues who I've told. It will be different for everyone and everyone will have a different rate of recovery but for me it was important to go back to work.
I'm not saying it's been easy but 14 months on I would say I feel a long way to being back to my normal self, being completely off the medication will be a big milestone.
I'm sure it feels completely hopeless at the moment but chances are your daughter will make a full recovery. It's such an unfair and devastating illness at what should be the happiest time. But she will get better and come home, you will be able to enjoy your granddaughter and will get your daughter back again. In the meantime she's in the best place and it's ok to be angry. Sadly no one really knows why it happens, but it's certainly nothing your daughter has done.
I wish you all the very best.
J x
Thank you for replying to me I too have never posted on this site I am just trawling the internet to see what support is out there. Like you my daughter has no experience of mental illness and this come as a complete bombshell she is ordinarily a very capable individual.
She knows exactly what has happened and now wants to apologise for her behaviour but of course we reassure her things have been out with her control.
She is on olanzapene and has been told the side effect is weight gain and I know this will bother her as she looks after her diet. Was this the medication you took and did it affect your weight? I realise her recovery is more important but I do know she will be upset if she gains lots of weight.
Another thing that preys on my mind is the close link with bi polar disorder and I am ver scared she could develop this.
I am so pleased to hear your nightmare is almost over and you have returned to work.
Thanks again for your reassurance
Marilyn x
I have been taking quetiapine. Weight gain is also a side effect of this drug but I've not put on weight myself, I've managed to stay about the same so your daughter won't necessarily suffer a lot of weight gain... If she does I'm sure it'll come off again.
The link to bipolar isn't something I've looked into properly but my understanding is that although the risk is slightly increased compared to the general population, it's still pretty low.
I also was very aware of what had happened to me, once the profound confusion passed and I finally returned to the 'real world'. It will take time for your daughter to process it all as part of the recovery process. The questions of 'why?' and 'why her/me?' will probably remain unanswered; as the one gentleman has said, don't waste energy trying to rationalise it and take heart in the fact it's an illness that women generally make a quick and full recovery from.
Happy to talk further about anything, feel free to message me if you'd like to.
x
Hi irvinm62,
My wife also has the condition, but only diagnosed 3 and 1/2+ years after the birth of our daughter. It has developed insidiously and seems to be a particularly unusual presentation of this illness. I only discovered 2-3 months ago that this condition ever existed.
I completely empathise with your feelings of "why" and the unfairness of it all. It is a terrible, and terribly rare illness, and you really wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy. It only affects one in a thousand women, and I felt "It's the kind of thing you read about but never happens to you."
It has devastated my wife's parents, naturally, as it has you. It is their first grandchild as well. Life is very difficult for all of us.
Mental illness is dreadful for the patient and for all those around them, as it often cant be pinned down and identified. It is not like a case of a broken leg, where it is obvious what is the problem and therefore the treatment. And, of course, where there is a baby/toddler involved the anguish and concern/stress is multiplied greatly.
In our situation, we are in the relatively early stages of the condition being identified. But I think you should take great comfort in the fact that it has been identified, at whatever stage, but i guess pretty early on (sorry I am not sure how old your grandchild is) and moreover that the prognosis is excellent according to my wife's consultant psychiatrist, with a very good chance of a full recovery. There are many mental illnesses where that is not the case. You must hold on to this fact.
From all the many conversations I have had with medical professionals, there are a number of reasons why the condition may have arisen, and to be honest I get the sense it is an illness, and field, where there is still plenty of investigative work to be done. Organisations such as Action on Postpartum Psychosis play an invaluable role in this quest for a better understanding. I know that once we are through this utter nightmare I (and hopefully my wife) will be in touch with the APP guys to share our experience and hopefully aid their invaluable research.
Although my wife is still in the relatively early stages of diagnosis, and therefore treatment, I believe in the expert opinion that the prognosis is excellent and the odds are your daughter will make a full recovery and you will be able to fully enjoy the experience of being a grandparent, and your daughter being a mother.
I am afraid that I cant give much first hand experience/advice about the actual treatment of the condition. My wife is a couple of weeks into a course of quetiapine, and she/we are yet to see any consistent benefits. Yet.
But I would urge you hold onto the fact that this a mental illness which is rare (so dont beat yourself up over why it has struck, and dont waste energy trying to rationalise/reason over it - believe me I have been there....) and most importantly is very treatable and has an excellent prognosis. That is how I keep myself going.
Thank you so much for your kind words. My daughter was diagnosed 2 weeks after her baby daughter was born and she has been in the MBU for 4 weeks now. It is soul destroying watching this illness. My daughter has been prescribed olanzapene which is very slow acting.
Her consultant assures us the recovery is good but when I visit we have one good day and then a bad day just so hard to deal with. The consultant expects her to be there for another month. It all seems so unfair that some women need to endure this devastating condition when they should be at home enjoying their new baby.
I hope your wife recovers quickly. Our consultant here told us 1 in 500 women are affected and it is more common than you would think. We are lucky she has a place in the unit as there are only 5 beds available in the unit and her consultant is very well known so we are delighted that she is getting the best attention. Thanks once again for replying I don't normally post anything on the internet but just desperate to find out other people's experience.
Marilyn
Hi,
My wife suffered with pp around 7 years ago and it's a terrifying illness for all. The best thing that happened for all of us was when my wife managed to get into an MBU, although at the time we didn't know what was going on.
Now looking back it was fantastic and it had the great benefit of mum and baby being together, they now have an incredible relationship 
A silver lining was actually the staff got our little one into the nightly routine as well.
Experiences are different for all but my wife was in MBU for 11 weeks and it took a number of months to rebuild her confidence but she went back to work and has continued working since.
It is an illness that I took one day at a time, don't think too far ahead, you will all get through it.
Thoughts with you
Sounds like your daughter is having a very similar experience to mine. I was sectioned when my Daughter was about 2.5 weeks and I spent around 1 month in hospital. 50% in psychiatrc ward and 50% in MBU. I too had no history of mental illness and a great pregnancy so it came as a massive shock and at the time was extremely distressing for myself and my family. I recovered (as everyone does) fairly quickly and felt like my normal self a couple of months after leaving the hospital. Despite this I was kept on quetiapine for over a year as a preventative measure. I have now been off it for 3 months and I am absolutely fine - and lost weight when I did. I went back to work when my daughter was 6 months and have even taken on a new career since.
I will always be slightly distressed looking back on the experience and am anxious about having future children because of it - although it wont stop me. One positive for me was that I made a friend in the MBU and we are still in touch and it is has been really great to have someone who has been through it to talk too.
Everyones experience is different but she will get through it and the MBU is the best place. I have tried to see what positives I can in the experience and I think it has made me a stronger person. I am personally very angry that it is such a taboo illness and I too had never heard of it despite working in healthcare research in a related area, especially when it is actually common compared to many illnesses.
I hope this helps
Kate
Dear Irvinm62 -
Having just read Kate's comment it relates so much to my experience too, though this was over 30 years ago. It seems we all found PP a steep learning curve, and since then I have come to think that we learn most from the difficult times in our lives. Be encouraged by all you read here. Your daughter will recover. I had another baby four years later with no sign of PP after the birth, and know that it is possible to return to work again. Take care
Dear Irvinm62
I'd like to reiterate a lot of what's been said already here and share my own experiences.
