Today 8th November is an anniversary for me, not one I guess anyone else on here will have had.
For on that date about 63 years ago, while stood at the desk of our school mistress (She was the sole person in charge of the village primary school that consisted of around 27-30 of we mixed age pupils). I, aged about 10, looked up from reading at her desk the poem Meg Merrilies to find her slumped to the floor. I had no idea what was wrong with her, but some of the little children started crying and saying “She’s dead”. Just then, as things like this happened back at that time, the baker knocked at the school door and came in to find us children in chaos. She went over to the lady in the general store opposite and brought her to us. I remember that lady feeling our teachers pulse, in the background children were still wailing she’s dead. The shopkeepers face went deathly white as she said ‘She is”.
Now this teacher had been the sweetest kindest person ever. I think she saw us as the children she never had. Each week on a Friday she gave us all 2 sweets and then more for each star we’d managed to get. How could we not love her when she did that?
I’ve shed a few tears writing this. How on earth can it still hurt after all those years?
After a discussion on this forum a few days ago it’s made me wonder whether we members here are more wounded and affected by tragic events happening in our past. Holding and having to live with that sadness can’t do us any good can it?
What do you think? Did you experience a tragic happening when fairly young? Not asking you to tell us about it unless you want to, but just wondering if all the sad things that we experienced when a lot younger sowed the seeds for our AF?
Jean
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Really interesting Jean and something that ive been exploring for some years now. Since having a fairly traumatic introduction to AF, I have found myself to have anxiety. 5 yrs ago we lost our 36yr old son in law to cancer which left our youngest daughter with their baby( as i write this he is a lovely 5yr old boy snuggled up against next to me waiting for his mum to pick him up from work). I digress. When my son in law died, the enormity of my daughter being left alone and the sadness of it all, bought on some awful panic attacks, which I'd never experienced before. I began having some CBT and EDMR sessions. Anyway to cut a long story short , I was diagnosed with GAD and Health anxiety. Its believed that this stems from a traumatic time when i was 8 yrs and my poor old dad nearly died and spent a year in a convalescent home. So in answer to your question I think yes, its possible that long term and undealt with trauma, may have a part to play in later heart health.
I can only imagine how traumatic that must have been for you Nannysue. Absolutely heart breaking to watch your daughter suffer.
My youngest daughter lived with a violent bully and every single thing he did to her, wounded me too. One Christmas eve she rang me to say could I go and pick her up as he'd thrown her out of the house because she was making a noise wrapping their young daughters Christmas presents.
Oh Jean that must have been awful, knowing your daughter was being treated so badly. Can only imagine how you felt.
And what a horrible experience to see your teacher dying in front of you. Very traumatic indeed for anyone, but for you, only ten years old, it must’ve been a nightmare.
Oh my goodness. That is so sad. I’m a primary school teacher and that was so shocking to read. I’m so sorry you experienced such a traumatic event. Life’s rich tapestry weaves so many experiences into our physical and mental psyche and makes us who we are. If not this, then something else. The event may not have specifically sown AF, but will certainly have contributed one thread to the many which have shaped you into who now are.
I've had so many hurts and knock backs in life, think I could write a book. Though there are some way back which I haven't told anyone about. Don't think I could ever write about them. The more I think about it the more I wonder if I do need some form or counselling.
My friend is a counsellor. We were talking only this morning - actually as a result of your thoughtful post - about the issue of unresolved trauma (as opposed to the trauma itself) and its effects on the body. Maybe it might be something to consider. Hope you find some peace.
What a very sad and shocking thing to happen to you and your classmates. No wonder your sadness is still with you Jean. Your description is as if it happened yesterday. I wonder if in writing we help to process these things?
It would be nice if my writing about it here did help remove the sadness. I only feel upset about it as the anniversary of my teachers death comes around.
I don’t think we ever remove all our sadnesses. By processing I meant living with them with greater insight, patience, and kindness towards ourselves. Hugs to you x
Hi Jean, When I was 16 yrs old I was unfortunately stabbed in the stomach by a lad of similar age. I was hospitalised for several weeks as the knife managed to nick my liver, fortunately I recovered fully and been so young got over this just fine, or so I thought. Several years later working as a cab driver I was beaten up for money by several men, this time although the wounds were much less severe I never really got over it. My anxiety started just after the event, although I did not realise at the time. IBS started, and several other ailments. AF struck not too long after, so I like you, often wonder if these events kick started the AF? I suppose one will never know.
I found this really interesting,I thought about it and realised maybe its possible! My mum left us when I was nine and my sister was 1. We could not live with our dad as it was 60 years ago and he needed to work. I moved in with my wonderful grandmother and my sister lived with our aunt who was our godmother.
This is not a sad story as I had a wonderful childhood for which I am grateful .
It did make me wonder if there is something in my subconscious !!
Your mother leaving you when you children were so young must have been hard for all of you. Did you ever track her down and ask why she did that?
In years to come the major upsets in life will probably be talked about a lot more and maybe people will all have some form of counselling to help move on. Though I do wonder if talking about sad events in our lives can ever cure and heal the distress we experienced.
My mother only lived around the corner unfortunately the man she ran off with owned a pub and she gained a drink problem. I had no contact with her really just occasionally when she was drunk, I never saw her after I left the area at 20.I feel sorry for her as she never met my wonderful son, or my sisters daughter. We were very fortunate that we had a wonderful dad. I think people do speak about things more now if you have a trusted friend.I also think it in a way it made me stronger in my relationships
Oh Jean. I feel your sorrow and shock even from all these years. Indeed a traumatic event for you all. That you remember the date all these years later says it all.Yes I believe we carry baggage that weighs us down,even unconsciously. It all builds up internally I believe, putting undue strain on our systems that we were not designed for.
