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Andover Fibromyalgia & ME Community Group
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It's embarrassing being a bloke with Fibro

I was diagnosed 3.5 years ago and initially described the feeling as a creature that tries attacking different parts of the body...I had back pain, shin splint pain, difficulty swallowing, foot pains, hand pains, and the list goes on and on...

It's settled recently and the main issue is a burning sensation in my left knuckle and left chest...almost knocks me over/comes and goes and I am constantly tired...just feel worn out, with no interest in anything.

I work as a police officer, and as good as my boss's have been..bit by bit, I have lost my role, my uniform, am on half hours and feel now I have lost my dignity. I am office bound and doing very little and to be honest, can not get motivated or the energy to do more.

Was put forward for early pension but declined as it may not be permanent???

This has just compounded my embarrassment--I feel almost false/not believed/making it up..

I have always argued that I am not suffering anxiety, but just fed up of the constant pain.

I am now embarrassed to mention my fibro, I feel sad, tired, embarrassed to be at work (and carried by others--my output is zilch)---am scared I am starting to get depressed..(Had a few dark thoughts)

I have a lovely doctor, but she is a young Asian girl and I am just so embarrassed to see her again...i have always tried to say things are not that bad..

I have just been to the UCL fibro clinic--been prescribed sulfur and told to come back in three months..

Now told it may not be fibro as I have many symptoms but not sore pressure points??

Could be CFS??

Feel like I am going round in circles with no end in sight.

I have tried diet changes, loads of different meds--go to the gym and swim (nothing impactive cause it hurts)

What I wanted to know is--am I just being daft?

As a ex forces guy, I struggle to talk about this type of thing..

Just don't know where to turn next.

6 Replies

Hi Jimbo,

I have just read your message and the message that is coming through loud and clear is that you are underplaying everything to everyone when inside it is torture.

I know how hard it is because you feel pathetic and feel you are seen as being a failure, when before this happened you were a strong person who had standing and respect.

I think you need to have a bit of a strategy in order to cope and this is what I think.

1. Tell work that you need more support. The pension bit I am familiar with as I am going through it now. You need to get someone to state that this will affect you permanently. i.e. your Doctor and get people to testify in written form how much you cannot do and you cannot do ANY job not just the one you do now.

2. Change your Doctor to someone a bit more mature with knowledge of Fibro, who can provide you with more support, trying different medications to see what works and maybe refer you to a local Fibromyalgia Clinic, where they help you to work out pain coping strategies and sometimes you meet like minded people who make you feel you are not alone.

Tell your Doctor how desperate and depressed you feel. They need to help you now. You cannot do this on your own and it won't get better as I know I have been there with the depression.

3. As far as the pressure points go, I had read that they are moving away from that theory and sometimes it is not always the case.

I think you need to reassure yourself that you are not a phoney and a fake, your pain is real. What you are feeling is familiar as I have gone from being a manager, working for a company for almost 20 years, to being off sick for 18 with no pay now and on ESA and PIP when I never thought it would be something I ever did.

You need time to get your head around things away from work so I would say you need to go off sick and rest and stop being so hard on yourself as Fibromyalgia is made excessively worse by being stressed, angry or upset. It is a vicious circle, honestly.

I have found if I do not beat myself up and I have a rest when I feel any pain, hot baths help and regular medication to get in a routine is key. If you leave your tablets too long, do not allow yourself to lie down and continuously berate yourself that you are not worthy, then it is 10 times worse.

Good luck and don't be embarrassed. I would say male or female, most people on here are with you in mind and spirit as you never truly understand till you have been in the thick of it yourself.

I hope you sort things out. xx


hia you are not daft I am the same it got so bad I was regularly falling asleep at work come around 3 oclock this was not good as I worked machines it does make you feel not normal and it does get you down brain fog don't help to I have burned more pans trying to cook I forget I have put them on I don't cook anymore for safety reasons my husband is a brick for me he does most things chin up chick I think one day it will be more understood in the work place apparently shock can bring it on you say you were in the forces could this have set yours on I have had councilling to learn to accept it as I had to leave work and after over 35 years of full time work still feel guilty of not being able to go back to work I was always rushing around I feel like my batteries have run out like the durcel bunny so your not alone duck

1 like

No need to feel embarrassed, Jimbo, we are all in the same boat here!

I am a former nurse, so I understand your frustration, I'm used to being a carer, so having to drastically change roles is galling and self confidence destroying to say the least! Even seven years after my diagnosis I am still raging with frustration and anger and feel as if my whole reason for living has been removed.

I used to be a very active person, so the limitations forced upon me by this condition are depressing at best.

Cheers, Midori

1 like

Jimbo 2487 NO ,you are most definitely NOT "being daft"! I`m female ,but feel equally as frustrated with this horrible condition.I have Degenerative arthritis ,which is visible on scans and xrays ,but nobody can see how we feel with this chronic pain ,which can be unrelenting.

I`d speak to your gp if she is knowledgeable on fibro and its` symptoms ,and ask of she has anything for when you`re feeling low like this? I automatically ,after being seen by the pain clinic ,was given anti depressants ,along with strong pain medication.

Maybe ,as you`re symptoms aren`t subsiding it would pay you to retire and do something at your own pace ,(I know this can be slower than slow ,and honestly understand)...As a mum and someone who is used to always "doing" for others ,the lethargy fibro leaves you with is downright frustrating ,and depressing.

I hope you`ll get the help you need ,and report back on any progress..Best of luck ,xxx


I feel the same im 36 and been diagnosed with fibro about 3 years ago before I used to be a sales rep on good money company car had a bought house I played football for gb at the Paralympics in london 2012 scored the first goal against usa in front of 18000 fans I have cerebral palsy down the left hand side but that didnt stop me achieving big things in my life but this fibro has floored me I have lost my job my house cant play football t takes me to do anything anymore I push my self as much as I can but being in pain all the time and tired takes its toll. Even tho I have cp I have always felt strong and felt like I had to prove that I can do things as good if not better I was the youngest manager in my old company I was top salesman 2 years running won a holiday to las Vegas through being top salesman played for scotlands cp football team for 4 years got picked for gb london 2012 team five years on im not working on esa and feel so worthless now I hide from people now cause I feel so embarrassed about how weak and hopeless I am now especially when I see people I haven't seen for awhile and they ask what im doing now and them felling sorry for me when people used to look up to me I was happy a good laugh now im miserable nthing to look forward too I wish I could just wake up pain free


Keep fighting the good fight mate...I identified with very much of what you said


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