I, too, am a teacher - at university level. I had my first child in January 2012, and had a great pregnancy. My delivery didn't go as planned, but then again that's also normal. I have no history of mental illness and had never heard of PPP.
Around 12 days after my daughter was born I had a sudden onset of PPP - possibly triggered by lack of sleep building up to that day, but it's quite difficult to pinpoint exactly what caused it. It's just hormones and chemicals really.
I was admitted to a general psychiatric ward: most definitely not the best place for a new mum, so it really is great your daughter is in an MBU (I needed special counselling from an infant mental health specialist further down the line to discuss bonding issues). I was in the ward just over 21 days (I had insight into my condition quite early on and was determined to get out and see my daughter!).
After a cocktail of drugs in the few days after I was admitted, I also stuck to olanzapine (sp?) for around 3 months in total - I found it helped me sleep at night too. I didn't experience any weight gain. I then experienced a dip in my mood when I came off the olanzapine and ended up taking an anti-depressant (setraline) for around 6 months. This, too, is completely normal, but I wasn't warned in advance about it.
I went back to work part time 4 months after my daughter was born as planned and my husband and I both worked part time and shared the child care. Then I went back full time nine months after and my daughter went to a nursery school which was at my place of work. Now, 20 months on, it feels like a bad dream. I think it took around a year for me to feel that way, but that was partly the depression rather than PPP itself, and I managed to keep going at work.
I didn't tell any of my work colleagues what had happened: although I'd love to think they would have understood, I felt it was a private matter and was concerned about the stigma. That's obviously a personal choice your daughter will need to make. Your daughter has up to one year in statutory maternity leave if needs be so she shouldn't feel pressured to going back when she originally thought, though I appreciate she may want to.
I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you. My own Mum rallied round and ended up looking after my daughter for those 3 weeks I was in hospital. I know from experience that any practical support you can offer will be really appreciated, but also that I was angry with my Mum at times: I didn't think it was fair she was spending time with my daughter, and I felt that nobody truly understood my condition. She, on the other hand, was deeply worried about me and simply trying to help. So perhaps be prepared for some emotional times ahead in the short term, but further down the line it really does resolve itself.
I haven't found the condition has had any impact on my ability to teach whatsoever. Of course, adjusting to being a Mum has an impact on one's career, but there's nothing I could pinpoint that's any different as a result of the illness.
So, it does pass, and she's definitely in the best place. I hope this helps and I'm thinking of you.
Thank you so much for replying. My daughter's experience is very similar to your own although my daughter was lucky to get into the MBU straight away. The consultant is very reassuring that she will recover but at the moment that seems a long way off. We expect her to be there for another two to three weeks.
I've never been so worried seeing her like this. Then you have a good and the next day is not so good. I'm trying very hard to be positive but some days it's difficult. I'm so pleased to hear that everything returned to normal for you and you are now well. Hopefully this nightmare will end soon and she'll be back home with her husband and baby the way things should be. I just feel so sorry for her the joy of a new baby and then this terrible illness.
Once again thanks for your reassurance.
Marilyn
Hi - just wanted to add my own experiences to those above. While its awful PP has hit your daughter, it's great she is in an MBU and getting the treatment she needs. I was in an MBU for almost 3 mths, but the most acute period of PP subsided after about 3 weeks. There were good and bad days though, so don't worry if it sometimes seem a slow recovery, she will get there!
I've talked a lot about what happened with my husband, but only recently with my parents. I think they were pretty devastated by it, and found it so hard to see their normally confident and capable daughter in hospital in such a state. They even blamed themselves at times, which was quite irrational! So try not to be hard on yourself and be confident that she will recover and be back to normal very soon. Best wishes,
Thank you so much everyone who has replied has given me hope that everything will return to normal in time, it's just so hard to see her like this like you a very confident and capable person. I pray for her every night.
Thanks once again and hope you continue to remain well.
Marilyn
Hi Marilyn
Many others have already responded but just wanted to share my story to give you hope also... I too had a great pregnancy, no previous mental health problems, and was feeling so positive, and had an amazing home birth (only 5 hours, no pain relief!) but I had a very acute onset of PP when my son was 4/5 days old. I went to A&E and then from there straight to a brilliant private MBU funded by the NHS. I was there for nearly 3 months. I was up and down too, with good days and bad days. I did suffer from depression after the psychosis and it took me a year and a half to really fully recover. Like you say good days and bad days seem definitely to be part of the illness. I'd have good weeks and bad weeks.
I went back to work about 10 months after the birth, I was still suffering from depression and did struggle for quite a few months but somehow got through. I was absolutely honest with work / friends etc and shared my experience, I personally found this helpful and important to do. I didn't want to 'hide' etc and it helped me to come to terms with and 'own' what had happened to me. Also to say my job is pretty stressful / full on, I am a Registered Manager of four care homes for people with learning disabilities.
I too was on Olanzapine, for about a year. It was slowly reduced. I found it a good drug and didn't notice much side effects, other than making me quite tired. I have put on weight, I will be honest, but its more to do with my addiction to biscuits / chocolate! and I don't care so much about my weight etc. I was also on Escitilipram and have only just come off it now.
But my point is, my son is now 2, I feel back to my normal self, at times I thought I would never feel again.
Now, I am so happy. I love my son so much, our bond hasn't been affected by the experience, if anything he is quite a mummy's boy! I have amazing family and friends, and I absolutely love my job. I have never been happier and I mean that. And I know it sounds strange but somehow I feel OK about the illness, I think it has given me a great understanding and empathy of what many others have been through, anyone who has experienced psychosis and depression. And I think it has given me a great appreciation of everything in my life - my friends and family, and my son, more than maybe someone who hadn't gone through what I did. And as I support people for my job it was good for me to be on the other side receiving support from staff etc, this has given me a lot of insight. Of course, I do still have great sadness about what happened, and wish I could have the whole first year of my son's life back so I could really enjoy it. But I just wanted to let you know that there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel, without a doubt, she will get better. And that maybe some good will come out of it somehow.
And when your daughter is feeling a bit better I'd point her in the direction of APP - it's really helped me.
I really hope all these comments help...
Thinking of you all,
Take care X
Thank you for your reply I cannot believe how kind people have been and people I don't even know it's amazing. I'm no tone for joining these chats but I've been so desperate to know anyone else so has shared the same experience and when my daughter is well I'll let her read all these posts to reassure her all will be well. I wish that day was here!! Thanks once again for replying. I hope you continue to keep well.
Marilyn
Dear Marilyn
Really glad you have found support and encouragement from the forum. Please do let your daughter know she can also chat to us when she is ready. You are so right - all will be well for your daughter - and although everyone's recovery journey is different there is so much hope and encouragement from hearing about other women and families who have made it through to the other side. I know it is so hard right now to be patient, and it's very painful seeing someone you love go through such a dramatic illness, however each week there will be new glimmers of confidence, and the times when your daughter seems more like her old self will become more frequent.
Has your daughter been able to take short trips out of the MBU with her baby yet? It will be lovely for all of you when you can pop to the shops together or go for a coffee. Gradually these 'leave' periods will be extended and for most mums there is a period of short visits home, then a few overnight practices to help gradually ease into responsibilities at home again. Rest assured that the MBU staff will be really skilled in moving things along at the right pace for your daughter and their aim will be to help her feel as confident and well as possible before coming home.