I wonder how many of us in The Crazy Heart Club have had these? I'd suspect quite a few,obviously not all.
I don't mind sharing mine. I returned from Singapore, dad was Royal Navy officer rank. Luxury bungalow,ayah,Raffles for birthday Teas and so on.
During the Malayan Emergency, mum and I were flown back to the UK, which I had no recollection of. I didn't know Mum was 7 months pregnant.
Home was warm welcome and love from grandparents I didn't know. Also 3 cousins. Close knit mining community, tiny house. Big shock,sooo cold. Overcrowded, weird food. The 1963(?) Big freeze. Great, what happened to sandals and gheckos in the garden?
Bear with me...
Two of my newly found cousins were Identical twins. Both had bad asthma,no doubt aided by everyone smoking,but not so known then.
One was in and out of hospital, aged 7,but seemed to be really well.
We were called out of school to go to nannas right away. My older cousin and I said Oh Neil is home!
But my cousin just said. No. He's dead.
Moving past the getting home,next night .
Mum and I had to share a bed as space so tight.
She miscarriaged/ had stillbirth.
It still remains, the sorrow in the house.
I'm certain Jean that events linger within us.
Hard to mitigate when it's so far in the past ( or is it?)
I'm sure your lovely head would be honoured to know you all think of her, she sounds wonderful.
It sounds like that was a major upheaval in your life, then for your mum to have a still-born baby and to lose your cousin too. Did your dad eventually return home? Luckily you had lots of love from your grandparents which must have supported you all through that awful time.
Tragic events must certainly form our outlook on life and maybe our life health map too.
Yes he did ,18 months later. I had lots of loving family around which helped. I wonder if early shock and 'insult' to the heart via adrenaline predelicts us the vulnerability in later life when under stress. My AF ,I am sure,was either initiated or made worse by an extended period of stress.
Jean, thank you for sharing and getting us all to think. Yes, I supposed we all have had weird and traumatic things happen. I was older, it was open house is freshman year of high school. We were all in the science class room when someone in the back started to panic, it was the wife of the husband and mom and dad of one of my classmates. The teacher got rattled and didn't know what was going on but the man was going into insulin shock. No one had any candy and orange juice kept being asked for but the school was large and we weren't near the kitchen which was locked up anyway. The man passed out and hit the floor and died right then and there. Well I got up and ran out of the room but my dad kept calling me back to see it. For me that was the worst of it, because why would my dad want me to see a dead man. For that reason I never wanted to work with sick people or be around sick people and if an emergency occurred I ran the other way. I let all my friends and family know I am not Nurse Nancy. I am very much focused on prevention rather than curing. I guess that is why.
How old were you when this happened? I really can't understand your dad wanting you to see someone that was dead. We all grow up believing that seeing someone dead is scary don't we, I wonder why that is?
I worked in a nursing home for 10 years (in the office) and never ever saw anyone dead. The Matron knew this and one day asked me to go and see a patient I knew well who had died. I just couldn't do it but why was that?
Freshman’s in high school so that would have been maybe 14? I can’t understand my dad wanting to come into the room to watch either especially as the man was dying due to insulin overdoes. Back then I am not sure about testing kits and all that. It’s bad enough having to go to funerals but my dad also took pictures of people in the coffins. I found that to be just disgusting. You ask a very good question regarding the death of someone. I don’t like going to visit loved ones in grave yards either.
I don't like visiting graveyards either. When someone I knew was buried I found it quite traumatic that she was being put in the ground.
I think we British are a bit unusual in our views on death. We mostly fear death and the dead. I wouldn't like a photo of a dead person. I sometimes tease my daughter and say I want to be laid out in my lounge, not in a funeral parlour. She replies immediately that I'm not having a funeral and am going straight to the crematorium.
Here is something really wild, Jean. I attract the energy of dead people. I had to learn not to. I have several hair raising stories regarding this and I never believed that such a thing could happen. The nasty ones will suck your energy and make you feel sick. I discovered that all by accident. My son, went with to one of my clearings and he couldn’t believe it either. He was fascinated by my telling him that I had brought with me about 7 entities and when I went to my chiropractor he did some energy testing and sure enough. He didn’t like messing with this stuff either. He would clear them but he hated it. So the last time I asked him what did these entities want. he discovered they wanted a ceremony with drums and rattles. Turns out 3 were native americans killed by white men and they needed to be healed before they could go on to their next level. As this was all happening my son said he could see it all taking place as 1 by 1 these entities came up for a healing. It was the wildest thing I ever experienced.
If a person is an empath one has to be careful, once the entities know you do healings they want to be healed. I was taking classes in Healing Touch at the time it is similar to Reiki. I worked only on animals at the time.
I don’t expect anyone to understand any of this because I don’t myself and it was not something I go looking for either.
It is part of the reason I stay away from cemeteries. Not all cemeteries have energy hanging around but many do. I suspect you may feel the same thing but didn’t understand that.
Oh Jean - what a devastating and traumatic experience for you all. I can really feel the chaos and pain in your words and my heart goes out to you!
I can only speak for myself but I carried the burden of loss in various forms, and pain throughout my life without really healing from the impact of those events either.
