Hello again, very long time, no see. I will freely admit that a huge part of my absence has been pure denial. As 2024 begins, I realise I have been a prisoner of my health problems since late 2020, when it all really kicked off probably due in no small way to our good friend Covid, both mentally and physically. But if I am honest, the most blame lies with myself and my unwillingness to do something about my obesity over the past 20 years or so. The usual suspects, excess alcohol and the bad eating that comes with it which I still do now hence the denial bit. Up until 2020 I was sort of "waiting for something to happen" before I would really try and lose weight, a bit like running your car with no oil and then being annoyed when the engine seizes. Having now just turned 60 though, which I never thought I'd reach, I now realise time is really running out. Trouble is, something did happen but due to not being informed exactly what it was, I did nothing to prevent what was to come. One Saturday morning in 2018, after probably 6 cans of Stella and a Chinese takeaway the night before, I woke up with a fluttery feeling and faster than normal heart rate. Being a worrier generally I went to A&E where a quick ECG revealed I had an irregular heartbeat. I was mortified but as I sat there waiting for a second ECG about half an hour later, I actually felt something "switch" in my chest and the second ECG was clear. I was then given the spiel about losing weight and maybe taking aspirin which I declined, thinking I might have a brain bleed or something! However at no time did he specifically say it was AF of any type and I never heard from the hospital or my doctor again. Had I known what it was, I'd have googled it and after what I now know it would have been the opportune time to finally do something about my health, the only time I did prior to that was join Slimming World in 2015 where I lost about 3 stones but never reached below the magic 20 Incidentally I was later to find out that a letter had been sent to my GP stating that I had had an AF episode), just so wish I had known back then.
I have been taking Ramipril for at least 25 years for high blood pressure which may have been partly hereditary, and as the years rolled by and the weight piled on, I passed my 20 stone diet-start milestone and now it would be wonderful to get back to that! I seemed to be winging it but just about a year before Covid, my doctor had increased my medication to include Amlodipine (both 10mg). Then just pre Covid I was told I was "Pre diabetic" and my cholesterol was up, which scared me but nothing to what was to come. As the news of Covid broke, I was frightened to death almost literally, realising I was such a high risk individual which lead to an all round spiral into deep depression and anxiety as the changes caused by the pandemic were just too much, including not being able to actually see a GP despite needing one more than ever. The subsequent few months were to see me suffering anxiety enough for me to call 999 thinking I was dying from Covid after feeling feverish and shaking; that ended up being severe cellulitis and almost sepsis so I was kept in hospital for 6 days and pumped full of antibiotics. It was here I realised my legs were very swollen with yellow watery fluid seeping out from one and after googling the causes, a horrible cold realisation swept over me as I read the text. This led to me having panic attacks and all sorts which affected me at work, so I eventually got to see a nurse who immediately put me on Sertraline, which I am still on now because frankly after how awful I felt as they started working but the strain of trying to hide the fact I was losing it ironically led to my best weight loss in 20 years where I dropped to 19 stones 11Lb! Then as if things weren't bad enough, barely a week later I woke up on another Saturday morning with a similar feeling to 2018 so I again hit the A&E where this time I found out about AF and it was here to stay this time. I was pumped up with Bisoloprol at the time and the follow up procedure was to keep me on Bisoloprol , continue with the ramipril and Amlodipine, also start on Atorvastatin and Apixaban (2x5mg) . Oh, and two failed Cardioversions. I was also told that I had an enlarged heart and heart failure....well basically my whole world caved in on me and has been just awful ever since.
I have been feeling very depressed about my decline which has been rapid and frankly devastating and after two or 3 confirmed bouts of Covid (and I'm sure more than that even now, been coughing badly for many weeks) worse than ever. When I first started the medication, I tried to go for walks as I was off work for a very long time, but I was so in pain, sweating, breathless even back then but that's nothing to how bad I am now. I am actually scared to go out walking because i know that within about 200 steps I'll be gasping for breath, my lower back will be in agony. I'm dreading going back to my work as a bus fitter which I now really struggle with and yet they want more out of me than I ever had to give in all my 43 years there while all that's on my mind now is retirement. And one final but vital effect of it all, well, I'll just say I wish I could become a "Numan".....