Wishing you all the best
Naomi
Naomi
Thank you for your reply once again. My daughter is improving and was allowed to come to my house for the whole day on Saturday my son's fiancée is a hairdresser and she came and cut and coloured her hair that really boosted her. Her husband and the baby came to join us for dinner then she went back to the hospital. On Sunday she was exhausted maybe too long a day for her. She seems to tire very easily and she still has difficulty sleeping some nights. The MBU are fantastic both to her and myself who constantly needs reassured that she will recover. The next thing is she has been told she won't be able to drive and I know that will hit her hard as where she lives is quite remote I live a 2 hour drive away but have assured her I will be there for her as often as she needs me. Do you know how long she will be unable to drive for?
It will 5 weeks on Thursday since she was admitted it seems an eternity ago there has been no mention yet of an overnight stay but she knows that should happen.
I worry about lasting effects and whether she will have a recurrence she is normally such a laid back girl and nothing phases her I just cannot comprehend why this has happened and I know there are no answers but when I see other mums pushing their prams it makes me so sad that she has had to go through this horrible illness.
Thanks for your support
Marilyn
Hi,
I've been following this thread & just wanted to add that your support for your daughter is amazing. It will help her immensely in her recovery I am sure to have such great family support. Wishing you all very well xx
Hi,
All our stories here are very similar and know that when you are there it can seem like an eternity, but when you look back in time, we see it as just a little blip. my wife never had any problems before pp, was very level headed, happy and chilled; I can honestly say that she is just the same now having been through everything 
Hi Marilyn, Really glad to hear that it sounds like your daughter is slowly getting better and great that she was able to come to yours for a whole day. As Zapple says I am sure she will return to her usual self - as I have written before I certainly have, and maybe even more than that it has changed me for the better.
Please know that we are all here for you if you have anymore questions etc and it is really good to hear how your daughter is progressing etc, if you feel able to keep posting.
With driving question I'm afraid I can't answer that as I don't drive. I hope some others will be able to answer that question, how long they couldn't drive etc. I think I remember reading a thread about it - maybe someone can direct you to it.
Thank you very much for your reply. My daughter is allowed out of hospital Saturday and Sunday all day as long as she is back for 9.00 pm. Great news for us but she is still very very tired and tires very easily. The consultant is happy with her progress and hopes she can spend a night at home soon. At last we are seeing her old self coming back she has been in hospital 5 weeks now and expects to be there another few weeks. I'm still struggling a bit to accept why this has happened to her but for some reason she has accepted it and is dealing with the situation very well.
The baby is fantastic and she is looking after her on her own now and has her in her room during the night too which is great as she will need to deal with that when she gets home.
Thank you again for replying.
Marilyn
Hi again Marilyn - just wanted to reply to your question about driving and psychosis/Olanzapine. I think when you have some time it might be worth ringing the DVLA for the most up-to-date advice, and also talking to the consultant psychiatrist at the MBU to find out if it's the episode of psychosis or the Olanzapine itself that will present the issue with driving.
In my personal experience I didn't know about the driving rule after my first episode of PP so just carried on driving - but I think this is not to be advised! After our second baby I phoned up to notify the DVLA that I was taking Olanzapine and the DVLA issued me with a driving licence just for one year, after writing to my psychiatrist for his recommendation on whether I was fit to drive. My licence now has to be renewed each year so the DVLA can write again to my psychiatrist and check how things are going.
However, I do know other mums from APP who, after PP were informed they would not be able to drive for 6 months. But this does seem a very important issue to get right as your daughter lives in a rural area. I hope you are able to get some clarification!
I can also really empathise with your feelings of shock and just how unfair it feels when PP strikes a family. It's still a very unheard of and unspoken of illness, and that can mean that families are just not prepared. So many of us had that feeling of it being so unfair, and so 'out of the blue'. Research estimates that between 1 in 500 and 1 in 1000 women are affected by PP and it is more common with first babies. This means that in the UK around 4 families each day are affected by PP. We really hope that using this forum and the APP website we are able to break some of the silence about PP and in doing so help families feel less alone.
So glad to hear that your daughter is improving, and able to spend more independent time with her baby. We are here for as long as you need while the recovery goes on.
Take care, Naomi xx
Hi Naomi
As far as I'm aware it's because of the medication she is unable to drive. At the moment she doesn't seem too troubled by it and I'll be there when she needs me.
I was speaking to her tonight about how unfair it is that this has happened and she replied that she's not going to dwell on that it's happened and she needs to deal with it. Think she has accepted it better than me.
Thank you again for your support she has an overnight stay at her house tomorrow night and I'm a bit anxious about that hoping she will manage ok. The baby is fantastic 8 weeks tomorrow and sleeping all night the past few nights.
Thanks again and hopefully we are on the road to recovery.
Marilyn
So pleased to hear things sounding steadier for your daughter & grandchild Marilyn. I'm sure the overnight at home will be tiring but also a welcome step towards recovery. I remember certainly feeling relieved to be in my own bed and the joy of small things like choosing an outfit for my baby.
Family support once home is so valuable, so it's great to hear you are planning to spend time with your daughter. I really valued having someone to accompany me to baby groups or just to go out for coffee with at the beginning of my time at home.
Wishing you all the best
Naomi
Naomi
Thank you again for replying I'm delighted she is starting to recover but it does worry me that she will have another episode out with childbirth. We're you ok apart from childbirth episodes? Sorry to bother you with all these questions but still very anxious about her future.
Marilyn
Hi Marylin
Please keep asking away - it's what we're here for.
Very much understand your concern for your daughter's future mental health. The majority of women who have PP do return to full health. It can be common to have a period of anxiety or low mood when recovering from psychosis. However this can usually be treated very effectively with an antidepressant medication and talking therapy can be helpful.
Future episodes of psychosis are much less common - a good proportion of mums in our network have had no further mental health problems at all after their episode of PP.
For me personally I had a milder time of mania after our second baby. I have also had one period of depression in the 7 years since my first baby. But interestingly I think recovery from PP has helped me to learn how to look after my mental and emotional wellbeing better than I did before. I still face stressful times in life and I've learned to look after my energy levels and that I need balance of me time, mum time and work time.
It's a bitter sweet silver lining but mums who have been through PP are forearmed to notice future wobbles and so we can act quickly and seek the help or support we need to stay well.
So I guess we can never give a cast iron guarantee to mums that they won't have future episodes of ill health. However we can reaasure mums and families that they will be better equipped.
For now though, your love and practical support will be such valuable ingredients for recovery. You are doing a fantastic job.
N xx
Thank you once again for replying sometimes I feel I am just functioning and no more I just wish everything was back to normal but I know that is a way off. Sorry to be a pest but when you are faced with something like this it is shattering. I hope she is ok tonight I have not contacted her as I wanted to leave the three of them together but it has been a difficult night for me.