Granted, my experiences have helped to mould me into who I am today but after recently embarking on counselling, I’ve been reflecting and I wonder if I would’ve been more resilient and a more “well rounded” person had I have sought help more readily at those stages of my life. Obviously, I’ll never know but I’m making a commitment to myself, for my children as well as myself, to do the hard graft even though it’s painful.
I think you may be onto something; I wonder if statistically empaths as well as those who experience trauma are more prone to cardiac problems? It would be interesting to know 🤔
Thinking of you on this anniversary, sending you compassion and virtual hugs 🤗
If some people on the forum could say that they have lead a peaceful, tragedy free life but still had AF, that would disprove what I'm wondering re the effect of severely stressful situations laying the foundations for AF later in life.
I also guess that some people can move on and not be wounded so deeply by events.
What an interesting thread Jean, thank you for starting it, although I’m very sorry to hear what happened to you and the other children. What a shock and at such a young age, too. I can hear from your writing how deeply it affected you and continues to do so.
When I was 19 I lost my first love, who died very suddenly from an undiagnosed heart condition, ironically. That affected me very deeply and I still remember as if it were yesterday getting the phone call . I also recall that, for weeks afterwards, when I did eventually fall asleep at night I used to wake with a heavy pain in my chest and a feeling of dread before the memory would come flooding back once more. Who knows what long-term impacts these emotional traumas must have on our poor hearts.
That must have been awful for you, what a shock. Did you do a lot of weeping or try to hold in your grief? Hmm waking with that pain in your chest, yes that certainly would make a link to your sadness and the effect on your heart. We have the word 'heartbroken' don't we.
I do tend to hold things in. To my detriment I expect but we are as we are, I suppose. It was my first experience of loss, too which was another reason why it hit so hard, I think. As you say, the term “heartbroken” would have well described the physical pain I felt.
In a bizarre way though, the experience was beneficial, as, later in life, it enabled me to have an understanding of and be “there” for others going through their own traumatic losses. Tough though it was at the time, I think it made me more empathetic and a better listener than I might otherwise have been.
I've heard friends say how they don't like Christmas because of the memory of something tragic that once happened at that time. Can quite understand you feeling that way. Did these events happen before you had AF?
Yes I was only in my thirty with 2 small children Mum ans Dad came one evening and left at 10 and she died at 12 in bed ,I was 2 years getting over it ,she idolised my son and daughter and am sad she never got to see them grow up.
Then I was going through a messy divorce and my Dad
died so my health suffered very badly ,was diagnosed with af 7 years ago
Have a wonderful husband now ,but these memories never fade
The mind is so complex, who knows but my hunch is that such early events have a contributory effect towards AF; they certainly stay with you through life but so do lots of good experiences to help cancel the baddies.
Sadly although we have lots of good events in life they certainly don't cancel the tragic ones, not for me anyway. I feel they can never be erased, but can be forgotten for quite long periods of time.
Yes, most definitely...........in 1992 my Father crossed the road opposite from where my parents lived, on a rainy very dark 25th November, to buy a fish and chip supper for him and my Mother. He was in the middle of the road when he got knocked over by one car and run over by two other cars because the first car pulled off the road leaving the roadway clear for the other two. My Father never came home, the Coroner recorded accidental death but the evidence suggested otherwise so engaged a lawer, nothing came from it as my Mother, bless her, was going into hospital in the March for an Aortic Aneurysm repair, surgery went ok but whilst in recovery she found a large breast lump, proved to be cancer, she died on the 31st August 1993 just 9 months after my Father. They were both 69. I didn't have the oomph to follow through with the court case nor the money. I threw myself into work and guess have never come to terms with this tragic loss and a couple of years later developed P/A/F so yes, I do believe that circumstances can have a direct effect on health because it did mine.
At times we feel we just have to block out what's happened and get on with life, but is that really the thing to do. Would it be better to let our distraught emotions out and have a good cry and wail for a period of time? The death of people we love is awful to cope with. Why oh why do we think that we must supress grief, push it aside and do our best to carry on as though we haven't had that awful loss.
Then you developed AF a few years later, it certainly all adds up doesn't it,
Yes, agreed but this is the British Way, stiff upper lip and all that........and my A/Factually started a little while after that but didn't take me into hospital and diagnosis until 1998 and then a stroke courtesy of A/F in 2000 followed by retirement from my career.....definitely a correlation between the two. Stay well my friend x
That's a devastating double blow. Unfortunately back then - and still now, to some extent - there is a lot of pressure to just deal with grief and loss very briefly and just get on with life. It's never too late though, I believe, to take the lid off what we've locked inside and give it some of our love and attention.
So many sad stories here which are almost impossible to recover from fully. I suspect we all have incidents like these together over in life and they may well contribute to health problems later. In my case these were not just the deaths of my parents, within nine months of each other, but things like my sister's breakdown which is still fresh in my memory after fifty-odd years. Best wishes Jean x
Jeanjeannie I am so sorry to hear of the sudden traumatic loss..... what a terrible thing to have happened when so young and so dependant on this important so loved adult in your young lives and must have rocked you all and made the world feel very unsafe.... it brought tears to my eyes.... I'm sorry to for all the other traumatic events reported on here. So sad, such terrible loss to have to live with....
Am sure there are links in our lives. Stress and trauma are intertwined as is the mind and the body. So how can one not impact on another. There are others who have been through events like the holocaust who somehow go on to lead very long lives.... I really don't know how.