So I enter the new year wondering if it is my last; is it now too late and is it worth bothering to give up all my vices to gain maybe a year or two of miserable life?
HAPPY NEW YEAR ...
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Hammerhead56
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As some of the Psychoanalyst’s might say, at least you have recognised that you have a problem which, in itself is a major step because it sounds as though you have come to a crossroads - do you die sad and miserable man or do you (figuratively speaking) grab life by the balls and do something about it. Dealing with situations like this is very complex and if we are not careful, no matter how well meaning, we could easily do more harm than good so please bear with me.
For the moment, I’m not thinking about your AF, I’m thinking more about you as a person. Clearly we only know what you tell us and it’s very easy to jump to conclusions about the things you are not telling us, so please bear with me if I’ve got this horribly wrong. I have a friend, an ex colleague, who is single, getting on a bit, not particularly fit, does not have AF and but appeared to be in a place not too dissimilar to where you seem to be now. We meet for lunch and it was not difficult to see that he lacked purpose, there was little going on in his life, that was until he took a dog, a Jack Russell who probably needed more encouragement and support than he did, the transformation was extraordinary.
I’m really nervous about saying any more, but I hope it might encourage others to contribute to the conversation and help to establish a more positive mindset which will encourage you to do all the things you know you need to do to get you through this and help you to get your health and well being under control……
Lots of things buzzing around my pain ridden brain at 1am BUT can I say I think you spoke very well to Hammerhead and there is no need for me to write a post to Hammerhead because you've said what was on my mind ..... but you've said it better than I could have done ( without getting chucked out of the forum, my Australianess seems to get me into trouble sooner or later ). But shall I say you are so right on when you talk about animals, and particularly dogs, being good for lifting our (human) spirits.
I'm so hesitant in saying what comes next but here goes .... I wonder if there is an animal welfare organisation near to Hammerhead whereby he might give an hour or so of his time to taking dogs that are waiting rehoming for short walks around their facility. What I'm clumsily trying to say is, having a contact with an animal ( without the responsibility of ownership of the animal ) and helping that animal can often be theraputic initself..... if you see what I mean. 😱😱
Now then. I suggest you might need your Sertaline dose adjusting to rule out the effect of underlying generalised anxiety/ depression.I'm not saying its all in your mind,but that your ability to keep things in perspective might be affected.
The thread of your post suggests that you feel you are ,as you say' a prisoner of yourself' unable to effect change, almost as if you are helpless in the face of health concerns.
Heart failure is a bad term,and frightens many people. It doesn't mean you are going to be carted off soon,it's a term describing a less efficient heart action. I recognise the fear you have of being active but it does help. Perhaps some walking around home,where you might feel more secure to build up fitness?
Sit down exercises are really good, on you tube or Virtual Village Hall. My mum had HF AF heart attacks etc and improved her HF and general fitness/ confidence ,as well as swimming . Even just wading about in the pool helps. The added bonus of having some one there as lifeguard reassured her.
What level of bisoprolol are you on? It may well be too high. I can only tolerate 1.25 mg,was a breathless zombie on 5mg a day!
I am only making suggestion based on what you have written,but I think you need to talk through your feelings with a professional too.
I'd discuss your concerns about returning to work,ask for a staged return and input from HR.
Hope you feel in a better place soon. Best wishes ❤️
All good advice here. If you're not on it there's also a men's health forum on health unlocked for more general blokey issues. Maybe have a look at some of the diets which people have when they're warned they're pre diabetic, you've made the first step in acknowledging the problem.
Hello Hammerhead. I’m not going to say much as you have had good advice with the replies to your post but I wanted to say that my daughter is a Personal Trainer. A young man walked into the small establishment asking for personal training as he had health issues. He was over 22 stone. A year later he is down to just over 16 stone. Could that be an option for you. I wish you well
There are some meds that cause coughing. such as Ace Blockers, BBs e.g metoprolol and others if you have a tendency to asthma.
I now take CCB Diltiazem AM which controls my Heart Beat Day (over 150 at rest). now since I lost weight to 60s H/Beat. Great.