Marilyn
Hi Marilyn
It was really great to hear how well your daughter is doing, all those steps that she has the baby with her at night, that she goes out saturday and sunday and has an overnight visit home planned is such great progress. It sounds like she's doing so well. Its great she seems to have such a positive attitude
Naomi knows more I'm sure about a cross section of people who have had PP and future mental health etc. I had PP two years ago, I had a period of depression after the psychosis which did take a year and a half to fully get over (though several of those months I was functioning OK etc but just didn't feel quite right, quite myself). But I have not had anything since, and am off all medication. I don't think I will become ill again though of course you can never know, but I feel very clearly that the psychosis was related to that particular time, because of hormones etc. And I imagine some future mental ill health problems wouldn't necessarily be connected to PP, they said 1 in 3 people will have some mental health problem in their lifetime. I would say that I would encourage your daughter to use all the support she is offered, I think the support I received from a psychologist after I left the MBU and returned home was as important, if not more important, in recovering than the medication.
Take care
Ellie
Ellie, Thank you for replying I just seem to be racing ahead all the time and depression is one thing that bothers me as she is not that kind of girl always very upbeat no matter what she is facing, even this illness she said the other night this the card I've been dealt and I can't dwell on it I need to get well and look forward. So I pray she doesn't experience depression as that would be very difficult for her to deal with.
I don't know yet what support is available for her yet when she gets home but hopefully there will be some. Hopefully this has been solely related to childbirth and it does not come back. She is very tired with the olanzapine as she is on the maximum dosage but the dr is thinking of reducing it because of this. I do worry about her being on this medication and the side effects but at the moment I understand she needs to take it.
Thanks again for your support.
Marilyn
Just a quick note for when she gets home that there are charities like homestart that can help for a few hours a week, the MBU should be able to help with those sorts of things in your area.
We were lucky to have homestart, even just for the 3 hours a week, as it gave my wife someone else to talk to, or to help take her shopping, or go to the cafe, it just helped rebuild her confidence.
We both had fears of my wife having another episode and that takes time to get over but as Andrea has said I think we felt we were more aware of any possible hiccups along the way, and from a husband point of view I was able to contact the MBU or other points of call for support, plus my wife knew she was having a little wobble but in our experience that was very few and far between and still in a period of recovery; we've had no other episodes since, now 6 yrs on.
It's great to see that you are so supportive of your daughter, keep up the good work but also make sure that you look after yourself too
Thank you again for your reply she has been at home overnight and is on her way back to the unit tonight. As far as I know everything went well she sent me a text earlier as I didn't want to phone and disturb them I find this very hard but don't want to be a nuisance as she knows I have been very very worried about her. I am receiving some homeopathic treatment for my nerves from a homeopath that I attend for another health problem. I am trying to stay strong but find it very difficult as it's her future I worry about. So thank you for reassuring me and hopefully this illness will not recur.
Thanks again.
Marilyn
Hi Marilyn
Just wanted to say that your daughter may not get depression, some people don't (I have seen some posts on here from some people, maybe they can comment). I too am like your daughter, very positive and never had any inkling of depression before. i won't lie it was awful, but I think my positive outlook helped me through too. but sounds like the MBU is managing really well, organising home visits etc, which will all help her to slowly take steps and might mean she doesn't get depressed.
When I got discharged I was assigned to the early intervention team which is for people who have had psychotic episodes who are aged below 35. I think the statistics show that if you are supported by this team your chances of having another psychotic episode are lowered quite significantly. They support for 3 years after the episode. I have found their support invaluable, at the beginning weekly (or more if I needed) meetings with a mental health worker, and when I needed meetings with psychologist which were the most helpful I would say. they also offered us family meetings. I hope your daughter gets similar support.
I am looking at this illness as something that was a one off, linked to the child birth, and that I won't have any recurrences. I really think this true for me, I am not scared of getting ill again. I was on Olanzapine also, reduced slowly over time. I did need to go to bed earlier than I would usually but I didn't find it impossible (e.g. be in bed by 9 or 10 rather than 11 or 12). its good they are looking at reducing it already if she is really struggling with tiredness. I also remember just feeling tired recovering from the psychosis, they say you need plenty of rest after that, so it may not be just the Olanzapine.
Really glad to hear the overnight visit went well.
And I hope you are OK, as Zapple says look after yourself also, as much as you can.
Take care
Hi Marilyn
I've come to this post late but also wanted to share my experiences with you. I had an episode of PP in late 2009 and spent 3 months in hospital, first on a general ward then MBU. Being on an MBU, as others have said, is great for your daughter and grandchild. Like the times you've described, I was "allowed out" gradually until this built up into more and more leave away from the unit and discharge. Once home I was supported through the Early Intervention team, part of the CMHT locally - as I was in a different area for my inpatient treatment, although this was local for some family so I did keep in touch and have regular visitors.
Just being there for your daughter is so important. The first year or so I can now see was really hard work, it doesn't just end with hospital discharge. I wasn't discharged from a local consultant until almost 3 years on, although I think they were very cautious. Meds wise, I also had Olanzapine. This was stopped, after reductions, after a year or so and Lithium was also used to stabilise my mood as I had such extremes through my illness. I also had a course of ECT.
I returned to work after 9 months as I'd planned and work in a fairly busy/ pressured social care role. What was hardest was my job had changed and adjusting, nevermind feeling "behind" others who'd had time to get used to it was really hard. But I didn't hide anything about my illness, I feel being honest and open is important to help raise awareness and reduce stigma. But this will be a personal choice for your daughter. Some things took a while for me to get my head around, and it was easier to open up as time passed.
I had to notify the DVLA of my illness and medication, which resulted in me having to surrender my driving license. My Community Nurse helped with the paperwork - the practical things were really invaluable to me - and I know the Consultant in the same team (not from the MBU) also had to write. I applied for it back after about 3 months, when meds had reduced (but still on a lower dose of the Olanzapine) and got it for 1 year (2010-11). To be honest, I thought it was due to the ECT but I'm not sure. I then had a further year granted (2011-12), and most lately a further 2 years (2012-14). The DVLA have told me to expect gradual increases as long as my health stays good. It really annoys me on the one hand, (having been well and functioning in the real world for the best part of 4 years!) but I guess I can understand their caution. To me it's annoying that more drivers out there aren't subject to checks! And whilst I have no long-standing mental health problems, I did feel a little discriminated against to be honest.
Anyway, I hope some of this helps you and your daughter. As others have said, it's important to keep talking and make sure you both take all the support (family, professional etc) that you can. The APP website and this forum can be a great resource, all the best with the continued recovery journey. Take care.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. Things have improved over the past week and is in fact spending tomorrow night and Wednesday at her own home and back to hospital on Thursday. The consultant has indicated that she may get discharged on Friday if she gets on ok with her overnight stays.
I'm delighted she is about to get home but this will be another hurdle for me I will worry how she will cope and will find it difficult not to smother her. She is a very independent girl and I know she will get annoyed if I try to do too much for her. I live a 2 hour drive away from her and intend to be there as much as possible. Do you have any advice how I should handle her coming home?
Like you I think the driving is a bit unfair only getting your licence back in stages I know she is not able to drive at the moment and she doesn't seem to bothered but I know this will bother her in time as she lives in a rural area.
My biggest concern is that she will have another episode I cannot help worry about this but know I should just take one day at a time but it is difficult as everything is so fresh just now.
She is not due to return to work till June 2014 and I pray she will be able for this.
It has turned our lives upside down why do these things happen??