I guess some of it must be down to how we deal with trauma and stress in our lives. And for how long that trauma goes on or repeats in our lives? The impact on our health must be large though when you consider that cancer is something one in two people will now face in their lives. This was not the case years ago. Am sure there's a connection to accumulated stress and trauma to poor health.
Thankyou for bravely bringing this up.... Sending you and others living with such trauma big hugs.
That's interesting you mentioning people who survived the holocaust. I wonder if they suffered any physical health effects later in their lives. We may never know, unless someone at sometime did some research into it. I may do a search and see if I can find anything later. Others are welcome to help too.
Stress and trauma must be normal for every human really, but perhaps it's how we deal with it that can have an effect on our physical bodies.
A... I think too its about levels of stress and degrees of trauma too. And the support is any that follows. Everyone has their limits.
A little girl like you back then to witness that out of the blue in ure normal safe classroom environment away from your parents would've traumatised any child. Am not sure if people get over trauma like that.... At best can distance themselves. Impact is impact. U had ure world ripped away under your feet suddenly out of the blue, no warning. It must have impact.As for the amazing survivors of the holocaust I just don't know how they managed living with those terrible memories never mind the long term impact on their bodies of such extreme physical deprivation that they went through.
All I can say is when I have had some very tough times in my life, even traumatic times, I appreciate my life afterwards and all the small things in life like the sun on my face, warmth of a log fire etc..... Gives me great peace, pleasure & I feel blessed.
Sending u big hugs Jeanjennie to you and the little brave girl inside. Xx
I have read your initial story at the top 💜and read through many of the stories and your replies. Yes stress, trauma and heartache come with being in a broken world. I too have had my share, from being inappropriately touched by the one person in the whole world that should have been protecting me to having my first husband attempt to take my life etc. It seems that there are not a lot of believers on this forum but I stand unashamed to tell you that it was through my choice to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior, whom dragged me from the mud in the muck into a life of hope, assurance of His faithfulness and to know that my life after leaving this world will be eternally spent with Him in the eternal Home which is reserved for those who love Him. Blessings always to you, you have a big heart, that is clear!
It certainly is reasonable to suspect that strong, enduring anxiety could connect with the onset of Afib, I think. That factor opens up a whole other approach to helping us prevent or reduce it. Psychologists have a new source of patients to work with!
It might be worth trying to work through your experience with a counselor, even now.
Yes I have thought about having some counselling after several people have mentioned it here. Actually I have two friends trained in doing it, so may bend their ears.
Oh Jeanie - that's a sad and shocking memory! And no trauma counselling in schools in those days. I do think unprocessed feelings from events can stay with us and shape the way we respond to life's challenges, especiallywhen we're young. At age 10 I watched my mum having a heart attack (as we thought) in the living room and was sent to school, not knowing if I'd see her again. Eventually Dad had called the ambulance and turns out she had a pulmonary embolism. None of this I found out till I got home and neighbours took care of me, my brother and 2 Yr old sister till Dad came home.
Life was never the same after then: Mum of course was terrified at every little pain and flutter. She blamed Dad for not calling the ambulance sooner, and she was too preoccupied with her own trauma to respond well to my sister's trauma at having been temporarily fostered for the 10 week period when mum was in hospital.
My take-home from this was to internalise the notion 'life will never be the same after illness'.
When I developed AF aged 63 I took some sessions with a colleague on breathwork. My AF onset had coincided with the pandemic and I became very very anxious. I clearly recall my colleague saying to me - how long have you been hypervigilant? After getting over the shock, I thought for 2 minutes and instantly said - since I was 10. It was then that I started digging into something I thought hadn't affected me.
Developing AF has helped me heal the relationship with my sister (always the 'difficult' one in the family) and with my scared inner 10 year old who had learned to 'just keep going'.
That was an awful time and worrying for you to have experienced when your mother had her pulmonary embolism. I can understand her feeling afraid afterwards, but sad that it was at the expense of not understanding how it had cast a shadow over the lives of her family.
Our natural instinct these days appears to be 'shut up and carry on as normal' but that is surely not right is it? I think grief needs to come out, why do we hide our emotions now? Have we always done that and is it a sign of how people in western countries are expected to cope? I notice with all the fighting that's going on now, how the Palestinians respond with their striking out-pouring of grief when they've lost someone. Can't help but feel that way is more natural.
Thank you. No psychological support in those days for heart related trauma. So I don't blame Mum, who in fact lived to be 69 against all expectations. She reported having a near death experience and I think it affected her deeply. I agree with you that in the West we need to learn how to express grief and loss physically.
Ironically reading this on the way to Barts. A long story for another day. I’m sure and for those wishing to reflect further I recommend ‘The Body Holds the Score’. A well evidenced piece of work that describes how trauma is held in our bodies. Wishing everyone well x
Jean I can only think that something like that at such a young age would leave a trauma tattooed inside you. I believe traumas can leave this imprint in us which affects us even when we’re not thinking about what happened years after. I was 48 when our 18 yr old son was diagnosed with cancer he passed 2 years later. Prior to his passing I had AF only a couple of times in 15 years. In the last 15 years probably 6 times.
When we lose someone so completely special they go on living inside us and I hope for every hurt reawakened you have a joyful memory too, a gladness for the life that was just as strong as the life cut short. I tend to underplay the death of my full term, stillborn baby, but the ripples and coming to terms played out over years. Wishing you health and strength.
thank you and to you too and so sorry for your loss… so many beautiful memories …. he had such an impact on everyone who met him, he continues to inspire me and it is where I draw my strength from.