My BB Bisoprolol 2.5mg which controls BP. Ihave a soft systollin heart murmur.
You are taking Aspirin as well as an anti-coagulant. Research is not surveyed enough. Risk of thrombosis or bleeding internally is there.
But weight loss is great for you. I changed to eating sour dough bread and A2 milk which I think did it. The weight loss. A kg over a year.
Exercise daily is a great improvement to movement like lubricating a working piece of machinery and walking for your mental health. 100yds is better than none.
Come on, you are already on the road to recovery of your health.
Hi There. I like to give a great thanks to everyone who has given Hammerhead56 fantastic advice. What he really needs a friend right now who can visit on a daily basis. Not enough Love in the world right now and only negative feelings. When someone gets so low mood/ depression it's really difficult to get out of that situation, even taking medication to help with this kind of situation is not always good for one person to the next. Having someone to talk to does help at the time but the feelings soon comes back when you are sat at home all by yourself with only your own thoughts. I have been there many times in my early teen years. I do agree having a small.dog with interaction with, may help with low mood feelings and depression but have a big price to pay on anyone's pocket . Having a small dog in anyone's life who lives alone will be a great comfort for anyone and possibly be the right choice. Take care always.
I need to make some changes to my habits and I was very impressed by a recent BHF article on ‘Setting goals that work’. I can’t post the link without permission 🙄 but if you go to the BHF website and type that in I’m sure you’ll find it helpful. Best wishes ❤️🩹
Hello Hammerhead,Flapjack has given you really good advice. Please never, ever give up. Your mother did not struggle to bring you into this world to see you hurt yourself. Please keep us posted.
Kathleen
Well you seem to be in a pickle so to speak… and with so many issues you must be wondering where to start…
First some reassurances.. let’s build back your hopes and make some small goals…
Heart failure .. people can live with it for twenty years which means the end is not necessarily nigh…but we will get to what you can do to alleviate some things to improve the ejection numbers.
Pre-diabetes is easier to fix .. the real issue is insulin resistance… your pancreas is pumping out so much insulin .. it needs a little rest.. which can be achieved two ways…change you eating windows…if you snack all the day.. the blood sugars stay high.. which makes the pancreas workload high.. the only way you fix this is to extend the time between meals .. first try to stop eating anything after 8 at night.. and do not eat until after 8 in the morning…that’s 12 on 12 off .. break each fast with just one cup of coffee with a little butter.. this helps switch on your fat burning metabolism..do not eat any carbs .. like biscuits bread cake…porridge or boiled eggs are better.. just doing this for one week should turn the metabolic rate in your favour.. and change those insulin levels…but you need to stay true to your promises.. three months of this and you will definitely change things round.. weight wise.. energy wise.. heart wise.
Exercise.. just stick with gentle walks 10 or 15 minutes each day to start.. no hills wrap up warm..the more you put this into daily routine.. the sooner you create a habit you can stick with…
Get those fluid levels in your body down…taking a little magnesium will help.. I could explain in detail but it just helps you lose the sodium locked into your cells…you may be put on diuretics as part of treatment for heart issues..
This is really going to turn things back in your favour.. keep away from inflammatory foods take away etc are often cooked in seed oils high in omega 6 .. switch to and increase polyphenols..green leafy and colourful foods high in anti oxidants..and omega 3 rich foods…this helps every cell in your body to cope with stress and repair.
The heart needs CoQ10 best from Astaxanthin….which is also high in vit E and vit C…this alone will improve your energy.
Try to increase the window of not eating to 14 hours.. stop at 7 pm and begin at 9 am.. see if you can manage 16 or 18 hour fasts.. this works on insulin resistance and helps the work load of both heart and pancreas..
Motherwort (lenorus cardiaca) is a plant… it has the Latin for heart in its genus. but it also the hearts helper when it comes to repairing myocytes (heart cells) much better than digoxin which only increase contractibility …
Keep a diary .. if you have a bad day and break protocol.. go easy on yourself.. but keep trying…best wishes… good luck.