Thanks again
Marilyn
Hi again, sorry I didn't get to reply to this sooner with any advice about coming home. You sound to have got the balance right and some of the other advice about sitting down and looking for times when her husband may not be in (at work or wherever) then offering to be there for her then would work really well. I know I actually really valued having fewer visitors at once, and having dedicated time just with my husband is something that was (and still is, on every day life!) really important to me. I guess I'm pretty independent from my parents too, although I can appreciate as a mother, that my mother also wanted to be there for me. Just be guided by what your daughter says - that would be the best advice I could give. She may be easily overwhelmed, so try not to see any suggestions of times that you might make being refused as negative in any way. Hope that helps.
I am so happy to have found this forum. I too am worried about doing too much/smothering/getting between hubby and my daughter. I just don't know what to do for the best.
Hello Lily54
My daughter is now 6 months down the line from this awful illness and she is improving slowly getting more like her old self. It's been a rollercoaster and I know what you mean, I live a 2 hour drive away and when she got out of hospital my husband and I were there 2/3 times a week as her husband was back at work. I felt he didn't understand the stress we were feeling. However, we hopefully are on the way to recovery, I wish you all the best just take one day at a time that is all you can do. Unfortunately my daughter suffered depression too which has been really worrying but medication is helping that now. All I want to know is why this happens!!
Marilyn
At the moment I really don't think I can do this for six months. It's breaking my heart . I feel awfully selfish for even thinking this as it is a million times worse for my daughter and her husband.
Trust me you will get the strength from somewhere to carry on, I made myself ill too with worry but eventually I had to get a grip and just supported her as much as I could but like you my heart was breaking. I'm thinking of you stay strong.
Hello Lily54
I'm very glad too that you have found this forum as you will find it helpful and hopefully a support as Marilyn does. Has your daughter been diagnosed with PP and is this her first child? It must be heartbreaking to watch her suffering and feeling helpless. My mum was a great support during my first PP many years ago, although I've been told at times I didn't speak when she came to visit me in hospital due to my illness. It's best not to think months ahead, although this is a temporary illness and your daughter will eventually recover. Day by day is better.
I think your daughter and son-in-law will be very grateful for your support, if only to look after your new precious grandchild. Rest assured, in time with the right medical support your daughter will be well again.
Make sure you take care of yourself too as it is a stressful time now but will get better.
Yes, this is her first child, and this is such a shock, so out of character for her that it is unbelievable for us to even begin to comprehend. She doesn't think she will ever get better, but reading this forum gives me hope. Thank you
My daughter has just told me today that her nurse is very pleased with her progress and is reducing her visits from once per week to once per fortnight I'm delighted. Don't give up I know it's hard for everyone but you will see her coming back slowly but surely. Take care.
Hi Marilyn,
It’s really good news that things have improved over the past week & it’s great that she’s home for a few days. It's hard to see all the small but significant improvements when you’re going through it all, but as outsiders we can see they’re there.
I know it’s incredibly hard not to, but try not to worry how she’ll cope at home. With help & support from loved ones I’m sure it’ll be much easier than you fear & things will go smoothly. I was very independent before I was ill too & it was strange having my mother ‘mother’ me, but at that time that was exactly what I needed until I was feeling more myself. In the early days I was just too ill & found making even the smallest decisions impossible so I needed a lot of being mothered myself. Once I was better, I was able to re-establish our normal mother/daughter boundaries & establish myself as the mum & main baby carer. It just happened on it’s own over time & I guess it’s just a case of taking your cues from your daughter & doing as much/little as she wants & needs.
There’re some useful tips about ‘going home’ in this survival guide, page 22 onwards. It’s aimed at partners really but you might find it useful app-network.org/wp-content/...
Yes, it’s so hard not to worry about the future & about other episodes & you’re right about taking it one day at a time. Really try not to worry though, it might seem far from it but things are actually very positive. For many of us here PP is our one & only episode & experience of mental illness. Like your daughter, I had PP out of the blue & I feel completely back to my normal self & have had no further illness at all - my little one is seven now. I went back to work part-time after 6 months in the same position as before & while it wasn’t easy, it helped me carry on getting ‘me’ back. June is a long way off which gives your daughter plenty of time for recovery & it sounds very realistic to me for her to go back then if she wants to.
I know it’s devastating when you’re in the middle of it & it turns your lives upside down in a massive way - the ‘why?’ question is one we all ask ourselves. In time you'll all come to terms with it & eventually it'll make more sense. You’re doing incredibly well supporting her & being sensitive to her needs while having your own thoughts, fears. I hope writing them here is helping with that in some way. Yes, take extra care of yourself at this time too & make sure you get time to relax, worry is so exhausting!
All the best & we're here if you need us.
Hi all
Just wanted to let everyone know my daughter has been discharged from hospital today after 7 weeks. I am absolutely delighted but still treading very carefully. She has had a visit from the CPN in her area and is assured of her support.
Thank you everyone for reassuring me over the past few weeks. Hopefully she will recover fully in time.
Thanks again
Marilyn
Hi Marilyn,
Your daughter has done so well to be discharged in such a short time. I am so happy that you can now breathe a sigh of relief, knowing the CPN is nearby for support.
You mentioned earlier that you would show your daughter the posts from this forum when she is feeling up to it. I'm sure she will get a sense of how you were fighting in her corner and will be so proud of you.
Take care and keep in touch if you need to.
Hi Marilyn
What great news that your daughter has been discharged. I really hope all goes well.
Just in relation to advice about how much to be involved with your daughter without smothering her etc. My parents sat down with me and looked at my week (when my partner was and wasn't working) and we worked out the day/s they would come and where I would need them the most. I found this really helpful and I knew where I was, that they would come on certain days and times. They too lived 2 hours travel away from me. Maybe you could have a conversation like this with your daughter - be very clear you can be there whenever she wants and needs, and be guided by what she says. Anyway that's what worked for me.
Ellie
Thank you when her husband returns to work in the next couple of weeks we will speak to her and see what help she wants. I will be there as often as she needs me. Thank you again for your support.
Marilyn
Hi there, your daughter will be fine, ive been through pp twice, after care appintments will keep a close eye on things, meds will be reduced in time, and will be completly off them, she will make a full recovery,
all the best xxx
Hi Rosie
Thank you so much for your reassuring reply it's great when I hear that people recover fully from this horrible illness. I hate her being on this medication but know for now she needs to be to keep well. Thank you again and I hope you keep well.
Marilyn x
Glad to hear your daughters doing okay, I also had PP in 2010 and fully recovered, going back to work and driving etc. I have had an episode of depression since (earlier this year) but I've had that before childbirth and it didn't need hospitalisation so was nowhere near as bad. Be honest with her about your concerns and how much help you can offer her and let her decide. I'm sure shell be able to come off the meds eventually but they usually say 6 months to 1 year to prevent relapse. I have to say I didn't inform the DVLA and would avoid doing so if you think your daughter knows when she can / cannot drive. I know when I'm poorly driving is the last thing on my mind and I know when I'm ready. Hope things continue to go well and reading this type of post helps xx
I also didn't inform DVLA & my psychiatrist (conveniently) didn't tell me to either. Having the freedom to drive taken off me would've made me feel even more like an outcast & where I live I'd have felt even more isolated too. I definitely knew when I was OK to drive, & when I wasn't I had no desire to do so anyway.
Thank you very much for replying. My daughter knows she will be on medication for some time she seems to be coping very well since she got home the other day. She's going to bed early and making sure she gets plenty of sleep which seems to be very important at this stages her illness. She has already contacted the DVLA and knows it will be some time before she is able to drive again. My daughter has never experienced depression before so hopefully it won't happen in fact normally she is a very upbeat person and nothing seems to bother her.