That was such a terrible loss for you. I really don't know how people cope when losing a child, the grief must be so hard to bear. You have my deepest sympathy.
You are fortunate though with your AF attacks occurring so rarely. Are they really bad when you have them?
I agree with you that traumas can leave an imprint in our bodies which is not beneficial.
Thank you Jean… such an unfulfilled life he was an outstanding scholar and gifted at any sport. Our grief is always with us but I channel mine into raising awareness and fundraising and that gives me purpose and hope that others won’t go through what our family did.
Yes I am lucky so far with my AF seems to kick off when I overdo things, most times the rate is 85-100 at rest but I’ve learnt to start the drugs as soon as it hits and that brings it down to 70’s -80’s. I used to be able to immediately convert back to Sinus with exercise for the first 28 years of AF but now that I’m 65 the last few times it’s been a CV to convert me. Next time I’ll try a higher dose of Flecainide pill in pocket as I don’t think 100mg has been enough.
Oh Jean, that is so sad and moving (I’ve got tears in my cornflakes now!). I feel sure that trauma and stress definitely contribute to AF. Equally I also think that we learn something positive from these events even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time. If nothing else I think our values and priorities change - hopefully for the better. Xx
So true about values and priorities changing. I've always believed that we are in this world to learn and grow and we'll keep coming back until we fully understand life.
Such traumatic events you've all shared made me look at my own life and although I hadn't connected my experiences with AF you have made me wonder if there was a connection. My second child died of heart related problems age 4 years .
A few years later my dad had lung cancer and eventually 2 years later died.
He was my idol my best friend I was devastated to see how he suffered from the chemo which he eventually refused to have.
My once strong Dad reduced to skin and bone and I'd seen him that day at the hospital but only been home an hour or so when the call came that he had died.
I was distraught, couldn't accept it for years I know he tried to tell me he was still there, a tap on the shoulder I knew was him.
So Jean you've managed to make us all face our demons the ones we put in a little box knowing they are there but not opening it.
Your probably right suppressing these events could very well be why we have AF thanks for the therapy.
I can't imagine the pain you must have experienced through the loss of your child. I lost my first baby almost at term but to lose a child that you have cared for and loved is loss indeed, then followed by another devastating loss.
I do believe, from my own experience, that it's worth opening up our feelings about these losses and giving ourselves a lot of love and recognition of the pain experienced.
How anyone can cope with the death of a child is beyond me, you have my total sympathy and respect. When my brother was killed in a road accident aged 29 I remember my mum saying she felt that a part of her was missing, she grieved for him and we as a family believe that loss caused her cancer and she died 4 years later aged 60. Did you feel that a part of you was missing?
Yes, we're all looking at some traumatic moments in our lives to see if there could be a link between that and AF. I'm convinced that there is.
Good point jean.!!! And It’s nice that you still remember her and think of her in such a lovely way, she must have been a lovely lady. I’m sure things that have been traumatic for us in the past could have a connection with us later in life, yes definitely.
well, aged just 17 i began my general nursing. training. on the ward i met and cared for a male with a cardiac diagnosis. the next day he was dead of a myocardium infarction.
i left after gaining my. 1st profession. i preferred nursing children. i had nursed at the wilson home for crippled children at aged 16.
my hubby at aged 40 was diagnosed. with leukaemia. he died at 61. he could not have children and we have 2 adopted at birth. i breastfed the 2nd baby producing colestrum and using a lactaid apparatus.
Yes, I'm wondering if we people with AF have had a bit more trauma in our lives than other people. Not just experiencing someone close dying, though that could be part of it and it's painful to bear.
Being tortured by things that have happened to our family. My youngest daughter with her bully of a man. It would take me ages to tell all that he did to her, he did once strangle her until she passed out and then called his mother to say he thought he'd killed her. Imagine as a mother hearing that and then she goes back with him again. He tortured me for around 16 years by how cruelly he treated my daughter. Honestly, one time I ran in to get a knife, he had pushed me to my limit. My ex who was in the police force calmed me down. I said I'd go to prison and get myself a degree while there. He said prison is not as cushy as people are led to believe. I recently spoke to a nurse who told me of a prison she worked in, inmates had to clean their own cells, some wouldn't so the place was full of rats.
my young 43 year old friend was strangled and along with her daughter. it wasn't a punishable act then but within a year she was dead, her estranged boyfriend driving. hit a bridge. daughter was behind her and 2 year old boy behind father. he had the only airbag. a plate hit him but otherwise ok. it was my friend's ute.
at her funeral we sang her favourite song 'it's great to be alive'.
her daughter was brain damaged and directly put on life support so no memory. i spoke to her mum at 9am. she passed at 4pm.
she had him around after the strangle and it is now a chargeable act.
are we meant to have such sadness in our lives.
please tell me that your daughter is now safe. it is a 'you made your bed and now you need to live in it'.
SOMETIMES WE DETERMINE THAT THE PERSON THEY MARRY WE DONT LIKE. THEREFORE WE PUT THE PRESSURE ON. THEY HAVE TO STAY TOGETHER BY HOOK OR CROOK. SHE DIDNT WANT TO 'LOOSE' OM HER CHOICE.
THANK GOODNESS.
NO ONE WAS CHARGED ON MY FRIEND'S DEMISE.
NO ONE CAME FORWARD ON 'THE SPEED OF THE TRUCK BEFORE THE CONCRETE BRIDGE'.
SHE WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERSON WHO WANTED TO HAVE ANOTHER CHILD BEFORE 40.
