Trying my best to help a mum in need...

[Friendofafriend]

Hi all,

I'm reaching out regarding substantial hair loss. My mum is 54 and recently she has started losing significant amounts of her hair. Its incredibly difficult for me to relate to this situation and offer support/advice as its something new to all of us. We have an appointment to see a dermatologist in the coming weeks but I see her mental health and well-being just deteriorating. Its really sad for us all to see as her hair for her was 'the only thing she loved about herself' and so for her to lose this, she's almost working herself into a depression. I have advised her to join groups such as this one but she's reluctant to want to talk about the issue. I don't know if by writing this post it will help but I just felt some advice from like minded individuals that are experiencing these symptoms first hand and who are better placed would be able to help/support in a more effective way.

We just want our mum back and right now its understandably difficult but I had to try.

Thanks in advance to anyone who's taken the time to read this and any responses are really appreciated.

[rebeccaxxx]

I would say the best thing you can do for your mum is listen to her. It is horrible owing your hair, I remember looking in the mirror and feeling I looked like Gollum. The dermatologist is unlikely to be able to offer much hope but it might help, just be prepared for the appointment to make her feel worse not better. I found over time I got used to it and I am now much more resilient, online support groups are great and she will access them when she feels ready. Some people choose wigs, some don’t. I found it helpful as it stopped others staring and treating me like I was dying. It was good to take my hairdresser with me to get my wig, if you are anywhere near Sheffield I recommend Emma at aspire hair. She has alopecia herself and is a great support, as well as having a great selection of wigs. Soft hats are great for comfort. All the best.

[butterflyEi]

I was diagnosed 2019 with sublte lichen plano pilaris, female pattern hair loss and zinc deficiency. I have always had thin fine hair and did not notice (accept) hair loss until I stood under some down lighters in the loo in a restaurant and it became clear that I was almost bald. Downlighters are harsh! Being fairly newly diagnosed I can empathize with your mother completely, the shock of having to accept what I had obviously been ignoring was quite overwhelming. I am over 20 years older than your mother, my husband who is also balding down played my reactions and emotions in the hope of stopping my spiral downwards as he is a very kind and good man but in a way that did not help me. I wanted to talk about it and as rebeccaxxx has said having a listening ear is one of the best things you can do for your mum.

I have a wig now which I use more in the winter, I wear hats but have to find children's size and I use the soft caps for comfort. When I wear the wig and people compliment my hair style I thank them, laugh and say if they want to borrow it they are welcome, I try to make a joke of it now but I know others prefer to be more private.

There is a wealth of information on You Tube about wigs (many of these videos are from America). Also facebook has some support groups.

If your Mum is also losing her eyebrows it is worth investing in a good eyebrow pencil as it helps to define the face.

Your profile shows that you are in the UK. In my many searches I came across the British Association of Dermatolgists, you may like to google them and have a browse, especially useful after diagnosis.

I applaud your compassion for your mother she will benefit from your support.

[TegansMum]

Hi there. I had to reply as i am 54 too and started loosing hair at the beginning of the year. It was my hairdresser who noticed. in my case, it shows in small (but growing) bald patches, mainly around the ears and forehead. But whereas it sounds like your Mums is going all over, mine is definately around the front. So far, its not that noticeable as the rest of the hair covers it but it will not be long before it is very noticeable. I am hugely worried so can sympathise with your Mum. Its a horrible thing to happen and while i do try to be positive, i know I will be devastated when the hair loss is obvious. I try to be brave but know I am not that brave - having a supportive husband helps. However, mine cannot really understand the devastation to my confidence that loosing my hair brings. He's already going bald but it doesnt matter to him. While I cannot give any advice; i am trying Regaine but no improvement

so far, I can say it has helped me already reading about others in the

same position. I have joined the Facebook page of Alopecia group and

found it good. I know no one can really help me but reading and sharing about their

situations helps. Good luck and hope these replies help.

[singer57 in reply to TegansMum]

Hi Tegan's Mum

I just wondered how you're getting on with Regaine and if it's made a difference? I started losing large amounts of hair 5 months ago and it hasn't stopped so have lost about 65% of hair now. Trying to get medical help but the GPs and derms are so so busy that I'm having to wait a long time for appointments. Thinking of starting Regaine but scared because it can cause more hair loss and I don't think I could cope with that. Did you lose more hair when you started? Thanks for reading this.

[Friendofafriend]

Hi guys,

Thank you so much for each of your input. I’m off to see mum today (easing of lockdown) to have a chat. I really feel that these forums will offer some support and first handed feeling as by feeling similar feelings it may help her to realise she’s not on her own with this.

Her appearance really bothers her and I feel as though I don’t fully understand much like Tegan’s mums husband but I do appreciate we all have our thoughts and feelings and if this is something that she prides herself on then the feeling she’s feeling is incomprehensible for me.

Every time we try to talk about it, she gets really upset and we feel as though we are helpless.

She’s got a lot of hopes pinned on Saturdays appointment with the dermatologist but I think we need to discuss this prior to Saturday given Rebeccas advice.

Another worry is the fact I’m due to get married next year and I know from initial conversations that she’s devastated about she thinks she’s going to look, which is heartbreaking. Obviously to us it isn’t about how she looks but I am conscious of how she feels and I don’t want to tell her how to feel.

Once we know the outcome of Saturdays appointment I will share on here as all of your experiences are invaluable and I really appreciate the time you’ve taken to come back to me.

Thanks again to you all for this

[Jay2O]

Hi there. You sound like a wonderfully supportive daughter. Sadly hair loss can happen to a great many people and for all different kinds of reasons. Your mum`s reason could be hormonal. A doctor can check to find out why. There is always hope but it is very understandable that she is grieving over this sudden lessening of her hair. She should know that she is not alone. When I first experienced my hair fall I turned to wearing a number of pretty head scarves and also hats. I then found some really nice hairbands that are wide. There are many things out there even some fantastic wigs. I certainly had no bad reaction from colleagues at all. And I even gained quite a few male admirers! Your mum can look just as pretty.. She is still the same person underneath. She can look out for a good hair vitamin for growth such as Viviscal because she may be lacking in necessary nutrients. Or she could think about liquid vitamins with iron (which is cheaper). The combination of this and a healthy diet( more proteins and less sugary junk foods) may be just what she needs. I think we are all stronger than we know. We simply need to readjust to life as it is. It really helps to think about what we do have rather than what we don`t. Bad times don`t last forever. Encourage your mum to read the letters on here and maybe one day she will feel she wants to write her own.

[beyondallbelief]

I was diagnosed with frontal fibrosing and lichen planus by my dermatologist who put me on hydroxychloroquine two months ago. My hair was extremely stressed, taut and thin. I started massaging in a mix of essential oils with a base oil everyday for an hour for a couple of weeks and now every other day and my hair is transformed. I think it's stopped receding and I appear to have new hair coming, along with having thicker and shinier hair! I'm still on HCQ and due for a second checkup in January.