Thank you for getting in touch it's great to read about people who have recovered.
Hanks again x
So good to hear your daughter continues to do well. And very wise, sleeping a lot. I definitely did this and I think it's something your body does to recover from the illness.
Thinking of you all, and again don't hesitate to come and ask us any more questions! And when your daughter is feeling better, and more settled, direct her to this site!
X
Thank you again for replying. Thankfully she seems to be coping pretty well since she came home and baby is sleeping all night which helps. I still worry very much about her but hope as time passes the worry will diminish. Thanks again for your support. X
Hi, glad your daughter is doing ok, she should do ok now, the illness has been controlled with the meds and also her hormones will be gettng back to normal, which help a great deal, its been awhile since I had pp, but I dont ever remember it coming back, didnt have any bad thoughts, all was well at home, and felt glad I had got through the nightmare, just give her space, she will do fine, I did feel everyone was keeping a eye on me at first but they soon realised I was ok,
all the best Rosie x
Thank you again for replying all I the posts are very positive which helps me a lot. If I could start and relax that would help me it was just such a shock that this happened to her and it will take me time to get over it. Thanks again for your reassurance. Xx
Hi Irvinm62.
Very happy your daughter and new grandchild are doing so well. As you say, you must now find time to relax and look after yourself.
It will take time to get over the memory of your daughter in such distress but you must look after yourself so that you are strong enough to enjoy all those mum and daughter days out, which are just around the corner.
Best wishes.
Thank you so much for replying. I am trying to relax and forget what has happened. Hopefully days out with my daughter won't be too far away. Thank you x
Hello again, just catching up with this thread and am so pleased to read that your daughter is home. I hope things continue to improve and with sleep to recover (as others have said, such a physical simple thing which can help recovery enormously), things seem to be heading in the right direction for you all. Take care
Thank you things are improving I'm pleased to say. Confidence is still a bit low but hope that will improve with time. She is still very tired and is in bed very early at night. Baby is fantastic so that helps. Thanks again for replying.
Marilyn
Hi Marilyn,
I realise that it is 3mths since your original post so I hope that at this stage you are over the hell that is the world of PP. I can really empathise with your daughter as I too am a teacher and I had a brilliant pregnancy and still PP came knocking at my door. I have to say for me it brought me to a world of perfection where I nearly imagined I was invincible and so I was happy in my little world but my family were distraught... Looking back I realise how horrendous the whole experience must have been for them and only for ECT I dread to think how I would have ended up.
I had to spend one month in psychiatric hosp and my husband brought my beautiful daughter to see me daily....I was so far from the real world in my head in that I didnt even realise how bad the situation was, that was until I began to get better and heard the stories about how I behaved.. I'm normally quite shy and reserved unless I've had a few drinks but while I went thru this episode it appeared that I had all the confidence in the world and I was saying whatever thoughts were in my mind without filtering anything. My family have told me I did cause them to laugh out loud as I was so blatantly honest that I was childlike nearly!
Anyhow I went back to work in May and after being back two weeks our sch had word of an inspection so my family were ready to go into meltdown as there was enormous stress on me but I got through it fine, I did stress to the limits and I did worry that I'd cause myself to relapse but I didnt. I still have to take quetiapine until after Christmas and I cannot wait until I finish medication and feel normal again but I just wanted to reassure you that even though everyone's experienes of PP are different, the majority can continue on normally with their lives and PP can hopefully just become a vague memory of the living nightmare that it is. I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and that you get to spend some well earned time with your daughter and your new grandchild.
Best Wishes,
Ailish
Thank you for replying. My daughter's experience sounds very much like yours. How long has it taken for you to feel better? I thought she was doing ok but unfortunately she is suffering depression now. Did this happen to you? I am very concerned about her.
Marilyn
Sorry to hear that your daughter is now suffering from depression. I was lucky not to after my episode of PP but many of the people on here have.
Has your daughter had a look on this forum yet?
I have found it a great place to share and get support and feedback.
I had PP after my first child in 2011 and just had my second child 2 months ago. It's been invaluable to share my experiences with people who completely understand what it's like.
I hope that things get better for your daughter soon. It can be a slow road to full recovery but we're all here for you.
Thank you for your reply. She has had a look at the forum but prefers not to read anything and is not too keen me posting. I have had comfort from it and don't know why she won't as speaking with others who have been in the same situation could help. She has a CPN who visits and has made an appointment with her psychiatrist to discuss the depression. Just wish this nightmare was over.
Marilyn
Hi Irvinm62,
I'm so sorry to hear your daughter is now suffering from depression, it's such a hard time for all the family. I know that all you & your daughter want to know is 'how long will it last?' but it's difficult to say because it's different for everybody. Have a look at the 'When will I get better?' question towards the bottom of the FAQ page, it has some info: app-network.org/what-is-pp/.... Also the 'Recovery Guide linked from this page has lots of advice you might find useful if you haven't read it before.
For me it was a tough time which I had to take day by day - but the support & patience of my family helped me get through it. Some days I wanted to be taken out of the house & some days I didn't - on those days just a phone call from my mum was enough to help. Because of the depression I also had problems bonding with my son but eventually that happened naturally, just a little later than usual. It's really hard after the psychosis 'high' that you can get such a low to deal with but as Ailish & the others say, most get better & get back to living their lives just as they did before. Please be reassured that it's temporary & she will be herself again.
We're here if you want to ask anything at all, wishing you all the best,
Andrea
Thank you for replying I was with her today and she is very low, she is seeing her psychiatrist tomorrow who is now thinking of adding an antidepressant. I am worried this will bring the psychosis back. Fortunately she is great with the baby and has never had any problem bonding. She is such a good baby very content and sleeps 12 hours during the night. I feel she is being very hard on herself, the not being able to drive has had a huge impact on her as where she lives is very rural. I thought she was getting better and now this depression hits so unfair. I pray for her recovery.
Marilyn
I got depression after psychosis, it does feel like a double whammy, just as you think you're out of the woods you're in a different wood but as others have said she will come out of it. I wouldn't worry about the anti depressant causing psychosis to come back, I don't think that's an issue with them but chat to the psychiatrist. Sounds like the baby is an angel! Hope things turn a corner soon
Hi Marilyn
So very sorry to hear that your daughter is going through a period of depression. I hope it does help to hear that many of us have also walked that road and we did get completely better. In a strange way, once it was all over, I felt my daughters were even more precious and I enjoyed the happy times even more and we were all amazed at our strength as a family with what we had been able to go through. I know it's so hard to hang on to right now, but it sounds like her care team with the CPN and psychiatrist are doing all the right things to help her get completely better.
I also had an antidepressant alongside my antipsychotic medication (olanzapine) and it did work well to reduce the tiredness and helped me to work slowly towards doing more things with baby during the day. Does your daughter have support to get out to baby groups or even just out for coffee? It can be so hard to find the motivation when suffering from depression. I know I had two very good friends who took me and baby swimming which did lift my mood even when I didn't feel like it!
At APP we have produced a recovery guide which might be helpful for you to print out for yourself and your daughter. It has lots of practical tips for going through the process of recovery, and she might prefer this to coming online at the moment. Here is the link:
app-network.org/wp-content/...