HER DEAR DAUGHTER WE HAVE TO WATCH OVER AND THEIR SON IS THE ONLY MALE OF HIS. KEEPING AN EYE ON THINGS IS GRANDNAN.
UNFORTUNATELY HER FATHER DIED 2 YEARS AFTER THE CRASH BUT EXTENDED FAMILY STEPPED IN.
SHE IS A CHILD OF THE STATE UNLESS ONE ADOPTS HER - BEFORE HER 21ST BIRTHDAY.
L see her at least once a year. i'm friend with her grandnan - we are the same age.
Such a sad story, thanks for sharing it. My health went down hill after my twin sister died. She was having chemotherapy and went into hospital just before Easter as she wasn't well. There was just one registrar covering the whole district hospital over Easter as she deteriorated. The oncologist, based 30 miles away, eventually saw her on the Tuesday after Easter and told us that there was nothing else they could. She died a few hours later from chemotherapy poisoning. My AF came back a few weeks later and I have never really been well since. A week before she died, I regularly walked 5 miles, now I struggle to walk just one mile.
Bless you that is such a sad story, thank you for sharing. From the responses here I feel even more that we people with heart complaints have had more traumatic experiences in life than is usual.
Hi Jean, oh what a sad story for a young child to experience. I'm sure you are right about life Traumas giving us AF. I was robbed of my childhood by someone which had a traumatic affect on my life but after councilling I recovered. But often wondered if it triggered my AF, because after all it's not good for the body to keep hold of stress! So I'm sure you're right! I hope you are feeling a little chirpier today? Love and hugs 🤗
Glad to hear it! Yes me too, I'm always a glass half full kind of woman. Try not to let things get me down and always look on the bright side of life. Opps I can feel a song coming on 😂.
Thank you for this post, Jean. I think this is a very interesting topic! I have no doubt that traumatic experiences stay with us and can take a toll on our physical health and wellbeing as well as on our mental health.
I'm sorry to hear about your experience as young child. I can well imagine that that must have been a profoundly shocking and difficult experience for you to make sense of at that age.
The thing about trauma is that it's very individual and someone may be traumatised by an event that someone else present at the same event isn't traumatised by. But once trauma is experienced the memory is stored in a completely different way to 'normal' memory and in a different part of the brain. This is why, when something 'triggers' the traumatic memory it is a very vivid, often full body, full sensory experience - the body experiences it as though the trauma is still happening. This is because it isn't 'processed' like normal memory, which is subject to perspective and fading over time. Hence a lot of time, when people talk about difficult experiences they don't understand that it is qualititively different from traumatic memory. If you haven't experienced it, it can be difficult to understand, but if you have experienced it you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. This is perhaps why you experience the loss so vividly still, after all these years, Jean.
I had a pretty troubled childhood with little support system and I was carrying considerable trauma by the time I left home in my teens. I've had a fair bit of counselling and 'therapeutic input' throughout my life but it's only in recent years, when I discovered EMDR - a therapeutic approach that is a recognised therapy for PTSD - that I feel I made much headway with the residual effects of past trauma.
I developed Coeliac Disease in my early 20s and Hypothyroidism in my early 30s. None of my extended family have been diagnosed with those conditions, or PAF which I now have. I have little doubt that these conditions directly or indirectly are connected to the ongoing effects of isolation and trauma in my early life.
Anyone interested in this subject might check out 'When the Body Says No - the cost of hidden stress' by Gabor Mate and 'The Body Keeps the Score; Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma' by Bessel van der Kolk. These are both classics and very interesting reads!
I've always been very health conscious and worked at keeping fit throughout my life but I feel constantly thwarted by my poor psyche which often just finds life to be pretty hard going. Oh well - we work with what we're given, right? There's much to be grateful for. And it's never too late to heal that pain.
Thank you for sharing ❤️
"Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love." Rainer Maria Rilke
I'm sorry to hear that you had a troubled childhood and you are the second person to recommend the book The Body Keeps the Score.
Yes, I agree with you, we have so much to be grateful for and I count my blessings every day. Thank goodness that we are not at war with any other part of the world, though since Covid raised it's ugly head. I realise that anything can happen.
Thank you for the quote, I will give it some thought.
I felt your sadness and emotion while reading your story. How awful that you had to witness such an event so early in your life. That would certainly traumatize any child.
I was physically abused by my father and it affects me to this day. Can you imagine being stripped naked and then beaten with a belt just because of nothing really. I was just a child doing what children do. I was a good kid. Never talked back, did my chores.
Anyway, don't want to think of the past but I truly think that past traumas definitely affect your health as you develop and grow.
Sorry to hear what you went through Vic and no you certainly did not deserve to be treated that way. I hope you have found love and warmth in your life now. We people who had idyllic childhoods and loving parents really have no idea what others went through and the effect it had on them. I count my blessings.
What a sad and traumatic tale....I do believe trauma can affect our physical being and be everlasting in our cells. Causing AF..maybe or contributing to it for sure..Also believe stress which trauma is..genetics..aging all factors.
Who knows? I think we all remember terrible things and yes this could bring all sorts of things we now have. When I was 5yrs old, I saw a man fall from the roof of the shops near to where we lived. I see that image. I'm 74. Very recently had 3rd Ablation,with a vein of Marshal destroyed as well. Struggling a bit and last night heart malfunctioned for 2hrs.took pip and ok this morning. No sleep as I was waiting for it to happen again. Too much thinking as you say. Best wishes Debbie
That was an awful thing to witness at such a young age.