Hi Hammerhead. I think that you can be proud about this detailed and articulate post which you have made. It takes courage to be so honest on a public forum so again we'll done. It seems to me that currently you feel overwhelmed by the burden of poor health. You describe a history whereby your health has been in decline for many years and I guess that like many others you have lacked the motivation to change and at times you have been in denial. Both of these factors act to prevent healthful change.
I do detect a good ground for optimism from your post in that you are currently very motivated to change and you are not in denial and this is a great starting point.
Flapjack made a very helpful and supportive response. He felt that there may be an emerging lack of purpose in your life. You yourself do express despair. I think that we are all an amalgam of the choices we make and even in under the most difficult circumstances we are free to make good choices. Your past does not have to determine your future. Time is not running out, you do however have to start the change process.
I will not give direct advice about diet and weight loss (both of which are likely to lead to substantial improvement in physical health).
I note that you recently started taking Sertraline so I assume that your GP thinks that you are depressed. With this in mind, I would suggest that you avoid the temptation to become inactive. Devise an activity schedule/dary, structure your time. Give yourself achievable targets and try to achieve them. You recently walked 200 yards. Increase this to 250 yards next time. Exercise from a chair etc. Small progressive steps very often help to raise mood. Give yourself time to reflect on any progress. A CBT approach can and does hasten recovery.
Do continue to use this platform, you are likely to learn a lot about your condition and this knowledge is likely to be helpful.
While your mood is low you are likely to focus upon negative outcomes. I do think that more often than not the fear of the future and what might go wrong is far worse than the actuality.
Unfortunatly I've been on Sertraline since September 2020, after how bad I felt when it started to work was so intense that I'm scared to come off it. Also, I thought it odd that literally one week later my permanent AF started...
I don't have a lot to add, you are obviously having a really hard time.
When I got my AF diagnosis I was pretty shocked. I truly expected to live forever, but now I know I am mortal (I am not making light of you, I am only 56 and thought in good health, so what could go wrong)
Well yeah, AF
My dad died of a second heart attack at 72. I took that as a wake up call and had lost a lot of weight and got into decent shape, so I thought.
When I was diagnosed with AF, my GP said lose weight and I said I did not think I could, I felt that my weight for my 'frame' was right. I have since lost a good amount and I am in the normal BMI.
60 is too young to give up. After my dad died I did speak with a therapist, talking helped a great deal. You might give it a try.
For weight, you might try little things and build up. Of course get the cough looked at first. Walk a few times more during the week. Skip the beer if you can. My wife got a diabetic diagnosis, so we are eating less carbs, no noodles, no rice, lots more veggies (I cheat a bit eating them with my mom)
I hope you can find some balance and move forward.
Hello Hammerhead, there are so many brilliant responses here and you know what this means? It means you’ve got a pile of better friends than you’d find anywhere else because the depth of understanding and knowledge and caring is quite frankly unparalleled in normal life. So stick around, and let yourself choose gratitude over shame because it’s a ton more effective.
One thing that can be said of low moods is that they lift. When they will is in the lap of the gods, but they will and always do. Drugs can, for some, help, but time is the great healer when it comes to low mood. Slowly the anxiety of feeling so rough as you clearly do will somehow reduce and the low mood it brings in its train lifts. It just does - and yours will. Eventually. It might return; but just as surely it will lift again if it does.
I am frankly astounded at the response to my post, thank you all for taking the time to do so. I may have given the impression that I'm a sad lonely single but I am very lucky in that I have a wonderful wife who as I write lol is about to compile a list of healthy recipes out of the many untouched books we have. Hope you are all well as can be!
Having a lot going for you doesn’t mean you can’t have a bit of misery thrown in! My husband and me both lost weight with help of “Second Nature “ which is one of the few NHS recommended apps and provides first class guidance and support from nutritionists. (Flick to “original programme”) Also some excellent recipe books. They don’t get you calorie counting, you do it all with diet change. Good luck!
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Incidentally I was later to find out that a letter had been sent to my GP stating that I had had an AF episode), just so wish I had known back then.
fed-up
Fed up with leg pains with warfarin
Somewhat Fed Up at 4:45am
Mitral Valve Af and fed up
Unreal but true - so fed up