Thinking of you and hope that there are some glimpses of joy for you, your daughter and baby over Christmas. Please do keep using us here for the support you need, it's really important I think for you to hear reassurance from so many women and families who have walked the tough path of recovery and can assure you that there is light and hope at the other side.
All the very best
Naomi
Hi Naomi thank you so much for replying. My husband and I have been visiting 2/3 times a week 2 hours there and back so very tiring for us but wouldn't have it any other way as she is very isolated where she lives and not being able to drive is really getting to her. So it is difficult for her to get to ant groups although she has been appointed a care support worker who has offered to take her to any groups she would like to attend in the New Year.
A few weeks ago she kept saying to me she thought she was a bad mum couldn't understand as the baby is an angel thankfully but now I see it was depression. I have suffered depression in the past and can relate to her symptoms can't be bothered doing anything, doesn't want to talk etc. I'm very concerned again just when I thought she was progressing. Feel as if she's going back again.
Marilyn
Really feel for you all. I remember having very similar feelings to your daughter about being a bad mum. Now my eight and three year old girls are just fine, full of fun and love. Hang in there, things will slowly improve with time. Meds and support worker will also be really helpful on this road to recovery.
Hope you and your husband also have some support and a place where you can sound off? You can speak to your GP to access support specifically for carers which my husband found very helpful.
All the very best
Naomi
Hi I was really sad to read your post about your daughter suffering from depression now.
I did suffer from depression after the psychosis, and like your daughter it was quite delayed, 6 weeks after the psychosis. I have to be honest and say it did take me a year and a half to feel completely myself again. One of the things that really helped me was working with a psychologist, who I could meet whenever I needed to, it was mainly Cognitivie Behavioural Therapy (CBT). I don't know if this would be available for your daughter? I know it isn't helpful for everyone but maybe something she could try.
I wouldn't worry about the anti depressant, psychiatrists are really good at prescribing and managing medications, I was on Escitilipram (anti depressant - an expensive one that is meant to be better than others), and Olanzapine, an anti psychotic. I am sure it wouldn't induce the psychosis again.
Its really good to hear her bond with her daughter is good. I too had a good bond with my son, I think because I was in a MBU and was supported in that etc. During the depression sometimes I felt completely detached from everyone including him, and I also thought I was a rubbish mum, that I was failing him and harming him, that my partner was much better with him than me etc. But somehow slowly that went, I think partly because as my son got older it was obvious he absolutely adored me and that stopped my insecurities, but also just healing, time, etc.
Perhaps you could keep gently suggesting this forum. I remember when I wasn't that well, the idea of reading other people's stories seemed like hell, I couldn't cope with my own experience let alone cope with anyone else's. But I do wonder if just talking /emailing with someone one to one for support and advice might help her. I know APP do offer that (volunteers who can offer support).
Take care, I will be thinking of you and your daughter.
Ellie
Hi I did reply to you but doesn't look as if you received it. She has been prescribed an antidepressant and hopefully that will help. She is not sleeping very well and that is concerning. I'm very very concerned again and finding it hard to cope still can't understand why this has happened.
Marilyn
Hello Marilyn,
It might seem as though your daughter has hit a brick wall along her journey to recovery and as her mum it's hard for you to watch but she will return to 'normal' eventually. It has taken some of us longer to recover than others. With my first psychosis I was in hospital for six months and it took me just over a year to feel completely well.
At times it all seems like a bad dream but that old cliche is true, there is light at the end of the tunnel. The support worker sounds very helpful and by the New Year your daughter may want to venture out.
Make sure you take care of yourself during this stressful time too.
Hi Marilyn Just wondering how you and your daughter are doing? I do think of you often, perhaps because her experience of PP seems to ring bells with my own... Just wondering if she has any other support around, does she have friends who visit, and how is her husband/partner? is he supportive? To be honest I did isolate myself a bit when I was depressed, and found it hard to be sociable and see friends, but I would sometimes force myself to.
I really hope she is getting better slowly...for me I would have periods (a few days, a week initially) when I didn't feel so bad, and slowly this would get better with longer periods of relative 'wellness' and shorter periods of 'depression', until there were no periods of depression.
Sending much thought and prayers your way
Ellie X
Hi Ellie thanks for replying. Things are not great I'm afraid she is still suffering from depression and does not like to be left on her own. She was with us at Christmas for a week and that was very difficult for me to see how she was. She had no conversation and showed little interest in anything. She is still very good with the baby but still feels she's a bad mum for some reason. I'm struggling to cope with it all and pray for her every night. How can such a thing happen to such a capable girl? So unfair!! Thank you for your concern.
Marilyn x
I found it really helpful when I was still in early stages of recovery to have very frequent times with my psychiatrist, after I was discharged it was very frequent, then gradually a week, then two weeks, then three etc, and he was gradually increasing my medication too. He was very good at making sure I was getting better, even if slowly. I also have dips. Still. That are very clearly hormonal, I have to pay attention to them, look after my self before my period is due etc, sometimes take some extra medication, otherwise coming back up out of the dip would take longer. And last thing, don't forget to look after yourself. Apparently a really good sign someone is getting better is when their carers fall in a heap....like they have been saving up all that grief and worry and sadness, and then the truck hits them, and they fall over...so maybe some of your perspective is related to the awfulness of where she was before? and not only how tough it still is now? Although from what you say it does sound like she isn't really yet feeling much better from the depression....it can take awhile. Its been three years for me, and the first year it was really only by the end of the year I was working out how to deal with anxiety, and to notice that that dead feelings I had and the turned off, and blah...that that was depression...so its taken me awhile to be able to come up from that because I couldn't even really see it, I was juts IN it. Hope some of my experiences help you with your walk with your daughter.
Hi Irvinm62,
I'm sure if she had a choice, your daughter wouldn't wish to cause you such distress. However, as Sofie said your daughter is IN the grip of PP / depression so she can't help herself at the moment. She is doing well to bond with her baby. Can you, or have you discussed your concerns with her G.P. if as you say, you are struggling to cope?
PP affects women from all walks of life. In time your daughter will be that 'capable girl' again. In the meantime, please take care of your own health too.
Thank you for your reply.i have spoken to my own GP and he has offered counselling which at the moment I have not accepted. I'm hoping the antidepressants will start working soon. I'm afraid she will need to go back to hospital don't think she could cope with that. She doesn't like to be on her own so her dad and I are trying to be with her as much as we can. Thanks again for replying. Marilyn x
Hi Marilyn really sorry to hear that your daughter is still really unwell. I remember very clearly not being able to make conversation not being interested in anything etc. And as I said before I too was convinced I was a bad mum etc. I also didn't like being left on my own, I would get really anxious and worried. Even now I couldn't tell you why, I don't think it was any logical reason. I absolutely believe your daughter will get better and that she will end up with an amazing bond with her daughter, she will be back to the same positive person she was before. I too have a very demanding job, I'm registered manager did several care homes, I went back to work before I was truely well and managed somehow. It is really unfair...
What helped me in the depression is similar to what kthers said just having some small goals to achieve each day, forcing myself to talk and care for my son, to have a shower, to go fkr a walk etc. and others have said the support from my parents is what saved me through the hardest of times...many thoughts going out to you all and really glad to see you're getting so much great support on here.
