Respite placement - Nan in distress

[bettybowen]

Hi,

My Nan went into a Dementia care home yesterday afternoon 24 hours after my Grandad was taken into hospital.

She has to stay in her room for 3 days because of covid rules. I've just rung the home and she's been very emotional all day and asking to go home.

Is there anything that I can do to help her settle her in? I just feel so helpless and awful for my Nan. My Grandad is coming home tonight and I know he'll want to ring but the home have said not to ring tonight and to see how she is tomorrow..

Thanks in advance ☺️

[Myfanwy58]

Hello Betty. I’m so sorry to learn of your current situation. Such a worrisome time for all involved. I really do hope it won’t be long before your nana can return home. Can I please ask why she’s being confined to a room for 3 days, and what is the reason being given for recommending no family phone calls or contact? On the face of it, these decisions to isolate appear to be causing your nana much distress and should only be made after very careful consideration. The reasons should always be thoroughly explained to the person (in a way that capacity & cognitive state allow) & their family members, with opportunity given for all to discuss and have their views heard. Wishing you all well at this difficult time. 🍃

[bettybowen in reply to Myfanwy58]

Hi Myfanwy,

Thanks for your reply. It is such a hard time and my Grandad has just left everything go until crisis point.

She had to isolate because of their covid rules. For anyone being stuck in a room for three days it must be awful but with Dementia it must be worse.

Spoke to the home this morning and they're going to do a covid test and hopefully bring her downstairs today.

They've said to ring this afternoon to see if a phone call with my Grandad is possible but they don't think that a visit from him would be a good idea this weekend. He can only go for half an hour because of their covid rules.

Thanks again x

[Myfanwy58 in reply to bettybowen]

My reply (and sympathy) comes from a background of belonging to a medical family ie I’m a senior nurse, husband & daughter both drs. I’ve also been a carer for both my parents when they became terminally ill and, very sadly, for my younger sister who has recently been diagnosed with young onset fronto -temporal dementia.

I understand your present circumstances may feel overwhelming right now and I wish you all the strength & wisdom to get through this difficult time. It’s so important that you all source some ongoing support eg Alzheimer’s Association is a great first stop. I think in the meantime, also, you may find the following helpful ‘John’s Campaign’ johnscampaign.org.uk an excellent organisation ‘for the right to stay with people with dementia’ and ‘for the right of people with dementia to be supported by their family carers’. It has a simple message and much backing from people living with dementia, families, hospitals, care homes, GP’s , registered nurses & other health care professionals. Legal support and MP’s too. It has a simple message: no one should enforce disconnection between family carers and those who need their expert knowledge and love. This principle is active everywhere: in the drs surgery, A&E, dementia assesment unit, care home etc. Families are never “visitors” to a person with dementia; they are an integral part of that person’s life and identity and often their last, best means of connection with the world. I wish you all well and that your nana can be reunited with her family as a matter of haste. For now, will her cognitive abilities allow, without distressing her, the ability to speak with a loved one on the phone or by video call? What about a letter or card with a short, loving message and photo of family? Or do the home have a ‘pod’ or similar where family can meet in a designated space that’s “covid compliant”?

J x