It's hard to sleep when we're worried about AF.
I know nothing at all about the vein of Marshall, have only heard one other person on this forum talk about that and she lives in France. Is that where you are?
1. There is something called 'dissociative disorder' where an event/memory is just too much for a person to handle and so, somehow, it gets put in a box and the lid is shut tightly on it. It's as though it just didn't happen!
Many years later something can trigger it and it can start to come out again. I have a friend who went through this after being abused as a child. It took about thirty years and another major event in his life to bring it out enough for him to undergo counselling. He went through some tough times dealing with it.
2. We lost our son when he was seventeen under tragic circumstances. I still haven't dealt with it properly 29 years later because I had to "stay strong" for everyone else's sake. My wife had a breakdown and I had five other kids to look after. I had to deal with all the medical, legal, etc issues. It's still there. My wife has dementia and has forgotten most of the details, but the feelings and emotions are still there so I still have to be careful about what I say.
I've often wondered if I could have done it differently, but I come up with a blank every time. What alternatives did I have? There were things that had to be done and I was the one in a position to do them. My natural instinct was to protect. I couldn't curl up in a ball and pretend nothing had happened could.I?
I think decent men see it as their duty in life to protect and support the whole family, so I feel sure that what you did was right. How sad to have gone through that trauma of losing your son. Never in your lifetime would you be able to accept what happened to him and put it aside, so don't even try to. You did what was right for your family at the time. You were the hero that gave them the support that they needed.
Your post made me cry and also some of the others. I feel for you and everyone on here who has had some sort of trauma in their lives. I don’t post very often but always try to keep up with this lovely forum. I have suffered with anxiety all my life. I think I was born with a heart murmur and can remember getting short of breath at an early age. My life growing up was traumatic with unstable parents and not being toldI was loved or having any form of affection, had an impact on me for sure. I am now in my seventies and have ocd and af . Had a mitral valve repair in my sixties and also have a pacemaker. I am sure I still feel the effects of my childhood and because of this, does this have an impact on the way I try and live with the af. I know worry about this does not help and I am really envious of those people who can live normal lives with this. So sorry this has dragged on but felt I had to contribute to your post. Take care Jean.x
This is my third marriage. Third time lucky it seems. My husband is wonderful and supportive. He tries to understand my af but finds it difficult. He says as it is not life threatening what is there to worry about.Only us a fibbers know the answer to that! I also have two lovely girls. Both suffer with anxiety. It runs in the family. Of course, we take on our children’s struggles as well.Just wondered how you cope with your af and how it makes you feel.Can’t remember if you are on your own. I know you post a lot and always feel you are a comfort to others
I hope they are a comfort to you Jean. Mine are in England. Cheltenham and Buckinghamshire. I moved to France last Christmas. My husband really wanted to live here and I agreed to it. I am amazed I found the courage to do it as my anxiety about my af is awful. Now my youngest daughter is pregnant and I am thinking, what have I done. I suppose moving back is not impossible but it may put an end to my marriage!Ihave a lovely house and garden here and English friends very near but it doesn’t stop the worry. I have been in bed all day as just going to the loo makes my heart erratic. Would you have just got up this morning and sat down now and again. I sometimes wonder if just giving in to it is worse than trying to beat it.Thank you Jean. X
AF affects people differently, what one person calls awful may be regarded as minor to another. I must admit that even though my attacks were very wearing I never stayed in bed. Often when thinking I needed to go to hospital I'd have a morning shower and a few times it put me back into normal rhythm. I could not present myself anywhere without having had one. If AF continued at a high rate I would seek advice and often ended up being admitted to a hospital ward.
I always got up, showered and sat in the lounge. You may have had a bad night and need to sleep. Staying in bed would drain and make me feel worse.
How different we all are Jean. I would find it virtually impossible to go downstairs. I am glad you manage to cope. Perhaps my outlook on these episodes needs to change as well. To be able not to fear them and just think of them as a nusuance as someone else said. Take care.x
I live in a bungalow, wouldn't have liked to climb stairs when my AF was bad. I sometimes wonder whether the thud of our feet hitting the ground can put us back into normal rhythm. One thing I'm quite sure of is that the heart rarely goes back into normal rhythm if we sit still and don't move. x
You may be right Jean. I need to give this some thought. Perhaps staying in bed is not the answer.I have never thought about the feet before. That’s interesting. x
Funnily enough yes. One traumatic event in childhood that has left me with PTSD (quite mild) I was also emotionally abused as a child & right before my AFIB was diagnosed had an extremely stressful time with my husband’s business folding, my brother-in-law (really fit & healthy, keen cyclist & walker) had a stroke out of the blue, then my husband & I both had covid, then my (at the time 21) year old daughter was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. So yes, you may well be on to something there. Looking back I think I was paroxysmal for years, but ignored it, and became sustained in April right after all of these events.
Bless you, what a time you've had. I'm so sorry to hear how you suffered as a child and all that followed later in life.
Like you I think I was paroxysmal with AF long before I was diagnosed. I used to have episodes in my 30's. It was an overwhelming tiredness that would soon pass if I sat still. I would say that I felt 'weak and weary'. My family used to laugh and imitate me saying they felt weak and weary. I'm sure that was the beginning of my AF. So can easily believe that yours was triggered by the events you mention.
For some reason this year it appeared to come back and smack me in the face. Maybe now is the time I need to put the hurt it caused behind me. Listening to other peoples stories here, a lot of them sound a lot worse than I suffered. I think I need to sit back and count my blessings.