Is she getting support from psychologist/CBT therapy? I really think this would be worth her just trying it, as I have said before that's another thing that saved me and got me out of negative thinking patterns...
Take care xx
Hi Irvinm62, the Christmas you described was just like my first one, no conversation or emotions, feeling distant & little interest in anything. Sometimes I couldn't bear being on my own & others I just couldn't leave the house. Such a difficult thing for any parent to see! I can honestly say though, that I know no matter how bad the depression, it's possible to recover & feel good again. Take heart, recovery takes a different length of time for all of us but we do get better.
My husband as my main carer was offered counselling but he chose not to have it - I'm not sure why, it was just a bit alien to him I guess. In hindsight I do think that some things might have been easier for us if he'd had it though. Can I confirm, are the antidepressants for you or your daughter? Either way, they do take a while to take effect so try to be patient & in the meantime, as the others say try to take extra care of yourself. Yes it is so unfair that this happens to us especially when it's out of the blue - the anger & the sadness does fade though, it just takes time until it's a distant memory.
Take good care of yourself, stay strong & carry on taking it day by day, one step at a time & you'll get there.
Hi Marylin
Really feeling for you - it is such a difficult thing to watch a loved one go through depression. I hope you do find reassurance in knowing that many of us on this forum also had to walk this difficult road, and we did get better and back to normal. For me personally, antidepressants were really helpful and over a period of about 6 months I had longer periods of confidence in myself as a mum, and gradually regained the energy to do more with my baby and with friends.
For your daughter, I know one of the things that can help with this very low time is to have small achievable goals each day. This can help to give her evidence that even though her mind says "you're a rubbish mum" she is doing caring things for baby each day. For example sometimes my goals were just as simple as have a shower, take the baby for a walk in the sling or pram, make up bottle feeds, sing a nursery rhyme to my baby, treat myself to a sit down with a cup of tea and a biscuit. Trying to make these goals as pleasurable as possible is helpful, rather than a long list of chores. I wonder if as a team you, your daughter and her CPN could work together to think of some lists of 'quick wins'.
I also wondered if it might be helpful for you to think about the offer of counselling for yourself? Are you feeling that it's not the right time now as you are busy supporting your daughter and being there with her? This is an incredibly worrying and stressful time for you and it's OK to need somewhere to just let it all out! I'm so glad we can help here, but definitely bear the counselling in mind as that weekly or fortnightly space just for you could be invaluable.
Take care
Naomi xx
Thinking about your daughter not wanting to be alone, as I say I had this for quite a while & I think it was to do with the overwhelming feeling of being solely responsible for baby at a time when I was just too ill to make even the simplest decisions.
I think a lot of support for this can be done simply over the phone & it worked very well for us. My mum would ring me each morning (not too early!) & ask if I was dressed & if I'd had a shower etc. - if I wasn't, it was a reminder that I should be & I had to force myself to do it. She'd then ask me what my plans for the day were & help me organise my day & go through the order & times I'd do each small task etc.- as Naomi says, 'setting small goals'. It was mainly her telling me what I had to & when I had to it (which wasn't something that happened before or after PP!) but it was so helpful as I just wasn't able to do at the time. She'd also give me encouragement for the tasks I had done & point out all the little things I'd accomplished, like mopping the floor, going to the shops, getting my hair cut etc.
I didn't feel she was taking over at all & was grateful that she made those decisions for me & 'mothered me' when I couldn't - I guess it's a fine balance though & it's different with all our relationships. Gradually as I felt better, my independence came back until it was exactly as it was before & she had less & less involvement as time went on. I hope this helps x
Hi Marilyn,
I have been reading your posts about your daughter over the last few months and wanted to add my voice of reassurance to Andrea, Naomi, Lilybeth and all the other wonderful replies.
I am so sorry for all the pain you've all been through.
I had PP eight years ago and my Mum was the most incredible support for me. To this day, she remains my hero.
Mum offered me constant and unconditional love and support throughout my illness. She encouraged me to do something small but manageable each day and she helped me look after my baby. Above all she gave me hope, reminding me daily that I would get better. The phrase I remember so clearly is 'one day at a time darling, don't project about tomorrow.' This step by step approach was so helpful.
I know Mum had many moments of frustration, worry, exhaustion and she too feared I'd never be the old me again. Yet here I am, right as rain! We are so close and she has a very special relationship with my daughter too.
Whilst it's tough to believe during these tough times, nearly all of our stories have happy endings. Every cuddle you give and loving word is making a huge difference to your girl.
If you ever want to hear from my mum about how she coped, I know she would be more than happy to share her experience.
Warmest wishes,
JonesieB x
oh please, I would love to,speak yo your mom
Hello Lily54, It was one of the mums who is a volunteer on the forum, JonesieB, who will be happy to post her reply here to you.
In the meantime, take care.
Hi Lily54,
I am so pleased you've found this forum, I hope it will be a great support for you.
I have mentioned to my Mum that you'd like to hear from another Mum and she is very happy to be as supportive as possible. Do you have specific questions you'd like to ask her? If not, I can ask her to write a general piece about her experience looking after me (and my first baby) and I will post it here on the forum.
Let me know what would be most useful for you. Thinking of you at this tough time.
Warmest,
JonesieB
I think a general piece would be a great help
Hi Marilyn
Just checking in as it's been a while since you posted. How are things at the moment with your daughter? I really hope that she is beginning to respond to antidepressant treatment and things are feeling on a steadier path.
Just to let you know we're here for as long as you need.
Naomi
Hi Marilyn
It was really good to read your message about how your daughter is doing, I think of you often. It's great to hear that she is slowly getting better. From my experience, it was a very slow process, but slowly over time I did get better until one day I realised I felt completely myself again, whole again. Great news that her Olanzapine has been reduced and she has managed this ok.
I really hope she is able to drive again very soon, I know that you mentioned she's in a rural area and can't get out easily. I am sure that will make a huge difference to her.
Take care
Ellie
Thanks for your reply Marilyn. It's really great to hear that things are beginning to improve for your daughter. It's great that she has had a good rapport with her nurse and has been really open about her feelings. I hope her new worker is just as skilled and that a positive decision about driving is made soon.
Wishing you and your daughter all the best
Naomi
Hi Naomi my daughter's doctor has completed the form to allow her to drive but DVLA say it will take 12 to 16 weeks to process can't believe this!!
That's such a shame, how slow... I am sure she will really enjoy her freedom in the late spring/summer when DVLA give the ok!
Hi Marilyn it's great to hear that her visits are being reduced to once a fortnight and that it sounds like she's well on the way to recovery. It's such wonderful news!
Lily I am really feeling for you - all I can say from my perspective as someone who had PP is that my visits from my parents meant EVERYTHING to me and I mean that, they were perhaps the only people I felt I could just be completely myself with, and that they accepted me just as I was even if I couldn't talk at times or were really bad, I always felt better having seen them. I remember when I was really ill having just gone into a bad depression, and feeling I was a completely horrible person my mum holding me and hugging me and saying something like "but you are my precious daughter.." at the time it maybe didn't seem like it had any affect immediately, but I will hold that in my heart forever. All you need to do is just be there. It's a minefield, I had no clue what was going on, and nor did my parents. But as Marilyn says somehow you come through... thinking of you and your daughter and hope you find this forum helpful. Ellie
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