Yes have it..I believe that..My brother took his life and I was so distraught developed breast cancer and later afib aside from so much more.We are human and each of us handle loss differently.In some cases imprinted in our cells as well as genetics passed down.No one is the same
I don't know why my teacher dying suddenly years ago, hit me in the face this year.
Yes, time will tell if talking about it helped. It does appear that quite a lot of forum members have had traumatic episodes in their lives a lot worse than mine.
Actually that isn't at all true. As much as you may do everything possible to prevent past trauma invading your thoughts , just like the Brain is stimulated to remember a good memory when we come across the sounds, smells , textures and sights associated with it in everyday life , it unfortunately does the same when it comes across the same types of stimuli attached to a traumatic event.
Memories are actually like a Jack in the Box which we do not have full control of winding up to let it go.
As a strong and incredibly positive person with complex PTSD , I know of what I'm speaking.
You can't totally a close the door on a room for which you do not possess the key , no matter how much you try , or how successful you are at avoiding the handle.
Take care and I hope that you don't experience the sort of trauma that would test your opinion , Bee
CPTSD is a fairly 'new' condition and there are very few people (professionals) who understand it enough to be able to offer help and most of them are in the US.
My daughter has it and is really struggling to find someone in the UK who can help her.
Agreed. It is hard to find therapists with proper knowledge in C-PTSD , although many of the therapy strategies available have originated from treatments that worked successfully for it before the condition was recognised with a name. If you don't mind giving a little personal information I would be happy to do a little research for you?
You can send me a PM in private messages if you would prefer giving it there.
The most helpful info would be which Trust area are you in ?
What age range is your daughter in?
e.gs 15-18, 18-25, 25-35.
As age can make a difference to the type is services suitable for the patient.
She's been through all the usual stuff for PTSD (a few times) and could probably teach them now and has realised that counselling etc for PTSD is not suitable for CPTSD.
Covid lockdowns stopped her from being able to physically see someone who could help and she felt that consultations on Skype would be non-productive. The nearest she got to talking to someone was frustrating because they were 200 miles away from her and not accepting new clients until Covid was no longer a problem.
She is very intelligent and has a good understanding of her issues.
I am pretty sure a lifetime of stress has contributed to my AF, too much 'fright' response and adrenaline leading to inflammation.
My stress started early 16 months old when my brother then 12 came home from school to find me screaming in my pram and my mother dead at the bottom of the stairs. In order to avoid a children's home I was handed around often to unsuitable family members There were no 'benefits' then and Dad had 3 other children to support . My brother also has AF .
Later I returned home at school age then came a cruel stepmother from hell, I was always full of anxiety , sad and scared of the consequences of saying the wrong thing. I left home at 15 to work in a kennels £1 a week and my 'keep' and was always hungry always short of money.
I met and married a soldier, I had a baby he had a stroke 6 weeks later and was left paralysed. I nursed him for the 6 years he lived following the stroke while bringing up our son.
I am not at all surprised my heart has struggled to cope with my life .
Now in my 70s I have found peace and contentment at last sadly marred by ill health.
Oh my goodness, what unbelievable sadness you have been dealt, i am surprised you did'nt actually crumble with the weight of the trauma . Blessings to you.x
Goodness doodle, you've had a tough time and I really feel for you. I honestly have nothing to whinge about! I'm shocked by how many forum members had tough childhoods. Mine was idyllic - I'm never going to moan again (well not today anyway).
I'm so pleased that you now have peace and contentment, you certainly deserve it. Sending you a big hug.
Wow. . Reading through all your sad experiences indeed life is hard. Sending a big hug to everyone who experienced such terrible trauma at such a tender age. Remember your past may influence your choices but it does not make you who you are. You can decide who you choose to be and God is always there for you in your time of need. He knows every challenge and what you have been through. Rest in Him.❤️
Yours is a tragic story and you have a good point with the possible effect on AF, I to have many very terrible experiences in Ireland and the falkland islands whilst in the signal corps and have often wondered how much my life has been altered mentally and physically.. Keep well.
My father died when I was 13 . He dropped dead in the street of a heart attack. He was only 40. My teenage years were mentally not very stable - veering from one extreme to another and my twenties weren't much better. Though I had a long period of stability and happiness from my mid thirties onwards my physical health was compromised by being floxed several times. Looking back I suppose it's not surprising I developed afib! I cannot listen to any tracks from The Sound of Music without being taken back to the day my father died just after Christmas as that was playing (my sister got the LP for Christmas ) when the policeman came to the door.
What a dreadful shock for you. Yes, music association can be very strongly reminiscent of bad or good happenings. So I can understand how you feel about that song.
My dad loved classical music and when very poorly in hospital he kept mumbling about The Beautiful Blue Danube. He had a CD with that name and music on and we took it in for him to play. At his funeral we played it too, so that always makes me think of him.
I remember when police knocked on my door early one morning, in my nervous state I stupidly said, "Oh I wondered who on earth it was". They had come to tell me my older brother aged 29 had been killed in a road accident. The odd thing was he'd turned up at our house out of the blue a few days earlier and stayed the night. Until then I hadn't seen him for years, a few days later he was killed.
So much has happened in my life, things I've never ever spoken about relating to other people not my lovely family, it's made me realise that I probably do need some sort of counselling.
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Told have to live with AF
Don't let AF get in the way of a Normal Life
anyone with AF also have Fibromyalgia?
